Author's notes:
Ran - Warning, the following story contains grossly offensive content regarding the hipster subculture. If you're a hipster...get over yourself and put the Starbucks down. You don't need it.
Kage - It isn't ironic! Enough with the man buns and fake glasses! Part of me wishes it was still the 80's, 90's, but you can keep some of the style, like shoulder pads and stripes.
Ran - And massively teased hair, and anti-bathing hair metal fans, and...Okay, every decade has it's problems. But hipsters are definitely in the extreme.
Santa Carla, 2012...
Natalie smacked her gum, examining a selection of totally krunk duds she'd selected for the weirdo guys who walked into the shop looking for a new 'style'. That's what they'd called it. They looked okay, she guessed...but it was like they'd jumped out of another decade. They were lucky she'd arrived on the scene...Natalie Nate, blogger and tweeter extraordinaire, resident fashionista of the Santa Carla boardwalk scene kids.
"I think you'll just die when you see these," she explained to the one with the spiky mullet...which really needed a change. Actually, that was the first thing he'd have to get rid of, if he really wanted to look hip and wild crazy. "Don't worry, I know what I'm doing. When we're done with you guys, you'll like...get so many followers on your twitters, you'll just die." She used that word a lot. Maybe too much. She beamed, shoving an armful of clothes into the bleach blonde's arms.
David narrowed his eyes at her, looking at the clothes she shoved against his chest, "Is she serious? I think she's the one that'll just die."
Paul snorted, sorting through a pile of jeans, "just try the shit on, Davey. We don't got all night," he wasn't even looking at him. He was too busy trying to find pants actually designed for a dude...why the fuck were these in the men's section?
"She looks like she knows what she's talking about," Dwayne drawled, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed and eyeing them. Michael was leaning against the counter beside him trying to keep from cracking up.
"Like, listen...I know you're mega crazy shy. I get it. You're probably from Canada, aren't you? Just trust me on this. I've got 5000 readers."
Alright, he'd take these monstrosities and try them on. He stepped into the changing room, finally taking a moment to look over the bundle of clothes she'd foisted off on him. Glasses, there were a pair of black rimmed glasses sitting on top. What the hell? Vampires didn't even need glasses, Max only wore them for appearances. He tossed them out of the room, sending them skittering across the floor.
"I'll get the pink ones for you!" Natalie shouted through the door, misinterpreting his angry gesture as she scooped the glasses up into her hand and marched off to the back room, 10-inch heels clicking smartly and loudly against the bright white tile.
"Pink? Did she seriously just say pink?" David's lip curled back. A few of the things she handed him would work. There were a few pairs of jeans that might actually be decent and a shirt or two, but some of the things she handed him he wouldn't be caught dead in. There were purple shirts, purple, what did he look like?
A hand poked through the door, dropping several brightly-colored chiffon scarves on the floor, "here you go, sweetheart," Marko teased, yanking his hand back before David could claw at him.
"Well?" The girl called out, smacking her gum as she marched up to the door and tossed the glasses over the top of it for David to catch, "how does the vest fit? What about the hats? Do you like the bow ties?"
He threw the glasses right back over the top, "I'm not wearing those." He growled lowly, "I don't wear hats and who the hell wears bow ties?"
"Bow ties are cool!" She defended, voice rising an octave in shock that he would dare to question her divinely flawless fashion sense. Who did this guy think he was?! "You dress like a homeless...gimp! You should take my advice and try the rest of that outfit on! You never know until you try it!" Yes. It was all supposed to be one outfit.
"Fuck, is she turning you into a gay clown?" Michael was very much on the verge of exploding with laughter by now. But then he caught her looking over at him, and a few images flashed through her mind of possible options for his own wardrobe, which made him quickly sober up. "...We should go to a different store."
David shook his head, grinning vindictively, "No, we're not going to another store. You're gonna suffer too." He stepped out, finally finding something not too drastically different from his usual attire. Dark jeans and shirt, there was no way he was giving up his jacket, maybe he could find a newer one though...
She wrinkled her nose, "are you serious? You...you're actually going to go outside dressed like that?! You look ridiculous!" These newbies were getting dumber and ruder nowadays. Rounding on the other boys, she sighed and tossed her hair, "who's next? Maybe one of you has some hope." How the hell did this girl even have a job?!
He scowled, "What? What's wrong with this?" He growled softly, "Pick me one outfit, just one, and I'll see if you actually have any taste."
"Are you kidding? I just did!" She exclaimed, stomping her heel.
"There were like three pairs of pants in there! You can't wear more than one!" David was pissed, "Lay out one outfit on the counter, why don't you just show me exactly how you want it set up." He snarled lowly.
She smiled slowly, "fine. I'll show you how to dress right. Maybe then, you'll be more grateful."
Oh, David was going to kill this girl, draw it out, make her suffer, screw these 2000 readers or whatever she had, they could read all about what he did to her instead of her horrible fashion tips.
Marko whistled, holding a pair of faux denim leggings and examining them, "I can see right through these pants…"
Paul smirked, "Perfect for you, they won't show anything anyway!"
The girl's eyes alit on the leggings and she rushed towards Marko, yanking them from his hands...giving him an appraising look, "maybe there's hope for you. You've got an eye...I can tell," she nodded, slipping back to the counter and slapping the leggings down. "We'll start with this…"
Michael stepped away from the counter, slowly backing towards the door while David was distracted with his mental plans on how he'd gut the bimbo.
"Don't you dare go anywhere, Michael." His mate growled softly, looking at what she was laying out.
Next came a pair of black jeans so tight, they'd probably turn his feet blue. Then a denim vest. Then a paisley shirt. Then a pair of sparkly white sunglasses. Then rainbow suspenders...she quickly got rid of the vest while she pondered exactly how to do this. A vest wouldn't work if she wanted to make sure the suspenders were showed off to their best advantage. Then came a fedora. A pink bow tie. Sneakers with fish painted on them. A plaid scarf. A leather satchel/purse with a picture of Che Guevara on the side. An ironic ceramic Starbucks cup. And a mustache necklace. "Perfect!"
David raised an eyebrow, looking down at the assembled outfit with disdain before looking up at the girl, "Where's your boss?" He stated, voice cold.
The owner of the store was young but older than the girl. The moment he saw them his eyes went wide and he rushed over, "I'm so sorry, what can we do for you?"
"Wrap it up, Davey's taking ten of them!" Paul cackled, while Dwayne pushed himself away from the counter and crossed to smack him in the back of the head.
"Quiet," Dwayne told him firmly.
"Do you usually employ complete idiots or is she the exception?" He drawled, tapping his fingers on the counter. The girl, for her part, immediately turned as red as a tomato and began to sputter for air in her righteous indignation.
His eyes went wider, "I-I'm so sorry." He glanced at the outfit on the counter, not finding anything overly wrong with it but if the Lost Boys didn't like it, well, then he had to fix this before they did something to his shop. He looked at the girl, she had brought in business to them but if this wasn't taken care of he wouldn't have anything to bring business in to, "You're fired." He stated, swallowing hard, glancing at David to see his reaction.
The girl's eyes widened, and Marko eyed her...wondering if she was about to spontaneously combust. He hoped so. That would be awesome…
"You can't fire me!" She shouted, "I've got over 6000 followers! I'll blog your shop into the ground!"
"Those are fighting words," Michael remarked, rolling his eyes and glancing back over at David, "why didn't you just try it on? Would've brought out your eyes…"
He glanced at him over his shoulder, "Are you serious?" He looked at the man, "I feel like we deserve a little something for pain and suffering." He stated, smirking darkly.
He nodded vigorously, "Yes, anything you want, it's yours."
David turned his gaze on the girl, "That's salesmanship right there, girl. Remember, the customer's always right."
"You're not a customer," she hissed, "you're a...you're a…" She pulled out her phone and began to hectically type, "you'll just have to read about what you are on twitter! You can find me at NatieNaughty..." And with that, she marched from the store, knocking down a mannequin in a moomoo in the process.
"Careful what you wish for." David stated, picking out the clothes that he would actually wear, "Get what you want, boys."
"Where's twitter?" Paul asked, confused as he scratched his head. "Is that a book store?"
Marko quietly slipped back to the counter and grabbed the suspenders when nobody was looking.
"You okay?" Michael asked David, warily eyeing him. "Not about to blow a fuse or anything?" Didn't tend to happen too often these days, but when David got mad, and it wasn't directly at any of the boys...not pretty.
"Oh, I'm fine, but I think I found dinner for the night." Maybe he would get a haircut...
Sam sat across from his wife at the dinner table, tapping his feet nervously under the table. Ed had left a message that he'd be swinging by for a visit tonight, and that was never good news. Diana hated Ed with a passion that rivaled her love for impromptu karaoke nights. Intensely.
"Good potatoes...you make them yourself?" he remarked dumbly. He always made pointless conversation when he was nervous. He glanced over at their daughter. "Susan, turn your music off and put your phone away."
Susan rolled her eyes and huffed at him, pulling her headphones off, "Why should I?" Ahh, teenagers. Ed always told Sam he needed to make sure she wasn't turning, the way she treated him. There was a reason they didn't hang out much when they weren't going on weekend 'hunting' trips. Ed was...a little off-balance. Losing Alan hadn't helped, either.
"Diana, talk to your daughter," Sam sighed, eating a forkful of potatoes and pressing a button on his phone beside his plate just to make sure Ed hadn't left him a message.
Diana looked over at Sam, "If you want her to stay off her phone, you have to stay off yours too."
"...I'm expecting an emergency call. From work."
"Dad...you're an English professor. What're they gonna call you about? Dickens' ghost thought your students' thesis papers were shit?" Susan scoffed. Where she got her manners from, he'd never know.
"Diana, talk to your daughter," Sam frowned, pocketing his phone when he heard a knock at the door.
Diana scowled after him, shaking her head, "Please, Susan, listen to your father." She sighed, "I'll be right back."
Sam and Edgar Frog were arguing at the front door, the gruff and badly-aging vampire hunter having wedged his foot inside the house so Sam couldn't effectively keep him out.
"Listen, Sam, you can't just make this a two-day thing. There's monsters out there, and it's our job to take care of them! Remember the pact!"
"How could I forget?! I have a family to think about and a job! The only time I can is the weekend, I just...Ed, I can't."
"If we don't finish off these last three, I'm telling you, Sam...they're gonna show up again. They're gonna be mad. And it's gonna bite us all in the ass!" Edgar shouted, waving his arms, and making such a scene outside that one of the neighbors turned on her porch light.
Sam rubbed the bridge of his nose, "Ed...I...Just…" He sighed.
"Ed, shut up and come inside, sit in the living room while I have a talk with my husband." Diana stated firmly, she had grown into a beautiful young woman, and in all honesty Sam wondered what he did to deserve her. But right now probably wasn't the right time to tell her how much he loved her. It would only make things worse...she hated when he said 'I love you' at the moments when it was very clear he'd been doing something that would royally piss her off. Like...going around on the weekends and offing vampires with Ed, after he'd agreed to give that shit up about five years ago when their house had been trashed as a warning. Fuck it, he'd try it anyway.
"Diana...I love you?" Sam asked hopefully as Ed stepped into the house and grunted, rubbing at his foot.
She glared at him, waiting for Ed to leave. But before the hammer could fall, Sam's phone rang. He hurriedly pulled it from his pocket and answered it, frowning. Who would be calling him at this hour, if Ed was already here?
"Samuel Emerson?" A gruff voice on the other end asked.
"Yeah…"
"I'm sorry to tell you this, but your mother and grandfather have been in an accident."
David flopped back on the couch, he had gotten his hair cut but the others had remained fairly stubborn about their own styles. Man-buns and coiffures just didn't...work. Whoever had invited this new class of fashionistas and 'hipsters' into the city really needed to have his neck snapped. Hell, the only thing different he had done was cut it shorter in the back but left the top as it was.
Michael yawned, leaning against David and shoving him a little to gain more space on the couch for himself. David grumbled softly but relented, shifting to give him some extra room before settling back into place, absently wrapping an arm around his waist. Michael turned his head to the side a little and nipped at David's ear, growling deep in his throat. He chuckled softly, licking up a stray drop of blood from the corner of Michael's mouth.
"You spilled a little."
"Mine," Marko snapped at Paul, yanking a bloodied cell phone from his grasp and hopping away from the fountain they'd been sitting on. "How does this thing even work?" He scowled, shaking it and jabbing at the screen. It was a souvenir from the crazy bitch at that clothing shop. They'd even kept her scalp to be put in a place of pride later.
"It's broken, dumbass," Dwayne rolled his eyes, leaning against the wall and relaxing while he nursed a bottle of beer.
Paul glared at him, "And who's fault is that?"
Dwayne narrowed his eyes, "she wouldn't stop trying to take my fucking picture! Bitch was half-dead, still clinging to that thing..."
"So you had to break it? Come on, I wanted to play with it."
David rolled his eyes, "Boys, boys, everyone has one of those these days, we'll get another one off the next one and you can play with it." It felt like he was dealing with children sometimes. His fingers closed around Michael's hip, thumb absently rubbing, "I still think you should try one of those weird man-buns, Paul."
"Maybe I will," Paul retorted, pulling his hair back. "Still look more like a dude than the midget over here."
Marko looked offended, "I'm more of a guy than you are, pencil dick!"
Michael wrinkled his nose, "why are you always talking about each other's dicks?"
"What dicks?" Dwayne rolled his eyes.
David grinned, "Exactly, they don't have anything to whip out and measure." He paused, "Are they going concave? I think they are. They're gonna wind up with vaginas before too long."
"Ugh...they'd make some pretty grody-looking chicks...that's enough to make anyone's dick go concave…" Michael snorted, "they'd start an epidemic." He glanced over at Paul and Marko in mock horror.
"Yeah, bet you'd hate that, huh Mikey." Paul sneered at him and David growled.
"Yeah, sorry, mine's not falling off." David sneered, "Besides, you're not good enough to make me want to stick my dick anywhere near you."
"You don't need to. You're already one big-" Paul began, when Marko launched himself at Paul, tackling him to the ground and biting his shoulder.
Paul let out a yelp, smacking Marko on the head, trying to get him to let go. Marko growled, shaking his head like a dog with a bone. Paul smacked him again, "You son of a bitch!" He shrieked.
Marko yelped as Paul finally got some leverage and hit him hard in the back of the head. The smaller vampire reared back, mouth stained red with blood, teeth bared in anger.
"I feel like there's something missing…" David looked thoughtful before snapping his fingers, "Popcorn! Show like this deserves popcorn."
Marko pounced again, digging his fangs into Paul's shoulder, pinning the larger vampire to the ground. Paul gave one last struggle and growl before going still, submitting. Marko jumped up, practically giddy, "Ha! I won, bitch!"
Paul grumbled, looking down at his torn shirt, "Asshole."
"Two in a row?" Michael snorted, "you're losing your touch, Paul." Just then, a loud buzzing sound broke through their conversation. Michael glanced over at the fountain in surprise, where his scratched-up flip phone lay. He only charged it when he went to visit mom and grandpa, because they were the only people who called him. Kinda hard to have contacts when you're probably going to eat most of them eventually.
"You. Have. One. Message." A robotic voice informed them politely before the buzzing stopped.
Marko, still pumped-up from his recent victory, happily scooped the phone up and tossed it at the couch, nailing David in the head in the process, "oops. Sorry, Davey." He wasn't very sorry.
David growled, showing his teeth and handing Michael his phone, "Well, play it!"
Michael rolled his eyes and flipped the phone open, dialing his number and switching it on speaker mode. If his mom or grandpa had anything to say, the others would find out about it anyway.
"Michael, we gotta keep moving. Might be the last time you hear from us for awhile. Keep a lookout." Grandpa's voice was gruff but there was an underlying worry in his tone. He was scared.