This version of the 'Confessions' fic is set in Eriol's POV. I made his home life slightly disturbing this time because.. I hate Kaho, *Dodges fruit from Kaho lovers* so I made her particularly evil. If you do not like, don't read. As in the other fic this one also has both silly and sentimental parts to it. It also goes a little into Eriol's past and history with Kaho. So this will feature, Pervert!Kaho, Crafty!Eriol, Depressed!Tomoyo, Clueless!Sakura, and Innocent!Syaoran among many more. Enjoy!
*CCS and anything related does not belong to me etc etc*
---------------
Hidden Motives
By: Nanashi
---------------
I strolled over to the calendar on the wall. One day in particular was circled with a bright red marker. The day Sakura first opened the seal of the Clow Book, the day she became a card captor. Then I thought back to the letter I had received once back in England. I could almost hear her sobbing as she wrote about what had happened between Syaoran and herself. I know I shouldn't have, it was almost cruel and insensitive of me, but a slight grin cracked across my lips. Syaoran was finally single and tomorrow I would see him again. Besides it's not as if Sakura was completely lonely, I had a hunch she wouldn't mind me picking up her left overs. Nakuru's calls from the kitchen snapped me out of my daydream as the smells of breakfast seeped into the air.
I seated myself as Nakuru brought in the dishes. Spinel was already serving. I sat back in my chair taking in my surroundings. It's been a while since we had been in Japan. And this house was definitely different compared to the old mansion we had stayed in previously. But I couldn't let my thoughts wander too long as two hands slid over my shoulders. Kaho's smiling visage came into view next to me.
"Good morning, Eriol..did you sleep well?" she asked.
I tried not to wince at her touch and smiled as pleasantly as possible.
"Yes, very well thank you. Have a seat." She seated herself at my side as Nakuru and Spinel got themselves comfortable as well.
Breakfast began.
The 'girls' were chatting about some new stores that opened downtown. Spinel had a sly remark towards Nakuru as always. But I was too busy thinking about the past to stop and laugh like usual.
I pawed at my plate with my fork. Things between Kaho and I were not as peachy as they seemed. I admit at first I felt a strong pull towards her. I met her while she was studying in England one day by chance. I thought it was fate, maybe more than that. So I did what any normal man my age in a boy's body would have done. I asked her to move in. Yes, we grew quite close. My childish body didn't phase her in the least as she knew what truly lay underneath. But happiness was momentary for me as I analyzed our relationship a few months ago. I realized it was her magic I had been attracted to. Why I didn't realize this before was beyond me. I must have been blinded by her kindness..or maybe I purposefully blinded myself. And then it hit me. Everything I had done was a subconscious respond to the future I saw, to the feelings I tried to deny.
From the beginning I knew about Sakura's quest to conquer the cards. That was before I had met Kaho of course. I had foreseen it all. In my visions I also saw my descendant. At first fighting her..then helping her. But it wasn't enough, so after getting familiar with Kaho, I sent her in my place to help Sakura with her impending judgment. While she was away, I had a lot of time to think. As I studied the scenes unfolding before me, I grew more and more attached to the group. But the one person I noticed most was Syaoran. He carried my blood, he made me proud. When Sakura became the mistress of the cards, Kaho returned and it was time for my own entrance. It wasn't until I spent time with them that I realized how deeply I cared about each of them..but one in particular.
He amused and intrigued me so, even more in person. He was bold yet shy, hot tempered yet caring and soft. He was everything I was not, both good and bad. I began to feel more than I should have. By the time Sakura had changed all her cards he had given his heart to her and I had secretly given mine to him. Little by little I had grown more distant from Kaho without realizing it. But I could no longer live in denial, hoping that Syaoran would someday be mine. So I did the only thing I could do. I lied to myself. I gave in to Kaho, hoping I could go on and forget about the other couple I had somehow brought together. It's true..I had not predicted that. I rebuked myself many times when I realized I was in Kaho's arms and he was thousands of miles away in someone else's. But there was nothing I could do right? Wrong. I made up my mind. I would go after the one I loved and when I heard of their untimely break-up I knew it was the omen I had been waiting for.
So here I am in Japan once again. Building up the nerve to approach him tomorrow, that is..if he is coming. Sakura should be giving him his invitation right now. I wish I could go see him, but I'm a patient guy, I can wait.
"Something wrong Eriol?" said Kaho with a mildly worried tone.
Poor Kaho, she had no idea.
"Yeah, you don't usually look so glum master, where's that cute smile of yours?!" teased Nakuru.
I had to come up with something quick.
"I'm sorry, I am busy making sure there is nothing I missed for the party tomorrow."
Nakuru sat up excitedly.
"Ohhh how about some cake! Can't go wrong with that!" she said.
Spinel smirked at her, "It just so happens the cake shop is right by those new stores downtown too.."
"Just what are you trying to insinuate Suppi-chan!?" she spat.
"Just stating the facts, Nakuru-kun!" and they disappeared into a cloud of fists and claws.
I laughed, "Ok ok, we can go to get some cake and if you happen to want to go somewhere else, that's fine too."
It was enough to stop them from wrestling.
"Aww..looks like you get to stay home again Suppi!" mocked Nakuru pulling down one of her lower eyelids and sticking out her tongue.
Suppi sweat-dropped as he realized she was right.
"How about we go now?" suggested Kaho.
Nakuru agreed, so there was no use protesting on my part.
"We'll be back soon Spinel." I assured him.
He picked up after our dishes as we headed out the door.
It was a quiet trip downtown, at least on my part. I was too busy planning ahead as usual. Would Syaoran show up at the party? If he didn't, was there anything I could do? Is he with someone else by now? All my thoughts ceased as we finally entered the shop. The ladies cheerfully picked out the best cake and it was wrapped up ready to go. It was going to be a long day of shopping with the girls at this rate but on the way out, as I stared at the pavement, I caught the pang of a familiar aura.
Could it be?
Jutting to the side I saw the unforgettable chestnut locks of wild hair gazing in another direction. It was! It was him! My heart leapt as I caught his attention. He gave me a half enthusiastic smile, some things don't change much. Kaho and Nakuru also stopped in their tracks and pulled up behind me. They greeted him individually but I caught the glint of hypocrisy in his eye when he responded to Kaho. It was cut short by Nakuru hauling her down the street towards some other store. They told me to meet them back at the house and I agreed, deciding to stay with my relative and play catch up.
He wasn't too comfortable with the idea at first. I could tell. But little by little he warmed up to me. We hit the subject of love and I consoled him about his situation with Sakura. You and I know, I wasn't half as sorry as I should have been. He seemed to appreciate it a lot though, as he lent me more confidence. At one point I couldn't help but ask him if he had found another to take Sakura's place. I just had to know! He seemed surprised by that question. Perhaps the tone in my voice betrayed me. But he obliged and told me that he didn't. At that moment I felt like both cheering and fainting. One hurdle passed, more to go. Unfortunately my glee was halted when he asked me about Kaho. I just couldn't tell him the truth, just yet. So I lied and told him everything was fine. I hoped he didn't pay too much attention that time. And after all was said and done he said the unimaginable.
"..please, call me Syaoran."
I nearly dropped as we shook hands. I don't know if he felt it, but a connection was made between us and I could feel his pulse racing along with mine as I gripped his hand. I grew even bolder as he tried to excuse himself from the table thereafter. I asked if I could tag along on his rounds. And he actually agreed.
It was like a dream come true, to me at least. I think he was oblivious to the joy I was feeling at just being with him. Picking out his tie, and choosing wine. It was almost a glimpse into what our future could be like. Shopping together like some old married couple..everything together. It was a great escape from reality. I even offered to pay for both our meals when we stopped to get something to eat, of course, resisting all urges to scoop him into my arms and feed him strawberries. It felt like a date almost, my secret indulgence. And then we parted ways. I had hoped I left a good impression on him as I smiled and walked away. Back to my harsh reality, back to my home.
~*~
I entered sluggishly into the dark house. Nakuru popped her head out of the kitchen in time to announce that there was some dinner left over. But I told her I already ate and excused myself to my quarters. I took a long gaze in the mirror realizing that a relaxing bath would help soothe my troubles. Filling the tub, I finally disrobed and slipped into the warm water. Taking my glasses off, I slumped against the edges and let my head rest back. Staring at the ceiling the only thing I could do was think about my fateful day today and all the progress I had made. A smile emerged on my lips as one of my hands instinctively rose up, tracing the imaginary contour of his face. I smiled as I gave the air a kiss. I closed my eyes while an image of his face filled my head. I had it bad for the boy, and nothing could make me happier than the knowledge that he was actually coming tomorrow. That I would see him again.
I tossed my hair around with my towel and pulled on a bathrobe. Heading back out into the room I laid my glasses on my night stand.
"Come in" I said before Kaho had a chance to knock.
She stood at the doorway eyeing me out slyly before making her way behind me. She coiled her arms around me and brought her lips close to my ear as she whispered.
"Going to bed already?"
I tried hard not to tear away from her embrace.
"Yes.." I muttered, "And you should go too."
"Is that an invitation?" she grinned ignoring my suggestion as she breathed in deeply.
"You smell..good, I assume you just took a bath..and you didn't call me?" she stepped back giggling slightly.
I could smell the faint aroma of wine on her breath. She was being unusually bold tonight and I could guess why. I was glad to be free from her grasp, but it only lasted a moment as she placed her hands on me again and lowered me to the bed. I turned away as she came closer.
"Do you mind if I.." she cooed.
It was going to be a long and disturbing night and all I could think of, was tomorrow.
~*~
I grumbled as the light tumbled into my room and fell on my face. Rolling out of bed, I covered myself with my robe and pulled the curtains closed. Kaho was long gone and perhaps preparing for the party tonight downstairs. I shuddered as I thought about her hands on me..all of a sudden I felt I needed a quick shower, as if I had wallowed in mud last night. I let the water drip around me and smiled as I remembered that tonight is the night. I will confess myself to him, and I wondered if he felt anything for me at all or what he was doing this very minute, was he thinking of me too? It was my only comfort..for now. Finally drying and dressing up I snuck around the corner of the corridor downstairs trying to stay out of view of the chatting girls.
Nakuru was up on a ladder pinning decorations on a wall and Kaho was handing them to her. I made a quick run to the study, only to find Spinel gathering some materials.
"Hiding are you?" he teased.
I sweat-dropped and, trying not to stutter, answered him as calmly as possible, "Yes."
He smiled, "You have been acting somewhat different lately master. Actually..ever since we returned to Japan for this party of yours."
I scowled and whispered "You just now notice.."
But he dismissed it. I sat myself down and decided to amuse him.
"Now really Spinel..what on earth could possibly make you think such a thing? I am the same Eriol I always was." and I flashed him an innocent grin.
He brought me a book and flew up to my shoulder giving me the most patronizing look.
"Master..since when do you not help the ladies decorate, you are usually the first to offer a helping hand. To top it off they probably think you are still sleeping. You snuck by them didn't you."
I smiled and sighed defeatedly, "Can't lie to you Spinel."
"So who is it?" he inquired.
I choked.
"What..?" I blinked scandalously.
"You heard me..don't act like I don't know what's going on, you made me smarter than that." said the little black cat as platonically as ever.
"It's not important Spinel." I began but his wide grin was obviously telling me he wasn't going to let this subject go any time soon, so I sighed, finally giving up.
"It's..its.."
"Someone I know perhaps?"
I nodded.
"I'm not playing guessing games so you might as well tell me." he stated finishing off with his usual coy grin.
I had never felt so nervous before. Why was it so hard to tell my own guardian what I was feeling? Why was it so hard to say his name? This was the first time I had ever been quizzed about something..or prodded on so much. I kept many secrets throughout my life, so how come this was so obvious to see? I must be losing my touch, but I decided to comply as his eager ears stood to attention.
"It's..Syaoran.." I finished with my fists balling up tightly.
Could it be? I was also blushing uncontrollably as I anticipated Spinel's burst of laughter or rowdy rebuke. But it never came. He stood there with the biggest sweat-drop on earth, but he never uttered a word.
Well at least not for a few minutes because he finally spoke saying "Yeah..I knew it."
I fell over.
"I thought it was going to be something interesting like falling for the mistress or something odd, like her brother. But falling for the brat? That is really nothing new." he mused.
My eyebrow twitched slightly, "You mean to tell me, this whole time you knew how I felt about him and you never said anything?" I blurted.
He narrowed his eyes amusingly, "It was obvious enough..I felt no need to bring it up. Besides you seemed perfectly content in keeping this sort of thing to yourself. Who am I to spoil your fun."
Then he smirked "I also wanted to see just how long you would keep playing your charades in front of everyone and hide your 'secret' from me."
I must admit I held a new respect for the little cat. Perhaps he was right, but this revelation made me worry. If Spinel noticed it so readily, I wondered who else might have? Kaho wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but she could be quite keen on things when she wanted to. Is this why she had been so..active lately? Is this her way of hanging on to me?
It's not happening.
I will only keep her until I'm sure I have won Syaoran's affections. And then..well not even I can predict everything. Priorities first. I let myself slump slightly on the back of my chair.
"So..what do you think about all this? I mean..if I pursue Syaoran.."
"Which you will"
I cleared my throat, "Ok..if he returns my feelings. Will you be ok with that?"
"So, cutting to the chase Eriol, are you asking for my blessing or my opinion?"
"Opinion, is what I'm interested in.."
"In other words you are asking if I am attached to Kaho? Cause you want to know if this would end up tearing everyone apart?"
I lowered my head slightly.
"Well if that's what you are asking, then no. I couldn't care less. Whoever makes you happy. Makes me happy."
"Spinel.." I never thought the little guy cared for me in that sense. Was he just putting up with Kaho all this time for my sake?
"So then you wouldn't be mad at me if I broke things off with Kaho? You wouldn't choose sides?" I asked.
The little winged cat flew up to my shoulder.
"Master, you are my creator. I love who you love, and I go where you go. If you told me to attack the woman for whatever reason, I would, no matter how much I like her. And to tell you the truth..it's not much."
I smiled as I pet him. I see now what Spinel thought of all this, but what about the rest of them?
"How do you think the others would take it?"
He stared off pensively for a moment.
"Nakuru might be a hard sell at first. You know she has grown quite close to Kaho. But I think in the end she will feel the same way I do. Anyway, it doesn't take her long to get over things no matter how much she pouts." he smirked.
"Thank you Spinel." I said as the little cat resumed to picking up his materials.
"Anytime. But, I better get these things to the hall. I will keep the girls busy so they don't start wondering where you are. You just..hide here." he chuckled and with that he floated out of the room.
~*~
The morning had passed and it was now merging with the early afternoon. I decided I would read for a while before getting ready for the party later. Besides I needed some time to myself. Every passing hour made me more and more nervous. I tried not to stare at the clock, to keep my eyes on my book but..only one thing flooded my thoughts. Maybe if I took a teeny peek into the future. That wouldn't hurt things too much right? I closed my book and tried concentrating for a moment, focusing my energy on Syaoran. Then I thrust my eyes open as Clow's magic circle appeared below me, and in the center, a window into current events began to materialize. I could..almost see him, see what he was doing right now. He was on a swing in the park talking to Yukito but I couldn't quite make out what they were saying. Then he smiled and blushed slightly. I wished he would smile for me like that. I concentrated now on the future. I could almost see him wearing the tie we picked out before..almost..
"Eriol!! I thought I might find you here!"
I nearly leapt to my feet as Nakuru came running noisily into the room.
She stopped in her tracks, "A-re re..?".
She took a quick look around and brought a fingertip up to her lips.
Then in the most curious tone she stated, "I thought I felt the presence of magic being used, how.. strange."
She eyed me suspiciously for a moment before I interrupted her thoughts.
"S-so Nakuru, how is everything coming along?!"
"Oh yeah! that's why I'm here. Kaho and I were looking for you actually."
"Is that so. What for?"
"You have to get ready for the party silly! She told me to tell you that your suit is back from the cleaners and already laid out for you. Suppi helped set out the food. The decorations are done too. No harm in taking a look right? Either way I'm off to make myself cuter than I already am! Ja!" and with that said she whirled around and skipped off to her own room.
I couldn't help but smile after my genki guardian, she was right though it was time to get ready, the guests would arrive soon.
~*~
True enough on my bed lay my suit for tonight. I dressed as quickly as possible as to avoid detection by prying eyes. Finally satisfied with myself, I headed down to the parlor, very nervous and slightly mad at myself for not being able to have seen coming events. I hated not being in control of every important moment. I always made it a point to never lose focus and to stay as calm as possible in any situation. Even unwanted situations. I guess you could say I was a pretty duplicit person, but nothing was ever done to harm anyone. So I always had a clear head on my shoulders. But now..I wasn't so sure. Not being able to anticipate what was going to happen tonight, was maddening. The one thing I did know was that Kaho's stare was burning into me from behind.
"Eriol..you look.." Kaho ran her fingertip over her lips and glared intensely as she stood close to me, "..delicious in that outfit I picked out for you. I'm glad it fits."
Her expression became even slyer as she reached out for me, but a knock on the door saved me. The first visitors arrived. It diverted her attention as she answered the door and I stood by ready to greet them.
Yamazaki and Chiharu came in along with a small line forming behind them, all Sakura's friends. I was glad to see them all, but the one person I was searching for was not among them. It was only a small set back. He had already told me he was coming, I just hoped it would be soon. Time went on and the place was filling up with admirers. Everyone eagerly waiting for Sakura to make her appearance. I was eagerly waiting for Syaoran. And then as if my prayers had been answered I heard Kaho greet Yukito and right behind him hid the small wolf. He headed straight for the refreshments. I saw him set down the wine we had picked out while Yukito took up a healthy serving of snacks. I couldn't resist myself. As stealthily as possible I emerged behind him and wrapped my arms around his torso non-chalantly..only it was to grab the bottle he had set down. This surprised him a little because he turned quickly. I complimented him on his great choice of wine and he smiled. I liked this new side of him and wanted so desperately to get to know it better, but my adoring thoughts were sliced by Kaho's voice announcing that the guest of honor had arrived. I reluctantly left the boy to greet the mistress.
She was so lovely tonight. Not to mention extremely overjoyed. This was a great day indeed. Without her, none of us would have met each other and grown as close as we did. I was grateful to her for that. Her friends crowded her as I made my way to the stage. I picked up the mic ready to announce the start of the party, but then I noticed her run up to a stunned Syaoran. I knew they were still friendly, I just hadn't thought about how friendly, as I saw her pull him into a tight hug. Then his faced softened as he looked her in the eyes. I tried to keep a straight normal face, but I couldn't help but feel I had lost him already. Then as if he had read my mind he looked in my direction and our eyes met for only a moment. His expression changed. I turned away abruptly and announced the arrival of Sakura, officially starting the festivities. The orchestra began to play a sweet tune and people grabbed their partners ready to dance.
I was in no mood for dancing as I saw Syaoran take the girl in his arms and swing her around. They looked as if they had all of a sudden gotten back together. Was he trying to spite me? play with my head? impossible..that's my job! I crossed my arms, what if they reconciled? Then two limbs slid down the sides of my shoulders.
"Kaho.." I mumbled.
She jerked me around to face her and gave my arms a slight squeeze.
"Dance with me.." she requested sternly.
I had to comply, I wasn't going to cause any sort of scene in front of everybody..certianly not in front of Syaoran.
So I took her hand and led her to the dance floor where she began to lead me. Every time we twirled and faced their direction, I tried to sneak peeks at the other couple. I just had to know where he was and what he was doing. I didn't want to miss a thing, but Kaho seemed to notice.
"What are you looking at?" she questioned.
"Nothing, just the guests. Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves. It makes me happy." I replied trying to play it off.
She pulled me closer "Is that so?"
But I ignored her as the shock of seeing Sakura lay her head on Syaoran sunk in. Kaho decided to pull me into a complicated set of steps just to take my attention away. By the time I knew it Syaoran was heading off alone to the balcony. Alone? I wondered what happened, but this turn of events did ease my mind some. I smiled at Kaho slightly evilly as I led her in a round of twirls. She started looking a little queasy and, as planned, finally excused herself. Looks like she needed to catch her breath and I needed my freedom.
I made my way to the bar, as if I was just getting a drink. Nabbing a bottle of wine and two glasses I bolted. I looked this way and that as I snuck by the crowds and hustled towards the balcony. I had to make sure Kaho did not see where I was going. Finally comforted by the fact no one saw me I eased up, straightening myself out and walking boldly towards the boy who was gazing at the view of the city below. My knees grew wobbly, no matter how calm I looked I was melting at the sight. The city seemed to glow brighter all around him as if it knew something beautiful was watching it. I took a gulp and stepped forward as back in the main room a waltz began to play. It was the same song he had once danced to with Sakura. It was then that she had tried to confess to him, and tonight, I would do the same.
"Isn't that the same song that both you and Sakura-san danced to for that Romeo and Juliet type play?" I said catching him by surprise.
He turned to me somewhat stunned and demanded to know how I knew that, as I continued on and handed him one of the glasses I was carrying. I told him Sakura had told me all about it. In my other hand I held my own glass and the bottle of wine he had brought. He noticed and pointed it out. I confessed, telling him I snuck it out just for the two of us. Then I served us both and proposed a toast. He looked so adorably pensive the whole time and yet nervous about something. Was I being obvious? I'm sure he had no clue what I was trying to get at yet. I decided to take my sweet time and to enjoy every moment we had together before declaring myself to him. I wanted him to feel as comfortable as possible. So he asked what we should toast to.
"To everything"
"And what's everything?"
"To Sakura the mistress of the Cards, to Clow for innumerable things, to the sun and moon for their light and power, and most of all to you Syaoran, my descendant..my blood"
And then he grew a determined look to his face as he finally spouted out softly, "And..to our newfound friendship".
I could have keeled over and died at that moment. Did he just say what I thought he did?
We really had grown closer, and so I smiled and responded, "Yes..to that too."
In one swift motion we downed our drink and burst into a fit of laughter. I'm not exactly sure what it was that made us laugh. Was it a happy laughter, nervous laughter, laughter of relief? Whatever it was, it was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard come from him. And as the pattern tonight suggested, it was quickly interrupted. Nakuru came to find me. She said more guests had arrived, and of course as the host of the party, I had to go welcome them. I hesitantly left his side.
It was Terada and Rika who apologized for being so late, they should have apologized for interrupting my bonding session, but I put that thought away as I greeted them. Having finished that I turned my sights to finding the wolf again. I walked around and ran into Tomoyo by the bar. I asked her if she had seen him. She eyed me curiously before telling me he had gone off with Sakura. I decided to be a little more bold and asked her if she knew where and she motioned towards the balcony. I thanked her as she shrugged and turned her attention to a glass of brandy. I left her side and against all sane judgment, decided to take an innocent peek at the two. It was there that I saw them sitting and talking cheerfully. I really didn't want to know what about as I stumbled backwards into the main room. At that moment a drink of something alcoholic looked good. I rejoined Tomoyo who seemed to have the same idea.
She handed me a glass in early anticipation, "I knew you'd be back, want some?"
I took the glass gratefully.
After a few drinks our conversation became more personal and open.
"So tell me Eriol, why is it you were so eagerly looking for Syaoran?" she said.
I took another long sip from my glass.
"Eager? let's not be so hasty Tomoyo-san. I merely had to ask him something."
"Oh really? Since when? It seems you two have become a lot friendlier lately." she mused drunkenly.
It seemed the alcohol had already began to take effect because I had no problem answering her every question.
"And what makes you say that?" I asked innocently.
She smirked evilly.
"I talked to Syaoran, he told me you two had a nice outing yesterday."
I gulped.
"I-is that so."
"Yes, and I find it quite odd that both of you react the same way."
I put my drink down.
"I think it's only because I have had one too many of these."
She picked up my glass and refilled it.
"Mmmhmm, that's what they all say. So when did you realize you liked him?"
I took the glass and swished the ice cubes around slightly. She waited patiently for my reply.
"There is no need lying to you is there. Besides I am not the only one here drinking from a broken heart..Tomoyo-san."
She brought a hand up to her mouth and laughed heartily.
"Ok, enough of this game, you and I both know we love those two sitting out there. I've known I loved Sakura since before my birth almost. It was pure destiny. But from what I know, you have Kaho and now you are lusting after the little-wolf-that-never-smiles. So if you don't mind me asking, What went wrong? what changed?"
I smiled and faced her.
"Oh Tomoyo. How I envy you. You took one look at Sakura and knew you would love her forever. But, haven't you ever made a mistake you have regretted over and over again? If not, you are lucky. Lucky to not know that kind of confusion. I on the other hand, know very well what that's like. It's embarrassing really, possessing the awesome powers of Clow and yet not being able to predict all this. Or do a damn thing about it.."
"You are talking about Kaho, aren't you?"
"Yes. It's Kaho. I made a mistake, and I am still paying for it."
Tomoyo clutched her hands together and her face expressed the most worried look with her eyes huge and full of pity.
"It's ok, really, because now I have found what love really feels like. No one has ever intrigued me so much before. There is no one I would rather spend my time thinking about than him. And it is that love that keeps me going. It helps me ignore everything else around me, everything painful. I think you feel the same way too, about Sakura."
She turned away holding her face. I could tell she was blushing. But, she never turned back around and by the time I knew it she was snoring lightly. It seems the girl could not hold her liquor and had dozed off.
"Sweet dreams." I said before getting up and finding somewhere else to lose myself.
And then the commotion of many people was heard from one of the rooms. It seems a few of the guests had gotten pretty drunk and started a Karaoke with the mic from the main hall. I poked my head in just to have Terada reach an arm around me and pull me in. He stunk of alcohol when he talked.
"Eriol my boy! Come on in and join the party!" he said.
The guests in the room all turned to see me. I was already tipsy by now but still sane, that is until he handed me a drink.
"For being such a wonderful host, we are going to have a toast in your honor!" and with that everyone grabbed the closest alcoholic beverage they could find.
I really didn't need to be drinking anymore, but everybody's eyes were on me and I always aimed to please. So I shot my hand up in the air as we all cheered "konpan!" and the whole room gulped their drink. I'm not sure how it happened but someone in the crowd found yet another reason to toast, so we drank to his suggestion too. And then there was another and another. By the time I knew it I was on stage singing my heart out with some weird made-up love song. It was then that Syaoran came in to rescue me.
He dragged me out to the terrace to get some air. I admit..I was pretty much gone. I also felt a lot bolder now. After that whole singing episode back in the other room I could do anything! Anything except walk straight that is. I remember slouching against him. I remember pushing him up slightly against the wall and apologizing for being a burden, giggling my head off somewhere in between there, then calling him Syao-chan etc etc. All of a sudden he grabbed me, urgently demanding to know if he just heard me right. He wanted so desperately to know if I had just called him Syao-chan. I looked at his determined eyes. Something in them wanted it to be true. Something in them wanted to hear what I had to say..almost longed for it. I smiled as best I could and told him as clearly as possible that I had done just as he had heard.
I took the opportunity to get closer to him while he stood there stunned at this new revelation. I pushed up against him as far as I could. I wanted to feel his heart race like mine was. I wanted to feel the heavy rise and fall of his chest under my weight. And under this spellbound state I said things I had wanted to say for a long time and with the tug of his tie I said such things as "I never had the courage to tell you this before, but better now than never. You look absolutely gorgeous in that suit." and "I bet you look even better with nothing on too!" followed by some unrestrained giggling and finally "And to make things worse..you have an incredibly cute bum!" which was all true.
I had finally done it. I had confessed to him and there was nothing holding me back now. Then with the cutest astonished expression he asked if I was being serious, if I really liked him. I told him I loved him. He seemed surprised for a moment but his face quickly grew filled with anger and disbelief, then he pushed me off of him slightly and said he didn't believe a word I said, because I was drunk.
But was I really? whatever was making me so open and honest, whether it was real or just one big act, it was working to my advantage.
And it all seemed to wear off for a moment, as I came in close to him and said "Am I?" and he blinked as I leaned in and kissed him.
I finally did it, although he kind of resisted at first he warmed up to it. He actually got into it and as he relaxed I grew braver. I tested my boundaries as my hands shot up groping and caressing whatever they could touch. My head was somewhere else right now, because I think I heard him worrying over stuff like usual. But I couldn't help myself. There was a hunger in my movements that I did not understand. I wasn't used to losing control like this, it was scary and liberating at the same time. It was almost as if I subconsciously told myself "Now or never" and for a split second Syaoran gave in to me. I could see, as his eyes glazed over under my hands, that he was enjoying this attention as much as I was. He was burning for me like I was for him and then, as if my better judgment returned to me, I stopped it all. Before it went too far. If it did, there would be no turning back for either of us. I caressed his disappointed face lightly and told him that I had wanted to do that for a long time, finally planting one last kiss on his forehead. Then everything went black.
~*~
I woke to the sound of shuffling feet. I took a quick look at my surroundings before realizing Syaoran had somehow carried me into the study and laid me on the couch. I turned in the direction of the sound and noticed he was on his way out of the room. I stopped him by simply telling him to stay. He didn't turn around although he paused for a moment.
"I can't" he said, but I would not give up.
I asked him to stay with me again. This time he turned slowly. His skin glowed in the light coming from outside the large window behind me. I could see his face clearly, every soft feature on that adorable face. He came close to me and almost made me gasp as he leaned over me asking if I felt better. I did. My hands held his jaw gently and he smiled bringing his lips down to meet mine. I asked him if he was actually going to stay with me and he nodded. I brought his head to rest on my chest. My heart beat loudly against it as I ran my fingers through his hair. Then in his usual over-worrying tone he asked about the others. I told him not to worry about them. He finally complied and gave in to my suggestions leaving his worries for tomorrow. Tomorrow was unknown, but tonight would be our night, and we knew well what this moment held in store for us. And right now, that was all that mattered..us.
~ Owari
*CCS and anything related does not belong to me etc etc*
---------------
Hidden Motives
By: Nanashi
---------------
I strolled over to the calendar on the wall. One day in particular was circled with a bright red marker. The day Sakura first opened the seal of the Clow Book, the day she became a card captor. Then I thought back to the letter I had received once back in England. I could almost hear her sobbing as she wrote about what had happened between Syaoran and herself. I know I shouldn't have, it was almost cruel and insensitive of me, but a slight grin cracked across my lips. Syaoran was finally single and tomorrow I would see him again. Besides it's not as if Sakura was completely lonely, I had a hunch she wouldn't mind me picking up her left overs. Nakuru's calls from the kitchen snapped me out of my daydream as the smells of breakfast seeped into the air.
I seated myself as Nakuru brought in the dishes. Spinel was already serving. I sat back in my chair taking in my surroundings. It's been a while since we had been in Japan. And this house was definitely different compared to the old mansion we had stayed in previously. But I couldn't let my thoughts wander too long as two hands slid over my shoulders. Kaho's smiling visage came into view next to me.
"Good morning, Eriol..did you sleep well?" she asked.
I tried not to wince at her touch and smiled as pleasantly as possible.
"Yes, very well thank you. Have a seat." She seated herself at my side as Nakuru and Spinel got themselves comfortable as well.
Breakfast began.
The 'girls' were chatting about some new stores that opened downtown. Spinel had a sly remark towards Nakuru as always. But I was too busy thinking about the past to stop and laugh like usual.
I pawed at my plate with my fork. Things between Kaho and I were not as peachy as they seemed. I admit at first I felt a strong pull towards her. I met her while she was studying in England one day by chance. I thought it was fate, maybe more than that. So I did what any normal man my age in a boy's body would have done. I asked her to move in. Yes, we grew quite close. My childish body didn't phase her in the least as she knew what truly lay underneath. But happiness was momentary for me as I analyzed our relationship a few months ago. I realized it was her magic I had been attracted to. Why I didn't realize this before was beyond me. I must have been blinded by her kindness..or maybe I purposefully blinded myself. And then it hit me. Everything I had done was a subconscious respond to the future I saw, to the feelings I tried to deny.
From the beginning I knew about Sakura's quest to conquer the cards. That was before I had met Kaho of course. I had foreseen it all. In my visions I also saw my descendant. At first fighting her..then helping her. But it wasn't enough, so after getting familiar with Kaho, I sent her in my place to help Sakura with her impending judgment. While she was away, I had a lot of time to think. As I studied the scenes unfolding before me, I grew more and more attached to the group. But the one person I noticed most was Syaoran. He carried my blood, he made me proud. When Sakura became the mistress of the cards, Kaho returned and it was time for my own entrance. It wasn't until I spent time with them that I realized how deeply I cared about each of them..but one in particular.
He amused and intrigued me so, even more in person. He was bold yet shy, hot tempered yet caring and soft. He was everything I was not, both good and bad. I began to feel more than I should have. By the time Sakura had changed all her cards he had given his heart to her and I had secretly given mine to him. Little by little I had grown more distant from Kaho without realizing it. But I could no longer live in denial, hoping that Syaoran would someday be mine. So I did the only thing I could do. I lied to myself. I gave in to Kaho, hoping I could go on and forget about the other couple I had somehow brought together. It's true..I had not predicted that. I rebuked myself many times when I realized I was in Kaho's arms and he was thousands of miles away in someone else's. But there was nothing I could do right? Wrong. I made up my mind. I would go after the one I loved and when I heard of their untimely break-up I knew it was the omen I had been waiting for.
So here I am in Japan once again. Building up the nerve to approach him tomorrow, that is..if he is coming. Sakura should be giving him his invitation right now. I wish I could go see him, but I'm a patient guy, I can wait.
"Something wrong Eriol?" said Kaho with a mildly worried tone.
Poor Kaho, she had no idea.
"Yeah, you don't usually look so glum master, where's that cute smile of yours?!" teased Nakuru.
I had to come up with something quick.
"I'm sorry, I am busy making sure there is nothing I missed for the party tomorrow."
Nakuru sat up excitedly.
"Ohhh how about some cake! Can't go wrong with that!" she said.
Spinel smirked at her, "It just so happens the cake shop is right by those new stores downtown too.."
"Just what are you trying to insinuate Suppi-chan!?" she spat.
"Just stating the facts, Nakuru-kun!" and they disappeared into a cloud of fists and claws.
I laughed, "Ok ok, we can go to get some cake and if you happen to want to go somewhere else, that's fine too."
It was enough to stop them from wrestling.
"Aww..looks like you get to stay home again Suppi!" mocked Nakuru pulling down one of her lower eyelids and sticking out her tongue.
Suppi sweat-dropped as he realized she was right.
"How about we go now?" suggested Kaho.
Nakuru agreed, so there was no use protesting on my part.
"We'll be back soon Spinel." I assured him.
He picked up after our dishes as we headed out the door.
It was a quiet trip downtown, at least on my part. I was too busy planning ahead as usual. Would Syaoran show up at the party? If he didn't, was there anything I could do? Is he with someone else by now? All my thoughts ceased as we finally entered the shop. The ladies cheerfully picked out the best cake and it was wrapped up ready to go. It was going to be a long day of shopping with the girls at this rate but on the way out, as I stared at the pavement, I caught the pang of a familiar aura.
Could it be?
Jutting to the side I saw the unforgettable chestnut locks of wild hair gazing in another direction. It was! It was him! My heart leapt as I caught his attention. He gave me a half enthusiastic smile, some things don't change much. Kaho and Nakuru also stopped in their tracks and pulled up behind me. They greeted him individually but I caught the glint of hypocrisy in his eye when he responded to Kaho. It was cut short by Nakuru hauling her down the street towards some other store. They told me to meet them back at the house and I agreed, deciding to stay with my relative and play catch up.
He wasn't too comfortable with the idea at first. I could tell. But little by little he warmed up to me. We hit the subject of love and I consoled him about his situation with Sakura. You and I know, I wasn't half as sorry as I should have been. He seemed to appreciate it a lot though, as he lent me more confidence. At one point I couldn't help but ask him if he had found another to take Sakura's place. I just had to know! He seemed surprised by that question. Perhaps the tone in my voice betrayed me. But he obliged and told me that he didn't. At that moment I felt like both cheering and fainting. One hurdle passed, more to go. Unfortunately my glee was halted when he asked me about Kaho. I just couldn't tell him the truth, just yet. So I lied and told him everything was fine. I hoped he didn't pay too much attention that time. And after all was said and done he said the unimaginable.
"..please, call me Syaoran."
I nearly dropped as we shook hands. I don't know if he felt it, but a connection was made between us and I could feel his pulse racing along with mine as I gripped his hand. I grew even bolder as he tried to excuse himself from the table thereafter. I asked if I could tag along on his rounds. And he actually agreed.
It was like a dream come true, to me at least. I think he was oblivious to the joy I was feeling at just being with him. Picking out his tie, and choosing wine. It was almost a glimpse into what our future could be like. Shopping together like some old married couple..everything together. It was a great escape from reality. I even offered to pay for both our meals when we stopped to get something to eat, of course, resisting all urges to scoop him into my arms and feed him strawberries. It felt like a date almost, my secret indulgence. And then we parted ways. I had hoped I left a good impression on him as I smiled and walked away. Back to my harsh reality, back to my home.
~*~
I entered sluggishly into the dark house. Nakuru popped her head out of the kitchen in time to announce that there was some dinner left over. But I told her I already ate and excused myself to my quarters. I took a long gaze in the mirror realizing that a relaxing bath would help soothe my troubles. Filling the tub, I finally disrobed and slipped into the warm water. Taking my glasses off, I slumped against the edges and let my head rest back. Staring at the ceiling the only thing I could do was think about my fateful day today and all the progress I had made. A smile emerged on my lips as one of my hands instinctively rose up, tracing the imaginary contour of his face. I smiled as I gave the air a kiss. I closed my eyes while an image of his face filled my head. I had it bad for the boy, and nothing could make me happier than the knowledge that he was actually coming tomorrow. That I would see him again.
I tossed my hair around with my towel and pulled on a bathrobe. Heading back out into the room I laid my glasses on my night stand.
"Come in" I said before Kaho had a chance to knock.
She stood at the doorway eyeing me out slyly before making her way behind me. She coiled her arms around me and brought her lips close to my ear as she whispered.
"Going to bed already?"
I tried hard not to tear away from her embrace.
"Yes.." I muttered, "And you should go too."
"Is that an invitation?" she grinned ignoring my suggestion as she breathed in deeply.
"You smell..good, I assume you just took a bath..and you didn't call me?" she stepped back giggling slightly.
I could smell the faint aroma of wine on her breath. She was being unusually bold tonight and I could guess why. I was glad to be free from her grasp, but it only lasted a moment as she placed her hands on me again and lowered me to the bed. I turned away as she came closer.
"Do you mind if I.." she cooed.
It was going to be a long and disturbing night and all I could think of, was tomorrow.
~*~
I grumbled as the light tumbled into my room and fell on my face. Rolling out of bed, I covered myself with my robe and pulled the curtains closed. Kaho was long gone and perhaps preparing for the party tonight downstairs. I shuddered as I thought about her hands on me..all of a sudden I felt I needed a quick shower, as if I had wallowed in mud last night. I let the water drip around me and smiled as I remembered that tonight is the night. I will confess myself to him, and I wondered if he felt anything for me at all or what he was doing this very minute, was he thinking of me too? It was my only comfort..for now. Finally drying and dressing up I snuck around the corner of the corridor downstairs trying to stay out of view of the chatting girls.
Nakuru was up on a ladder pinning decorations on a wall and Kaho was handing them to her. I made a quick run to the study, only to find Spinel gathering some materials.
"Hiding are you?" he teased.
I sweat-dropped and, trying not to stutter, answered him as calmly as possible, "Yes."
He smiled, "You have been acting somewhat different lately master. Actually..ever since we returned to Japan for this party of yours."
I scowled and whispered "You just now notice.."
But he dismissed it. I sat myself down and decided to amuse him.
"Now really Spinel..what on earth could possibly make you think such a thing? I am the same Eriol I always was." and I flashed him an innocent grin.
He brought me a book and flew up to my shoulder giving me the most patronizing look.
"Master..since when do you not help the ladies decorate, you are usually the first to offer a helping hand. To top it off they probably think you are still sleeping. You snuck by them didn't you."
I smiled and sighed defeatedly, "Can't lie to you Spinel."
"So who is it?" he inquired.
I choked.
"What..?" I blinked scandalously.
"You heard me..don't act like I don't know what's going on, you made me smarter than that." said the little black cat as platonically as ever.
"It's not important Spinel." I began but his wide grin was obviously telling me he wasn't going to let this subject go any time soon, so I sighed, finally giving up.
"It's..its.."
"Someone I know perhaps?"
I nodded.
"I'm not playing guessing games so you might as well tell me." he stated finishing off with his usual coy grin.
I had never felt so nervous before. Why was it so hard to tell my own guardian what I was feeling? Why was it so hard to say his name? This was the first time I had ever been quizzed about something..or prodded on so much. I kept many secrets throughout my life, so how come this was so obvious to see? I must be losing my touch, but I decided to comply as his eager ears stood to attention.
"It's..Syaoran.." I finished with my fists balling up tightly.
Could it be? I was also blushing uncontrollably as I anticipated Spinel's burst of laughter or rowdy rebuke. But it never came. He stood there with the biggest sweat-drop on earth, but he never uttered a word.
Well at least not for a few minutes because he finally spoke saying "Yeah..I knew it."
I fell over.
"I thought it was going to be something interesting like falling for the mistress or something odd, like her brother. But falling for the brat? That is really nothing new." he mused.
My eyebrow twitched slightly, "You mean to tell me, this whole time you knew how I felt about him and you never said anything?" I blurted.
He narrowed his eyes amusingly, "It was obvious enough..I felt no need to bring it up. Besides you seemed perfectly content in keeping this sort of thing to yourself. Who am I to spoil your fun."
Then he smirked "I also wanted to see just how long you would keep playing your charades in front of everyone and hide your 'secret' from me."
I must admit I held a new respect for the little cat. Perhaps he was right, but this revelation made me worry. If Spinel noticed it so readily, I wondered who else might have? Kaho wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but she could be quite keen on things when she wanted to. Is this why she had been so..active lately? Is this her way of hanging on to me?
It's not happening.
I will only keep her until I'm sure I have won Syaoran's affections. And then..well not even I can predict everything. Priorities first. I let myself slump slightly on the back of my chair.
"So..what do you think about all this? I mean..if I pursue Syaoran.."
"Which you will"
I cleared my throat, "Ok..if he returns my feelings. Will you be ok with that?"
"So, cutting to the chase Eriol, are you asking for my blessing or my opinion?"
"Opinion, is what I'm interested in.."
"In other words you are asking if I am attached to Kaho? Cause you want to know if this would end up tearing everyone apart?"
I lowered my head slightly.
"Well if that's what you are asking, then no. I couldn't care less. Whoever makes you happy. Makes me happy."
"Spinel.." I never thought the little guy cared for me in that sense. Was he just putting up with Kaho all this time for my sake?
"So then you wouldn't be mad at me if I broke things off with Kaho? You wouldn't choose sides?" I asked.
The little winged cat flew up to my shoulder.
"Master, you are my creator. I love who you love, and I go where you go. If you told me to attack the woman for whatever reason, I would, no matter how much I like her. And to tell you the truth..it's not much."
I smiled as I pet him. I see now what Spinel thought of all this, but what about the rest of them?
"How do you think the others would take it?"
He stared off pensively for a moment.
"Nakuru might be a hard sell at first. You know she has grown quite close to Kaho. But I think in the end she will feel the same way I do. Anyway, it doesn't take her long to get over things no matter how much she pouts." he smirked.
"Thank you Spinel." I said as the little cat resumed to picking up his materials.
"Anytime. But, I better get these things to the hall. I will keep the girls busy so they don't start wondering where you are. You just..hide here." he chuckled and with that he floated out of the room.
~*~
The morning had passed and it was now merging with the early afternoon. I decided I would read for a while before getting ready for the party later. Besides I needed some time to myself. Every passing hour made me more and more nervous. I tried not to stare at the clock, to keep my eyes on my book but..only one thing flooded my thoughts. Maybe if I took a teeny peek into the future. That wouldn't hurt things too much right? I closed my book and tried concentrating for a moment, focusing my energy on Syaoran. Then I thrust my eyes open as Clow's magic circle appeared below me, and in the center, a window into current events began to materialize. I could..almost see him, see what he was doing right now. He was on a swing in the park talking to Yukito but I couldn't quite make out what they were saying. Then he smiled and blushed slightly. I wished he would smile for me like that. I concentrated now on the future. I could almost see him wearing the tie we picked out before..almost..
"Eriol!! I thought I might find you here!"
I nearly leapt to my feet as Nakuru came running noisily into the room.
She stopped in her tracks, "A-re re..?".
She took a quick look around and brought a fingertip up to her lips.
Then in the most curious tone she stated, "I thought I felt the presence of magic being used, how.. strange."
She eyed me suspiciously for a moment before I interrupted her thoughts.
"S-so Nakuru, how is everything coming along?!"
"Oh yeah! that's why I'm here. Kaho and I were looking for you actually."
"Is that so. What for?"
"You have to get ready for the party silly! She told me to tell you that your suit is back from the cleaners and already laid out for you. Suppi helped set out the food. The decorations are done too. No harm in taking a look right? Either way I'm off to make myself cuter than I already am! Ja!" and with that said she whirled around and skipped off to her own room.
I couldn't help but smile after my genki guardian, she was right though it was time to get ready, the guests would arrive soon.
~*~
True enough on my bed lay my suit for tonight. I dressed as quickly as possible as to avoid detection by prying eyes. Finally satisfied with myself, I headed down to the parlor, very nervous and slightly mad at myself for not being able to have seen coming events. I hated not being in control of every important moment. I always made it a point to never lose focus and to stay as calm as possible in any situation. Even unwanted situations. I guess you could say I was a pretty duplicit person, but nothing was ever done to harm anyone. So I always had a clear head on my shoulders. But now..I wasn't so sure. Not being able to anticipate what was going to happen tonight, was maddening. The one thing I did know was that Kaho's stare was burning into me from behind.
"Eriol..you look.." Kaho ran her fingertip over her lips and glared intensely as she stood close to me, "..delicious in that outfit I picked out for you. I'm glad it fits."
Her expression became even slyer as she reached out for me, but a knock on the door saved me. The first visitors arrived. It diverted her attention as she answered the door and I stood by ready to greet them.
Yamazaki and Chiharu came in along with a small line forming behind them, all Sakura's friends. I was glad to see them all, but the one person I was searching for was not among them. It was only a small set back. He had already told me he was coming, I just hoped it would be soon. Time went on and the place was filling up with admirers. Everyone eagerly waiting for Sakura to make her appearance. I was eagerly waiting for Syaoran. And then as if my prayers had been answered I heard Kaho greet Yukito and right behind him hid the small wolf. He headed straight for the refreshments. I saw him set down the wine we had picked out while Yukito took up a healthy serving of snacks. I couldn't resist myself. As stealthily as possible I emerged behind him and wrapped my arms around his torso non-chalantly..only it was to grab the bottle he had set down. This surprised him a little because he turned quickly. I complimented him on his great choice of wine and he smiled. I liked this new side of him and wanted so desperately to get to know it better, but my adoring thoughts were sliced by Kaho's voice announcing that the guest of honor had arrived. I reluctantly left the boy to greet the mistress.
She was so lovely tonight. Not to mention extremely overjoyed. This was a great day indeed. Without her, none of us would have met each other and grown as close as we did. I was grateful to her for that. Her friends crowded her as I made my way to the stage. I picked up the mic ready to announce the start of the party, but then I noticed her run up to a stunned Syaoran. I knew they were still friendly, I just hadn't thought about how friendly, as I saw her pull him into a tight hug. Then his faced softened as he looked her in the eyes. I tried to keep a straight normal face, but I couldn't help but feel I had lost him already. Then as if he had read my mind he looked in my direction and our eyes met for only a moment. His expression changed. I turned away abruptly and announced the arrival of Sakura, officially starting the festivities. The orchestra began to play a sweet tune and people grabbed their partners ready to dance.
I was in no mood for dancing as I saw Syaoran take the girl in his arms and swing her around. They looked as if they had all of a sudden gotten back together. Was he trying to spite me? play with my head? impossible..that's my job! I crossed my arms, what if they reconciled? Then two limbs slid down the sides of my shoulders.
"Kaho.." I mumbled.
She jerked me around to face her and gave my arms a slight squeeze.
"Dance with me.." she requested sternly.
I had to comply, I wasn't going to cause any sort of scene in front of everybody..certianly not in front of Syaoran.
So I took her hand and led her to the dance floor where she began to lead me. Every time we twirled and faced their direction, I tried to sneak peeks at the other couple. I just had to know where he was and what he was doing. I didn't want to miss a thing, but Kaho seemed to notice.
"What are you looking at?" she questioned.
"Nothing, just the guests. Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves. It makes me happy." I replied trying to play it off.
She pulled me closer "Is that so?"
But I ignored her as the shock of seeing Sakura lay her head on Syaoran sunk in. Kaho decided to pull me into a complicated set of steps just to take my attention away. By the time I knew it Syaoran was heading off alone to the balcony. Alone? I wondered what happened, but this turn of events did ease my mind some. I smiled at Kaho slightly evilly as I led her in a round of twirls. She started looking a little queasy and, as planned, finally excused herself. Looks like she needed to catch her breath and I needed my freedom.
I made my way to the bar, as if I was just getting a drink. Nabbing a bottle of wine and two glasses I bolted. I looked this way and that as I snuck by the crowds and hustled towards the balcony. I had to make sure Kaho did not see where I was going. Finally comforted by the fact no one saw me I eased up, straightening myself out and walking boldly towards the boy who was gazing at the view of the city below. My knees grew wobbly, no matter how calm I looked I was melting at the sight. The city seemed to glow brighter all around him as if it knew something beautiful was watching it. I took a gulp and stepped forward as back in the main room a waltz began to play. It was the same song he had once danced to with Sakura. It was then that she had tried to confess to him, and tonight, I would do the same.
"Isn't that the same song that both you and Sakura-san danced to for that Romeo and Juliet type play?" I said catching him by surprise.
He turned to me somewhat stunned and demanded to know how I knew that, as I continued on and handed him one of the glasses I was carrying. I told him Sakura had told me all about it. In my other hand I held my own glass and the bottle of wine he had brought. He noticed and pointed it out. I confessed, telling him I snuck it out just for the two of us. Then I served us both and proposed a toast. He looked so adorably pensive the whole time and yet nervous about something. Was I being obvious? I'm sure he had no clue what I was trying to get at yet. I decided to take my sweet time and to enjoy every moment we had together before declaring myself to him. I wanted him to feel as comfortable as possible. So he asked what we should toast to.
"To everything"
"And what's everything?"
"To Sakura the mistress of the Cards, to Clow for innumerable things, to the sun and moon for their light and power, and most of all to you Syaoran, my descendant..my blood"
And then he grew a determined look to his face as he finally spouted out softly, "And..to our newfound friendship".
I could have keeled over and died at that moment. Did he just say what I thought he did?
We really had grown closer, and so I smiled and responded, "Yes..to that too."
In one swift motion we downed our drink and burst into a fit of laughter. I'm not exactly sure what it was that made us laugh. Was it a happy laughter, nervous laughter, laughter of relief? Whatever it was, it was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard come from him. And as the pattern tonight suggested, it was quickly interrupted. Nakuru came to find me. She said more guests had arrived, and of course as the host of the party, I had to go welcome them. I hesitantly left his side.
It was Terada and Rika who apologized for being so late, they should have apologized for interrupting my bonding session, but I put that thought away as I greeted them. Having finished that I turned my sights to finding the wolf again. I walked around and ran into Tomoyo by the bar. I asked her if she had seen him. She eyed me curiously before telling me he had gone off with Sakura. I decided to be a little more bold and asked her if she knew where and she motioned towards the balcony. I thanked her as she shrugged and turned her attention to a glass of brandy. I left her side and against all sane judgment, decided to take an innocent peek at the two. It was there that I saw them sitting and talking cheerfully. I really didn't want to know what about as I stumbled backwards into the main room. At that moment a drink of something alcoholic looked good. I rejoined Tomoyo who seemed to have the same idea.
She handed me a glass in early anticipation, "I knew you'd be back, want some?"
I took the glass gratefully.
After a few drinks our conversation became more personal and open.
"So tell me Eriol, why is it you were so eagerly looking for Syaoran?" she said.
I took another long sip from my glass.
"Eager? let's not be so hasty Tomoyo-san. I merely had to ask him something."
"Oh really? Since when? It seems you two have become a lot friendlier lately." she mused drunkenly.
It seemed the alcohol had already began to take effect because I had no problem answering her every question.
"And what makes you say that?" I asked innocently.
She smirked evilly.
"I talked to Syaoran, he told me you two had a nice outing yesterday."
I gulped.
"I-is that so."
"Yes, and I find it quite odd that both of you react the same way."
I put my drink down.
"I think it's only because I have had one too many of these."
She picked up my glass and refilled it.
"Mmmhmm, that's what they all say. So when did you realize you liked him?"
I took the glass and swished the ice cubes around slightly. She waited patiently for my reply.
"There is no need lying to you is there. Besides I am not the only one here drinking from a broken heart..Tomoyo-san."
She brought a hand up to her mouth and laughed heartily.
"Ok, enough of this game, you and I both know we love those two sitting out there. I've known I loved Sakura since before my birth almost. It was pure destiny. But from what I know, you have Kaho and now you are lusting after the little-wolf-that-never-smiles. So if you don't mind me asking, What went wrong? what changed?"
I smiled and faced her.
"Oh Tomoyo. How I envy you. You took one look at Sakura and knew you would love her forever. But, haven't you ever made a mistake you have regretted over and over again? If not, you are lucky. Lucky to not know that kind of confusion. I on the other hand, know very well what that's like. It's embarrassing really, possessing the awesome powers of Clow and yet not being able to predict all this. Or do a damn thing about it.."
"You are talking about Kaho, aren't you?"
"Yes. It's Kaho. I made a mistake, and I am still paying for it."
Tomoyo clutched her hands together and her face expressed the most worried look with her eyes huge and full of pity.
"It's ok, really, because now I have found what love really feels like. No one has ever intrigued me so much before. There is no one I would rather spend my time thinking about than him. And it is that love that keeps me going. It helps me ignore everything else around me, everything painful. I think you feel the same way too, about Sakura."
She turned away holding her face. I could tell she was blushing. But, she never turned back around and by the time I knew it she was snoring lightly. It seems the girl could not hold her liquor and had dozed off.
"Sweet dreams." I said before getting up and finding somewhere else to lose myself.
And then the commotion of many people was heard from one of the rooms. It seems a few of the guests had gotten pretty drunk and started a Karaoke with the mic from the main hall. I poked my head in just to have Terada reach an arm around me and pull me in. He stunk of alcohol when he talked.
"Eriol my boy! Come on in and join the party!" he said.
The guests in the room all turned to see me. I was already tipsy by now but still sane, that is until he handed me a drink.
"For being such a wonderful host, we are going to have a toast in your honor!" and with that everyone grabbed the closest alcoholic beverage they could find.
I really didn't need to be drinking anymore, but everybody's eyes were on me and I always aimed to please. So I shot my hand up in the air as we all cheered "konpan!" and the whole room gulped their drink. I'm not sure how it happened but someone in the crowd found yet another reason to toast, so we drank to his suggestion too. And then there was another and another. By the time I knew it I was on stage singing my heart out with some weird made-up love song. It was then that Syaoran came in to rescue me.
He dragged me out to the terrace to get some air. I admit..I was pretty much gone. I also felt a lot bolder now. After that whole singing episode back in the other room I could do anything! Anything except walk straight that is. I remember slouching against him. I remember pushing him up slightly against the wall and apologizing for being a burden, giggling my head off somewhere in between there, then calling him Syao-chan etc etc. All of a sudden he grabbed me, urgently demanding to know if he just heard me right. He wanted so desperately to know if I had just called him Syao-chan. I looked at his determined eyes. Something in them wanted it to be true. Something in them wanted to hear what I had to say..almost longed for it. I smiled as best I could and told him as clearly as possible that I had done just as he had heard.
I took the opportunity to get closer to him while he stood there stunned at this new revelation. I pushed up against him as far as I could. I wanted to feel his heart race like mine was. I wanted to feel the heavy rise and fall of his chest under my weight. And under this spellbound state I said things I had wanted to say for a long time and with the tug of his tie I said such things as "I never had the courage to tell you this before, but better now than never. You look absolutely gorgeous in that suit." and "I bet you look even better with nothing on too!" followed by some unrestrained giggling and finally "And to make things worse..you have an incredibly cute bum!" which was all true.
I had finally done it. I had confessed to him and there was nothing holding me back now. Then with the cutest astonished expression he asked if I was being serious, if I really liked him. I told him I loved him. He seemed surprised for a moment but his face quickly grew filled with anger and disbelief, then he pushed me off of him slightly and said he didn't believe a word I said, because I was drunk.
But was I really? whatever was making me so open and honest, whether it was real or just one big act, it was working to my advantage.
And it all seemed to wear off for a moment, as I came in close to him and said "Am I?" and he blinked as I leaned in and kissed him.
I finally did it, although he kind of resisted at first he warmed up to it. He actually got into it and as he relaxed I grew braver. I tested my boundaries as my hands shot up groping and caressing whatever they could touch. My head was somewhere else right now, because I think I heard him worrying over stuff like usual. But I couldn't help myself. There was a hunger in my movements that I did not understand. I wasn't used to losing control like this, it was scary and liberating at the same time. It was almost as if I subconsciously told myself "Now or never" and for a split second Syaoran gave in to me. I could see, as his eyes glazed over under my hands, that he was enjoying this attention as much as I was. He was burning for me like I was for him and then, as if my better judgment returned to me, I stopped it all. Before it went too far. If it did, there would be no turning back for either of us. I caressed his disappointed face lightly and told him that I had wanted to do that for a long time, finally planting one last kiss on his forehead. Then everything went black.
~*~
I woke to the sound of shuffling feet. I took a quick look at my surroundings before realizing Syaoran had somehow carried me into the study and laid me on the couch. I turned in the direction of the sound and noticed he was on his way out of the room. I stopped him by simply telling him to stay. He didn't turn around although he paused for a moment.
"I can't" he said, but I would not give up.
I asked him to stay with me again. This time he turned slowly. His skin glowed in the light coming from outside the large window behind me. I could see his face clearly, every soft feature on that adorable face. He came close to me and almost made me gasp as he leaned over me asking if I felt better. I did. My hands held his jaw gently and he smiled bringing his lips down to meet mine. I asked him if he was actually going to stay with me and he nodded. I brought his head to rest on my chest. My heart beat loudly against it as I ran my fingers through his hair. Then in his usual over-worrying tone he asked about the others. I told him not to worry about them. He finally complied and gave in to my suggestions leaving his worries for tomorrow. Tomorrow was unknown, but tonight would be our night, and we knew well what this moment held in store for us. And right now, that was all that mattered..us.
~ Owari