Once upon a time, there was a lazy butthead named Tom. His hottest and most-beloved friend whom he secretly had a crush on was the one and only Hermione Granger.

Hermione was a sexy beast, and she loved to write. She begged her most-beloved, adorable geek of a friend, Tom, to write a story for FanFiction with her.

Hermione called Tom up on his uber beast iPhone and said, "Oh my jamma lamma! We MUST write an awesome FanFic together! It would be hot, like me."

Tom replied, "Pshh, no way, Jose (he purposely left out the accent mark)! I don't post my writings."

"You write?!" I interjected. "I always thought you were too busy being a Ninja and having Ninja lectures with kids on the front ensemble!"

"No. Writing's the Ninja way," He replied smoothly.

"Then write a FanFic with me!" I begged. Even as unbelievably sexy as I am, Tom refused.

"Fine," I said. It was silent, and Hermione blew silent kisses at her most-beloved cross dresser of a painting, Brian.

"Erm…" said Tom, lost for words as he masturbated to Hermione's silent kisses at Brian.

"I'm hungry," pouted Hermione, "Let's go out to eat!"

"OK!" said Tom, zipping up his pants, "Where to?"

"Hm…" said Hermione, "Hey, come over to my house, and we'll eat cereal!"

While this wasn't as romantic as Tom hoped it would be, he agreed anyway.

With a loud bang, Tom apparated to Hermione's house.

"Hey, lover!" Hermione cried out, pouncing on him.

"Hullo, "said Tom with shifty eyes.

Hermione made Tom eat Frosted Flakes, and she was healthy and ate Kashi.

"Let's go skinny dipping!" exclaimed Hermione.

"OK!" said pervy Tom.

Hermione and Tom went skinny dipping in Hermione's neighbor's pool (They weren't home).

They got out and took a hot shower together because Hermione refused to waste water, as they were in a drought. Pervy Tom couldn't take it anymore, so he fucked poor Hermione in the shower. Hermione was horny, though, and didn't care.

Finally, they got dressed and wrote a FanFic on Hermione's bed… right after another round of hot sex.

The End!!!

Yay! Another horrid story that nobody gets! Review! Flames are mean but extremely funny, so I won't deny you the pleasure of sending them!

Lovingly yours!

GrammarGeek