Prisoner of My Own Mind
Finally, after seven weeks of work, it story is ready to be published :) Well, at least the half of it. I wrote it in Hungarian first, which was about 8700 words, but when I started translating it to English, it turned out that the English version would be around 12K words – what I think is a little bit too much for reading at once. So I broke it into half – the second half will about as long as this is, only having less scenes (and will have more Zutara, but not that much)
I stole Doctor Xia's name from a real person – he was born in the late nineteenth century and died in 1952. He was an actual doctor and practiced traditional Chinese medicine. he's mentioned in Jung Chang's autobiographical novel Wild Swans, as he was the author's step grandfather. For the name Feng Yi Yuan some online vocabulary should be held responsible: "feng" means crazy and "yi yuan" means hospital (if I remember well). I bet everybody speaking Chinese is hiding their faces in their hands right now and shaking their heads :D
Also, I proofread the story, so I hope that it lacks mistakes, but I can't promise anything.
Well, read and enjoy! :)
Word count: 6048
Rating: T
Disclaimer: [Insert funny text here telling you that I don't own Avatar: the Last Airbender]
Highly respected Fire Lord Zuko,
It is great honor for us that you have chosen our institute for you sister's treatment. As the head of the Feng Yi Yuan Institute, I would like to ensure your Majesty that your sister will only benefit the best care among our walls and that I, alongside with my colleagues, will do everything in our power to help the princess along the path of recovery. We most sincerely hope that her mind will completely clear up with time, and she soon will heal completely, and will be able to leave us.
Your Majesty's humble and obedient servant
Doctor Xia
100 After Sozin's Comet, fifth day of the ninth month
Prison. That damn bastard had gotten her into prison.
Azula paced in her cell anxiously. She didn't remember when she got there – truthfully, everything that happened after the Agni Kai was a little bit foggy. And Zuko had cheated! She had knocked him flat out, he had been lying on the ground, writhing in agony, the duel had been over, she had won, she had been the Fire Lord, then that dirty peasant just had had to intervene… but then she had overpowered her as well. She had roasted her like a komodo chicken.
But then how had she gotten here?
Somebody had betrayed her! Somebody surely had. Li and Lo, they had been the ones, she was sure. That two double-tongued, disingenuous harpies! She should have banished them as well. But she had, hadn't she?
Five steps ahead, wall. But how had she gotten here? Who was foolish enough to throw the Fire Lord into prison? She was going to execute all.
She turned around. Five steps ahead and her knees bumped into the bed.
Her room was completely bare, no decorations, no small objects, nothing she could have used as a weapon. Only a bed and a trunk, both too big to find a good enough grip on it. Not that she would have needed them in a fight – she was the world's greatest firebending master. No. Nobody was better than her father. He was the greatest, with the whole world bowing to his feet, and he was going to stick the head of the Avatar to the gates of the palace.
If he hadn't done that already.
This helped her to calm down a little. Ozai was going to get her out of there. In a few days he would be back from Ba Sing Se, victoriously, and then he would get his daughter out of this prison. And then they will rule this world together.
Azula sat down on the bed with a maniacal grin appearing on her face. Yes, they are going to be the lords of this world! And nobody can anything about it – not Zuko, not uncle Iroh, neither her mother!
Her mother? Why would she think about her mother? Ursa had left her. Ursa was dead. Ursa had visited her.
She buried her face in her hands - it made no sense!
Suddenly her hands felt strangely heavy, like they were chained. Her gaze flicked to her wrists. No, there were no handcuffs there – only reminders of handcuffs. Big, dark bruises all over her wrists, somewhere even the skin was missing and her hands were smudged with dried blood. So she really had been chained up. But by who?
That peasant!
She remembered now – it was that peasant coming with Zuko who had interfered with their fight, who had defeated her, who had chained her up, who had humiliated her, who had made Zuko make a mistake during the duel, who had caused Zuko to fall to the ground, who had run to Zuko franticly, in panic, who…
Somebody yelled. It took her a few moments to realize it was her.
So she had been defeated after all.
She started sobbing. She hadn't cried since she was a child. Crying meant weakness. Emotions meant weakness.
She heard a soft creaking noise from the other end of the room – somebody was trying to open the door.
A traitor!
She didn't think, just acted. A moment later a jet of blue flame lashed out to the door, shutting it, leaving black scorch marks on it. Azula heard somebody fall backwards behind it and groan painfully as he hit the floor.
A pleased half-smirk appeared on her face. She won. She defeated another traitor.
Then suddenly she remembered everything.
She buried her face in her hands and started sobbing again.
Highly respected Fire Lord Zuko,
I deeply regret that I can not report about any improvement in your sister's condition. In the last month, Princess Azula was disoriented, completely unmanageable and she has also en bexhibiting aggressive behavioral habits – she has attacked several of our nurses, but, thank Agni, none of them was wounded severely.
Princess Azula is not coherent, can not comprehend the very situation she is in, and is haunted by hallucinations. The sedatives, given her with her food, call forth very little, if any at all, effects. Because of the reasons listed above, I have been unable to start her actual therapy yet. I also don't support the idea of the Princess receiving visitors in her current tender condition.
Your Majesty's humble and obedient servant
Doctor Xia
100 After Sozin's Comet, eighth day of the tenth month
Azula was angry. No, Azula was furious.
One just can't rely on these filthy servants! No matter how she called them forth, how she rang for them, how she yelled, threatened them, they wouldn't come. But she needed them!
First things first, she had to take a bath – her council members were going to be there soon, and her servants just can't expect her to greet them all dirty and reeking with sweat. And they just can't expect her to prepare her own bath! What kind of monarch would do that?
Azula buried her finger in her hair – yes, she would need somebody to do her hair as well, because the thing what currently occupied her head was a disaster. All tangles and knots and grease. Agni, when had she washed – had had somebody wash – her hair the last time? It was surely even before her coronation. Se hadn't had time for such petty things ever since.
After all, she had a country to rule.
Of course, she could have asked her mother to help – she was sure Ursa would be glad to help. She loved her daughter and had always supported her. She surely was out by the pond now, feeding the turtleducks. It was a habit, or more like a hobby, of hers, which she did daily. Azula was sure that Zuko was with her, too, like almost always. But that was okay – Zuzu was still a child, he had no business with adult affairs, with ruling a country.
A ghost of smile appeared on Azula's face. Naïve little Zuzu! He was a sweet child, even if he was a little bit annoying from time to time, and even though he had no chance to become as great as his elder sister. But even then he was Zuko, Prince of the Fire Nation, her little brother, who would never sit on the throne, but that was alright. Everything was okay as long as he was small and weak, as long as his existence wasn't threatening anybody. Azula was even a little bit afraid that one day he would grow up, step away from their mother's skirts, go to war, and then he wouldn't be her little brother anymore.
Of course, by then there wouldn't be a war going on, because by then she and her father would destroy all the resistance in their way.
Ozai still hadn't returned from Ba Sing Se. Azula wasn't worried. He was sure just preoccupied with small rebel groups, or he was just enjoying the former capitol city of the former Earth Kingdom a little bit too much for leaving it yet.
Azula's smile widened.
The former Earth Kingdom – it didn't exist anymore. Now, it was only the Fire Nation – no, the Fire Empire. A great empire with an even greater ruler, whose right hand was she, Fire Lord Azula. She was happy for having been given such an important task and that she was able to help her father.
But where was the council? Of course, she had been expecting a handful of monks from the Eastern Air Temple yesterday, and they hadn't come either. Azula noted this – and she was going to make sure that those insolent airbenders got their rightful punishment for their antics.
But the council would sure gather – that was their job. The head of the council had even visited her yesterday, ensuring her that they would be there today.
Azula walked over to the council room and sat on her pedestal behind the flames (she had completely forgotten about the bath and the servants). She sat cross-legged, her back straight, her helmet showing her shoulders wider than they were. She was ready for the council meeting to start.
But the council didn't gather.
Highly respected Fire Lord Zuko,
There is still no remarkable improvement in your sister's mental health, her hallucinations are still present. However, she seems much less aggressive now than during the previous weeks, and even her hallucinations have changed in nature: she seems to be convinced that she is the Fire Lord herself, residing in the Royal Palace. The hallucinations include your mother, and you, my lord, as the princess' younger, underage brother. In mind, she forges her surroundings to match these hallucinations. During my last visit, she thought I was the recently entrained Minister Chen, who, if I am not mistaken, was the great advisor of your Majesty's father.
I still hold my statement that Princess Azula should not be visited yet, since I am afraid that it would only confuse her further.
Your Majesty's humble and obedient servant
Doctor Xia
100 After Sozin's Comet, fourteenth day of the eleventh month
Azula lay on her bed curled up into a tight ball, and cried.
Mommy had gone missing days before.
Daddy had no time to care for her – maybe he didn't even want to care for her. He was way too busy sitting on his throne. On his throne, which he had stolen from Uncle Iroh.
Because Lu Ten was dead.
And so was Zuzu.
Daddy had killed him.
Azula sobbed even harder.
She had never wanted Zuzu to die! True, she had often wished she was an only child. If only her mother would have more time for her, if only she would be just as gentle with her as she was with Zuzu, if only she would sit with her by the turtleduck pond, like she did with Zuzu, would teach her how to call the little creatures to her…
Azula wanted it all, but to be honest, it had always been her who had never had time for snuggling with her mother. For Azula, there had always been something to study, something to practice. Her father didn't accept anything worse than perfect. No, her father had always accepted perfection only. Azula had always had to be perfect. The best.
Ozai had always accepted only the best.
It was impossible to be good enough for Ozai.
Azula had to be good enough for Ozai.
So Azula did the impossible.
She wished she could go back in time, and do everything differently. For the first time in her life, she wished she wasn't a prodigy. She wished she was just a normal kid, so she could invite her friends over more often, and they could play in the gardens, and she could snuggle to her mother's side by the turtleduck pond, and she could learn music, like Zuzu did, and she could play with Zuzu…
Zuzu was dead.
Daddy had killed him.
Azula tightened her arms around herself.
If only Zuzu was there with her, so she could tell him how sorry she was!
She was sorry she was cheeky and teased him, made him jump into the fountain, took away his dagger, called him names, lied, didn't love him enough… She wished she could go back in time, to start everything over and be a good sibling.
But she couldn't do it.
Daddy would never let her.
Her sobbing got louder and louder.
"Zuzu…"
If she had been a better sister, Zuzu would have stood by her side. If she hadn't been so preoccupied by firebending and by the pressure to be good enough for daddy, they might had been good siblings. Then Zuzu would have protected her from the other kids, they would have played together, and she might have even kissed his forehead, even though Zuzu said it was gross, but Azula had always enjoyed when mommy kissed her, and then, maybe, the three of them would have sat by the turtleduck pond together…
"Zuzu, where are you?" She sniffled. "I'm so sorry…"
Highly respected Fire Lord Zuko,
I know that until now I stood by my idea that Princess Azula should not be visited by neither your Majesty, your Majesty's uncle nor any of the princess' friends, but now I am asking you, my lord, to come and see your sister as soon as possible. During the last two weeks, Princess Azula was even more confused than before. She is constantly looking for your Majesty, calling you, even though at the same time she seems to be convinced that my lord is dead. Speaking to herself she is begging for your forgiveness, and, by some reason unknown to me, she seems to be blaming your father for everything.
I did not informed your Majesty of this before – I am humbly asking for your forgiveness for the delay – because I was hoping that it was only a passing phase, but, sadly, we are unable to achieve any kind of improvement in your sister's state. Right now your Majesty is our only hope.
I am asking you, that as soon as my lord's thigh schedule permits, visit our institute.
Your Majesty's humble and obedient servant
Doctor Xia
100 After Sozin's Comet, seventeenth day of the twelfth month
Azula was sitting slouched in the corner of the room when the door opened. She was terribly tired – she hadn't slept in days, maybe weeks, for she was haunted by nightmares -, but she just had to know who her visitor was. She lifted her gaze, but only so that she could get a glimpse of the trimming of the slowly approaching, deep red robe.
She could recall only one person, who – always – wore a robe like this.
Her father had come to her.
She wanted to leap from her seat on the ground to hug his waist, like she had never done before – she could had never done before – but she had been sitting on the cold floor for hours, her muscles had completely gone numb, and wouldn't cooperate with her. When she moved and was about to leap, it was an invisible force had nailed her feet to the ground, and she fell, falling face-first to the ground.
Before she could have comprehended what a shame she had brought on herself – she had shown weakness – her father was already there, kneeling beside her, gently caught her under her arms and helped her stand. He had never done that before. He had always insisted that Azula corrected her own mistakes, that she always stood up herself. He didn't let go of her elbow even when she was standing straight. True, he might as well saw that Azula could barely stand on her own. He led her to the bed, sat her down, then took place next to her. Azula drew her legs up instantly and lay down, resting her head on her father's lap. She felt her father freeze for a moment – maybe she shouldn't have done this? -, then after a heartbeat, he put his hand on the girl's head and started stroking her hair.
A soft sob tore up from Azula's throat – she couldn't even remember the last time when she had received so much kindness. Surely not since her mother had been gone.
"I am so, so happy that you've come, dad. I missed you so much." The hand stroking her had stilled for a moment. Her father didn't say a word. She snuggled even closer to him. "Have I been naughty, dad? That's why you didn't come before? But now you'll take me with you, right, dad?" Silence. "Where are mum and Zuzu? They haven't visited me in a while. Mum still comes, though, sometimes." She shrugged. "Sometimes she even combs my hair." She sighed. "I remember, when I was little, mum would brush my hair every night." She closed her eyes and furrowed her brows, like she had problems with recalling this memory. "And then she would braid it. And some nights you were there, too, standing in the doorway, watching us. But not always." She tried to turn, so she could see the man's face, but from her twisted place on his lap she could only get a glimpse of his chin. "Why didn't you spend more time with us, dad?"
The question was honest and child-like. He didn't know what to say; his throat tightened.
Then the door opened again – only a little, making only a small slit between the wall and the door, quietly, almost without a sound. Azula closed her eyes again. He was afraid that they had come to take away her father, and some part of her hoped that if she didn't see the intruder, he would disappear. But it didn't happen.
She felt her father's hand leave her head and she also felt him make a little movement with his hand – maybe he gestured to go away? Or told him to come closer?
The door opened wider, and now Azula could even hear the soft footsteps.
"Zuko?" She heard a woman say it gently, quietly, unsure, like she was afraid to talk.
Azula opened her eyes and turned to the woman. One glimpse at her blue dress was enough to fill her mind with memories – with nightmares.
Blood-red sky. Red and blue flames. Lightening bolts, without thunder. Fight. Water. No air. Chains on her wrists, pulling her down to the ground. Anger and pain. Hopelessness. And a young woman – or a girl, rather? She couldn't have been older than Azula… - in blue, who made the water dance.
She was responsible for Azula being there. She had hurt her. And now she'd come to hurt her father.
Her body suddenly forget the fatigue tormenting her, her limbs were filled with life, and there was power, power like a lightening bolt, in her blood, which she hadn't felt in a long time. Before her father could have held her down she leaped, going for the woman in blue.
There were sparks on her fingertips – she hadn't touched her flame in months, yet it came to her first call faithfully. In less than a second there was a ball of flame in her hands, as big as a watermelon, which she was about to launch to the woman. She wouldn't hurt her, or her father, or anybody else. Azula would make sure of that. She was already lifting her hands, ready to let go of the fireball…
Somebody caught her from behind – he grabbed her elbows, holding her arms down, holding them in a strong grip, so she couldn't move. Her ball of flame had already started its journey, but its way was disturbed by the sudden movement, so it found the stone wall in the woman's stead, leaving only smoke behind. But the force of the impact had reached the woman anyway, throwing her backwards, slamming her to the wall. She collapsed at the foot of the wall.
Somebody shouted – she couldn't make out what. Somebody screamed – it took her a few moments to realize that she was hearing her own voice.
Everything happened in a blink of an eye – it started, then hush, it was over. Two men in red robes hurried into the room, and took her away from the one holing her back. It was her father. One of them took her hands in his iron grip; the other pressed a piece of cloth, dripping some kind of smelly liquid, to her mouth. Her knees buckled, but nobody held her up.
She saw as her father stepped to the woman in blue, already sitting on the floor – the torchlight flickering on his crown -, knelt beside her, worry on his face, took her hand in one hand, holding her face in his other and the tension only left his body when the woman reassured him in a gentle voice that she was alright. Then he embraced her and helped her stand.
That was when Azula got a glimpse of the angry red scar disfiguring his face.
Then everything went black.
Highly respected Fire Lord Zuko,
I am afraid I have no good news to tell. I had hoped that my lord's visit would help to improve your sister's state of mind – unfortunately its opposite happened.
Ever since your Majesty's visit last month, Princess Azula has been showing aggression like never before. Until now, thank Agni, her firebending had been slumbering, and after the hardships of the beginning of her treatment, she felt no urge to practice or touch her inner flame in any other way, so it had never caused problems during her treatment, and so we had not needed to make any safety precautions. But in the last few weeks, Princess Azula – please, pardon me my bluntness – has been raging. Fires starting in her room have become a daily occurrence, since in lack of proper concentration she can't keep her flame tamed, and because of it, the fire often goes wild. Last week she nearly killed herself – she set her room on fire, but we don't know yet if it happened accidentally, or she did it on purpose. Our nurses helped her out of the room only moments before it could have caused severe injuries. In the end we managed to put the fire out, the princess came out of the incident without any remarkable injury, and we have given her a new room.
Her attacks against employees of the institute have also become daily occurrences. She has seriously hurt one of our nurses.
Princess Azula's mind is not clear enough so we could reason with her. Given her state, the continuation of her therapy is pointless right now, but at the same time we can't keep giving her soothing potions immoderately, since in a long run it could harm the princess' health.
I don't ask something like this from your Majesty willingly, but I am afraid that this is the only solution for this situation. In her current state the princess poses a treat both to herself and the people around her. So, if I may, I'd like to advise that we ask help from my lord's great friend, Avatar Aang, asking him to take away Princess Azula's firebending abilities.
I am begging for your forgiveness in case if I offended you with my proposition. Since I am not a bender myself, I know, I can have no idea what it is like to be one, nor can I comprehend what it would be like for a bender to loose their abilities.
Your Majesty's humble and obedient servant
Doctor Xia
101 After Sozin's Comet, twenty-first day of the first month
In her new room every piece of furniture was made of metal – though the metal melted if she hated it enough, it didn't burn. There were no candles or torches in the room, the only thing providing some light was the sun, which shone through a small window up high on the wall opposite the door. It was too high for her too see anything other than the angry, gray skies – but at least this way she knew that the rainy season had started. She often heard the crackling of the raindrops, too. During the nights, complete darkness ruled the room.
She lit a small flame in her hand – at first it almost vanished completely, then it suddenly erupted, like a volcano, growing into a nine-foot column of fire. Then it disappeared, leaving only darkness behind.
Recently she had been unable to control her fire – it constantly wavered, once being too powerful, then going so weak that it went out. She couldn't create a lightening, either – she had tried. It hadn't worked.
She longed for her flame so much, just to feel its warmth, to know it next to her, but she couldn't keep it lit for long, and there wasn't even anything in the room she could lit, so the fire would last longer. There were thing in her previous room she was been able to use but when she set them on fire, and she was finally happy, finally feeling herself at home, those men came in, dragged her out of the room, and wouldn't let her back anymore.
A single tear escaped her eye, and rolled down on her cheek.
She lit the small flame on her palm again – this time, it was more or less steady, it didn't vanish, nor did it become a column of fire. Azula was glad for this. She only wanted warmth, so she could feel herself closer to her home.
"Mummy, do you see what I can do?" She mumbled to herself. Even though she couldn't see her mother at the moment, she knew she was there. "I can do it just like Zuzu. Are you proud of me?"
Then she heard the key turn in the lock – she knew somebody was about to enter her room. She didn't panic – several people came to her room everyday. But at the same time her instincts told her to protect herself.
She quickly straightened herself, standing up in a defensive stance. Li and Lo would surely have scolded her because feet weren't far enough, her balance wasn't good enough, her arms weren't up enough, her gaze wasn't focused enough.
The door opened, and a small figure stepped in.
She could only see his silhouette in the candlelight pouring into the room from the corridor. He was short, and very thin, his arms and legs way too long for his body – a teenager.
She let her arms fall to her sides. A teenager. He wouldn't hurt her.
The visitor stepped forward, so he reached the light of Azula's tiny flame which was still alive in her palm, so she could see his bald head and the blue arrow tattooed on it.
She recognized him in an instant.
He was the Avatar.
With whom she had fought several times before.
Whom she had killed in Ba Sing Se.
Who had come to haunt her, to take revenge on his death, to punish her, to take her to the Spirit World with him.
But she wouldn't let him, she vowed to herself.
With an enraged yell she went after the boy.
She wasn't even halfway when the Avatar gently flickered his wrist, calling a powerful gust of wind, what threw her to the wall behind her. With another little wave of his hand stone manacles came out of the brick wall, securing her wrists and ankles, pressing her back to the rough stones.
Her flame went out, leaving the weak, silvery shine of the moon the only light in the room. The Avatar stepped closer to her, and Azula looked into his eyes. She could see regret in his gray gaze.
"I'm sorry. Really, really sorry." He whispered, then placed one hand on her forehead, the other on her heart.
Afterwards, she could only recall moments from the next few minutes. Pictures and feelings.
The gentle touch of the Avatar. Unexpected surge of energy in her veins. Blinding light. Weakness.
Then the Avatar let her go, the manacles went back to the wall and she collapsed to the floor.
When she opened her eyes again she was already alone.
Highly respected Fire Lord Zuko,
First and foremost, please let me congratulate you on the occasion of your engagement. May Agni bless your Majesty's marriage.
After such joyous news I regret that I can not report about any improvement in your sister's state. Event though she bears the loss her firebending better than we expected, I am afraid that it is only the calm before storm. In the last weeks Princess Azula – I also regret to say this – has not been anything more than an empty, soulless body. She is not showing any reaction to her surroundings, doesn't talk, even the lack of her anger fills me with worry. And even though we have placed her in a new, much more comfortable room, she has not had any reaction to these changes.
Even after this news, I would like to ask your Majesty not to worry – your sister is in good, capable hands. The institute's every employee, as well as myself, are doing everything in our power to help Princess Azula regain her old self, and be able to leave the Fen Yi Yuan Institute as soon as possible.
Your Majesty's humble and obedient servant
Doctor Xia
101 After Sozin's Comet, twelfth day of the third month
Her new room really was nice – not that it interested her in any way. It had real, big windows though, letting the brilliant sunlight into the room, even if they were covered with glass, not with clothes or paper, which was strange, but not quite unpleasant. Azula couldn't even remember seeing glass-covered windows before. Even the walls of her room weren't bare anymore – they were covered with cream-colored wallpaper, and there even were some paintings hung on them. She had a proper bed with a soft mattress, a comfortable armchair, and a desk as well.
Even amongst all that furniture, she was sitting on the floor in the farthest corner from the door, her arms circling her knees, as she swayed back and forth.
The sky was brilliant blue outside, the Sun was peaking, the rainy season had reached its end, and it should have been pleasantly warm, but she was only feeling cold.
She was freezing.
She snapped her fingers – she wanted to start a fire, just a tiny flame, to warm herself up. Nothing happened. She tried again.
Nothing.
Nothing, nothing, nothing.
She didn't realized that someone had entered the room until she spoke.
"Isn't this day just simply wonderful, princess?" Azula looked up at her. She was a young, round-faced, a little bit plump woman in a simple red dress, with a friendly smile on her face. Azula indistinctly remembered seeing her before. She was almost sure that this woman had visited her before. Maybe several times. She couldn't remember. Recently her memories were rather foggy. She couldn't even tell how long she had been there in that room.
The woman placed a vase full of brilliant, colorful flowers on her desk then she went to one of the windows and opened it. She took a step backwards, then, putting emphasis on every single movement, she took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet scent of the flowers and sighed contently.
"This is the most beautiful time of the year, don't you think?" She went on. Azula wasn't sure if she was talking to her, but then there was no-one else in the room expect the two of them. "Finally it isn't raining in every second moment, but the heat is not yet as unbearable as during summer. And these scents! Every flower is blooming now." She stepped to Azula, even leaned down to her, her smile not leaving her face. "Wouldn't you want to go outside? Take a little walk? The garden is simply magnificent these days. I have brought your flowers from there as well. Look!"
Azula lifted her gaze to the flowers in the vase. She knew she should have found the cavalcade of colors and shapes beautiful, yet it left her cold. Should she go out? She didn't want to. She wanted to stay inside and start a fire so she wouldn't be could anymore.
Se turned her eyes down and shook her head. The smile on the woman's face didn't even falter.
"It's alright, I understand. But don't be shy, call me anytime you want to go outside. Some fresh air would do miracles to you, believe me." With that, she gently patted Azula's shoulder. Azula cringed under her touch – she couldn't even remember when she had been touched for the last time.
The woman in red bustled about the room for several more minutes. She soothed the nonexistent wrinkles on the bedcovers; beat her pillows up a little. Then she went to the desk, and looked through all the empty parchment, looking for some writing on them – any kind of writing, from some childish scribbling to a full and mature letter. She found none – all sheets were untouched. She checked the ink as well – that hadn't run dry either. She straightened one of the pictures on the wall. She took a step backwards, fixed her gaze on it, then after a minute she put it back to its original position. Azula watched her all along, not uttering a word.
Finally the woman closed the window walked out of the room. Azula sighed relieved.
She tried to start a fire again, but this time using a different method. She put her palms against each other, slid them over, back and forth, then back again, then started to pull them apart. She could almost feel the warmth of the small fireball appearing between her palms – only, that wasn't there.
She tried again. She pressed her palms together more forcefully. Nothing. Again. She concentrated more. Nothing. Again. She prayed to Agni. Nothing. Again. She sped up her movements. Nothing, other than that her skin became red and sensitive.
Something broke within her then. No, not broke – erupted, rather. She let out a painful yell. It wasn't working! Why wasn't it working? She pulled at her hair causing the strands say farewell to her skull. Why? She pulled at her hair again, this time tearing out whole locks, which left pearls of blood behind.
She leaped up. She walked circles in the room wildly, still ripping out locks from her hair. Her way was marked by long, black hairs, and her tears mingled with drops of blood.
That was when her gaze fell on the flowers on the desk again. Or, more accurately, only on one flower. In the centre of the bouquet there was a huge, proud, reddish-orange flower. She remembered this flower.
It was a firelily.
Fire.
Fire.
Fire.
She attacked the vase with renewed force. That fell over, the flowers spilling to the floor, water pouring on her feet, and the vase itself, that expensive china, fell to the floor with a great crash, breaking into million little pieces.
She didn't expect the sharp noise, and it startled her. She turned around in her place – at first she didn't even know what the source of the sound was -, finding herself face to face with the window this way. With the window, and with the shining circle of the Sun, as well.
Face to face with Agni himself, the real Lord of Fire, with the one who had given the talent of firebending to his people, who had looked after them, who had protected them in battle…
Who had taken away her fire.
It must had been him, not else.
He was responsible for her pain.
So he had pay for it.
She reached out to seize the Sun, but her blurred mind couldn't comprehend the distance, nor that there was a plane of glass between her and the sky. Her hand met the glass with such a force that it broke instantly, her fist going through it, and while the soft, warm spring winds caressed her hand, the teeth of the glass bit into her flesh, her blood flowing like a river down her arm, finally finding rest on the floor, as Azula screamed in pain.
To be continued