Lucius Malfoy was a wizard.
Lucius Malfoy loved to wave his wand around.
He would twist it and twirl it
Point it and whirl it
Until magic flew out the end!
Lucius loved his wand.
But one day when Lucius was waving his wand, all the magic went out of it.
His wand went wibbly-wobbly!
Twist! Twirl! Point! Whirl! went Lucius.
Wibble, wobble, went his wand.
Point! Whirl! Twist! Twirl! went Lucius.
Wibble, wobble, went his wand. But it wouldn't work.
"Your wand's gone all flippy-floppy," said Narcissa Malfoy. "I'll fix it!"
So she took hold of his wand in both hands
And she waved it
And she wiggled it
Blessed it
And blew on it
And said "Accio Rigor!"
But the wand just went wibble, wobble. It wouldn't work.
"You can have my walnut wand," said Narcissa. "I keep it in my drawer. It's just as
good as yours."
"Thank you, Narcissa. But I want my wand to work."
Lucius met Severus Snape. "Snape!" said Lucius. "My wand's gone wobbly!"
"I have a potion for that!" said Severus Snape. He rubbed the potion on Lucius'
wand.
The wand went all slippery and snakey
but it was still wibbly-wobbly.
And it wouldn't work.
Lucius met Professor Sprout. "Why, Lucius!" she said. "Your wand's slippery and
snakey, wibbly and wobbly! Try this little blue berry!" And Lucius ate the berry.
His wand went bendy and bumpy
but it was still slippery and snakey
and wibbly and wobbly.
And it wouldn't work.
Lucius met Minerva McGonagall. "Malfoy," she said, "Your wand is bendy and bumpy,
slippery and snakey, wibbly and wobbly. Let me transfigure it!"
So she cast a spell
and his wand turned into a pussycat, all furry and fuzzy!
"Turn it back! Turn it back!" yelled Lucius.
So Minerva McGonagall turned the pussycat back into a wand.
But it was still furry and fuzzy
bendy and bumpy
shiny and snakey
wibbly and wobbly
and it wouldn't work.
"Maybe Harry can help," said Minerva McGonagall.
Harry couldn't help. He was busy with his broomstick. "Go ask Dumbledore!"
"Once my wand went wrong," said Dumbledore. "Gellert Grindlewald got it going again."
"Maybe you just need the right wizard to work your wand."
"Maybe my wand wants a redhead?" said Lucius.
Ginny Weasley tried to enchant it, but it was still wibbly.
Molly Weasley tried to warm it up with warm cocoa, but it was still wobbly.
"Maybe my wand wants a midget?" said Lucius.
Fenius Flitwick hung a charm on it, but it still wouldn't work.
"Maybe my wand wants somebody big and beardy?" said Lucius.
Hagrid tried dipping it in basilisk juice. But it still wobbled and wibbled.
"Maybe my wand wants twins?" said Lucius.
Parvati and Parma Patil poked and prodded and patted it. But the wand wouldn't work.
"Maybe red-headed twins?" said Lucius.
Fred and George Weasley tried Weasley's Wizarding Wand Wax. But the wand was still wibbly.
"Maybe a house-elf?" said Lucius.
Dobby tried putting a sock on it. But it still went wibble, wobble.
"Maybe a socialite?" said Lucius.
Horace Slughorn called in the whole Slug Club to work on the wand. But it still wobbled, and it wouldn't work.
"Maybe a Senior Undersecretary?" said Lucius.
Dolores Umbridge tried punishing it. The wand went wibble, wobble.
"Maybe a wand expert?" said Lucius.
Mr. Ollivander wrapped brass rings around it. The wand went wobble, wibble.
"Maybe a sister-in-law?" said Lucius.
Bellatrix Lestrange stuck steel pins through it. But it just went wobblier than ever.
Everybody tried.
Ron and Hermione tried.
Percy and Bill tried.
Sirius and Remus tried.
Even Draco tried.
And still the wand went wibble, wobble, wibble, wobble.
Poor Lucius cried.
"My wibbly wobbly slippery snakey bendy bumpy furry fuzzy wand won't work!"
So he went for a walk.
Poor Lucius walked and walked and walked.
He worried about his wibbly wobbly slippery snakey bendy bumpy furry fuzzy wand.
"Why won't my wand work!" he cried.
"Why must my wand wobble?"
He walked and walked for weeks and weeks.
He came to a strange house in the west. It was Luna Lovegood's house.
"Hello, Lucius. What's wrong?"
"My wand's what's wrong!"
"Oh, my. It's all furry and bendy
and slippery and fuzzy
and bumpy and snakey", said Luna.
"And it's gone all wibbly and wobbly and it won't work!" said Lucius.
"Well, we'll work on your wand!"
So Luna Lovegood picked up his wand
and she poked and prodded and patted
twisted and twirled
pointed and whirled
and his wand wasn't wibbly or wobbly at all!
"It's working!" yelled Lucius
and he grabbed hold of his wand
and he pointed and whirled
twisted and twirled
and magic flew out of his wand!
"Thank you!" said Lucius. "You fixed my wonderful wand!"
"It wasn't broken at all," said Luna.
"It went wibbly-wobbly because you waved it too much.
It just wanted a rest. "
So Lucius went home, holding his wand all the way.
It didn't wibble or wobble once.
It was still furry and fuzzy
bendy and bumpy
slippery and snakey
but Lucius didn't mind one bit
and neither did Narcissa.