My first angst fic... Hope it's not too angsty... :)

Also, a thank you to my awesome beta, as usual! :D

- Solace in My Silent Slumber -

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

-Kahlil Gibran-

Someone once said to me, at one point in your life, you will feel it is not worth living anymore.

And then you will end it.

You know it wouldn't be fair to those around you. They will hurt and grieve. They would feel sorrowful with your absence, hoping in vain that you might somehow come back. They hope, and that's it. Then they move on. They will not be stuck crying in pain everyday just because you are gone. They will not find their world dark and numb, void of any emotion. They would, but not for every suffocating second.

But I do. This hollow breathing after every memory of you causes me agony. Knowing that I will not get drugged by your voice, and knowing that I will sleep without your warmth by my side. I hurt and grieve. I am lost in our tangled memory and I imagine you next to me. I go to sleep with you and laugh bitterly the next day I wake because I know you were never there.

Now I stand here with the wind consoling me. I know it is you and you are calling for me.

I am coming now Shizuru.

She couldn't fight anymore but she did it for me. I can see it in her eyes, the light that is always radiant slowly fading. What should I do when the flame on my candle blows out?

Will it be left there, in the dark and grim silence?

Perhaps the most twisted thing is that for once in my life, I will be left in this blackness, and she won't come save me anymore.

I laugh.

How selfish I am, getting depressed when the one I love shines for me every day! She is terrified for me. She is doing her best to show that it will be okay and we will hold hands and run away again! She smiles beautifully at me and I drown in those crimson clouds again. Everything will be all right, she says and gave me a kiss that calms my soul.

I smile back; I know everything will be alright.

"Natsuki..." I whispered to my slumbering love.

How painful it is to see her breaking down because of me. This cursed illness of mine might be the punishment for the sins of my past. But I have Natsuki, and I am glad for that. These wonderful decades we spent together was more than enough for me. I always thought that Natsuki would reject me after what happened; instead she loved me for the monster I was. I must be extremely lucky to be loved by her and the result of our love, two beautiful girls that lit our lives.

"Suki..."

Her emeralds finally look at me as she smiles. They give me hope and I will fight for that.

"Hmm... Did you need something Shizuru?"

"Nothing... I just wanted to see Natsuki's face."

"Huh?"

I giggle slightly looking at the confused face of my beloved. I will miss this when I go. I shall look at her as long as time allows it. I am content just staring at her. Her eyes question my actions.

"I love you Natsuki, and we will be alright."

I muster all my confidence to smile at her, our lips meet for a long and lingering kiss. I could feel her love pouring on me, her love that is the pillar of my strength. Two hot drops fall down on my cheek. I know that she is weeping.

''Hush my love, I need your strength. I will fight Natsuki, will you?"

She nods her head while her body continues to quiver. She reaches for my weak hands and squeezes them tightly.

We look at each other and we know it is okay. She thinks that, at least. I know otherwise. I know I am dying and I know I will be leaving her shortly. You just know when you're going. It almost feels like the end of a movie. You know it's going to end, but you know that the end is not at this exact moment.

Forgive me, my love, my Natsuki, for letting you believe I will be there. Sorry for giving you false hope, my angel. I simply cannot bear your beautiful face saddened. Kannin na for my acts, love. I do it for you.

She looks at me, as if she was attempting to read me. She always could, but now I hope not.

"Ne, 'Zuru?"

"Hai...?"

"I will always be with you. Even if you don't want me to."

I look at her gently and caressed her hair. "Silly Natsuki... I would never want that. Because Natsuki and I will never be apart."

"Aisheteru, Shizuru."

We went to sleep in each other's arms. Just having her hands in mine while confined within these white, gloomy walls, make me want to stay here forever.

Natsuki lets the piece of paper fly away with the current of air. She takes one last look behind her and no reaction came when she sees Mai, her daughters and Nao running towards her. She slowly moves backwards. She hears her name screamed repeatedly.

"NATSUKI!"

"MOM! NO!"

Forgive me, everyone. I love her more.

She feels the hard wind flying with her. She smiles and closes her eyes.

Mai lets out a strangled cry. Shina and Nao can only stare at the spot, their minds not able to comprehend the situation immediately. Shina's sister, Ran, softly sobs.

"M-mom...why...did..."

"..." Nao looked away as she tried to fight back tears that were threatening to break free.

Ran's eyes were cloudy. Both her parents were gone...left them all alone. Mai tries to console her, but it does not give her the warmth of her mothers. She looks over to her sister, whom alongside Nao was still staring at the empty space.

A piece of paper flows gently to the soft grass, landing on her feet. She picks it up and everybody recognizes the handwriting instantly.

Take me with you, for my sins

Evil eyes that shine on you

Be my hell, I'll be your heaven

For I love your lusting lips

Burn with me through eternity...never leave

Let them suffer without you

For I am breaking slowly but

Laughing in agony, my tears are too.

My crimson river bleeds for you

Now that you're asleep

Didn't you want me to follow too...?

I am not weeping now that you're gone

But for not taking me with you.