Mario's Bestest Adventures

Chapter 1: Luigi's Ultimate Insane Rampage

by capgamer

Once upon a time, in a magical kingdom characterized by residents with giant mushroom-like heads, there was a man. A man named Mario. Mario took it upon himself to save the world whenever a problem occurred. Quite often this was a result of the evil "koopa king" Bowser who had a fetish for kidnapping princesses. Mario, in turn, developed a fetish for rescuing princesses. It's a dangerous cycle.

One seemingly innocent day, as Mario was sleeping he heard a frantic knock at his door. He clumsily stumbled out of bed and opened it. A small toad was standing there, breathing heavily and bleeding from the forehead.

"MARIO MARIO!!!!!" he panted.

"What?" murmured Mario, still half asleep.

"Your brother Luigi has gone insane and is killing everything in sight!" The toad gasped, eyes bloodshot.

"What do you mean? Why would he go insane? What are you talking about?!" Mario started to perk up.

"He destroyed the entire Mushroom army in 10 seconds!"

"You mean old man McKinnley, with the stick?"

Before the toad could answer, he was smashed flat with a sickening THUMP when Luigi crashed down upon him. Blood exploded everywhere (it was pretty cool, really)!

"MWEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEEHHEHEHEHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEH(pant)HEHEHEHEHEEHHEEHEHEHEHEHE! TIME TO DIE BROTHER DEAR!!!!!" blurted Luigi insanely. He pulled out a plastic butter knife and started stabbing Mario with it.

"Ow! Hey! That hurts!" cried Mario (like a little girl). Luigi, his first assault failed, decided to take more drastic measures. He pulled out a fork and readied it for stabbing.

"Wait! Wait!" yelled Mario. "Luigi, why in the world are you suddenly going insane? Aren't you a quiet and cautiously heroic person? Why the sudden insane rampage?"

"Eh...I dunno. The same reason I go insane in all the other fan fictions, I guess," answered Luigi, in a more sane manner.

"Well can we at least talk it over?"

"I guess so."

And so Mario did talk it over with Luigi. Mario listened to Luigi's complaints about always being left behind and forsaken. Luigi listened to Mario's lectures about why it is wrong to kill innocent townspeople when you get angry about something. There was much sobbing-on-shoulders and love (brotherly love, not homosexual). In the end of it, they both felt closer to the other person and appreciated their short time on this Earth just a little bit more.

"Well thank you so much Mario...I'm so glad you are my brother." Luigi was preparing to leave and go home. He stood in the doorway of Mario's house, his back to the outside.

"I am too, Luigi. I hope our little talk has helped you to know that if you ever have a problem, you can talk to me about it. Luigi? What's wrong...?"

Luigi had started to bleed from the mouth. His eyes rolled back into his head and he fell to the ground, dead. A pointed stick protruded from his skull.

"I killed the bastard!" Shouted old man McKinnley with glee, bleeding from multiple butter knife stabs in various parts of his body. "I'm the greatest hero the Mushroom Kingdom has ever seen!"

Mario just stood there with his mouth gaping open while a crowd carried their savior away into the sunset.

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I hope you look forward to my next chapter: "The Ultimate Crossover"