So you are probably thinking to yourself, what the hell do you have in store for us now? Well, I had revisited an old fanfiction of mine from DeviantArt called iHam which I wrote in a stage of mine called "iWish I was on iCarly". After a deep consideration I choose to revamp the old story to the modifications that it happened as a really iCarly episode rated PG-13. WARNING: Has horny teenagers. Enjoy and don't forget to R&R
Carly
…..
I sit on the island in indian position, aiming the little marshmallows to the various hot chocolates on the kitchen table. It's cold outside and Sam was complaining for hot chocolate but now she is upstairs playing some snowboarding game she brought over. If we both just had the money to go actual snowboarding in this weather, but my dad won't allow it. He's cool with riding a submarine but completely against skiing and snowboarding. It is so weird. I take aim at the cup in the middle of the five hot chocolates, and it lands! Yes! Throwing my arms in the air.
" Score one for Shay!" I say out loud.
" Hey, hey." I hear a guy say. I look over to the door, Freddie is here. " Making hot cocoa?" He adds coming up to me.
" You mean hot chocolate Freddie." I say, correcting him.
" Hot cocoa." He simply states. I roll my eyes. He comes to the fridge. He must be searching for something to eat. He walks to the kitchen table and takes a cup of the chocolate goodness.
" Hey!" I yell. He just goes and sits on the couch. I hear the elevator come up. Is that Spencer singing? Something about about be a magician? Oh dear god. He prances around the room holding a box. Freddie laughs. I just look at Spencer in disappointment.
" Guess what I got." He finally says, stopping in front of me.
" What did you get Spencer?" I ask in a monotone voice. He tries to open the box but everything ends up flying out and landing on the floor. He gets on his knees and picks up everything. Freddie walks over to me and stands by me watching Spencer as I am too.
" Is my hot cocoa ready?" I hear from the stairs. There is Sam in her green knit sweater and black jeans.
" Aha!" Freddie says, his fists up in air in victory. " Score one for Benson!" Sam takes a hot chocolate and sits next to me on the island.
" This is a magic hat." Spencer says, motioning the top-hat. " And this is a hypnosis thing." He adds, swinging a small medallion in our face. " Who wants to try it out?" We all sip our hot cocoa. Dang it! I said it!
" What are you going to do to us?" Freddie asks.
" I don't know I just bought this thing!" He exclaims. Twenty dollars gone to waste right there.
" Well how about you do some practice before you do anything stupid." Sam comments. She hops down and moves herself in front of the television. Freddie puts his mug on the counter and heads upstairs.
" And then they're were the Shays in the kitchen." I say, looking to Spencer.
" You got it dude." He says, impersonating Michelle Tanner from Full House. I step down from the island, take a hot cocoa, and go to my room to do some homework.
Spencer
…
Now where are the instructions to these things. Ooo, yellow paper. How to, oh yes. I want to hypnotize someone. Let's see, swing back and forth. Make them follow it with their eyes. Until they are in a trance, give them the order. Okay then.
" Hey Sam, can I borrow you for a second?" I ask her.
" No way." Sam replies.
" Come on!" I yell. She turns her head to me with a plain look on her face. I hold the medallion from the string and hit it. It goes back and fourth, back and fourth. Her eyes are following it. Now what should I do to her? It must be evil and cynical, making her pay for the all she has sort of done to me. I know it!
" Follow the medallion with your eyes." I say to Sam. She just looks at it with her annoyed face. I tap it lightly, sending it to swing back and fourth. " You're getting really sleepy, like, extremely sleepy." In a few seconds, Sam's eyes close. It's working! "Now, when you open your eyes, you will be super obsessed with thee Freddie Benson. You will love him like you never loved him before." I am a pure evil genius. Don't hate me because I am beautiful. " Now, awake!" Sam's eyes open, blinking a few times. She realizes what's going on and,
" You're weird." She says. She takes her hot cocoa from the coffee table and sips it. I am a genius.
Sam
…
Something does not feel right about me. I am thinking about Freddie, in a sexual manner. All I can think about is his hands roaming my body. This is not normal. I only felt that when we were dating. What the hell did Spencer do to me?
" Hey Sam, have you seen my phone by any chance?" He asks as he comes up to me. My eyes trace the buttons down his shirt and all I can think about is ripping it off revealing his monster of a six pack. Oh why do you think these things?!
" Are you alright? You're drooling." Freddie says pointing to me. I wipe my finger under my lip catching it up. I sigh.
" It's nothing." I say, in this incredibly girly voice. What is happening to me?!
" I'm gonna go." He says, backing away out of the apartment. I get up on my feet and head up to Carly. I run through the door. Carly is sitting on her love seat.
" What's up?" She asks all perky.
" Something is wrong with me." I say in desperation. She pats the space next to her. I run and sit down. She looks to me with her big brown eyes, just like Freddie's eyes.
" I am thinking of Freddie in a sexual manner." I say.
" It's just hormones Sam. Every girl thinks of their ex-boyfriend in a sexual manner here and there." She says.
" And you drool when you see them?"
" That doesn't usually happen Sam."
" That's my point! Something is wrong with me."
" I have a bad feeling Spencer is behind this." I tilt my head and think for a minute. Wait a minute, he was the last person I spoke with before this happened.
" He's so dead." I say. Carly looks at the door and then gets up. She storms off downstairs. I look around at my surroundings and then realize, Freddie has sat here on multiple occasions. I can't help of giggle. He's so damn cute! No! Why is this happening to me?!
Carly
….
I come down the stairs and Spencer is playing around with the top-hat. I come up to him and smack the hat away. I watch a little white bunny hop out and then the hat is engulfed by fire. He takes the glass of milk from the table and pours it on the hat. I just look at him in disappointment.
" What now?!" He asks.
" What now?! Please explain to me why Sam is googly eyes for Freddie?"
" I'm a magician. A magician never reveals his secrets."
" You got two seconds." I say in a demeaning voice. He just brings the medallion to my face. I watch it go back and fourth with my eyes. Why am I such a cat this way? I start to get very sleepy…
What happened?! Spencer just smiles evilly at me as I am now sitting on the couch.
" What have you done to me?!" I yell.
" Just make sure no says ham." That's all I remember. My world went blank. Then I hear someone say 'Kitty'. I wake up and I am in the studio, lying on the floor.
" I am going to kill him in his sleep." I say to myself.
-0-
As if I could get any worse, it got worse. Turns out Spencer hypnotized me to fall into a deep sleep whenever someone says "Ham" and then to wake up when someone says "Kitty". So much for having a social life. I have had to be anti-social and listen to my music in the hallways so no one can say the forbidden words. Mr. Howard thought I fell asleep during his class but the truth is, he said " Ham sandwich" but never sang "Soft Kitty" to the class. There goes my absent free streak.
On another note, Sam is wearing a skirt. Not just any skirt, the kind of skirt you where when you want to get a boy. Trust me, Sam has legs and Freddie has been staring. I'm glad she knows how to pull off a skirt in the cold. Black tights always do the trick. Ever since we walked in this morning, and now it's seventh period. I look over to Sam as she sits across the room. She's licking that pen very seductively and….Freddie crossed his legs. She is succeeding once again in the torturing of Freddie Benson. The one thing she has always been good at and there is nothing I can do but sit and stare as it unfolds. The only fault here is Spencer. Stupid, stupid Spencer.
Freddie
….
I thought I couldn't get any worse. First period, gets an apple. Second period, itch on her upper thigh. Third, hair in pony-tail. Fourth, chewing gum. Fifth, gym class, so much bouncing! Lunch, hot dog and banana. It's like a never ending porno that Gibby finds by typing 'Endless boobs' on zaplook. It's like a torture chamber with legs, really fit legs. I just want to get home, lock my door and turn off my boy hormones with homework. The bell rings and I run to my AP Computer class without Sam. I sit in front of my designated computer. Mr. Jones assigns something and I start working. I pull up the encoding application.
" Did you see her today?" I hear from a far.
" I know!" I hear another boy say.
" Sam Puckett-has curves!"
" I can't believe it!"
" I wish I was Freddie Benson." Someone comments. Oh no it's following me. I open instant message so I can talk to Gibby as he is sitting in English right now, knowing him. He isn't on but Sam is. Dang it, she shot me a message:
SamLovesHam- Hey there lover boy
FreddieB94- Hello Sam.
SamLovesHam- So how about u & me after school go do something fun ;)
FreddieB94- Sam…
SamLovesHam- u don't want 2 watch a movie w/ me?
FreddieB94- This isn't you Sam.
SamLovesHam- There is nothing wrong w/ loving ur -ex
I log off knowing that nothing is going to be the same until Spencer un-hypnotizes both Sam and Carly. The bell rings. I quickly log off and run to my locker. I need to get to Spencer before Carly and Sam do. I shove my books in my backpack and zip it up. I run through the doors and grab my bicycle to Bushwell.
Spencer
…
" I like cheese, you like cheese, some how cheese is the best, don't believe me? I believe you! The world likes cheese too!" I sing. I look at my masterpiece. I made a sculpture of a large piece of cheese. Now it needs to dry. No one can touchy the cheese.
" Spencer!" I hear a teenage boy yell. I turn to the door and Freddie is out of breath.
" What's wrong dude?" I ask, in concern. He hunches over and takes a couple deep breaths. He finally looks up.
" You need to un-hypnotize Sam, along with Carly." He says.
" Why?! Why?!"
" Because, Sam is doing things to me that she normally shouldn't do." Damn hormonal teenagers. There is only problem.
" Look Freddie, I would love to help out but…"
" But what?!"
" I lent it to Socko and he isn't going to be back to Seattle until Friday."
" Why in two days?"
" Because he's putting on a magic show for his nephew." Freddie starts whining and moaning. I am guessing today has not been his day. I hear the door open. Freddie is too distracted by his internal thoughts. I notice Sam making a run for it. Freddie turns around and Sam pounces him to the floor. Why is Sam wearing a skirt? Oh yeah. Fredward is doomed until Friday. I think I will hide myself in my room until Socko comes back. I stop before I go into my room.
" Ham." I say. I watch Carly fall asleep in front of the fridge.
Sam
…
I look into his beautiful eyes. All I want is him. He is my world, my everything. He is the sunshine to my rainy day.
" You are crushing me." He says.
" With my love?" I ask back.
" Yes, your love." He replies. I get up and sit on the couch. He sits on the couch. I scoot next to him and lay my head on his shoulder. He shrugs his shoulder. I just keep my head in place.
" You have to stop this Sam." He says.
" Why?" I ask. He looks into my eyes. '
" This isn't you Sam. You hate me. We both treat each other like jerks. You don't really love me, your in love with the thought of you calling me your boyfriend."
" Oh really?"
" Yeah."
" How about this gesture," I say in a sexual tone.
Freddie
…
" How about this gesture," What is she talking about?! In an instant, her lips are on mine. I become intoxicated. I haven't kissed her in such a long time yet, it feels so right but it's so supposed to feel wrong. She grabs my shirt collar making the kiss more capable of turning into a make out. As if I told my hands not to, they cup the back of her neck, letting the make out happen. Her lips taste like vanilla. As predicted, we come to a dominance battle on the couch. It is like when we dated all over again. I know that she truly doesn't love me, it's only the hypnosis talking. In that in my mind, it's hard for me to kiss her and feel the same way. I pull away and she looks at me in confusion.
" I thought you wanted this." She says. My hands are on her shoulders
" This isn't you." I say, rubbing her to comfort her a bit. I get up and head off to my apartment. I have been through a lot with her but I don't want to accept this situation we are in.
Sam
….
I thought he loves me. How could he do this to me? I love him so much! This is me talking, and the obsession together. I don't know what to do.
" I thought I was his kitty cat." I say.
" I'm up!" I hear. I turn to Carly as she stands by the fridge. " I don't even want to know how long I was out for." She adds, walking up the stairs to her room. Now I am alone. I hate being alone. I never did like being alone. I walk over to the fridge and pull out some ham to chew on. Some times I think that ham is the only thing that understands me. It just lets me eat it and recollect my thoughts without judgement. Wait a minute, I think I know how to make Freddie mine.
-0-
Freddie
…..
After a long day of hiding myself in my room, I finally get the courage to leave and go to the studio. I go through Carly's door. Carly is sitting on the sofa.
" Hey Carly." I say.
" Hey Freddie." She says.
" Is Sam here?" I ask.
" She took the elevator down to go home about half an hour ago."
" Great." I walk over to the stairs.
" You don't want to bump into her." Carly states.
" Yep." I walk up the two flights of stairs and come to the studio. Pretty soon we should be doing the show. I open my laptop, get the website up and running. Carly has already ham proof tonight's show.
" Hello Freddie." I hear. Sam comes walking out of the back room. Still in her clothes from today; meaning that her toned legs is all I could think and see right now. Did she put lipstick on?
" Sam, what are you…" The only words that spill from my mouth. She comes up to me and presses her finger on my lips.
" There is no need for talking." She presses her lips to me again and initiates kissing. This time I don't kiss back but try to fight the force. Yes, the force. I keep on pushing her away but it doesn't work. Her obsession with me is too powerful. She manages to pin me against the wall and trial down my neck at the same time.
" Sam-don't," I yell. I hearing running and Spencer comes running in with Carly behind her. He pulls her off of me. Carly holds my shoulder.
" I just remembered that she is a feisty one so I got Spencer." She says.
" More than you imagine." I say, sliding down the wall in misery. That was a handful. Sam doesn't even squirm under Spencer's hands. She just walks out.
Carly
…
Sam sits on the sofa all slum. I just got off the phone with Gibby. He went through a magician phase in the fourth grade and has kept his medallion. I lay my PearPhone on the counter. I walk over and take a seat next to Sam.
" Why so glum?" I ask, slightly nudging her arm. She looks at me.
" Freddie doesn't love me. Doesn't he?" She asks.
" You don't know that." I reply.
" How do you know?!"
" Well, for one, your hypnotized and he isn't. You don't truly love him back but I can't speak for him. I don't know what that boy is feeling but has been going on with you, you might be toying with his emotions." She looks at me with her wondering blue eyes.
" Let's hope Gibby gets here soon." She says. I tap her on the leg, giving her a reassurance, and take myself to the kitchen. Sam lays on the sofa. I hear footsteps come down the stairs. Freddie comes to the counter and sits in front of the computer.
" I need ham." I hear Sam say. Oh no. I just hope she doesn't pounce him again.
-0-
Sam
…
I sit on the hood of the car. Gibby un-hypnotized me like, five minutes ago. Carly is still sleeping and I honestly do not know why. She got un-hypnotized! I only remember oh so little about what happened to me. As if the memories of the past hours and days has been nothing but revolving around me and my love for Freddie. The love for Freddie that I have been hiding for a while. It's kind of a sign; that we the love that we have for one another hasn't died yet. But is it a good or a bad thing? All I know is that I still have feelings for the dork but the dork doesn't love me back.
" Today is not my day." I say to myself. I hear the door open and my eyes dart up from the floor. Oh look it's, " Freddie." I sigh.
" Hey Sam." He says coming back.
" Hey." I say back. He stands in front of me.
" I'll make this quick but, I'm sorry that I was a bit of a duche to you." He says. " I knew that it just wasn't you that was saying everything so I didn't want you to think I liked you." He adds.
" That seems fair enough based on the fact I was infatuated with you for obsession reasons." I say.
" Yeah, but…" He stops to breathe. " You are still incredibly hot and crazy funny." If there was an audience in the room, they just went 'awe.' He leans in and kisses me on the cheek, then starting to walk backwards. " If you do truly love me, you know where to find me." He says, finally leaving the studio.
" In my heart." I comment.