The Beta-Assisted Honey Restoration

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By Leese

Rating: T (moderate-strong coarse language, moderate sexual references, mostly in chapter two)

Summary: After a disappointing start to the Beta Test, Leonard enlists the help of Penny's dad to plan the perfect date. Set during The Beta Test Initiation and references the Boyfriend Complexity. (Lenny, Leonard POV)

A/N: Two chapters only! I wanted to add to the whole Lenny conversation around the Beta Test, particularly its beginning, which just kind of happened on the sidelines for a while there! So Chapter 1 is set during The Beta Test Initiation in S5, and Chapter 2 is set immediately after. Featuring Wyatt!

Leonard's POV - it's not often I try to get up inside Leonard's head, but I'm probably more like Leonard than any of the gang, so this was kind of fun!

Additionally, there are some references in this first chapter to an episode of Friends (s2 'TOW The List'), which I know some people might not have seen because it aired in 1995/1996…so here's the low-down on that episode: wiki/The_One_With_The_List Also, the YouTube link in this chapter to a clip from the episode is also 'live' at the time of writing. As usual, I don't own the copyright to any of it. Enjoy! :-)

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Chapter One

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It was early morning and Leonard sat at his desk in his apartment, wrapped in his red dressing gown. He stared at the screen as it reloaded; he had just pressed 'refresh' on Facebook for the tenth time in ten minutes. It seemed nearly as frustrated as him. Slowly, the familiar blue banner and frame reappeared, along with the last message to Penny's father that Leonard had only just typed:

Hi Wyatt, it's Leonard. Can I call you sometime today? I have something I want to talk to you about. It's not urgent, just kind of important. Let me know a good time and the best number. Thank you!

Leonard still wasn't sure he had used the right wording. Of course, he could have just waited a few hours and actually called Wyatt out of the blue, but Leonard hated doing that. He never liked to be interrupted during a task by the ringing of the phone, and so why inflict it on other people? Especially other people that he liked, and who he wanted to like him in return. Wyatt was probably a busy man; he didn't need Leonard putting him on the spot.

Still, would Wyatt panic? Would he think that something had happened to Penny? Leonard had tried to suggest not in saying that it wasn't urgent, but what would Wyatt think was meant by 'kind of important'? One day Leonard hoped to ask Wyatt for his blessing to marry Penny…how would he characterise that? Was that something that was 'very important', or was it 'something special' or 'just about the most important question I could ever ask you'? Whatever it was, it was definitely something more than 'kind of' important, right?

Leonard knew he was overthinking this tiny little message; he just hoped Wyatt wouldn't jump to conclusions.

It had been a sleepless night. Initially, Leonard had thought that giving Penny the beta-test list had gone down really well, but Sheldon and Amy had not seemed as enthusiastic, Amy in particular. 'What could you have possibly put on the list?' she had asked him. 'Hair too golden? Laugh too musical? World too much a better place for her mere presence in it?' Sheldon had made some comment about the way she talked with her mouth full sometimes, and Amy just retorted, 'Her heart's full of gold, no one cares what's in her mouth'.

It had taken half an hour for Leonard to start to feel that niggling, awkward feeling squirreling around in his gut, and then another hour for him to seriously question whether he had done the right thing. He felt guilty, that's what that sick feeling was. Amy's words kept playing over in his head, because Amy was right. Penny was beautiful, generous, and the world – his world, at least – was a far better place because she was in it. In fact, Leonard could not imagine his life without her, and trying to think about not seeing her or hearing from her every day was gut wrenching. He knew, because Priya had made him feel like he had to try. It was one of the only tests he had ever failed, and thank God, because he now had a very precious, fragile second chance.

That chance was also frayed, though, because Leonard had just given the woman he loved a graded list of all the things he didn't like about her.

'Amy,' he had asked before she went home for the evening. 'Do you think Penny might be mad at me for giving her the list?'

'You're only just figuring that out?' Amy asked in her usual deadpan voice.

'It's what we agreed on,' Leonard said. 'I put a lot of thought into it.' He was trying to defend himself but even he knew how pathetic it sounded.

Amy patted his arm, gave him a small, wise smile and leant in to say, 'When I get home, I'll send you a link to definitively answer your question'.

Leonard had waited, and sure enough as he sat in bed with his laptop on his lap he received a new Facebook message from Amy:

Leonard,

Here is the answer to your question: watch?v=7WPRAlJCaoM

And just in case you were wondering, you can thank my lonely adolescence and now also Penny for my encyclopedic knowledge of Friends, and the fact that I'm therefore able to help you right now. Consider it Penny's indirect relationship advice. Not that I think it will be much help to you. My advice is to get on your knees and beg forgiveness from the Queen herself. Good night.

Amy.

Leonard was no stranger to Friends, the old television show. He knew it was one of Penny's lazy-day favourites and it had been a big-deal show back in the 1990s, but he didn't know what episode Amy was trying to direct him to and he obviously had not watched it as much as she had. He clicked on the link; it was a short clip. It was called 'Ross tries to win Rachel back after she finds the list'.

What list? Well, it didn't take a genius to figure it out. Without even starting the video Leonard was sure it was a list of Rachel's faults, because Ross and Rachel had that whole televised history of on-again-off-again and their infamous 'we were on a break' mantra, so maybe Ross had been wondering whether to be on-again and he'd made a pro-con list or something like that, and Rachel found it. Sitcom television wasn't particle physics, but this potential plotline did not bode well for him. Penny knew this show backwards.

Leonard had sat and watched the Friends video as Amy asked. He had watched Ross call into the radio station to apologise by playing U2's 'With or Without You'. Leonard had not heard that song in years, it was also a 1990s hit, but it was a great song and it always made him cry. It was just the sort of song he would play if he ever lost Penny again. It was even better than Alanis.

Rachel had not thought so, though. 'Uh, we've just gotten a call from Rachel,' the radio station announced, cutting in on U2's airtime. 'She told us what Ross did. It's pretty appalling, and Ross if you're listening, I don't wanna play your song anymore! Why don't we devote our time to a couple who stand a chance? Avery, Michelle's sorry she hit you with her car and she hopes you two will work it out.'

Leonard had watched the video clip multiple times during the night. Those words had removed any doubts he had about whether or not he made a smart decision. He certainly knew what Amy thought about it. Stupid, he thought. Stupid, stupid, stupid. What if Penny also thought they didn't stand a chance?

We do stand a chance, Leonard insisted to himself. We do, we do, we do.

He didn't sleep. He didn't want to be 'on a break' with Penny ever again. He tossed and turned and tried to think about how to make this up to her. He didn't want to send her a late-night text message full of regret and apology; he wanted to be better than that, and Penny didn't like being interrupted from sleep. Leonard didn't think he was quite at the stage of getting onto his knees and wrapping his arms around her hips to literally beg…but he would do it if one day she told him she was walking away. Leonard could not let her do that. He did not want to be in a world without Penny. He loved Penny.

He loved her still. Even after a year and a half as 'just friends', and sometimes even less than that. Even after Priya, and all the times he had said to Priya that he loved her instead. Leonard had told other people that he loved Priya as well. Had he, though? Had he really? He had wanted to. He thought Priya had loved him, but he could see clearly in hindsight that she hadn't. She had tried to change him too much. She had only wanted to love him, too.

Penny was different. She had never tried to change him, not even a little bit. For Leonard, Penny was the real I've-never-felt-like-this-before-and-I-almost-can't-deal deal. Leonard hadn't written that anywhere on the list, though. He didn't want to scare Penny. He didn't want to push her, or rub his feelings in her face, but he also hadn't even given her a clue. Nope, Leonard had just given her a list of all the relatively insignificant things he thought SHE could do better. For HIM. Was that how people expressed love?

Granted, in his own defence he didn't have a lot of great examples to role model – his parents certainly were no help – but he was thinking 'no' would be the appropriate answer to that question. He felt inside the way that Ross looked on the outside in that video clip, and Leonard desperately wanted to fix things before they got any worse. He wanted to be the hero. He wanted to save this burgeoning relationship.

He wanted to be the kind of guy to walk purposefully into Penny's apartment, grip her shoulder and use a gentle, firm voice to wake her up and then say, 'Fuck the list, Penny. Honey, I love you'.

That was stupid too. Maybe in the future, a different argument, another time…

It took a few sleepless hours to come up with his next idea, and another few to get up the courage to type that message to Penny's father. Leonard had not spoken to Wyatt in nearly a year, but they were Facebook friends. Penny had never said anything about it; she of course could see that her father was one of their mutual online friends, but they had not been together and Leonard could be 'Facebook friends' with whomever he wanted… Leonard had never used it to his own advantage before, like he hoped to do now. He didn't know how Penny would feel about that, but Leonard thought that if it worked it could go well. It had to, because honestly, it couldn't get much worse, could it?

"Leonard," Sheldon said as he entered the kitchen to make his breakfast. "What are you doing at your desk? You're usually getting in the shower now."

"I'll go soon," Leonard said. "I was just…sending someone a message. I want to say hello to an old friend, so I'm trying to arrange a telephone call."

"Oh," Sheldon said with a dismissive sigh. After a beat he added more curiously, "Why don't you just call?"

"I don't want to intrude or interrupt his morning routine," Leonard said. Wyatt would probably be out on the farm after all. He might not reply for hours.

"That's strange," Sheldon mused. "You intrude all the time, and your need for constant validation and attention mean that you interrupt frequently."

Leonard let that one slide. Wyatt was different. On top of being a kind, funny, 'normal' guy, he was the father-in-law; the one Leonard wanted in his dreams anyway.

"Huh," Sheldon said.

"What?" Leonard asked, drawing his eyes away from the computer screen to his roommate. Sheldon was staring at him.

"I expected you to rebut, but I suppose you were choosing to prove a point?"

"Yeah, that's what it was," Leonard assured him wryly. He sighed and looked back to the screen. Why wouldn't Wyatt reply? Leonard wanted to talk to someone who could give him some plain-speaking advice. He wanted someone who knew instinctively and who accepted how he felt about Penny, without Leonard having to defend his feelings or put them out there into the world when some people weren't ready to hear it…like Penny, for example. Wyatt was the next best thing, and odd as it may have been, Leonard liked and trusted him.

Seen 06.11.

Leonard's eyes went wide when, after another jab of the 'refresh' button, he found a tick beneath his message, and that single word and time-stamp. Wyatt had read his message more than twenty minutes earlier. Damn you Facebook and your lazy interface, Leonard cursed silently. He bit his bottom lip and stared, willing Wyatt to type a reply. What could have been taking so long? Surely Leonard had asked a pretty straightforward yes-or-no question, and if Wyatt had checked on his mobile over breakfast or while he was out with the cows it should have been easy enough to reply. Unless maybe he had gloves on, or he wanted to talk to Penny's mom first…or maybe he might even be calling Penny to find out why Leonard would be messaging him?

God, I hope that's not it, Leonard thought. Penny probably already hated him enough.

"Dots, dots, we have dots!" Leonard exclaimed excitedly when he saw it, the moving marker suggesting that Wyatt was in the middle of typing a reply. Sheldon came to stand behind him.

"Wyatt? Who is Wyatt? What kind of name is Wyatt? It reminds me of Texas-"

"What kind of name is Sheldon? Wyatt is just a friend, like I said."

Sheldon leant down closer and intruded on Leonard's personal space to get a closer look at the conversation. Leonard had nothing to hide by his message, it was perfectly cryptic, but Sheldon still found a way to figure things out.

"I find that highly improbable, Leonard; his profile picture is a man fishing, and you don't fish. Having shared hobbies and interests is a mark of a solid friendship…wait, I've seen him before," Sheldon said. "That's Penny's father."

"How do you know that?" Leonard asked, stunned. Sheldon's lips twitched in a smug little smirk. He took great pleasure in stating the obvious.

"There's a picture of him and Penny on her fridge. Haven't you seen it?"

"Of course I have."

"Leonard, why are you asking Penny's father if you can call him?"

"Never mind," Leonard said as he hit 'refresh' again. Sure enough, there was Wyatt's reply:

Hey Leonard! ! ! Long time! I'll give you my mobile number – call anytime! ! ! Wyatt.

"I see he uses punctuation as freely as Penny uses her breasts to get her way," Sheldon said plainly.

"Ha-ha," Leonard huffed, secretly pleased by the number of exclamation marks he saw in Wyatt's short reply. That reflected enthusiasm, and perhaps an urgency and a genuine desire for contact on the older man's part. Leonard relaxed and took a deep breath for the first time in what felt like hours. This was going to be okay, he assured himself. He could figure this out.

He waited until he was safely tucked away at work, in private, to call Wyatt.

"Hello Sir, it's-"

"Leonard! I'd know that voice anywhere. I thought I told you last time, none of that 'Sir' business."

"Sorry Wyatt, it's been a while," Leonard said. He sat at his desk and bit his bottom lip. "How are you?"

"Tip-top," Wyatt said happily, eagerly. "Now, how are you? How's my girl? What do you want to talk to me about?"

"Um…well Penny's good," Leonard said. "I'm…a bit concerned I might have upset her, and I want to plan an evening out to let her know how much I care about her without actually telling her that. I wanted to ask you if there's any fun stuff she likes doing that maybe she wouldn't have told me about."

"So is this for a daaate?" Wyatt asked. His tone was deep and cautious, but still curious and light enough to be teasing at the same time. "Please say yes."

"Yeah, a date," Leonard said. He cleared his throat awkwardly, but could almost feel Wyatt grinning down the phone. "We were both single again, friends, and I saw her the other day and I just knew I didn't want to wait anymore. So I asked Penny out, Wyatt, and we're just kind of taking things slow, but I'll be honest with you…I really want this to work. However, I think I stuffed up and it's still so new – again – that I'm worried that Penny will, uh-"

"Use it as an excuse to cut her losses?"

"Decide I'm not worth the trouble, yes," Leonard said on a deep sigh. "I know this must be kind of weird, me calling you for advice about dating your daughter, but um…I…I love her, Sir."

"Oh brother," Wyatt sighed into the phone, chuckling.

"I know that's probably the wrong thing to say to you, and way too soon, but-"

"Leonard, relax!" Wyatt said, laughing more easily all of a sudden. "The 'oh brother' was because you called me Sir again. It's a reflex with you, isn't it? I'm not an idiot, I know you love Penny, I know you're in love with her."

"You uh, you do? Because when you met me, we really were broken up."

"I know that too, but you were always doin' thoughtful stuff for her, like helping to pay for her visits back home and being a constant in her life even after she dumped you. And Hell, Penny only broke up with you 'cos she got scared of what it would mean to start makin' promises…she's young and she's got some growing up to do. But she told her momma everything and so I got told everything…I knew you'd told Penny you loved her before I met you, and once I spent some time with you, I knew you still loved her. I think it's great."

"You uh, you do?" Leonard asked again, more hopefully than before.

"Of course!" Wyatt said happily. "You're a good man and you're good for my daughter; the best thing in her life after her mom and me, I'd say…though to be honest Penny would probably put us all 'round the other way. So…you asked her out again, she said yes, and you screwed up right out of the gate."

"Pretty much," Leonard said. "I don't know how bad it is yet. I've just got a really bad feeling that I'm in for it the next time I see her. We're meant to be going out tonight, and I really, really want it to go well. I want her to be happy."

"Told ya it was in the cards," Wyatt said smugly. "Am I psychic or what?"

"Well it might not be that way for much longer," Leonard said. "If I lose her now, again, I think that's it, but I've never had to deal with that feeling before Wyatt…I don't want to come across as desperate or, like, begging for forgiveness."

"Even though that's what you wanna do," he said.

"Well yeah," Leonard replied, forcing himself to chuckle since Wyatt was doing his best to lighten the mood. "So I want to plan a fun, no-pressure night out that will surprise her and, well, maybe something that reminds her of home and family and something she can really enjoy. Maybe something she used to like doing as a kid, but doesn't get a chance to do much anymore?"

"Well," Wyatt said with another laugh. "When she was young, I convinced her that if she shoved her little body into a cow hard enough she could tip it over. They say not to torture your kids, but damn, it was funny. Got the home videos to prove it. This little eight year old kid getting all up in your tamest, fattest cow's business tryin' to tip it. She went non-stop, insisting she could do it. Still does. One day when you and Penny have kids, you'll have to bring 'em out because I am gonna need to try that trick on the next generation."

"You're getting ahead of yourself – and us – there Wyatt," Leonard said, even though a smile had plastered itself firmly over his face. Wyatt sounded so sure that everything was going to work out, and in the long-term too, that it made Leonard feel much better about what hopefully was just a minor setback. Besides, he could totally picture a little brown-haired girl and maybe a boy with blonde hair, both with Penny's big green eyes, trudging around a Nebraskan farm arguing over whether or not it was scientifically possible to tip a cow. Strong and stubborn Penny might even join in, trying to help the kids prove their Grandpa wrong while he laughed and videotaped them in the mud.

Leonard hadn't seen pictures or video of Penny as a little girl before. Now, he had to. Not that he was going to get ahead of himself again of course!

Not 'out loud', anyway.

"You still there, Leonard?" Wyatt asked suddenly.

"Oh, yeah sorry," Leonard said. He cleared his throat. "Sorry Wyatt, just uh, thinking that there aren't many cows here in Pasadena."

"Got another idea for you," Wyatt said. "I'm not sure how you're gonna like it, but I know you're not much of an outdoorsman and this is an indoor activity."

"Try me," Leonard said.

"I used to take her to the shooting range," Wyatt said seriously. "Our Penny is a fine shot, and she loved it. Now, I know you're a New Jersey city-fella but don't get me wrong, we're not some gun-totin' outback militia family-"

"I know that Wyatt," Leonard assured him. "It's a good idea. I mean I've never actually been to a real-life shooting range, but with video games and stuff…I know Penny's got a good aim and I don't think I'd be too bad at it."

Leonard thought about the photo of Penny and her father on her fridge, the one Sheldon had reminded him of that morning. It was Penny and Wyatt at the shooting range. He couldn't believe he had missed that; it was perfect.

"Penny's going to be better at it than you," Wyatt warned. "But Leonard, you always struck me as the kind of man to not mind so much about that. Some of the losers my little girl has brought home, y'know, they never would have taken her to a place like that unless they knew they were a better aim, to show off to her, and maybe they'd let her win once or twice to get in her good books, but secretly they'd know they were always gonna be better…Penny used to let them get away with that crap too. Man, I hate those guys."

"I do too, Wyatt," Leonard said with a tense jaw. He hated the thought of Penny ever being in a relationship like that again. She would have to be the one to claw her way out, of course, but he couldn't sit by and watch it unfold.

"You're not like that, Leonard, and I think that's a real good thing," Wyatt continued. "You and Penny, you're equals, you're a team, and friends! As much as her mom and I miss her, she's growin' up out there with you, and I know she's in good hands even on the days she's probably driving you 'round the bend, am I right? That's an important thing for a father to know. I'm real glad you didn't give up on her during your break. I'm real proud of you son."

"Wow, thanks Wyatt," Leonard said softly. His heart hammered in his chest. No one had called him son; no one had said they were proud of him…in years. Sometimes his mother called him 'my son' but not in the same way. To Beverley Hofstadter 'son' was just a noun, not a reflection of Leonard's own unique person and any maternal feelings she might have towards him. So it felt like a big deal for Wyatt to say it, even if Wyatt was the kind of man who would not think it was a big deal at all; he was just telling it like it was, in the sincere and down-to-earth way he approached just about everything.

Leonard liked these people, this family. All he had ever dreamed of was to be a part of a family where people said, 'I love you' and 'I'm proud of you'. Could this be it? Had he found them? God I hope so, he thought. Pretty-please yes!

"I appreciate you saying all of that Wyatt," Leonard said. Penny had described her dad as a man of few words. Ha! "I never gave up on Penny and I won't. I can't. I just have to make sure that uh, well, that she doesn't give up on me."

"Look, she was an idiot to let you go, son," Wyatt said. "Her mom and I both agree on that…and Penny knows it too…we told her. Even before I met you."

"I'm sure Penny appreciated you pointing that out to her, Wyatt," Leonard quipped, causing the older man to laugh knowingly. Yeah, she hadn't.

"So," Wyatt said good-naturedly. "Got a pen and paper on ya? I'm now going to tell you what sort of gun to start off with, what ammo to ask for, so that you can walk into that shooting range and look completely in control. You'll impress and surprise the Hell outta her. She won't forget whatever you did and you're gonna have to sort it out amongst yourselves, but she's gonna be happy and have fun…and that's all this dad wants. Tell her that you called me yeah? Don't be shy, son. You're the only bloke who's ever bothered. Ready?"

"I'm ready," Leonard said. He was terrified, but he had also never been more excited. Nothing said 'I still love you, please don't leave me' than heading to a shooting range before taking in dinner and a movie, right? Penny was worth it.

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***TBC