note: What is it about me starting of a story with Mirajane angst and ending it with Laxus cheering her up and the narrative gets all fluffy on me. Well, here's another fanfic of Mirajane moping about yet another thing, in canonverse this time but she's still drinking her sorrows away with Laxus. Yay 4 being uncreative!

my youth is yours

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She thinks about leaving. She thinks about leaving quite a lot.

The mornings are something she can't look forward to. Her waking thoughts come a mile a minute, running the gamut from what to cook for her family to the full blown panic at the thought of raising two kids. The world feels too big on her shoulders as if the universe forgets that she is only a child and she can't fill the big shoes of her parents. But they are gone now, and it is she her siblings look to.

They're good children. She has to remind herself of that. Good children who don't deserve abandonment at such a vulnerable age. Lisanna is a peach and Elfman is so mild-mannered. Since their parents died, Mirajane doesn't get much trouble from them, but like her, they are just children and they misbehave. Sometimes Elfman is rough with the other kids and comes home a beat up mess and Mirajane can't tell him enough to stay still or stop punching Jet in the face or stop putting himself in danger without him showing his sparse bratty side. One time, while Mira told him he was being troublesome, she watched tears streak down his dark cheeks as he yelled that he hated her. "I hate you, Mira-nee, I hate you! I want mom back!" To this day, she doesn't think any words could hurt worse than that.

Lisanna is worse because she forgets to come home sometimes and it's late into the night. Mirajane is crying and tearing the city apart to find her when Elfman comes with the youngest Strauss in tow and he tells his older sister that Lisanna just came back from the forest with Natsu. This is worse because the moment Lisanna sees Mirajane's lips open into what is sure to be a lecture, Lisanna precedes any words with the most miserable sobs and the fattest tears as she begs her sister not to be angry. "Please don't yell at me, Mira-nee. I'm sorry I'm bad. Please don't leave like mama and papa did." God, that hurt. It hurt so much more because Mirajane had considered and had wanted that. To have a child begging you not to leave them was almost inhumane. And come next week, Lisanna lets herself get lured into that stupid forest by Natsu yet again.

Mirajane is almost 16 when she is sitting at the guild's bar thinking about all of this. In front of her is a bucket of beer bottles and beside her is Laxus. Laxus is super cool. Laxus is mature without being condescending. Laxus goes out on all these cool missions with his own guards. He's nineteen and he's S Class and he gets her teenage angst.

"I'm too young to be a mother." She mumbles as she takes another swig of beer. The sweat of the bottle drips onto her tiny, dark crop top.

Beside her, Laxus looks at Lisanna who dousing water on a borrowed map that Natsu accidentally set on fire, and then at Elfman who is arguing very loudly with Cana about something or another. "No kidding."

"I love them, Laxus." Mirajane whines. "But they are just so troublesome."

Laxus shrugs and pushes another bottle towards Mira's elbow. "Puberty is unkind to parents and guardians."

Mirajane wanted to point out that even she was still going through puberty, which was unfair. "I'm trying to make myself feel better by thinking that everyone here won't have a normal childhood."

Laxus agreed. Makarov had a whole ragtag bunch of Fairy orphans. "You could make this your normal. Who says everyone has to have that white picket fence bullshit life anyway?"

I'll drink to that, Mirajane thinks, and she does. "I shouldn't be complaining. No one else here has real family like you and me. But sometimes I just want to be alone, you know?"

She looks so miserable that Laxus says something dumb. Anything to take that sorry look off her face. "You can come with on my next mission."

Like a fucking candle, Mirajane lights up quicker than a clap. "Really?" She's not S Class yet. No, she's still working on that; showing Master how diligent she is and how strong. She's sure she'll be picked for the next S Class selections and win because right now, her competition is Cana and Macao and they're not on her level. Yeah, she'll get S-Class this year for sure. Erza might have beat her to the punch but that crazy bitch probably wasn't human. Then again, Mirajane thinks that no one who passed the rigorous S Class exams could be human anyway. "Really, Laxus? You'll take me with you? Can we go somewhere really far away?"

Now, Laxus' tentative look completely disappears and in its place is a horrified one. He should never have made that suggestion. "Uh, wait, I'm not sure, I'll have to check with Gramps."

Mirajane nodded like a bubble-head on a dash, finally looking like the child she really is. "I'll ask him for you. I think he likes me better than you anyway. Where are we going? I'm so excited. An, I can't wait to tell Lisanna, she's gonna freak out!"

Holy Mavis, what did I get myself into? Laxus blots the beading sweat on his temple with the sleeve of his shirt. "If Titania took the Iceberg mission, then I can get the one from Phoenix Mountain… But wait, don't get your hopes up, jeez. Gramps still might say no."

And there, something daring and contrary shines in her eyes. Without saying anything back, she hops off her bar stool and walks right up to the table where Master is drinking with Gildarts and Macao. Laxus watches helplessly as Mirajane, a hand on her cocked hip and her bratty, argumentative tone carrying over the guildhall, practically demands Makarov to let her go on the Phoenix Mountain mission with Laxus. Holy shit. Laxus can see his grandfather scratching the back of his head and nodding meekly and instructing Mirajane in that quiet, low voice of his. Mirajane turns back to face Laxus with the most brilliant grin on her lips.

Well. He guessed he's going to Phoenix Mountain with the She Devil. Mavis help him.

At least that got the sad look off her face.

note: Writing Miraxus in the setting before Lisanna dies just makes me really happy. I feel like they had such a nice friendship back then.