The Tune Changes
Summary: But the beat stays the same. / birthday gift for Kuno-chan. Kai watches as Nima's dancing grows throughout the years, with other stuff in between. Pre-Sea of Chains, Anchor AUception.
1.
It's Nima's first music night, and even though at six months old she can't understand very much, Kai thinks he might be a little too excited. Music nights are always fun, the noise waning into the wee hours of the morning, and the following day is always one of more rest and relaxation. It's been awhile since they've had one, but being out at sea for two weeks at a time does have its perks, and music nights are one of them.
Some part of Kai feels sad that his wife won't be joining them, but in all honesty, he can hardly blame Jinora for wanting to use the extra time to catch up on some much needed sleep. Now that Nima's on the tail-end of six months, she'll be able to drink something other than breastmilk, which means that Jinora won't have to get up every time Nima decides she's hungry in the middle of the night or day. (Which Kai wants to say is often, but he doesn't really know, because Nima's his first kid, and what does he know about babies?)
Like any new mother (or at least that's what Jinora's mother had said) his wife is reluctant to leave her child. Kai can see it in her eyes, and smiles at her in a way he hopes is reassuring. "Get some rest, love," he says gently, as he scoops Nima into his arms. Her chubby little cheek is pressing into his shoulder, their baby fast sleep. "Like mother, like daughter right?"
"I wish," Jinora says with a tired smile. "Thanks, Love. Watch over her."
Kai knows that Jinora and the rest of the crew (except for Otaku, Yung, and Skoochy) are Nima's primary caretakers during the day. It's even in the job rotation. But as Captain, who has to oversee everything, Kai doesn't get to spend quite as much time with his daughter compared to his wife and some of his crew. It's an unfortunate reality. "Of course. 25 of the best babysitters in the world, remember?"
Jinora wrinkles her nose. "I don't know about that, Captain," she teases. "Momo loses peekaboo against her, and the rest of you aren't much better."
Kai ducks his head and chuckles. He loves her. He loves her so, so much, even more now than she's the mother of his child―and he hadn't even known that it was possible to love her more than he already did. "Gee, thanks."
She smiles and presses her lips to his cheek in a quick peck. "You're welcome, Captain. Now have fun with the boys."
"Will do," Kai promises. "Now get some rest, Gyatso. Captain's orders."
Jinora gives him one last smile before heading below deck to do just that, as the music from their array of second-hand instruments begins to fill the air. Bansi's playing his flute, Yung has a string instrument called a lute in his lap, and Ryu is handling some chimes while Appa sits next to the drums and plays a steady rhythm. Tyyo is playing a tsungi horn with spectacular flair and Momo and Pabu are already swinging each other around in a partner's dance.
Kai takes a seat next to a stray barrel, knowing with Jinora downstairs he probably won't be dancing that night. Lefty's beside him, sipping leisurely from a tankard of beer, glancing over to see Nima sleeping securely in Kai's lap. "Lil' darling," Lefty says affectionately, as Nima lets out a little snuffle in her sleep.
Lefty's gruff voice manages to rouse Nima ―or maybe it's also the noise, and laughter of her uncles― but she blinks sleepily, the light of the lanterns and the stars up above making her green eyes ―just like her daddy's― shine. Her face lights up and she gives her father and her uncle a gummy grin, before her attention is stolen by the rest of her family.
Imaru and Daw are doing an out of rhythm waltz together that's a disaster mostly because they're both laughing too hard to care about getting the steps right. Nukko is trying to teach Otaku a more traditional Northern Water Tribe kind of dance, and it's no secret that their navigator's specialties are with words and numbers, not hand-eye (or in this case, foot) coordination. A good chunk of the crew, Po and Nidhi and Momo and others from the Earth Kingdom, are doing a kind of Earth Kingdom jig, and Pabu's picking up the steps fairly quickly.
A laugh burbles out of Nima, and Kai grins down at his daughter. "You like that baby girl? You like the music?" Nima doesn't respond―of course she doesn't, she's a baby who can't talk, but she's certainly happy, or at least even happier than usual, and it makes his heart swell.
As much as he enjoys taking one day at a time, he can't wait for Nima to start walking and talking. (Although Jinora will probably kill him if her first word is one she's picked up from her uncles less than stellar language.) He thinks about watching her chubby little legs carry her around the deck, her happy face illuminated by the lanterns while she tries to follow the dance movements.
Kai takes her fat fist in his hand and waves it along with the melody for her in a swaying motion. Nima's bright green eyes meet his. Kai hopes she'll always look this happy.
2.
Festivals are Nima's favourite part of docking at ports. The music is always upbeat and loud, ringing through the streets, and the dancers with their ribbons swirl in languid movements that show talent of precision and flexibility. Kai has Nima sitting on his shoulders to get a better look over the crowd―she's nearly eight, and he knows that soon, she won't want to be held up by him, or anyone. Or maybe he's just thinking of the way he was when he as just a year older than her, nine years old and still so guarded before Yung had coaxed him out of his shell.
Kai knows he's not a perfect parent, but he takes pride in the fact his children didn't go through what he did. They've always had a roof over their heads and food and a safe environment to take shelter in, even during raids. Knowing how much those things meant to him, having lived without him, Kai can fall a little short when it comes to wanting more―or understanding when his kids do, anyway.
Jinora has Taani, blinking blankly at the all the people and colours in one arm, and Rama, somehow asleep despite the noise, in the other as their little family walks down the street. Nima's on the ground now, her hand firmly in her father's, when she stops and tugs at his hand. "Daddy," she points to a stall with a bright red canopy, close to where the dancers had gone for a break. Shining golden tambourines are lined up on the table, along with other flashy pieces of jewelry. "Can I get one? Please? The tambourines are so pretty!"
"There's already one back home sweetie," Kai says with a slight frown as Jinora stops walking too. She hands Taani off to Pabu, and Rama off to Momo, to give her arms a break. "You don't need one of those."
"Yeah, but that's everybody's," Nima pouts, and tugs harder on his hand. "I want one that's mine. Please? I'll get all my chores done early! Please daddy!"
"Nima―" Kai plans to just outright refuse her, when Jinora places a hand on his shoulder he catches himself. Kai lays a hand on top of his wife's, sighing at the look on her face. He crouches down to Nima's level. "Why d'you want one kiddo?"
"Because then I can practice my dancing not just on music nights," Nima says passionately, a spark lighting up her eyes. "And I can try those fancy moves the dancers did, and the tambourine on the ship is old and doesn't jingle nearly enough, and―"
Sometimes, Kai really wishes Nima hadn't inherited both he and Jinora's stubbornness. He strokes a hand over the sparse patch of hair on his chin, and Jinora squeezes his other hand. "Let's go see how much they cost," Jinora suggests, and Kai can't see any reason to dispute her. They try not to argue in front of the kids anyway, using the phrase We'll talk about this later to effectively end the discussion before it gets out of hand, and then go deal with whatever the issue is in their quarters.
Still, Kai knows that clearly, if Nima thinks her mother is on her side, then she thinks she's already won this battle, as she happily leads them over to the dancers' stall. Pabu and Momo continue towards the harbour, where the Waterbender is docked, Imaru, Appa and Yung trailing behind them, but Yung heads after the Gyatsos.
The golden bells of the tambourines are reflected in Nima's eyes as she stares at them with a wide grin. "See, I told you they were pretty―"
"How much are they?" Kai asks the salesperson, a woman with dark hair pulled into elaborate ringlets, and a silver necklace lining her throat. These dancers have certainly been financially successful.
"30 yuans," the dancer chirps, and then sticks her tongue in her cheek. "Never met a pirate who has a family, before."
Kai's used to the comments by now, but he wishes people wouldn't make them in front of the kids. He bites his tongue to stop himself from saying anything harsh, and thinks Yung would be proud as he directs his gaze to the tambourine. "Yeah," he says, studying it, turning it over in his hands; the bell give a quiet jingle. "We get that a lot." He glances at his daughter, who still looks so eager and excited, and like always, Kai feels an uncomfortable clench in his stomach.
If he says no, Nima will undoubtedly be upset. There might be tears... And even after eight years of being a father, and dealing with the tantrums little kids throw over the smallest trivialities, he still hates seeing his children cry. No matter what the reason is. Jinora's better at dealing with it. Jinora grew up in a family where emotions were publicly stifled but privately welcomed, at least when she was young. She grew up with her siblings crying.
But seeing children cry just makes him think back to the orphanage.
―I said no crying you piece of shit―no, no please I'm sorry I'm sorry please don't―Gunthra's fingers grip his hair and bash his head against the wall―I'll hit you until you shut up you worthless―
He blinks and it takes a moment for him to remember where he actually is. His hands are clenched into fists, his knuckles white from how hard his nails are digging into his palms. He feels Jinora's warm fingers wrap around his wrist, slowly spreading his fingers apart to lace hers through them, and he realizes Nima's called him once, twice, waiting for an answer.
"Sorry baby girl," Kai says, and tries to smile. It is expensive...but Nima will love it. "I just zoned out for a moment."
Nima stares at him, and he's grateful she will never know the hell inside his head. How she'll never have to know more than what he tells her, and it will only ever be the bare minimum. Jinora knows he's still spacing out, hearing but not really listening, and he sees her glance back at Yung.
"Let me get it for you kiddo," his first mate offers, and Nima beams at her grandfather. "Just a lil' present from your grandpa."
Kai wonders if there will ever be a time he doesn't feel like he owes Yung undying gratitude. Probably not, but that's okay. Kai doesn't mind being in Yung's debt. In Jinora's. In any of theirs. They're family. He's safe with them, and so are his children. Besides, if a grandparent can't spoil their grandkids, then what's the point?
Kai only realizes he's crying when he and Jinora are outside of their room. His wife immediately reaches up to wipe away his tears. "It's alright Captain," she soothes him, pulling him into a hug. She rubs circles gently into his back.
"I just wanna be a good dad but sometimes it's too much―"
"I know love," she murmurs, and he buries his face in her shoulder, taking deep breaths and holding her tight. "You're enough, it's okay―"
Kai can't bring himself to be too cheerful at dinner, and he rubs at his eyes and picks at his food. Jinora quietly coaxes him to eat with glances and hand squeezes, and a few well placed looks from Yung, who's frowning. Kai doesn't notice Nima looking at him a few seats down; he doesn't notice her brow furrowing. He's out of it for the next few days, too trapped in his own head, and doesn't see her not touching her new tambourine.
When Kai's small relapse is over, Nima plays him a song on it, and he laughs and spins her around on the deck. He doesn't see the relief on her face.
He doesn't know what he's done.
3.
Nima's twelve when Kai comes back to the Waterbender, drenched in blood for the first time since before she was born. It's not the first time Kai's slaughtered men―he's sure it won't be the last―but it's the first after having children. After creating and loving something so tiny and pure and untainted.
He doesn't regret it, though. Quil's men deserved what they got, and he would have killed Quil without a second thought for what he had tried to do to Nima, if the snake hadn't slithered away in the chaos. He knows that Nima's below deck, surely being comforted by Jinora.
Kai had figured they would be in her room, not in the dining hall, so the sight of them catches them off guard. Jinora's eyes are wide but he knows she's not surprised, knows she's aware of exactly what he's capable of. Nima, however doesn't. She's heard some stories, although they do their best to keep her sheltered, but they can't stop her from hearing about his reputation from outsiders. She doesn't know of his parents though, or the orphanage, knows he was on the streets and that Yung found him. Doesn't know about the first time he slaughtered Quil's men, and things after that. Thank God.
"Daddy?" his daughter's voice is a meek, fragile croak, and something in him shatters. He let this happen. He didn't protect her, and now her innocence has paid the price. Her eyes roam over him, lingering on the way blood has coated his fingers, and he clenches his hands into fists, as if trying to choke his shame to death, too. "I-I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault." The reply is automatic, but it's also the truth. "Baby girl it's not your fault. Never your fault, d'you understand? Not when a man like that is concerned."
Some men's lack of respect for women―for anyone―is something he's never been able to begin to comprehend. How can you look at a breathing human being and see an object to exploit? How can a grown man look at a young girl and see a pawn that can checkmate the king, yet think the move is justified when it's playing with people's lives instead?
Thank God Kai found her when he did. Thank God Quil only got so far as leaving a rip in her shirt―but the fact the bastard got as far as that still makes Kai's blood boil. First his father, and then LingShi Chow, and then Quil. How many more men will hurt the women in his life in attempts to hurt him?
Nima's nod is nearly as tiny as her voice. "Daddy I... d-did you kill him?"
Kai wishes he could say yes. "Most of 'em," he answers vaguely. He wants her to feel safe sleeping at night. He wants her to feel safe in her own body. It's not that simple; nothing ever is.
Nima's eyes―his mother's eyes, and he doesn't want history to repeat itself, he doesn't, he doesn't―are dull as her gaze meets the floor. "Can―can I go to my room? I w-wanna change." She sniffles, and Jinora wipes away a few fresh tears.
"Yes of course baby girl," Kai says quickly. Nima's still wearing her Grandpa Yung's jacket, draped over her like a blanket, and Jinora wraps an arm around their daughter's narrow shoulders as they walk to Nima's room.
Kai goes and staggers down to his own quarters while some of the other bloodied crew go and wash up. Kai uses the bucket of water in his room, strips himself of his clothing before washing the blood off his body. Once he's squeaky clean, he pulls on fresh clothes; there's no point trying to get the stains out of the others. They're dirty and ruined.
Like him, maybe.
A few hours go by before Kai goes and hesitantly knocks on Nima's door. Jinora's voice is soft and shaking slightly as she says, "Come in," and Kai slowly opens the door, almost afraid of what he'll find on the other side. Nima has new clothes on, her warmest pair of PJs, and is curled up in Jinora's arms on her bed. Her eyes are tightly wielded shut, tear tracks shining on her face, but Kai can tell she's still awake from the uneven rise and fall of her thin chest. Jinora's stroking her hair, murmuring soft words of comfort.
Kai wishes he knew what to say, but emotions, especially hard ones, have never been his strong suit. Instead, he just sits down on the bed on Nima's other side, keeping his hands in his lap―afraid to touch her―when Nima disentangles herself from her mother and throws herself at him. Kai's arms, strong and steady, immediately wrap around her, and he rubs soothing circles into her back with one hand, the other stroking her hair. He can't taint something that needs him; maybe she can purify him instead.
"I got you Neems," he whispers. "You're safe. It's okay."
But it's not, and they all know that now.
Nima finally falls asleep, but there's still a frown on her face. As tired as he is too, Kai can't bring himself to leave her. He can't fail her again.
Jinora kisses his forehead before wordlessly leaving and bringing back dinner for both of them to share together, even if Kai doesn't have an appetite. She helps feed him too, since Nima's all wrapped up in his arms and he refuses to let go. "It's not your fault, Kai," Jinora whispers, and he feels tears build in his eyes, and he knows the tears wouldn't be here if Nima was awake. He's never cried in front of his children before.
"I'm her father," Kai chokes out, his throat tight and his heart heavy and bleeding. "I'm supposed to protect her―"
"And you did, to the best of your ability," Jinora says gently. "You're only human, love." His wife reaches out and brushes away his tears too, and not for the first time, Kai marvels at her strength. "You can't change how things turned out. But you can change what will happen if something like this ever happens again, so focus on that. Start teaching her how to use a sword, properly."
So that's what Kai does. Kai runs through sword fighting techniques and has her practice with her uncles when he's too busy. It makes him think back to teaching Momo, and then later Jinora, and he wonders if he should start training the twins too. It can't hurt, and Rama's always asking.
Soon, Kai decides. But for now, all his attention is on Nima. She's still in a weird place, withdrawn and on the quieter side (Jinora says that Nima gets it from her) and Kai's grateful that Nima doesn't have his self-destructive tendencies. That the fact Nima needs him is keeping him from slipping into one; he can feel Yung and Jinora watching him carefully, ready to catch him if he stumbles.
He manages to keep his footing steady, and shows Nima how to do the same.
Two weeks after the incident with Quil (Otaku is still fevrently tracking down the slave trader's routes) Kai decides it'd be good for them to hold a music night. The warm noise of instruments fills the air, and slowly, Kai watches as Nima dances herself back to life. She taps her foot, then stands, then moves to the beat―it's a familiar tune, one of her favourites―and fully starts dancing. By the end of the song, she's breathless and brimming with happiness.
Jinora wraps an arm around his waist as the next song starts, looking up at him with the same relieved and happy look on his own face. "I still remember dancing with you for the first time, you know."
Kai nuzzles into his neck. He remembers seeing Jinora for the first time―thinking she was beautiful and a complete snob and pain in the ass―and being grateful, not for the first time, that first impressions could be so wrong. Except about the beautiful part; it's only increased as stretch marks were added to her body from bearing his children, small wrinkles forming around her eyes from laughter lines. He wants to grow old with her―he wants to see Nima grow up and dance at her own wedding (if she can find a boy who deserves her, of course, and it won't be easy, surely).
He takes her free hand in his, her wedding ring pressing lightly into his hand, and pulls her onto the dance floor with her giggling after him. Nima makes a face at seeing her parents be so lovey-dovey (so does Rama, although his is more obvious) but Kai hopes she secretly likes it, anyway.
He just wants his children to be happy. That shouldn't be too much to ask.
He has a feeling that maybe it is.
4.
Nima's fourteen when she insists on independence.
Kai knows the day has been coming, as memories from his own teen years bubble up to the surface. What had he been doing when he was fourteen? Growing disillusioned with Zaheer's captainship, took on a rival pirate captain all on his own, got drunk a couple times, snuck out of the ship a few times too (which always scared the crap out of Yung), stealing, and all that other good stuff.
When Kai was fourteen, he killed a man for the first time. Nima just wants to go dancing.
The rational part of Kai knows it should be okay. But the emotional part, ironically enough the one he's always had a harder time with, is a lot louder. What if she gets lost? What if someone goes after her? What if she stays out too late and walks home in the dark? What if―Jinora places a hand on his shoulder and he reels his worries back in, or tries to, at least.
Kai lets Nima go. He knows he was walking around unsupervised by her age, knows that he was Captain two years later. He's trained Nima well. She'll always have her dagger, she'll stay on the crowded streets with other dancers. She'll be okay. Really. His resolve lasts two minutes―two minutes of Nima being out of his sight―before he sends Momo, Imaru and Tyyo to tail her anyway. "Just in case," he says, crossing his arms over his chest when Jinora shoots him an unimpressed look.
"She'll be pissed at you if she finds out, Captain," Jinora says flatly.
"She's not going to find out, Gyatso," Kai sighs.
She finds out. Her uncles trail behind her looking more like scolded little boys than fearsome pirates as she storms onto the ship. Her green eyes are flashing and Kai wonders if that's what he looks like when he's angry. (Later, Jinora assures him it's not; he's slightly worse. At least his wife is truthful, and it comforts him to know Nima got more of her mother's softness. He just doesn't want the world to squash it.)
"What the hell Dad?" Nima snaps. "How could you?!"
Kai doesn't even want to know how she found out, but he's 99% sure it was Momo's fault. (It is.) "Nima, I―"
"I'm more than capable of handling myself, I don't need my uncles to babysit me! I'm 14, why can't I go out on my own, you were! Why can't you just trust me?"
Trust. "I do trust you, Nima," Kai begins delicately. "It's just, the streets are dangerous, especially for a child―" He thinks of dead end alleyways and knives and sleeping beside trash bags, going hungry for another night. But no. No. That's not the streets Nima knows. Nima knows ones full of people, and coins, and music. "And don't you dare say you're not still a child," he adds, when she opens her mouth to protest. Nima pouts. "I was allowed on the streets because I had lived on them. And well, it's different for boys!"
Kai immediately wants to smack himself in the face, because that is not what he had meant, because he hopes he is the one of the last people who will ever be sexist. Nima gapes at him.
"So because I'm a girl I'm weaker?" she shrieks.
"No," Jinora says evenly, and Kai's so so grateful that Jinora's always been strangely fluent when it comes to what he's actually trying to say. "He means that other people will see you as being weaker. They'll see you as being more of an easy target because you're a girl. They'll be more likely to after you or Taani or me than your brother or one of your uncles."
Jinora may not have grown up being a pirate, but she's taken to it, moulded to it after nearly 16 years―even if her posture is still perfect and she hardly ever speaks with her mouth full.
"It's not fair, but that's the way it is." Jinora clasps her hands together and frowns. "However, that doesn't mean your father was right." She fixes a stern look on Momo, Imaru and Skoochy; they cower slightly. "And your uncles owe you an apology, I'm sure."
The three men mumble out a very quiet, but sincere, "Sorry." Nima's expression softens.
"And so does your father," Jinora says in a tight voice. Kai rolls his eyes when she turns her glare on him.
"I'm just trying to protect her," Kai says. He wonders how it's possible after all these years they can go from being deliriously in love with each other and then absolutely infuriated in a matter of seconds. "Like you said yourself, it's different―especially with the reputation around dancers―" Kai hasn't heard any comments yet, but he's sure they're being made, and just the thought of it makes his blood boil.
"Your daughter should be allowed to do as she pleases, if anything the other dancers there offer more safety, not less," Jinora argues.
Kai glowers at her. "You're missing the point―" He takes a deep breath and reminds himself that Nima's still there, and so's Taani and Rama. "We'll talk about this later."
Jinora lets herself deflate slightly. "Fine. Nima, sweetheart, why don't you start your chores?" Nima knows a way out when she sees one, and Kai's grateful she takes it, and that Rama hasn't made some kind of smartass remark.
Kai follows Jinora down to their quarters and they shut the door before the yelling starts up again.
"You know that dancers are more sexualized―"
"And you should know that reputations are very often wrong―"
"It doesn't matter that they're wrong, they're what everyone thinks and that does matter―"
"Nima's 14, you can't keep her cooped up on the ship all the time―"
"I'm not trying to, I just want her to be safe―"
"Oh yes you are! Admit it!" Jinora's bottom lip is trembling, her face slightly red, and Kai shuts his eyes and turns away from her. "You just want her to stay here and be your little girl forever!"
"Would that be so bad?" he says quietly, and the anger seeps out of her as her hand finds his.
"No of course not," Jinora murmurs, turning him back towards her, and cupping one side of his face. "But she is growing up, Love, whether you like it or not. You've trained her well. We've raised her well, I think. She needs to learn how to stand on her own two feet."
Kai smiles, and it's equal parts joy and sadness. "D'you remember when she was a baby and she didn't walk much? Just wanted us to carry her everywhere."
Jinora laughs softly. "Of course. And when she was four, you taught her how to pick locks, and she just used it to steal cookies from the pantry." She rests her hand on her husband's chest. "Love, I know you said it wasn't a matter of trust, but it is. You do have to trust her―and you need to trust yourself."
Kai places a hand over hers. "You always know what to say."
Jinora laughs again. "Just a few moments ago, I was calling you an insufferable, stubborn bastard, so I don't know about that." Kai kisses the side of her head.
"You weren't entirely wrong, though," he says with a smile. "Do you think Nima's still mad at me?"
"Probably," Jinora replies. "Wait until tomorrow, and then go talk it over. I'm sure you can reach some kind of compromise."
They do. Kai's tempted to have Otaku draw up and official contract and everything, legally binding and all that, but instead he just settles for having Nima's word that she won't go further than a few blocks away from the ship, that some of her uncles have to be in the general vicinity if she goes any further, and that she'll run at the first sign of trouble.
It's not perfect, but it helps Kai fall asleep at night; staying asleep proves to be the bigger issue. He has a nightmare about the incident with Quil two nights in a row, and the third he takes lookout duty and falls asleep with only a few hours until morning. Yung finds him and drapes a blanket over his boy's shoulders and lets him sleep.
Yung and Jinora make sure he eats. He goes up and smokes with Skoochy sometimes too, because that always helps.
Nima comes home each day with at least a few extra coins in her pocket, and her money is proudly added to the budget. She buys Taani a book to press flowers in, and her Uncle Imaru a new watering can (the other had been leaking) for his small collection of potted plants.
Kai comes back to himself and the nightmares fade away.
Things are okay, for the most part. He supposes it's enough.
5.
The first time they see the drawings, it makes Kai want to kill someone. Mostly the artist, but also the owner of the tavern who hung them up―sketches of his daughter, his baby girl, drawn as a seductress in her skirts and tambourine while she dances. Nima's sitting a few bar stools down, and Lefty's letting her take sips of his tankard of beer when he thinks Kai's not looking. (He is, but he lets it slide; getting drunk is a teenage experience, after all, and Nima's 15, two years older than he had been when he got drunk the first time).
Kai raps his knuckles hard on the bar counter and the bartender's attention snaps to him. "Who drew those?" Kai asks roughly, jabbing a finger at the drawings. His other hand is resting on his sword hilt. "You the owner?"
"No sir," the bartender says quickly, which is what Kai thought; he seems a little young. "The owner's over there." The bartender points to a booth in the back where a sleazy looking man with a pot belly and a combover is hitting on some young woman. "Chano. He commissions an artist sometimes to do pictures."
Kai thinks of how satisfying it would be to run his dagger through Chano's stupid fat gut and disembowel him. He rolls his shoulders and cracks his neck, nodding over at Ryu and Bansi to come along with him as they make their way over to where Chano is. Lefty's seen what's happening by now, and Kai glances back to see him and Yung and Jinora herding her and the twins out of the bar. Better safe than sorry, after all.
"Chano," Kai barks, and the man looks up at him looking bored. But not in a Ryu way, but in a Why do you think you're worth my time way, and Kai had gotten enough of that from the orphanage and the streets. "D'you know who you got up on your wall?"
Chano grins and Kai notices the glint of a golden tooth. "Ahh," he gestures wildly. "The Wave Dancer, Siren of the Seas. Quite a beauty, I've seen her dance. She's got some great assets, is pretty sought after y'know. Especially with slave traders. Why, are you interested?"
Kai grits his teeth and pulls out his dagger, leaping over the table and pressing the flat side hard into Chano's throat. "That's my daughter," he snarls.
"O-oh, C-Captain Kai!" Chano splutters, turning red as Kai puts more pressure on his windpipe. "I-I didn't mean―"
"Ooh, you fu―" the bar goes eerily quiet, "―ing meant it." Kai glances back at his men for a moment. "Men, get ready to wreck the place." He sees the bartender dive below the counter for safety. "Now Chano," he turns his attention back to the man struggling to breathe. "You're going to take those pictures down, and burn them, and if you see any of those slave traders again, tell them her father will cut them to pieces."
Kai releases him and Chano slumps over in his seat, gasping for breath. He's nodding earnestly, and Kai thinks fear will be a strong enough motivator for Chano to listen. His men break a few (okay more than a few) bottles, rip a few of the drawings, even the ones that aren't of Nima, and then they catch up with Jinora and the kids in the street.
"Why'd we have to go so fast?" Nima pouts, and then hiccups. She's nearly drunk, but not quite, which is probably for the best, even if she is leaning heavily on Lefty. "The m-hic!-music was good."
"Don't worry about it sweetheart," Kai assures her.
Kai sends Skoochy and Pallo over at midnight of that night, just to doublecheck. Chano's sticks to his word, and Kai's almost disappointed; he would have still liked to run him through.
6.
It's not the first time they liberate a slave ship, but it is the first when all the newly liberated are women. Most of time they liberate ships that are carrying slaves for rough labour, all men, or ones that are roughly half and half. Kai knows, given what he suspects the women were going to be sold for, they're probably uneasy at best being around nearly all men again. He thanks the gods for Jinora and Nima, and like always, for Skoochy, the latter especially knowing what to say when confronted with the disbelief of actually being free.
The women are all too thin, and if his crew eats a little less so they can eat a little more, than so be it.
They meet up with Korra and her all women crew after a week of having the former slaves on board. Most of them are talking now, and not trembling as much. Kai worries how it's effecting the kids. The youngest woman is only three years older than Nima at the most, and even though Kai knows Nima knows about slavery (after the incident with Tikaani, after all) nothing's ever been this up close with such a visibly sad story.
What gets him is when Skoochy shows him and Otaku a book of records; where the slaves had come from, where they had gone to, the money paid for them, etc. There's also a list of sought after slaves or targets, known for their efficiency, or bodies, or any other talents. Kai isn't surprised when he sees his name on the list, as this was one of Quil's ships. What makes him nearly rip the book in two is that he sees Nima's. Part of him wishes Jinora had never taught him how to read, because then Nima's description would just be a bunch of random lines, instead of words that make his blood boil.
With famous parents, this luscious dancer has made a name all her own. Talented, seductress. Currently a virgin, as far as sources go. Uncle Rohan Gyatso is the Governor of Republic City; good ransom.
Kai feels sick. He feels bitter bile rise in his throat and chokes it down, forcing his gaze to the floor while he tries to collect himself, and when he finally raises his eyes back up, he finds Skoochy staring at him intensely. "Cap?" the former slave's voice is quiet. "What do you want us to do?"
Kai swallows the lump in his throat. "Burn it."
They do. They take the whole book and when they start burning down the slave ship ―or at least parts of it, like the rowing room or the cells where slaves are packed in like sardine-eels― they toss it into the fire. Kai watches it until it's nothing but ash.
How dare those words and the slimy sleaze ball son of a bitch who wrote them reduce and objectify his daughter like that―anyone like that. How dare they.
Jinora keeps him from losing his mind, brushes his hair off his forehead and gets him to talk rather than do something stupid, she says, like hurting himself by picking a fight. "Besides," she reminds him, "those women are looking to you for protection right now. Don't let them down."
The newly freed women need help, so he needs to pull himself together, and he does. Slowly, the women start gaining weight and colour in their cheeks and lose their distrust of the crew. Skoochy charms them all, and so does Lefty, with his tall tales. They start laughing and smiling, and plans are already being put in place to help the women get back them back on their feet again―or onto their feet, possibly for the first time. Nima shows them how to dance, and they follow the steps best they can, even if their backs still ache, if their bodies are still scarred from floggings.
Kai knows it's his daughter's night for lookout duty, so he climbs up to the crow's nest to sit with her. The Waterbender's anchored next to the Avatar, the freed women now spread throughout the two ships. It's chilly, so he brings up two mugs of hot cocoa and offers one to her, and Nima accepts, looking surprised to see him.
"You okay Neems?" he asks softly. One of the women had shown off a branding on her shoulder ―a crescent moon with a dagger in the middle, Quil's symbol, burned into skin by searing hot iron. It had gotten infected, a new wound made only a few weeks ago. Longshot can heal it, but he can't make it go away. It's too permanent.
Nima looks down in her mug, and draws her knees up to her chest. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"
"It never gets any easier for me," Kai confesses after a moment of silence. "Seeing the slaves. Seeing how they've suffered. Being only able to guess at what else they've been through."
"I guess..." Nima mumbles, and he knows she's thinking of Tikaani, her best friend sold into slavery because of her mistake, and he wraps an arm around her shoulders.
"But it's better not knowing all of it," Kai says gently. "Even if it makes it easier for our imaginations to think up the worse scenarios. There are some things too terrible to talk about...d'you get what I'm saying?" Nima shakes her head a little, and Kai likes to think she's being totally truthful when he cracks a smile. "I'm glad you don't, actually. Just...the point I'm trying to make is that the only truth about the world is that it can be cruel, and it's better if you don't know more than you have to."
"D-does Uncle Skoochy ever talk about what―what he went through?" Nima asks, leaning into him.
"Sometimes," Kai says. "Most of the time we just smoke. We don't really need to talk. We have an understanding. Broken people can always understand each other, although Skooch is better than I am..."
Nima looks startled. "You weren't a slave, were you?"
"No," Kai says quickly, and is not for the first time, reminded of how little Nima actually knows about his past. "No Neems...I was lucky. I am lucky."
Kai thinks sometimes it's the only misfortune he was spared, and then thinks better of it, because he's alive and he's loved and he's lucky to be anything at all. It's just hard, some days, to remember that. When the nightmares come back. When the darkness fills the space in between heartbeats, coats his tongue and clouds his mind and he's too trapped in his own head. When getting out of bed is hard even though he knows he doesn't want to sleep anymore.
Longshot's diagnosed him officially with something called shell-shock. Something war heroes have, sometimes. Comes from trauma. It explains the nightmares and the brief flashbacks or intense feelings he has sometimes, even if it doesn't explain his dark places. The medic admits that mental issues aren't his strong suit, but Kai knows he's lucky that Longshot doesn't just think he's crazy, like how most people would. There are therapies, Longshot had gone onto to explain. Very expensive, but trained to deal with things like this―they can help. But then Longshot had explained what it would actually entail, spilling his secrets and his soul to a complete stranger for an ungodly amount of money, and Kai had shut him down.
The captain copes. It's not always perfect, but he's still standing here. It means something's working, doesn't it? Not all the time, though. Not tonight.
Sitting up there with Nima, Kai realizes there's no way he's going to be able to sleep that night. "Nah baby girl," he continues, holding her tighter. "The only thing I've ever been a slave to is myself." He kisses her forehead. "Why don't you go sleep? I'll take over."
She opens her mouth to protest. "Dad―"
He smiles at her. "It's alright. Really. Maybe this way you won't take so many naps tomorrow. Just tell your mother where I am, or she'll worry."
Nima gives him a small smile. "Okay." She presses a kiss to his cheek, and then scurries down the ropes to the deck. Kai watches her head below decks with a grin.
His girl will be okay. So will the rest of his family. And maybe one day, he will be too.
7.
Pabu is the one who brings it to his attention. "Nima's not back yet?" the redhead asks slowly. It's nearing evening, and Nima's been out all day with her uncles, a precaution taken since they are at one of the more dangerous type of ports, closer to Paradise. Pabu and Momo are the last ones in, walking hand in hand with a new roll of film for Pabu's camera in a small shopping bag.
The worry Kai's only barely been able to keep at bay is suddenly unleashed at full force, and he cusses terribly under his breath for a moment, trying to regain his bearings when he hears Yung step up to his side. "She must've gone dancing," his first mate says, and it's nothing that Kai doesn't already know, but just hearing Yung's voice calms him. As long as Yung is around, he can handle anything. Everything will be okay.
And, as soon as he makes sure Nima's alive and unharmed and not lying dead in an alleyway or in a ditch with her legs broken or something, he is going to kill her.
Nima knows she wasn't allowed to go off on her own for a good reason, wasn't allowed to dance for an even better one, and now she's gone and done this. Kai knows even in his worst moments growing up, he wasn't this reckless. Or when he was, he had a much better reason for it, risking his safety for his crew. Not just for having fun.
Kai divides his men into small search parties of four, keeping Jinora and Yung with himself for his sanity, and leaving Ryu behind to look after Rama and Taani. Just because one child's gone rogue doesn't mean he's going to let his other kids run off wherever they please. Kai's just grateful that this is one of those times when he can keep his head clear in a crisis, as he sends his men out to all the most popular (and dangerous) clubs where it's common for dancers to go.
Kai himself takes Jinora and Yung into a club with blinking neon signs, reading The Singing Siren. It's shady at best, waitresses carrying around tankards of booze and there's a dart game going on in the corner, as well as numerous poker games. Kai knows the name rings a bell, and when he remembers why, his blood goes cold: it's a notorious for housing slave traders and anyone else who's a part of a human or illegal animal trafficking.
Which is why he's less than pleased when he sees Nima up on the small stage with a few other dancers, clearly outshining them all. Nima spots him a moment after he sees her, and she freezes, giving him an awkward, strained smile. "Hey Dad." She gulps. "What's up?"
Kai doesn't hesitate as her barges onstage and then grabs her arm with one hand and pulls out his sword with the other, glaring around at everyone as he tugs her along with him.
"If any of you think of laying a finger on her―" he snarls, "―I'll make sure your death is slow."
"Dad," Nima hisses, but she quiets under his fierce glare.
"You're not allowed to talk right now," he spits, even as he loosens his grip on her arm.
They run into most of the rest of the crew on their way back to the ship, and he's grateful they don't have to waste more time rounding up his men from what is now a pointless search. He can hear his men muttering to each other, but everyone wisely stays clear of speaking to him. Kai can feel his blood boiling.
And then he feels Jinora's fingers press into his arm. "Think before you speak, Captain," she murmurs, and for a moment he's tempted to snap at her just to let off some steam, but bites it back, because she's right of course.
Still, he can't help himself completely when he rounds on Nima once they're on the deck of the Waterbender. "You directly disobeyed me," he seethes. "I put down those rules for your own protection, and you still run off! This port isn't like the others, Nima, it's not safe for you! I give you the simplest rules possible to follow and you still don't listen! Why is it so hard for you to listen to me for once?! And worst of all, you've gone and wasted everyone's time!" Kai pauses, his throat slightly sore, and Nima opens her mouth to speak but he cuts her off. "Not tonight. Go to your room, you're grounded, young lady. Bathroom duty for the next week."
Nima's brow furrows as her whole face is pulled down into a pout. "Dad―"
"I said not tonight."
Nima looks up at him, and he can see little tears pooling in the corner of her eyes, and immediately regrets shouting, but she heads below deck too quickly for him to do anything about it―and he still thinks she deserved a serious reprimand, at least.
It's only when she's gone that Kai lets the worry anger was clouding run free and uninhibitedly. If anything had happened to her... It's a thought that's haunted him since she was born. That kids grow up and grow away from their parents, and have to learn lessons the hard way in order for them to stick. He knows what it's like to have the world spit on you. Why can't Nima just take his word for it and listen to him? He doesn't think he was asking for something unreasonable. He just wants her to be safe.
It's late, and they're all tired, so with a wave of his hand he dismisses his crew to get some sleep, before Jinora pulls him into her arms. There's a frown on her face that tells him she disapproves, but the look in her eyes tells him she understands, too, and it's more than enough for him to melt into her.
"Talk to her tomorrow," Jinora says. "Far more gently, alright? I'm upset too, but I don't think shouting at her is going to help her understand."
Kai nods, and then rests his chin on her shoulder. "I'll try, Gyatso."
"Good."
So he does. He goes down to Nima's room a little before breakfast, with some cookies in a folded napkin he had Tyyo steal from the pantry when Daw wasn't looking. It can't hurt to have an ice-breaker, can it? "Neems?" He raps his knuckles against her door. "Can I come in?"
Nima's voice is somehow both annoyed and small as she replies, "Yeah."
Kai eases the door open and holds up the cookies as a peace offering. Nima hesitates for a moment, and then takes one, biting into it as Kai sits down next to her on her bed. "I'm sorry for yelling at you," Kai says quietly. "But you were still wrong for running off."
Nima chews her bottom lip for a moment, and then sighs. "Yeah...I just―I love dancing so much, I can't not do it―"
"And I was asking for you to not dance, Nima," Kai says. "You can dance all you want―on the ship. We need to know where you are. What if something happens to you and we don't know? What if something happens to us and we have to leave quickly, and don't know you're not on the ship? We're just doing this to protect you."
Nima sighs again. "Yeah, I know."
"Sweetheart...sometimes you just have to trust that your mom and I actually do know better." Kai smiles a little and places a hand on her shoulder. "You'll understand one day, okay?"
Nima's lip twitch upwards as he presses a kiss in her hair, to the side of her head. "Okay." She glances at him hopefully. "Does this mean I'm not grounded?"
Kai studies her for a moment. "Nope. But nice try, kiddo."
Nima shrugs. "I learned from the best."
That gets Kai to laugh. "I guess that's fair. Grandpa Yung's been telling you all sorts of stories, hasn't he?"
"Yeah. Did you really barf all over the deck when you got drunk the first time?" Nima asks, and giggles when Kai nods.
"I was 13," he shrugs, sticking his hands in his pockets. "You know I love you, right? Even if I have to be the bad guy sometimes."
"You're not a bad guy," Nima replies, and he shakes his head and smiles.
He realizes later, after she's already finished breakfast and gone up on deck, that she never answered his question.
8.
Even with his pegleg, Lefty still loves dancing. The old pirate (now truly old, in his late 60s) was the one who taught Kai a traditional pirate wedding dance for his ceremony with Jinora. The loss of his leg also meant a loss of general mobility, something that had plagued Kai (okay, plagues) for a long time. Not that it's stopped Lefty from doing anything within reason, however.
It's heartening to see Nima pull her uncle into a simple Earth Kingdom kind of jig and partner dance. One of the best things about having crew from all over is that there's dances from all different places―Fire Nation, Earth Kingdom, Water Tribe, and even a few high-society dances and other styles that are all a mix―and he thinks, not for the first time, that his crew is a good example of how the world should learn to live together. They're not all that different after all. They're all living in the same world, with different but similar struggles. It's always a good thing to help people. Even if it hurts.
Out of all the lessons Kai learned on the streets, that one has always been the strongest.
The music is slower, then most music nights. Yung's quietly strumming the lute, but Kai can still pick out the beat as Nima grasps Lefty's hands and they swing each other around, their laughter getting carried away on the faint wind rolling off the waters. The tune's different, some Fire Nation lullaby about a soldier boy, he thinks, but it's pretty.
The tune changes, Kai has found, but the beat stays the same. It's kind of like a heartbeat. Steady, even as life changes.
He can still remember holding Nima in his arms for the first time, wondering how he could have made something so pure, so tiny, so good. Even now, part of him is convinced that Nima got all her goodness from her mother, even if Yung always tells him Nima's far more like him than he realizes.
Lefty's doubled over on his knees, gasping and chuckling. "Think that's enough for me, lil' darling, not as fit as I used to be." He places a large hand on Nima's shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze.
Nima pouts for a moment, but then her expression brightens again as she leaps over to Kai. "C'mon Dad, dance with me."
"I dunno kiddo," Kai says. He had really just been planning on sitting and sipping his beer, watching as the rest of his crew moves happily around him. Jinora's dancing with Ryu, who's smiling, so she's taken care of, too. "I'm kinda tired."
"Please?" Nima draws the word out and extends her hand to him.
Kai runs a hand through his hair and then pushes himself to his feet. "Fine. But only one dance."
Nima's grinning as she pulls him onto the dance floor. They do a kind of spiralling partner dance, something Momo says originated in the old dusty west of the Earth Kingdom, with pig-cowboys. After three more dances ―because Kai is a big softie, really― everyone is tired and Nima has her head on his shoulder as she falls asleep, listening to his heartbeat.
Jinora's curled into his other side, with Taani on her lap and Rama leaning into her side. Yung reaches over and ruffles Kai's hair. "Not bad, kiddo."
Kai grins up at his first mate. "Everything I know I learned from you," he tells him, and Yung chuckles.
"You're putting it to good use, Cap," Yung says.
For once, looking around at his family, and tightening his hold on Nima, Kai doesn't have any doubts that Yung is right.