Not Deserving
Kalin Kessler looked up, noticing the bright stars shining through the dark night sky. It was...beautiful. But he did not deserve beauty. He did not deserve to walk free across the open landscape or breath in the cool air as it brushed across his face. He did not deserve this second chance at life. He did not deserve any of it.
Why he was brought back to life after his defeat was a complete and utter mystery to him. He could not return to the life he vaguely remembered and there was no way he could forge a new life for himself with his stained record. Kalin felt that his presence alive on Earth was unnatural and unwanted. No matter how many times he was told that it was a blessing for him to be alive and that people were glad to have him back, Kalin could not shake the feeling that those were all meaningless words.
Nevertheless, Kalin continued to walk aimlessly. He did not have a purpose anymore. The only thing he was good for was to serve as a reminder that true evil existed in the world. Other than that, there was no real reason for him to be alive. It would have been easier for him just to stay dead. At least he would not have to live with the agonizing feelings guilt and self-worthlessness.
Kalin glared around at the landscape he was walking through. The dusty land was barren and anything that could have brought life to it was long dead. He had no idea where he was going or how far he had walked. Someone told him that fresh air would help clear his mind, which it did. If only that person knew that clearing his mind would bring Kalin to the realization that he did not deserve to be here and should not be here. It was a mistake for him to be alive. Hell, it was a mistake for him to even be born with every awful act he committed.
Kalin came up to a break in the earth's surface. He peered down to the ground beneath the cliff and dragged his eyes across the bottom of the formation, until something grabbed his attention. Beyond the top of the cliff, there were a number of objects sticking out of the ground. Barely intrigued, Kalin slid down the side of the structure and made his way over to the strange items. As he drew closer, his eyes began to make out the objects as wooden spikes coming out from the surface, with something else hanging around them.
He walked to the closest spike and stood over it, examining the object left wrapped around the wood. It was a gun. Someone took a whole bunch of guns, tied them to wooden spikes and stuck them in the ground here. It all seemed rather strange to Kalin, leaving him wondering what kind of person would do such an unusually thing and for what reason.
Kalin knelt down next to the spike and went to untie the gun from its post. After successfully retrieving the gun, Kalin examined the weapon. He fingered the barrel, flicked open its cartridge and noticed it was loaded with a single bullet. He slowly stood back up, not taking his eyes off of the item in hand.
His answer was starring at him in the face. He did not have to live like this anymore. It could be over and done within a faction of a second. No one would notice he would be gone and if they did, they would not truly care.
Kalin turned the gun towards himself so that he was staring down the end of the barrel with wide eyes and a racing heart. He gripped the handle hard, so much so that his hand started shaking. He moved the barrel closer, pressing it against his dry lips. Kalin slowly opened his mouth, pushed the gun in and grinned down on the barrel with his teeth. He closed his eyes, waiting to hear the click of the trigger.
But, he could not do it. Kalin could not go through with firing the weapon. Something in the back of his mind told him not to. He did not understand what could possibly be pushing him away from suicide. Yes Kalin did not want to live anymore, but there was still something telling him that this was not how he was supposed to end it. He did not deserve to simply end his life here and now. That would be a waste of his revival.
No. The real reason he was returned to life was to pay for all of his wrong-doings. He was brought back by the people who first destroyed him to die at the hands of justice. Taking his own life was the easy way out, and he did not deserve that. He had to feel pain. He had to suffer. He had to die a slow and torturous death to pay for all of the sins he had committed in his short life. He had to pay.
Kalin pulled the gun out of his mouth and sighed. He carelessly tossed the gun on the ground. After standing motionless for sometime, the young man finally looked up and noticed something else in the distance. Dim lights and faded buildings sat on the desert surface a few short miles from where he stood. That is where he decided to go.
If only Kalin knew that town, which he slowly began to walk towards, would be the blessing he needed to properly end his dreadful existence. And that town would make sure Kalin would face that long, meaningless and plagued death, even after he was saved.