Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, its characters, or any lines taken from episode 2x21.
"When you loved someone like I loved her, they're a part of you."
Finn sat in his pickup truck outside the church reflecting on Sue's eulogy for Jean. Her words instantly touched something in him. He remembered feeling Quinn's hand squeezing his as Mr. Schue read the eulogy, but she couldn't have been further away from him. His mind immediately went to Rachel (as it often did), and suddenly everything just clicked. It was literally like a light went on his head and everything was brought out of the darkness.
"It's like you're attached by this invisible tether, and no matter how far away you are, you can always feel them."
His chest felt heavy. They had been broken up for five months now; they'd been apart almost as long as they'd been together. They were so far from where they'd been just months before, so happy and so in love. He used to think he loved Quinn; she was beautiful and popular and made him feel powerful, like a king. But their relationship was so empty, the exact opposite of his relationship with Rachel. It was built around lies and cheating. There was no honesty or trust, no laughter or playfulness or understanding. Quinn never made him feel like he could do or be anything he wanted to. She never encouraged him or believed in him. Rachel believed in him more than anyone ever had. He missed the feeling of invincibility with her that even being at the top of the social ladder didn't give him.
He finally understood what that tugging feeling in his chest was every time he looked at her or talked to her or heard her sing. It was the tether. Even after they broke up it had never gone away; they were going in completely different directions but somehow he was always drawn back to her like a magnet. When she sang that song for him at Regionals, when she selflessly gave him prom advice about Quinn even though it was killing her, seeing her sing at prom, everything she did drew him back in a little more each time.
"And now every time I reach for that tether, I know there is no one on the other end and I feel like I'm falling into nothingness."
When they broke up he didn't think he'd ever been in so much pain in his life (but he'd never admit that obviously). No football injury compared to it. He understood what Sue was saying about falling into nothingness. He woke up every day knowing she wouldn't be waiting for him by his locker or in the glee room and it absolutely killed him. Even though he initiated the break up, he was so hurt that she cheated on him that he just wanted the world to swallow him whole. He hadn't stopped to think that maybe she was in just as much pain as him if not more. He was so busy feeling sorry for himself that he didn't think about what the girl he loved more than life itself was feeling. He wished they had talked it out like she wanted to. Why the hell was he so stubborn? She'd been willing to work on things. But of course he let his damn pride get in the way and now he was paying the price. He was so lost without her; he was falling back into his old douche-y jock ways, and that made him angry.
He knew deep down how he treated her was wrong, so why didn't he stop? Why did he push her away? He felt his eyes start to well up with frustrated tears.
"It feels like a piece of me has been ripped off."
He missed everything about her. Her adorable giggle that made his heart swell, her pearly white smile, cute clothes, her hair, her scent, those big brown eyes he loved so much. He felt like half of his heart was ripped out of his chest and he was left with a huge, gaping hole that no one could fill. Not even Quinn. Oh shit, he forgot about Quinn. She was coming over to his truck; it was now or never, he had to end this charade. She got in the truck as he wiped his tears. She said something about how proud she was of him for everything he'd done for Sue; typical Quinn deciding to finally be nice when he was about to dump her.
"Why are you crying?" she asked, concern spreading across her delicate features. He took a deep breath.
"Because I'm breaking up with you,"
"Because of Rachel? Because you still love her?" she asked immediately, even though she already knew the answer. She had known all along, she just hoped she could somehow make it go away.
He wanted to scream that of course this was about Rachel and of course it was because he still loved her and why couldn't she get that? But instead he focused on the steering wheel.
"That feeling Sue was talking about in there about being tethered to someone? I just….I don't feel that way about you." Never have, never will.
"But you do with her?"
Finn kept his mouth shut and stared at the dashboard. He tried explaining that he thought he could fix everything that happened last year and now he understood that he couldn't.
It was like Quinn hadn't even heard him. She tried to tell him that they weren't breaking up (like was that supposed to change his mind?) and that she could handle his confusion about Rachel until he got over it. Except what she didn't get was that there wasn't any confusion; Rachel was it for him, he would never get over it.
"And next year we'll be prom king and queen…."
What? He couldn't even believe that she had the balls to bring up prom king and queen right now. Something inside him snapped.
"Just stop it. I don't want that life!" It was true; he was so sick of the superficial bullshit. Didn't she realize that none of it mattered? He would so much rather be a social outcast with a girl he loved than at the top of the heap with nothing but emptiness inside.
"Don't you feel anything anymore?" Sometimes he really wondered. "This is real. This is happening."
He watched a single tear roll down her cheek and he felt guilty. He hated when girls cried. He didn't want her to cry, he had wanted this to be as painless as possible.
"Are you happy now? Is this me feeling enough for you?" she choked out, throwing open the truck door.
"Quinn, I'm sorry, I still love you—" It was true, he did love her. He just wasn't in love with her.
"Just don't touch me!" she snapped, slamming the door shut.
Finn felt guilty for hurting her, but he couldn't help but feel totally liberated as he watched her strutting away from his truck. And that's when he saw her.
She was coming out of the church with a tiny smile on her face. His heart felt like it was gonna burst out of his chest just from looking at her. Her dress was so typical Rachel Berry; it was beautiful and unique, just like her. He watched her getting into the passenger seat of someone's car, jealous of whoever was lucky enough to be in the car with her…
"Just one more time I wanna hold her. Ten more seconds, is that too much to ask?"
Sue's words echoed in his mind and felt like a knife through his heart. He just wanted to take her into his arms and never let her go again. God, he was such a sap when it came to her. If someone had told him two years ago that he was going to fall so deeply in love with Rachel Berry, he would have asked them who the hell Rachel Berry was first of all. Once he remembered she was that weird girl in glee club that he slushied from time to time, he would have laughed in their face.
It's funny how things change. This funeral reminded him that life is so short, too short not to be spent with the people you love. He loved Rachel Berry. He was in love with her; she was his soul mate, his other half, his muse. His tether. And he knew she still loved him too; their connection was unbreakable.
"But I can't. And I won't…..So for now, I'm just going to miss her."
No. He wasn't abour to settle for that. He'd been "just missing her" for five months too long. He was done pretending he wasn't still in love with her. He was going to hold her again, and this time he was never letting her go. And he wasn't letting anyone like Jesse St. AssClownDoucheFace get in his way. No more being stupid, no more excuses, no more lying. It was just gonna be him and her. Finn and Rachel. Finchel. The way it was supposed to be. He didn't care what he had to do; he'd grovel and beg. He'd wait for her no matter long it took. He'd wait forever if he had to. But no matter what, he was putting that little gold star back into his orbit where she belonged.
And where she would always stay.
A/N: Yayy my first Glee fic. I adore this show so maybe I'll write more! Reviews are lovely (: