A/N: Hello! Sorry for the long delay in writing. I'm going to try to get an update out once a week, be it to this fic or to one of my many (unfinished) others. Reviews are greatly appreciated and help keep me motivated! Much love!

She was nervous. Probably more nervous than she had been before in her life. As she stood by the window looking out at the water she felt her insides tremble. As she had sat on the train earlier, her new husband sitting next to her, his posture perfect, she had thought back to the last time she'd felt this nervous. She had been on a train that time too, heading towards Downton. Away from her family, towards a new life, new opportunities. She never would have dreamed that a husband would be one of the things she had been traveling towards.

But here they were. In a hotel room. In Scarborough. Married.

And she was terrified.

She had told herself years ago that she would never marry. That she would be a spinster. At first it had been difficult. Watching the world of love pass around her, a flame she never dared to touch.

But now here it was.

Touch.

What an awkward sensation. One she had missed out on so much in her life. She wondered sometimes if she had forgotten how to touch people. She rarely saw her sister. The few times she had consoled her charges, with awkward arms around them and softly rubbing circles on their backs it had felt odd. Uncomfortable. Like a sensation that she wasn't allowed to be a part of.

And now here she was on her honeymoon.

They had kissed. Of course they had. But only a handful of times, and all extremely chaste. Mr. Carson had seen to that. He was such a proper man. She couldn't fault him in that regard.

Now she regretted sending Mrs. Patmore on her errand.

She didn't regret being married, not as such. She'd only been married a few hours, too soon to judge really. And she did care for Mr. Carson, in fact she cared for him a great deal. But somehow the knowledge that he wanted a…physical relationship no longer brought her comfort.

She had wondered what he expected, now she knew. And it unnerved her greatly.

She thought she was ready.

She had told herself she was.

An awkward, and brief conversation with Anna had ensured that she had all the proper information. Not that she didn't understand before, she had grown up on a farm. She knew the basic mechanics of such things.

But somehow the thought…the thought of bearing all to a husband was frightening. She was more frightened than she could ever recall being.

More frightened than when her mother had been screaming while in labor with Becky.

More frightened than the time William went off to war.

More frightened than the night she found Anna.

More frightened than when Mr. Carson had collapsed. Though that fright had been close. It had pulled on her heart a way she hadn't expected. For the next few weeks after she lay in bed at night, listening to the soft sounds of his snoring through the wall. Counting his breaths, a hand on her stomach trying to ascertain what exactly the clenching feeling she was experiencing was.

In retrospect it had only ever been love.

But love had been disguised then.

By duty.

By fear.

By propriety.

Such things didn't happen. They didn't happen in respectible houses like Downton. And they certainly didn't happen to Charles Carson and Elsie Hughes.

"Would you like to-" He stopped abruptly when he saw his new bride jump at the sound of his voice.

"Sorry, you gave me a fright." She mumbled.

"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to." He said, cautiously walking towards her. He noted she looked terrified, like a rabbit that had been caught in the gaze of a fox. Acutely aware of its own danger but too frightened to move.

"How is the view?" He asked, keeping some distance between them.

Surely, he thought to himself, she doesn't think I'd pounce upon her like an ogre. Though of course she had never met an ogre, she'd never been in this position before.

He had, though it pained him to admit it. He was once a shy young lad, in a dingy room, heavy with cheap perfume as a woman of the world undressed him and took him to bed. She had showed him the ways of the world. He'd walked home that night in a cloud of euphoria but by the next day it was gone. Replaced with a sense of shame and guilt. Charlie Grigg had told him it was alright. That he couldn't expect to marry a beautiful virgin and treat her right without…without knowing. The logic had seemed reasonable at the time. It now felt like the poorest of excuses for a pointless sin.

"Its very lovely here. Lord Grantham was very kind to secure us such a lovely room." Elsie replied, looking back to the waves again. Watching how they lapped against the shore. The steady rhythm giving her temporary comfort.

Something hung in the air.

They both felt it.

And they both ignored it.

"I should-"

"Would you-"

They laughed gently at each other. When neither of them spoke for a moment Mr. Carson attempted his question again.

"Would you like to go somewhere for dinner?" He asked, clasping his hands behind his back.

"I'd rather not tonight, I'm still so full from this morning. Unless of course you'd like to…" She said, realizing for the first time as a wedded woman that her partners needs should be considered as well.

"No, I'm fine. If we do get peckish Mrs. Patmore kindly packed us a hamper."

"She thinks of everything." She replied.

"Indeed she does."

The silence began again.

"Were you going to say something?" He asked.

"What?" She said, turning to look at him fully for the first time since he'd come to the window next to her. "Oh yes, I was just thinking I should go and wash some of the travel off of me."

He nodded to her and for a moment they simply stared at each other. Her vision became tunneled. All she saw was him. His proud chin, his soft lips, his kind eyes framed by greying eyebrows that belayed his age. She felt the urge to touch them. To gently run the pads of her thumbs over them, to rest her palms upon his cheeks.

The sound of a child laughing loudly interrupted them. The spell was broken and he turned towards the window with an annoyed look upon his face, his intention to scowl at whatever mischievous child had uttered such a loud noise. As he turned she push herself away from the window and went towards her case.

"I shouldn't be long. But perhaps if you'd like you could go for a walk down to the beach." She offered as she gently pulled items from her luggage, eager that he not see what she was handling.

When she looked back at him over her should she noticed his scowl was now directed at her, though quickly confusion was put in its place.

"I only meant you could enjoy the sea and I could join you shortly when I'm more presentable." She said.

"You've never looked lovelier or more presentable." He said without even thinking.

"That's very kind, but I can't go wearing my wedding dress down to the beach. It would be ruined and I'd be so sad if that were to happen."

"Of course, that is sensible. But…" he stumbled, unsure how to express himself in a way that wouldn't frighten her further. "I'd rather wait for you, and walk down together. It is our honeymoon, it would be…odd if we were to spend it apart."

"We shall be apart while I'm in the bath." She said much sterner than she had intended.

He looked at her dumb founded for a minute. His cheeks reddened at the implication but his mind wandered. Was she regretting this? Did she want some time away from him? They'd been together for the better part of the day, perhaps she needed time without him? Was this what marriage would be like, together yet separate?

"I didn't mean…" she stumbled, "I only meant that I would feel bad if you just sat around waiting for me. But if you'd like…I'd…I'd be very happy if we walked to the beach together. You know I would, I just…I don't want you to feel like you are simply waiting around-" She began to panic as she realized she was just blathering on.

"It just so happens that this morning I was distracted and forgot to read the paper. The clerk was kind enough to hand me a paper when we checked in, I shall give that a browse while you ready yourself. I doubt the quality will be as good as the papers we get at Downton but I assume any big national news should be covered in it accurately." He said posturing and making a show of pulling the paper from the table in which he'd placed it earlier.

She giggled at him, giving him a slight nod and heading into the bathroom alone. Once the door shut behind her, she let out a breath and tried to focus on remaining calm.

In the room Charles let out a breath he felt he'd been holding since they'd left Downton. Finding an empty chair in the corner he sat down and opened his paper. He wouldn't read it of course. He was far too nervous. Instead he made a slight show of reading it so that she wouldn't be alarmed when she emerged.

Though he assumed she would still be alarmed.

They both would be.

Something loomed in the air and they both felt it.