Why this fic exists?
Why not?
One day, the Man That is Master of Propane explodes from overdoing crack. He didn't really die though, for his penis was too strong from raping propane tanks. Dracula's hoe, Death, can't possibly withstand the powah that is a Propane Dick. After a fun filled adventure in Castlevania and murdering Dracula, Hank got all seven dragon balls on eBay for 3 fitty. He wished to unexplode so that he wouldn't be dead and it was so. The not dead Hank, now unexploded, decides to kill Bobby because that boy ain't right. But the very dead Bobby then turned into the not dead Edward Elric. Ed then had spontaneous diarrhea and pooped out Tifa Lockhart. They then tried to have seckx but Ed's penis was only 2249085329032580734208975391087531918379153895312789236792307832469764098472067094790276204376207352853267832623806280326082638092634 trillion miles long, not good enough to suit a lady of Tifa's standards.
All the while Hank was injecting heroin. Hank shit his pants because last week his butt exploded and he couldn't poop 'cuz he had no bunghooooolioooooo! Hank then peed on Tifa and small-dick Ed, but they weren't Tifa and Ed at all! They were Sonic the Shithog and former Kitty Krew member Cr0m! And you fanfiction fags BETTER say hi to Cr0m, or he'll RAPE YEH! Sonic died because Sega sucks nowadays, but Cr0m was still on his period, so he started cussing out Dracula, who was raping Bobby's body with his manly 2249085329032580734208975391087531918379153895312789236792307832469764098472067094790276204376207352853267832623806280326082638092635 trillion mile long wiener.
Hank had enough of these drugs and the company it brings, So he decided to burn the house down with Propane Tank Bob. Hank went totally EMU because he had to sacrifice his highly-flammable friend. Hank cut himself seventy hours a day, being a good little EMU, but Peggy threatened Hank with refusing to let him get some lurvin' from her if he didn't stop being a damn EMU, so he cut that shit out.
Hank decided that he goofed off enough with drugs and went to work, where he taught young, hip, and technologically retarded hippies like InuYasha and Adolf Hitler the true meaning of life and why it isn't smart to stick your penis in a wood chipper. But OH SHIT, there's a fucking Propane Emergency! Hank ditched the half-demon and former fuhrer that nearly killed all the Jews to fend for themselves in a world where there isn't a big warning label on guns that tell you to not shoot yourself, for it's symptoms include mild-to-serious injury, paralysis, blindness, extreme pain and death.
"Hank Hill reporting for duty, Buck Strickland!" Hank announced. He got his uniform, which is the same thing he wears to work, except that he has a big bright sign that says: "Hello, I am Hank Hill."
"Hank, our propane trucks are under attack by surfing robots and hippies!" Buck said as he motioned to the monitor, which shows the Gekko State and their surfing robots attacking the propane trucks by playing songs that involves anti-propane propaganda and complaining about the poor widdle wabbits that die from the production of propane. Among them was Renton and Eureka, who are ranting about some dumb shit that involves coralians, global warming, and your mom.
"If they continue with their rally," Buck panicked, "the propane will die!"
Hank nodded to this propane chaos, and then he went to save the propane!
Hank's penis then sprouted legs and ran to the other side of the world in thirty seconds (Hank's dick works out a lot,) in order to put a stop to their cannabis-related shenanigans, but Gekko State was prepared to fight with their secret weapon: child porn! Holland started up the 60's-styled projector containing said kiddie pr0n, particularly the rather forced encounter of Renton and that little blond girl I can't remember the name of. Luckily, Hank was wearing the remains of Propane Tank Bob as armour against children and children accessories. Holland then went with his backup plan to call Talho on Hank. Hank knew he was in big shit, for big titties is propane's weakness, and that is what Hank is wearing right now. Thinking fast, he decided to try to seduce her.
"You know, propane can be a good thing, but it can also be a dirty girl." Hank spoke seductively. Talho then apparently pees her short-shorts, but it's not pee! It's weman jizm!
"Oh evil fascist propane fiend, your words of poetry made me RELY WHORNEH!" Talho then had seckx with Edward Elric's Full Metal Dick, not his short 2249085329032580734208975391087531918379153895312789236792307832469764098472067094790276204376207352853267832623806280326082638092634 trillioner. Ed crapped out an ass baby afterwards, and it was a Charizard Card! He ran off to molest the pokémons.
During this whole slop o' mess, Renton notices three things wrong with the sight he sees:
One: Gekko State doesn't even know what propane is, the Trucks were actually pop-tart trucks!
Two: Talho is preggers!
Three: That isn't Eureka, it's Brian Peppers!
He can handle the first two fuckeries, but the third is too damn suspicious! He removed Brian's mask to reveal the true culprit; Bobby's girlfriend Connie!
She ran away, shouting out "My plan to have some alone time with Bobby would've worked too if it wasn't for you and your drug-influenced propane addiction, Hank Hill!" But then the REAL Eureka stabbed her with Mr. T's detachable dick. Renton and Eureka then fucked each other right then and there, because the creepy old man with a video camera told them to.
Now here is what happened to all the people in this fic:
Talho fucked every man in the world, courtesy of Hank's skillz in seducing strong-hardy women with big titties. She had THE most ugly baby in the world. She committed Hari Kiri because of the UGLY!
Holland, with the help of Barney the Dinosaur, grew some testicles and lived happily ever after with his purple dino lover.
Renton and Eureka became famous child porn stars and has since appeared in "Mommy, I Fucked An Underaged Coralian!", "Horny and Underage", and "Drew Pickles' Child Raping Adventures". All of them bombed in the box office.
The rest of Gekko State laid off the pot and got jobs after realizing that no one cares about the environment, not even them.
InuYasha and Hitler succumbed to the lack of warning labels on their forks that told them not to put it in their eyes.
Bobby is still dead.
Connie is still dead.
Ed decided to try to be the first to rape the pokémons in the butt instead, but Sonic beat him to it.
Tifa spent the rest of her days fucking llamas.
Peggy did nothing.
Sonic is still dead because Sega still sucks.
Cr0m still has PMS.
And finally, Hank went back to work, being proud of himself for saving the propane trucks. Afterwards, Hank continued to work at his propane selling job, enjoying the job accessories that he gets, namely, propane and being able to cheat on Peggy with that propane tank that was dressed up as a girl. Hank's current job position still involves teaching tech-tards like Inuyasha and Hitler not to stick their dicks in propane-fueled grills. One day he will become Fuhrer of Propane, taking over the world with his Propane Zealots and their Propane War accessories.
Too bad none of this will happen to anyone, for Lady Bird turned into an atomic bomb, killing everyone in the universe.
THE END