Ok this is my first fic so please go easy if you choose to review. This is the story about the whole FF8 gang when they go on a mission to a haunted house. Intended to be humorous.

Oh by the way, italics means thoughts.

Chapter I: Welcome to HELL!

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Cid: (on speaker phone) May I have your attention please! Would the following students report to my office: Rinoa, Selphie, Quistis, Irvine, and Zell.

Zell: (In the cafeteria with the whole gang, except Squall) Hey, guys! I think he might be talking about us! We should go.

Quistis: No shit, Zell, you think?. Well if Cid wants us we might as well go.

(They all go to Cid's office. To their surprise Squall is there too.)

Rinoa: (Flirtatiously) HI SQUALL!!!

Squall: Damn, doesn't she EVER shut up? . . . hey . . . HYNE I sound like a loser. . . why can't I just say what I want to say? . . . I should work on that. . . then again, I might turn out like Zell . . . Oh yeah definitely don't want to turn out like Zell.

Irvine: So Mr-erectile-dysfunction-I mean headmaster, what do you need us for?

Cid: DAMN YOU you promised NEVER to talk about that! Well, you are all going on a mission.

Selphie: HELL YES!!! This place was getting boring as hell! Even sex with Irvine was losing its flavor!

Irvine: !

Selphie: oops sorry Irvy, just thinking out loud…

Squall: Hyne, why do girls have to talk so much? Why can't they just think about what they have to say before they say it?

Quistis: Sir, when do we leave?

Squall: Then there's Quistis. Oh yeah she's my type. Hyne, she has a nice ass. And that mouth. . . I'm sure she can give head like a pro. But then again, if Rinoa finds out she'll go fucking crazy! Wait a minute . . . We're not even going out. I should tell her I don't like her. But then I lose another friend with benefits. . . she is pretty good and all. . . but I really like my women—

Cid: You are to leave right away. I've arranged a direct flight to Deling City, where you are to investigate a so called "haunted house." Three citizens are reported to have disappeared when they went to investigate.

Rinoa: Why can't they send the SeeDs from Galbadia?

Cid: Cuz Galbadian SeeDs are a bunch of cunt licking dumbasses. Sorry, Irvine. And their headmaster is some dipshit who has his head stuck up his own ass. No offence, Irvine. And their Garden just looks like a giant piece of shit that can fly. No hard feeling, Irvine.

Irvine: coughinfertileoldasscough. None taken.

Zell: Yo, what about weapons? I'm sure we need weapons in a haunted house.

Selphie: Zell are you retarded or something? I mean, what kind of horror story would it be if the main characters could protect themselves? That's right a pretty gay one! HYNE, WHY are boys SO STUPID!

Cid: She's right. Besides you have a sorceress and a martial artist (Zell: HELL YEAH) so I think you'll be fine.

Zell: Then why are you sending six of us? Does it really take six of us to investigate a supposedly "haunted house?" I mean, its not like were retarded or something.

Quistis: Zell you're talking to the door.

Cid: Get the hell out of my office and get you're useless asses to that mansion.

Selphie: You mean haunted house right?

Cid: Whatever. Who am I, the headmaster? Oh…right. Just get the hell out of here.

(After six hours they arrive in front of the huge gates of the haunted house)

Selphie: WOW! That's HUUUUUUUGE!

Quistis: No, shit Selphie. Ok well lets go in.

(they all move in. Gates shut on its own.)

Zell: Does anybody have a bad feeling about this? I mean besides me.

Quistis: WHY am I stuck with a bunch of DUMBASSES???!!!!

Selphie: God, Zell you're such a pussy.

Rinoa: I know, Zell, we've been in much worse places that this. Like Ultimacia's Castle, and Lunatic Pandora, and Deep Sea Research center.

Irvine: Yeah Zell, ease up pal, you're more uptight that a pregnant cow in heat.

Squall: Why is everyone looking at me? Oh the must expect me to say something. . . OK! Here goes! . . . yeah . . . Zell . . . Nice going dumbfuck, I'm outta here! (hears door closing in his head)

Quistis: Can we PLEASE get on with this?!

Zell: Ok ok, lets go.

(they enter haunted house. Behind them the large wooden door closes shut with a BANG. They are in a large dark room.)

Selphie: Ok this is KINDA scary.

??????: I shall devour you're SOULS!!! NO ONE WILL LEAVE THIS HOUSE ALIVE!!! MWHAHAHAHAHA

Zell: OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!!! WERE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!

Selphie: sniff I'm to too young sniff to die sniff (starts crying)

Irvine: Don't worry Selphie, I'll protect you.

Rinoa: (looks expectantly at Squall) Squall, I'm scared too.

Squall: Well what hell do you want me to do about it? I'm not fucking Jesus. Oh…right . . . I . . . guess . . . that's . . . too . . . bad . . . REAL NICE MOVE hotshot. Shut up, I thought you were out of here.

Zell: Who is this mysterious ?????? person? And why does he want to devour our souls??? Find out on the next chapter of-(sees everyone staring at him) what?

Selphie: Sometimes, you're scarier than I am.

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