A ONE-OFF INSPIRED BY SATURDAY. A CRIMINAL PRESENTS THEIR CASE.
(This is quite short, but it's only meant to be a quick one-off.)
BANDIT
I'm hiding out at Mrs Riley's over the road. I keep giving her looks that mean 'don't tell my dad' but I'm not sure she understands. My dad doesn't love me any more, he shouted at me last night for eating his dinner and said I was a bad dog. I wanted to snap back that he was a bad human but that would have been mean because he isn't. Just a grumpy one at the moment.
Humans don't get it. When they're short for food they can nip off to Tesco and buy more. But us dogs have to take it when we can find it, and that's why we gobble it up instead of saving some for later. Besides, our paws aren't made for making neat little parcels and putting them in the fridge. Not that my dad ever let me near the fridge.
He's not been happy for a while, my dad, and then last night he came in with a really sad look on his face. I think somebody's been mean to him. I was ready to go over and jump up with my paws on his shoulders because he likes that. But he just saw the remains of his dinner and kicked off.
I'll try really hard not to pinch any more food, though. It's hard on a poor dog but I just don't like those sounds that my dad was making the other week when he came home after working at that hospital. I think he said a patient had died, in between those whining noises he made with his head on his arms. I wish Zoe and Max would come again. I like it when they do. Zoe strokes me and Max always has a treat in his pocket for me. Maybe if my dad won't let me come home I'll never see Zoe and Max again. What if he takes me to be put to sleep? I think they do that to really bad dogs. I'm scared. If he takes me there I shan't go without a fight. I'll bite everybody I can catch; they can only put me to sleep once! Oh he wouldn't take me there… would he?
Oh here's Mrs Riley, she's putting my lead on. We're going for a walk! I love walks.
Hang on, I know where we're going. I'm more than scared now. Riley, you Judas, taking me back to my dad. You wait, if I'm put to sleep I'm going to come and haunt you. Stand by your bed and whine all night till you're scared witless. AND I'll do a really big wee too.
I know what those people feel like in those films my dad watches when they're being led to the guillotine. Here's my dad now, I'm done for.
Two hours later
Well, I won't be going to be put to sleep after all. My dad cried when Mrs Riley took me to him. He hugged me and kept saying "Dervla, Dervla, I didn't mean it." Then he put my water bowl down for me. I didn't mention I'd had lots at Mrs Riley's, I just got stuck in and lapped it all up. Then he said "Guess what, bad dog, I've got you some sausages."
But he said "Bad dog" in the same voice as he uses when he says I'm the best dog in the world.
Ahhh, bliss. My guts are full of sausage and I'm lying in my basket and my dad keeps looking over and smiling. I don't know if those humans he works with have stopped making him sad but I reckon they might have, because he says somebody called Ben's coming to meet me next week. Then he added: "Clumsy b*gger." I wonder if he means me or that Ben person?
Ooh I've just got warm and he's taking me out for my wee. But that's okay because that's what we do. It means I'm staying here.
Hey, I'm a happy hound.
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