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Chapter1

Everyone tried to reassure Harry that the deaths were not his fault but he didn't believe them. If he had been smarter, faster, none of them would have died. Teddy wouldn't be an orphan. Harry, being the baby's godfather, would have the responsibility of raising Teddy. How could he though? He wasn't a parent or even a good role model now a days. He was an empty shell of his former self. Grateful was an understatement for what he felt towards Mrs. Weasley, who had insisted on taking care of the baby for now. Harry knew that he should feel happy, he should feel relieved that he could finally live his life the way he wanted.

It had been several months since Harry defeated Lord Voldemort. More specifically, today was Harry's 18th birthday. His friends and the people he considered family were singing to him at this very moment. He wondered how they would react if they knew what he was thinking behind his fake smile. They would worry about him and try to talk to him. Hermoine did love to lecture. Ugh. He didn't think he would be able to stomach it. Which is why he pretended everything was fine. Harry sighed and forced down enough cake to make it look believable. Present time now. Woo. He tried not to roll his eyes. He just wanted this to be over with.

He made sure to engage in small talk, laugh, and smile at everyone who wanted his attention. This was not an easy task. When he was saying goodbye and thanking them was the only time his words and actions were genuine. All alone at last. With drink in hand, Harry made his way to the drawing room and sat in the most comfortable chair facing the fireplace.

He didn't know how long he sat there staring into the fire but he was now sufficiently drunk. Sighing, he did that a lot now a days, Harry stumbled into his bedroom, fell onto his bed and slept through the next day.

The only reason he woke was because he heard Hermoine's voice calling out to him. He grunted in answer and was then shook awake.

"Oh Harry! What have you done?" The worry in her voice was apparent. He grunted again and covered his face with a pillow as she drew back the curtains, letting the light from the street into the room.

"Harry! Wake up!" She was shaking him again. She really shouldn't do that, unless she wanted to be puked on. She yanked the pillow away from his face. After rolling him onto his back, she poured a liquid into his mouth. The pounding headache and nausea was gone but he still felt tired. As if she could read his thoughts, she poured another potion into his mouth. He assumed it was Pepper Up potion, as he was no longer sleepy. He slowly sat up in his bed, staring at a spot on the floor. He wouldn't be able to stand the looks she was giving him.

"Harry? Why did you do this?" She was sitting next to him now.

He just shrugged his shoulders and before she was able to respond, Harry stood and entered his bathroom. He stripped off his clothes and took an extra long, hot shower. When he entered his bedroom again, Hermoine was no longer there. He was hoping she had gone home, but he had no such luck. She was downstairs cooking, he cast a quick Tempus charm, dinner. Taking as long as possible Harry dressed and finally went downstairs.

Potatoes, carrots, salad, steak, and pumpkin juice covered the kitchen table at Grimmauld Place. Harry's plate was already made and waiting for him. As was Hermoine. He wasn't that hungry but Hermoine had informed him that she wasn't going to leave until he was finished, so he decided to suck it up and humor her. He couldn't remember the last time he cooked for himself, or even had an actual meal. It was kind of nice.

Things continued this way for the next couple weeks. Ron would come over occasionally but he was busy comforting his mother and helping out around the house. Harry, however, felt as if something, or maybe someone, was missing from his life. He often thought about Ginny. Their relationship was fun while it lasted. She loved him and they had great sex. He felt guilty knowing those were the only things he liked about it. He didn't love her though, so he broke up with her shortly after the war ended. It was only fair. Unfortunately, Ginny didn't see it that way. She was still angry with him for leading her on. Which was understandable, he just hoped that one day they would be able to be friends again.

"Harry, you cant keep doing this to yourself." Hermione had once again woken him after a drunken night alone. He could tell that she didn't want to bring it up but felt obligated to. When he didn't respond she continued.

"Your killing yourself you know? I know its not my job to fix you but I cant stand by and watch you drown. I wont do it. You are so much better than all of this Harry. You have so many people you can talk to. So many people who love you but you insist on keeping us all in the dark." Her voice was raised a bit but she wasn't yelling at him. Harry looked up at her and saw the tears streaming down her face. The guilt cut through him like a knife. He hated having his friend find him like this everyday.

"I'm sorry." It was barely a whisper but it was all she needed to hear. She practically ran to him throwing her arms around him in a tight hug. An undistinguished amount of time passed as they stayed in that position. He let her cry on him, for him. It eventually became too much him to bare and he let go of her.

"I'm so sorry Hermoine. I know I shouldn't put you through this but I cant help but feel the way I do. I'm the reason Voldemort killed all those people. Its all my fault. If I had just gone with my instincts I would've gotten things done faster and they would still be here."

"You don't think Ron and I feel the same way? Were the reason you didn't go with your instincts. You don't see us wallowing in self pity and drinking ourselves into a stupor every night though." Her tone suddenly became stronger.

"This needs to end. Get dressed. You haven't been outside this house in months. Were going shopping whether you like it or not. Ill be downstairs waiting for you." With that she left the room. Harry sat there stunned at the way the conversation ended. That girl goes through mood swings so fast it'll make your head spin. Sighing, he got ready and went to meet Hermoine in the drawing room.

He didn't want to do this but he knew being on Hermione's bad side would be much worse. He threw his floo powder into the fire place and said "Diagon Alley."

Was it any good? Please let me know if I should continue or not!!