Spend all your time waiting

For that second chance

For a break that would make it okay

There's always one reason

To feel not good enough

And it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction

Oh beautiful release

Memory seeps from my veins

Let me be empty

And weightless and maybe

I'll find some peace tonight

I stand at your grave, rain cleansing the white marble. My fingers uncurl, and a single red rose falls to the freshly raised mound, your bed, your home, your prison. The colour stands out among the cold, bland hue of the graveyard. Blood red.
My head fills with memories of that day. Your judgement day. Your blood spilt onto the concrete. Blood red.
A tear trickles silently down my cheek. A message of sorrow, of remorse. We'd argued. I'd pushed you away. I called you names. Made you angry. You stormed into the road.
I heard the screech of brakes on tarmac.
A scream.
A scream.
A scream.

So tired of the straight line

And everywhere you turn

There's vultures and thieves at your back

And the storm keeps on twisting

You keep on building the lie

That you make up for all that you lack

It don't make no difference

Escaping one last time

It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh

This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

I didn't cry when they told me. I'd known it. I'd known it. And yet I rejected it. I barricaded myself from emotion. A limbic padlock and chain. Denial.
I blamed you. I hated you for making me have to go through this. I got mad at everybody. My mom, my dad, myself. Anger.
I didn't cry at your funeral either. I was numb. Your family cried. My family cried. Everybody cried. But me, I just watched your body be committed to the ground. And I was numb. Depression.

In the arms of an angel

Fly away from here

From this dark cold hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort there

I held your hand and stroked your blood stained cheek as you took your final breath. I saw your soul released, freed from your entrapment. I begged you not to leave me. I heard your last words. A diminutive smile traced faintly across your lips. And you told me you loved me.

I love you too Kyle.

Acceptance.