Hey everyone, Rason here. This is the first fanfic story I have written. I hope you enjoy it, but even if you don't I hope you review. Let me know what you think. I'm a big girl and can handle it. With that said, this starts out a little on the slow side but it will pick up. I promise. Lots of angst/heart fail and tormenting of Edward on the way, fear not. ;) So please give it a chance. I appreciate it. Furthermore, I know this story won't be for everyone. There will be some unsavory things that take place that many will not agree with (no rape, etc). I just want to say I don't condone everything that happens in this story because truthfully, some of it isn't nice, but I promise to explain everything at some point. Just hang in there with me for a while.

This is a Bella/Edward story. It will just take some time to get there.

The fab Stephenie Meyer owns all.

Chapter 1

EPOV

"Edward!"

I groaned. Couldn't anyone just let me be?

"EDWARD!"

Apparently not.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen!"

Grumbling, I sat up and looked toward my bedroom door. Four months ago, my family and I moved to Kingston, NY from Oregon and I had been avoiding the family as much as possible since we arrived. I knew that if I didn't answer Alice, which I had no desire to do at this particular moment in time, she would soon come flying through the door in a very annoying fashion. I loved Alice dearly but there were times that I wished she would leave well enough alone. This just happened to be one of those times. UGH. "Leave me alone, Alice."

Sure enough, only seconds passed before she was standing in my room, hands on her hips with a disgruntled look on her face. She glared at me with narrowed eyes. "Edward! I've been calling you for ten minutes now. Why do you have to be such an ass all the time? Did you think that maybe there was a reason I was calling you? That maybe, just maybe, I had something important to say that could possibly bring you out of this self-loathing funk you've been in for, how long again? Oh right, about eight years, give or take a century."

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose with my forefinger and thumb. "What is it, Alice? Just get it over with."

"You really can be a moody brat sometimes, you know that?" she thought.

"I'm waiting," I said flatly.

"Fine, but seriously, Edward, I think this is a good thing. A really good thing." I opened my eyes and glared at her hoping that whatever monstrosity she was about to lay on me wouldn't make me want to throttle her in some way.

"While out hunting with Jasper, I had a vision." She said while bouncing in place, barely able to contain her excitement. "And Edward, I swear to you, I wasn't looking for this. I didn't know she would be anywhere near here before we moved here. I swear to you, I never went back on the promise I made you. So please, don't get mad and all Edwardy on me, alright?" She sighed dramatically and then continued. "Bella is living in New York City."

Bella.

If my heart were beating, it would've stopped right then and there. I had spent the last eight years thinking only of her, though I tried not to let that show. It was all in vain, however. My family saw right through me. She was still my everything. Every fiber of my being ached to be with her. Touch her. Hold her. Kiss her. I knew that simply was not possible. I had made a promise to her that I wouldn't interfere with her life again. I owed her that much. She deserved to have a normal life. She deserved to live safely. I could give her neither normalcy nor safety. I couldn't allow myself to bring my world down on her ever again. She deserved so much more than me.

"So I decided to do a quick search. Sorry, I just couldn't help myself, Edward." Alice rumbled on. "I found out she is an interior designer and is actually quite successful at it. I suppose Esme brushed off on her a bit. I'm just so excited! I really want to go see her. I could hire her to redesign my closet for me," she finished thoughtfully, tapping her finger on her chin and looking toward the ceiling.

That is where I lost it.

"Alice," I fumed "You cannot possibly think about seeing her. Just because you haven't seen her in nearly a decade doesn't mean it's alright for you to barge back into her life. We aren't safe for her. We never were and we never will be. Leave her alone, Alice. I mean it."

If looks could kill, I would surely be dead at the moment. If I were still human, that is. "How can you say that, Edward? I know why you wanted us all to leave but that doesn't mean I agree with it. I miss my best friend. I miss Bella. I love her, too, you know, and it's killed me to not be around her. I miss her, Edward! Please! I need to see her."

"No!"

"You are being ridiculous! I should've never agreed to leave in the first place. It was the dumbest thing we've ever done. Leaving not only broke you, you know. It broke us all. Bella included!" Alice stormed. "How dare you keep me from seeing her when we're so physically close, Edward! You can't do it. I won't allow you to keep me from her any longer. So stop fighting it. It's not going to work!"

"I will stop you from going, Alice. I won't allow it. You're not to see her. We're not a part of her world. She's not a part of ours. It's just how it is. It's how it's going to be." By this point, I was seeing red. I was livid at my sister, but before I was able to do or say another word, she turned on her heel and ran out the door. I sat in my room for a while longer, but I was unable to escape the onslaught of thoughts coming from my family two floors below.

Jasper: "It's not all about you anymore, Edward. Alice needs this. Let her be."

Carlisle: "Son, do not tear yourself up over this. Come down and we can discuss the matter and find a solution that works for everyone involved."

Emmett: "Damn, bro. What the hell Alice is about to rip you a new one."

Rosalie: "Not again. How much more drama from Edward can we put up with. Hmph "

Esme: "Poor Edward. I hate to see him suffering so much."

This continued for hours.

I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to get out. I needed to be alone. To think. So I stood up, not even bothering to go down stairs, and headed toward the window and jumped out. Before my feet hit the ground, I was running. I needed to hunt. I needed to get away.

Just as I was about to take down a considerably large black bear, I heard Emmett's thoughts. "Dude, come on, Edward, don't run from this anymore." Ignoring him, I lunged at the bear hoping it would satisfy the hunger growing deep within me. I knew it was impossible, however. The hunger I felt wasn't for blood. Not thirst. I hungered for Bella. My Bella.

Moments later, I tossed the drained bear to the side and stood up. Turning around I spotted Emmett, arms crossed, leaning against a large oak tree with a stupid grin on his face. He was in full-out dimple mode. I despised that grin with a passion. Nothing good could come from it. Sighing, I walked over to a large outcropping of rock and sat down, waiting. I knew what was coming wasn't going to be pleasant.

"Alice has seen her with you," he said. "There is no need to fight it anymore. It's what you want. It's what you have wanted all along. She's good for you, bro. It's been hard on all of us seeing you suffer. It's time to do something to make yourself happy. Bella is the only thing that can do that. Go to her."

"Damn it, Emmett. You know I can't do that. It's not right," I growled.

"Who says? You? Well, let me tell you something, hot shit. You're wrong. You've been wrong the entire time. This is a good thing," he said.

"For her or for me?" I said through gritted teeth.

"For you, of course. You need her."

"Wrong answer, Emmett. This isn't about me. You know that. It's about Bella," I said.

"If that isn't the biggest load of shit I've ever heard then I don't know what is." Emmett replied. "The two of you were made for each other. You know it or at least you should. Stop being such a damn little girl and suck it up. Be a fucking man about it."

"Emmett, what exactly do you think I should do about it? She has obviously moved on with her life. Do you really think if I walked back into it that it would be a good thing? I refuse to put her in danger. She deserves a life. It seems like she has found one. Just let her be. Please," I begged.

"You do realize there is no stopping Alice, right? One way or another Bella is going to know we're here. So why shouldn't you be the one to go to her first? You want it. Stop being such an idiot about it and just go."

I groaned.

"I tell ya what, little brother, how about you and I make a little trip into the city and just do a little reconnaissance. She doesn't even have to know we're there. Just see her. That's all. See her. Is that so damn bad?" he asked.

"Yes, Emmett, that is bad. If I see her..." I was unable to finish that sentence. I wasn't sure what would happen if I saw her.

"Well, dude, it's totally your call, but maybe if we went, it would stall Alice, for a while anyway."

"Damn it, Emmett "

"Shit, Edward, you love her!" he said and I glared at him with narrowed eyes. "I'm just saying," he finished.

"Yes, Emmett, I love her. I always have loved her and I always will love her. That doesn't mean it's right to force ourselves back into her life. Why do I have to keep telling everyone that?" I was getting angry now.

"Who said we would be forcing anything? Maybe Bella wants this, too. Ever think of that? Oh no, you haven't because you've been too busy acting the fool," he sneered. "Let's just go and see her from a distance. I'm sure you can handle that. Then you can make a decision. I won't force you either way. You need to do something other than this moping around shit you've been doing for the last eight years. Maybe seeing her will help you move on. Hell, I don't know, but you need to do something."

"Get off my back, Emmett."

"No."

"Why is everyone so hell bent on me going to her? What good could come from it?"

"Your happiness could come from it."

"It's not about me," I said, as I felt my resolve slipping.

"Exactly, it's not about you. It's about all of us. This shit is getting old, Edward. It's been hard on us all. Esme can hardly stand to be in the same room with you anymore. Do it for her if for no one else."

I knew it had been hard on Esme but having that thrown in my face was a low blow. "Christ, Emmett. If I agree to go, would you get off my damn back about it? I will not make contact with her. I am telling you that now. Got it?"

Grinning hugely, he simply replied, "Got it!"

I stood up and started walking back toward the house. I wasn't sure what was going to happen and I wasn't looking forward to it. Maybe if I did this, everyone would calm down a bit and let me get back to my misery. I was bound and determined to leave Bella alone, to let her live the life she had built for herself. If I was being honest, I was greatly intrigued about her life. Of course I was curious. I couldn't deny it. Seeing her from a distance couldn't possibly destroy everything I had tried to achieve since we left Forks. At least that was what I tried to tell myself.

"Race you back, bro," Emmett thought after a few moments of near silence. I took off as fast as I could, knowing he couldn't catch me. We reached the house within ten minutes. It was time to face the firing squad, so to speak. This couldn't be good.

Entering the house, all I heard was a loud squealing from Alice. I looked over to the oversized couch in front of the fireplace and saw her sitting next to Jasper bouncing up and down like a pogo stick. "I knew you would come to your senses, Edward You won't regret this Just let me know when I can see Bella for myself. I won't be able to wait long."

"Alice, I'm not going to speak to her and neither are you. I still have every intention of leaving her alone. We all will be leaving her alone," I said, glaring at her.

"Whatever, Edward," Alice thought with a smirk. The little pixie really could be exceedingly obnoxious at times.

"Son, I think this is best. Although none of us knew she would be so close when we came here, I can't deny that this is more than a coincidence," Carlisle said softly.

"Fine," I said with a heavy sigh. "I'll do this, but like I said, I have no intention of speaking to her and then I expect everyone to let this drop once and for all."

"We can agree to that, Edward," Carlisle said. "I just want you to be happy," he added silently.

"So when do we get this show on the road, Eddie?" Emmett boomed. "The sooner the better, I think. Alice, where do we find her?"

"Well, her office is in the heart of Manhattan. You'll be looking for Swan Interiors and Design," Alice said while handing Emmett a piece of paper with the address on it. "I'm not sure where she lives so I think it's best to try her work first and then go from there. There will be constant cloud cover in the city for the next two days, so I think it'll be a perfect time for you to go."

"Excellent " Emmett exclaimed and I groaned again. The next couple of days were going to be torturous. Emmett would see to that.

All right, tell me what you think! I have chapter 2 ready to go but I want to make sure you all like this before I continue further. And don't worry, I have lots of lemony plans in store....