Don't Want To Live Without

Chapter One

"Have a seat," Aaron Hotchner said as he motioned toward the couch in his office.

Sitting down Derek Morgan fixed his boss with a raised eyebrow "What's going on?"

"The New York field office has suffered the loss of a unit chief- car accident. I just got off the phone with Strauss. An official request has come down for you to step in as-"

"Hotch-" Derek started to protest.

Aaron held up his hand. "It would be a temporary assignment. Just through the summer. Four months top."

"Listen, to be honest, the month I spent leading our team was the hardest I've ever gone through since I joined the F.B.I."

"Its not easy to have the weight of a whole team firmly on your shoulders but you rose to the occasion. You did an excellent job and I have no doubt you would do the same in New York, should you take this assignment. I don't have to tell you it would look good in your file and, if you turn it down, there might not be many more chances like this offered."

Derek rubbed the back of his head. "Can I have some time to think about it?"

"I need an answer by morning. That team can't function without leadership and no one up there is prepared to take the reins. If you decline then the higher ups need to go to their second choice, as soon as possible."

Derek nodded and stood up. "I don't want to leave our team a man down."

"We will manage."

"If I did this it would only be in order to not close down any paths to advancement in the future. Not cause I want to lead a team again right now. I don't know if that is enough of a reason to go for this."

Aaron stood up. "I can't tell you what to do."

"You'd take it if you were me, wouldn't you?"

"I know one of my greatest faults is that my ambition makes me nearsighted. I wouldn't have to think twice about this. But that's not necessarily a good thing. I do believe you would do us proud if you accepted this though. You can do the job, Morgan. Probably better than most. Just don't let the job became all you have because it will never be enough. Only you know where that line is drawn." Aaron let out a short breath. "Take the night. Let me know first thing in the morning."

Derek walked out of the office and went to his desk to brood over what he had just been told. Though he mused over reasons why he should take it (for the sake of his career) and reasons why he shouldn't (he hated the thought of the team needing him and him not being there) in truth it all came down to one thing that over shadowed everything else: He had never went four months without seeing Penelope since the day they met.

And he didn't like the idea of doing it now.

XXXXXXXXX

At first when he asked her to dinner she had been thrilled. Her heart raced. It had been a long time since they shared a meal together alone that wasn't in the BAU break room.

Now that she was single again maybe their friendship would get back on track. At least till she found her next boyfriend. If she was being honest with herself though, at this point, she'd take a close friendship with Derek over a smoking hot love life with some other guy.

She missed her Hot Stuff, the way they used to be, something awful. There were times she thought they'd never get back the closeness they had lost while she dated Kevin but maybe this dinner was the start of that.

It was certainly a good sign, she figured, that he had wanted to go out with her tonight.

Derek had asked her over e-mail though and she didn't get to see his face or hear his voice when he poised the question. They agreed to meet at the restaurant. He said he wanted to run home after work and deal with Clooney first. He asked her to get a table and order them some drinks.

The minute he walked in and sat down she knew the night wasn't going to end well. The seriousness of his face made her tense up.

She tried to hide her apprehension in bubbliness, which was second nature to her, "Hey there, Angel Fish, I hope you don't mind that I ordered you a beer. I was hoping you would get tipsy and let me have my way with you tonight. I'm drinking ice tea though so I don't forget a minute of our glorious, mind blowing romp. I don't need to be tipsy to agree to doing all sorts of enjoyable things to your chocolate God body."

He gave her a small smile. "Silly girl, slow that motor mouth down before you cause someone in here to blush." He nodded towards the older ladies, in their eighties, who were eating nearby.

Penelope chuckled. "I'm sure they can see you have a body made for multiple orgasms."

Derek's grin became more real and he picked up the menu to hide behind. He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. In a teasing tone he said "Stop it and I mean it. Behave yourself or no dessert."

"Are you the dessert?"

"Could be. Behave and you'll find out."

"Oh, I'll be an angel if you're the reward I'll get at the end of the night."

Their waitress came and they ordered. Once she left Derek focused his eyes on Penelope. She could see how something was weighing down his mind. He asked her "How are you doing lately?"

"You see me every day. You know how I'm doing. I'm as brilliant as ever. Why do you ask? Do you think I've been acting distracted since Kevin and I split? If you're worried about me, don't be cause I'm doing better than I have been in a long while."

"Good, good, good." He paused and sighed. "We never really talk about you and Kevin but I want you to know that if you need to talk about it, I'm all ears. I'm here for you. Always. Just one phone call away."

"Or closer."

He raised an eyebrow.

She went on "Like tonight. I'm sure you realize we haven't been out together, just the two of us, in a long time. Remember when you used to drag me to baseball games and I'd make you see sci-fi movies the same day they came out, if we weren't working? You never saw the point of going to the midnight showing but you went anyway. We could do stuff like that again, if you wanted. If you aren't...you know...over that kind of stuff now."

"I'm not over anything, baby girl."

She smiled and let out a breath, in relief. "So we're okay?"

He covered her hand with his. "I'd love to spend more time with the sexiest Goddess walking on this planet but...." He sat back in his chair. "We'll have to put it on hold till after the summer. I was offered a temporary spot as acting unit chief in the New York office. I'd be back by September, if not sooner."

"When did this happen?"

"Today. I have to let them know tomorrow."

"So you haven't decided?"

"If I turn it down, after I turned down the last promotion because I didn't want to relocate to New York, Hotch thinks I'll be passed over for anymore."

"You have to do it then."

Derek rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't have to, baby, and I don't even want to but I guess.....I am gonna anyway. They need me. I can do it and I can be good at doing it. And I'll be back before you know it."

"Don't worry about me. Just because I'm not with Kevin doesn't mean I'm spending all my weekends alone moping. I have a full life. I'll miss you but there's no reason for you to stay here and fuss over your friend, just because I'm suddenly single. My heart isn't broken. The break up was coming for months- ever since last year really. It's a relief to have it over now." Penelope sipped her drink. "Congratulations, Derek. You deserve this."

"Thanks," he said, without any enthusiasm.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

After the briefing the next morning, Hotch announced to the team that Derek was leaving that day to work out of the New York office for the summer. The rest of the team was surprised but offered him their well wishes.

JJ hugged him. "Does Garcia know?"

Derek answered "Yeah, she's cool with it." Then he stepped away from the group. "My flight leaves in two hours so I need to get going. All of you...stay safe and look out for each other."

He left the conference room before he showed any emotion. Though tears pricked the back of his eyes. This was one assignment he was not looking forward to.

With quick steps he made his way to Penelope's bunker, paused to collect himself, and then knocked on her door.

"Enter, my love."

Derek grinned, though it was filled with sadness, and strolled inside. "Time to say good bye to your boy, baby girl."

He heard her sniffle and watched as she wiped away tears. Trying to put on a brave face Penelope stood up and turned around. "Four months will fly by! And we can still talk every day...or every other day or whatever you have time for....and before we know it you'll be back here because this is just temporary and no one will talk you into making this permanent, right?"

"There's no way in hell I'd agree to that." He opened his arms and she walked into a hug. He kissed her forehead. "Mmmm. Tell me how to get by without your gorgeous smile in my life."

"You'll have that- on your computer. I'll pop up so often it will drive you mad."

He chuckled. "Just make sure you watch your language because we don't need to get busted another time."

She chuckled. "I about passed out that day when I told Strauss to talk dirty to me."

"You and me both. And I was sitting next to her. You should have seen her face. I'm sure no one has ever in all her life said that to her before you did."

Penelope moved back a little. She cupped his face. Staring deep into his eyes she said "Don't take crazy risks while you're gone, okay? Just promise me that much. Promise me you'll come home to me again."

His voice was thick with emotion when he said "I promise."

She kissed his cheek and then stepped away from him. "Je t'aime beaucoup, mon cheri."

"I love you very much too, sweetheart." Derek stared at her for a moment and then looked down. "I gotta go. I'm wheels up in two hours and I have to get through security and everything so...good bye, for now, baby."

"Bye, baby."

He headed for the door but stopped and turned around. "If you need me here I can stay. Just say the word."

"Go, my love. I'm fine. Promise." She gave him a smile. "Seriously. Go and be an uber awesome crime fighter and I'll hold down the home front. Clooney and I will do fine together."

"When I get back....all those things you mentioned we could do....we're doing them, you got it?"

She nodded.

Derek said "So it's a date?"

"Sure. As many movies and baseball games and dinners as you can stand. Whatever you want. You know, when it comes to you, I'm very easy."

"You talk a good game but I'd never call trying to winning your heart easy. Still I've never met any woman more worth working hard to get than you, Penelope........and that is not a joke."

With that said Derek left and Penelope let the tears flow down her cheeks.