Hey! This is my first Inuyasha fic, so I decided to try something simple. What follows is my view on what must have been going on in Inuyasha's head back at the beginning of the story, while trying to chose between Kagome and Kikyo. I tried to do this in a most impartial way. IT wasn't hard really, since half the time I think I+Ka rocks, and the other I'm a I+Ky fan.
I do apologize for the swearing.
Disclaimer: Some really cool gal owns Inuyasha. Most unfortunately though, I'm not her.
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I don't understand humans. I really don't. The fact that I'm half of one doesn't seem to help at all.
Everyone keeps on bugging me about how I'm double-timing Kagome with Kikyo, and how I should make up my mind and chose one of them. Now, what I can't understand is this: Are they crazy? Blind, maybe? Can't they see that Kagome and Kikyo are THE SAME PERSON? How the hell am I supposed to chose between two incarnations of the same soul?
I've tried to look at it reasonably, treat them as separate persons. Which they are, technically. It's just too damn hard! On one side, there's Kagome. She's sweet and funny and brave and one heck of a conversationalist. She worries about others, especially me, and her own well-being isn't very high on her priority list. On a side note, I think that's just plain stupid of her. Sweet, but stupid.
But that's the thing about Kagome; she's not really that stupid. She may not be as clever as say, Sango, but she's very practical. And inside all that kindness and stuff, she can be real tough, even cold. But she's not terribly good at it.
Which brings me to Kikyo. Granted, she may seem like a bitch most of the time, but she's really not that bad. She's determined, and very strong. I mean, it takes a special kind of person to keep the Shikon safe and pure and all that stuff that I never fully understood. Plus, Kikyo is a lot more passionate than Kagome. When she hates me, God, she really hates my guts, and would love to see them splattered in the ground.
Yeah, like that would happen.
But when she loves me… That's what's great about Kikyo; she may seem like a manipulative and calculating, but really, she's 100% fuelled by emotions. Kagome, on the other hand is way too analytical. Should I do something? What does that look mean? I can't believe I did that! What are they going to think now? I shouldn't, it wouldn't seem proper… or would it? Honestly, she drives me crazy sometimes. Most of the time, actually, but it's not like I mind.
Not too much, anyway.
The thing is, I discovered after much thought, Kikyo and Kagome are the same person. Buried deep within Kagome, there's the part that takes charge when there's trouble, the Kikyo. And very, very deep inside, Kikyo can be just as caring and lovable as Kagome. I know that. I've seem that. You just have to dig real deep.
On the other hand, Kikyo freaks me out a lot, with her complicated plans and strange vendettas. She could be like everyone else and kill whoever's bugging her, but does she? Noooooooooo. She has to go and do her weird, dramatic thing. In fact, both Kagome and Kikyo and way to over dramatic. It drives me nuts, it does.
Also, I think Kikyo is right. Technically, she's the one I'm supposed to be loyal to, right? I mean, she's the one I met first, the one I loved first, the one I was supposed to love until forever.
Forever doesn't always last that long, you know? Any day, some evil bastard can come and totally wreck your relationship to pieces. Not to mention your girl.
It haunts me at night, sometimes. It feels wrong, like I'm not keeping up my end of the bargain, because there she is, back from the dead, alone. And here I am, feeling like the lowest of the low, like a cheater, because I didn't run to her the minute she lived again.
I know I loved her. I still do. But sometimes, love alone is not enough to keep going. Kikyo and I didn't trust each other, anyone with a half a brain cell, can see that. Why, when she saw Naraku in my shape, hurting her, she took it for granted that it was me! She believed me capable of betraying her so?
Well, maybe she wasn't all that far off, right? After all, I am kind of betraying her right now, with the whole Kagome issue. But can you blame, really? I'm just trying to follow my instincts. I can't help it if I love Kagome. I was perfectly content being bitter and sarcastic and cynic in my own little sadist world. But then along she came, with her beautiful smile, and perfectly sweet voice… I didn't ask to fall for her. But I still did.
What scares me the most is that if I am, indeed, falling out of love with Kikyo, will it be the same with Kagome? Will I just discard her when I meet another pretty girl? She doesn't deserve it. A girl so kind shouldn't be burned so.
Is it my fault that the one soul I love, the one soul I'm sure I was meant to be with, lives within two different women? It's not my fault if bloody time cracked apart and sent Kagome into this era, so that I could fall for her and screw my life up. And neither did I ask that freakish witch to go and bring Kikyo back from the death, so that she could try and kill me while messing my head up.
What is up with that, anyway? Call me crazy, but the whole 'let's die together' thing doesn't seem very… appealing to me. There's nothing very romantic about eternity in hell. That's definitely a strike against her.
Everyone thinks I'm in love with two women. I'm not. I love only one; she just happens to have two very cute bodies at her disposal. People should stop bitching to me about it, and start blaming whichever wacko came up with such a brilliant idea.
Especially Kagome and Kikyo. They don't give me a second to explain myself. The minute I look at one, the other starts bitching. It's like they expect me to be like them, with all the right answers at the tip of my tongue, just waiting to be delivered. It makes my blood boil, it really does. From Kikyo, I might have expected it, but from Kagome?
Sure, someday I'll be the world's must powerful demon. But until then, I'm still half human. I deserve half a chance, don't I?
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So… how was it? Please, review. I need encouragement, as I haven't had a chance to figure out how things work her in the Inuyasha section.
For anyone who's interested, I'm a CCS graduate, and have a couple of CCS fics. Just check my bio for them.
One more time: Please, review. It only takes a minute, and it makes me very, very happy.
--Kirjava-chan