Title: It's What It Is, You, Me
Summary: From the moment I meant you, I knew that there was something between us, that there was a reason to be in Stars Hollow. It almost made me believe in fate. Silly me.
Story By: Miss-Jedi
Rating: K
Authors Note: This is my first Gilmore Girls fanfic, and it really a bunch of nothing, but I just had to get it out on paper, because it's been bugging me for a really long time. Please, if you hate it, no flames.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls. I don't claim to, so don't sue me.
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From the moment I met you, Rory Gilmore, I knew that there was something between us. You gave me a reason to be in Stars Hollow. You were the first girl that I had to work for; the only girl I wanted to work for. It was hard, because you were so bent on impressing everyone in that stupid town, because you had to live up to your reputation of "Town Princess," and going out with the towns "Bad Boy" wouldn't sit well with that. I didn't care, and I tried to be subtle with me trying to woo you, but apparently everyone saw, except for you, the one person I wanted to see my intentions.
The time when you were still with Dean that I really thought I had a chance with you was when we went out for ice cream. But then that stupid animal –dog, cat - whatever it was. I should've just run it over, make it look like an accident. It would've saved me so much trouble.
I had never been so worried in my entire life; knowing that I hurt you, hurt me the most. I left, my better judgment hoping I'd never see you again, but I was really aching to see you. When you came to New York, I realized we weren't over, so I moved back.
Sookie's wedding, the summer after- everything is just a blur to me. When you came back, I didn't think I had a chance, you still being with Dean… But then, when he broke up with you in front of everyone… I felt bad, yet so good. It wasn't just a goal I had accomplished, something I'd get over; I got Rory.
All of our relationship after that was just… good, bad, great, terrible. In the end, I loved you; no, not just loved you; I was in love with you. The first time I had felt that way, and it scared me to death, because I was just bound to disappoint, because that's how I am –was – and I didn't want to do that to you, so I left. It was the only way to not hurt you. At least, not as badly then if I stayed. I'm not sure if it hurt you, or me more, or if we're pretty much even. All I know is that it hurt, a lot.
I came back a couple times after that, and I made excuses, my car, my moms wedding, Luke, all that junk; they were all lies. I know that, and so does everyone else. It's because I couldn't let you go, and I wanted us to be together, but I kept running, it's what I do… Perfect example: I chased you around the streets of Stars Hollow, to tell you I love you, then I just run off… Stupid, I know. If I had been ready then, I would've at least waited for an answer, but I couldn't, because I didn't want have to face the answer, weather it be good or bad.
I came back again though, because I can never get enough. This time, I was ready, I was sure of it. I'd cleaned up my life; I had a job, an apartment, a car all I was missing was you. But then I saw Dean with you, and I freaked. I had planned what I was going to say, and I said it, yet it sounded so much more desperate, and… like me, or the old me. I just blurted everything out, and when you said no, our places switched. Instead of you getting your heart broken, it was mine, instead of you getting rejected, it was me. It hurt more than anything before and after that did. I had been so sure we were meant to be, and I was wrong, you had chosen someone else over me, because I made you wait, and you moved on. But, I still couldn't get it out of my head, though, I managed to push it back, but it was – still is- there.
I came back again, this time, as a friend to tell you of his accomplishments, only to find you screwed up your life. I was in shock, I couldn't' believe it. I couldn't stand it, to just watch you throw your life away just because of some blond jerk. I only told you how I felt, hoping you'd get it back in order. Something in the back of my head was thinking at that time, maybe, just maybe then we can be together. So, in order to see how things turned out, I invited you to Philadelphia. You came, to my surprise – very much to my surprise. You told me you fixed everything and I was happy, extremely happy, even. This was my chance, my move, my moment- our moment, the one where we would finally be, just like in those fairytales. Our happily ever after.
But you pulled away. Started telling me you loved the jerk who cheated on you, and you only did what you just did to get back at him. That hurt. That hurt more than I'll ever let show. I was just the guy you picked up to get back at your boyfriend. You loved him, and you didn't love me. I won't ever let it show how much you hurt me there.
I didn't deserve that – not even I had done that much damage to you. And then, at that moment exactly, I finally realized that we were never meant to be. We're a cute couple, sure, I think we complete each other, but one of us is never ready, or ever will be. I love you, and I always will, and you… You'll never love me that way, because it's always someone else. You almost made me believe in fate Rory; all those times we were brought together, I almost did. Silly me. It's sad, and depressing, and I may never get over it, but it's what it is – you, me.
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Since you've made it this far through, it doesn't hurt to review… As long as it's nice…
Miss-Jedi