AN - Everyone sing along with the chorus, you know how it goes by now ...
This contains implied Malahad and swearing and falls into the category of 'you wot mate?'. And repeat.
Don't squick, it's mostly harmless. Unless you are religious.
Merlin was sat in the centre of his office, on a whirly office chair, with a tablet, in a circle made of some white substance or other when Eggsy burst in. He was in the process of pouring a bottle of water onto the floor as he tiptoed the chair in a circle. He had his tongue stuck out in concentration.
"Harry!" Eggsy spluttered out explosively, before the sight in front of him had really registered with him.
"Shite." Said Merlin succinctly, and threw him a large bag of salt, which Eggsy caught purely on instinct. "Make yourself a nice circle and sit the fuck down in it."
Eggsy stared at him.
"But Harry ..."
"Are you deaf as well as habitually disobedient?" Merlin thundered. "Shut up and do as you are told."
Just that morning, before everything had gone to utter shit, Eggsy had been ordered to shoot his dog. He hadn't and look where that had gotten them. So Eggsy gave Merlin a look that clearly said 'I am humoring you because it is all too much for me, so I totally understand that you have lost it' and drew himself a circle with the salt and then sat down cross-legged and looked up at Merlin.
"Can I ..."
"No. Shut up. And whatever you do, do not say his name again. Or leave your circle."
"Merlin ..." Eggsy began again. "I know it's hard, but Harry ..."
The air fizzed and both men felt their ears pop.
"Fuck!" Merlin gasped. "You couldn't even follow those instructions?" He demanded, patting down his pockets until he found his lighter and flicking it on, before spinning round in a circle on his chair and flicking it closed. "Your sister could have followed those damned instructions!" He said, pulling out a penknife and making a cut in his hand, letting blood fall on the half-dissolved salt as he again spun himself around in a blur. Then he launched into a very heavily accented Latin rant (that he read from his tablet) and the only thing that Eggsy understood was the name 'Harry Hart' repeated three times in a tone that said 'Come the fuck here and look sharp about it'.
After that, things got quite weird.
The body had taken quite some time to die.
It had been tedious. Waiting around for the thread to finally snap. It did give him time to consider what to do next. He had enjoyed this life, it had been productive. Merrily sending evildoers off to their well earned damnation so new ones could rise up faster. Efficient. Obviously he could not go back, at least not straight away.
Then he felt the pull of a gentle summons. Eggsy, grieving, confused and angry. Harry was considering answering it and taking over his body when suddenly another, much stronger and more determined, summoning (with considerably more presence behind it) gave him little choice in the matter. Merlin, thought Harry with a wide smile. Living up to his name in a literal sense. Well, it would be rude not to answer that call. Whatever else Harry Hart maybe, he is above all polite.
The air fizzed again and fog rose from the floor, creeping towards them until it stopped at the edge of their circles.
"Salt, Darling?" Harry's voice asked. "Well, I am both impressed and insulted. You do know you are supposed to summon me into a circle don't you? Otherwise, there is absolutely nothing to keep me here."
"Sorry for not being up on the finer points" Merlin grit out. "But over the course of the 25 fucking years we have known each other, you completely failed to mention that you were a demon. Had I known, many things might have been a tad bit different."
"And yet here we are." Harry's voice replied, sounding amused. "You are clearly not completely shocked. And if we are being accurate, I am a fallen angel. And I have only known you in the biblical sense for 20 fucking years, Darling."
"Here we are. How do we do this?" Merlin asked and Eggsy saw a confusion of emotions warring on the genius' face. Chief among them was annoyance. Eggsy had to admire his balls.
"Well you summoned me. It rather depends what you have in mind. And what you are offering. I must say, I have seen more virginal virgin sacrifices."
"Eggsy is not a sacrifice. I know damned well you can conjure up your own body."
"Oi!" Said Eggsy, snapped out of his astonishment. "The fuck is goin' on 'ere!"
"Eggsy! Will you please shut the fuck up? Can you not see that I am dealing with shite well beyond your clearance level?"
"Yes Eggsy. The grown ups are talking." The disembodied voice of Harry was still amused.
"Harry, the world is about to go to Hell." Said Merlin seriously.
"And why should that bother me?" The voice from the fog asked. "That is precisely my goal after all."
"Free-will Harry. We were given it. Will all those souls go to Hell if they are not under their own control when they become murderers? And think of all those genuinely repentant sinners you will loose amongst the survivors."
"Ah Rupert. You are still your father's son despite the atheism." Harry replied. "And you make a good point. I need a body."
"Make one." Merlin ordered.
"Do you know how much effort is involved in that?" Fog-Harry whined. "It really would be easier to take Eggsy's."
"You can't have Eggsy." Merlin said firmly. "I'd exorcise you before you had time to get your slippers on and get comfortable. What about your old one?"
"Dead. And in America."
"Can you fix it and reanimate it? That must take less effort than creating a new one."
"Hmm." Said Harry. "But it is still in America. And it was getting on a bit. Wouldn't you like to have that young, athletic body in your bed?"
"I will not be tempted by you." Merlin growled.
"Darling, you have always been tempted by me."
"Eeer," Eggsy chimed in as Merlin looked like he was about to start a private little apocalypse all of his own. "Saving the world? Anyone else up for it? Coz we should probably get on that."
Apparently the Harry-Fog had also had enough of baiting his (ex-?)lover because he cut straight to the chase;
"Rupert? You summoned me, what do you want from me?"
"Get back to Kentucky and commander something you can fly. I will be in touch with the destination."
"And what are you offering?" Harry's voice asked, curious.
"Me." Merlin replied.
"But I already have you."
"My soul." Merlin clarified.
"Ah Love. You are a killer, amongst other things strongly disapproved of by Our Father. Your only hope of avoiding eternity in the pit is that I am merciful and cast your soul into oblivion. I don't want your soul."
"I don't know what to offer you then." Merlin said in defeat.
"It's the form o' the thing init?" Eggsy asked. "You wanna help, but we have to cut a deal before you can. How about a puppy Harry? A nice terrier?"
The voice laughed.
"Rupert, do you consider the prospect of living with Mr. Pickles the Second too high a price for my assistance in saving the world?"
Merlin spat. Actually spat. At the fog. It hissed when it made contact.
"You can have your bloody terrier Harry."
"Agreed then. Pleasure doing business with you. See you there."
With another fizz and pop of the ears, the fog was gone.
"Well," said Eggsy after a moment. "That was probably the strangest thing I have ever experienced. Sober at any rate."
"Why did you have to suggest a terrier? I hate terriers! We have been fighting about that for over a decade. The garden has only just recovered from the last one. Bloody holes everywhere. Could you not have just left it at puppy? I could have gotten him a nice wolfhound and still fulfilled the deal."
"Eeer, saving the world? A bit of prospective here Bruv? Did you want your fallen fucking angel lover's help or not? Coz I can totally see how an immortal being with magic powers could help there."
Merlin swung back to his main computer and began making a plan.
"I don't think he has any magic when he is in a human body." He said. "Lancelot? Make your way to the hangar, we will be departing shortly, I will brief you on the way." Merlin's shoulders slumped. "One day he will leave me for you, Eggsy."
"Not gonna happen Bruv." Eggsy smiled. "He just agreed to help save the world if you let him have a puppy. He's well gone on you. Also, I dun't think he is supposed to do the casting thing either, not in the job description. Think you might have to worry more about him casting hisself after ya."
"Not today." Merlin said determinedly, getting up from his seat. "Come on Eggsy."
"You gotta tell me who your dad is though." Eggsy said, following on Merlin's heels.
"The Pope. Though not at the time." Merlin smirked. "Illegitimate, obviously, and totally disowned for the sins of sodomy and atheism, of course."
"No fucking way!" Eggsy grinned. "I always thought there was sumthin Italian 'bout you!"
AN2 - So now Merlin really is a Scottish bastard ... Before his dad became the Pope, he worked in the Vatican's exorcism department (which is a thing that is real), hence Merlin being suspicious of Harry and having at least a vague idea of how to summon him. Also, like Crowley in "Good Omens", I don't think Harry fell so much as 'sauntered vaguely downwards'. Harry could perambulate for Britain.
No, never have I ever attempted to summon a demon of any type. But if I did, I'd've added some incense to the protective circle. Just sayin'.