Title: To Be Loved
Author: LiLAqUaMaRiE
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Pairings/Characters: Natalia Boa Vista/Ryan Wolfe
Rating: PG-13/K+
Warnings: Drama, angst.
Word Count: 1,579
Summary: Natalia believes she truly lost everything she held dear, she was wrong.
Note: If by any chance the characters seem out of character, excuse me. I'm still not to familiar with how their characters are like much – I'm still new to the fandom.

Walk the line
I'll walk inside you
Change your mind
Let your love decide you
It's the reason I know
You'll never let me go

- Lose Your Way - Sophie B. Hawkins

Part One - Ryan

Natalia Boa Vista sighed to herself for the millionth time that day. She glanced up from where she sat on a bench in a park not far from CSI labs, watching people around her doing their own thing - while she was alone.

The park was beautiful this time of year; flowers bloomed everywhere, the trees flourished, the weather was calm and gentle - neither windy nor hot. People walked around the park, enjoying it, having a good time - being happy.

Everyone, everyone but her.

Natalia knew she fucked up. She really knew that – understood that even. But couldn't she right the wrongs she's done? She understands that what she did was wrong, she understands that she lost everyone she consider her friends – family; knows that they aren't going to trust her anymore nor want to have anything to do with her unless completely necessary. She even understands she is going to have to face the punishment they were giving her – to accept the fact that she will be shunned.

But it doesn't mean she can handle it.

The only people at the labs that were acting civil to her the most they could were Horatio and Alexx, but that did not mean she didn't notice the shake of their heads when they stare at her, or the disappointment in their eyes. She doesn't know which was worse, the fact that the others were completely ignoring her or the disappointed she saw in H's and Alexx eyes.

Natalia closed her eyes as she wrapped her arms around her lower torso, hugging herself as if her life depended on it. She just wanted to make something out of herself, but she needed the money – she didn't want to betray her friends, the labs but that was the only thing the Fed's requested from her…information.

She chewed on her bottom lip as she was lost in thought. She wasn't some evil snake woman; she just fucked up – made a mistake, but people treated her now as if what she did was a horrible crime. No one wanted to listen to what she wanted to say, no one cared if she sent only good information to the Feds. She was the mole which meant she was bad. It was simple as that.

No matter how many times she repeated "I've never meant to harm anyone in anyway" no one would ever believe her – especially not Ryan Wolfe.

Natalia closed her eyes as she recalled the hatred she saw in his eyes as he would glance her way. Seeing that anger, she could almost feel it with her hands - she so badly wanted to rid him of that hate, that pain. He was a good man, a gentle man. She saw that personally when they spent their first and only night together. He shouldn't hold that anger deep within himself – it wasn't good for him.

She allowed a small sad smile to form upon her lips as she glanced up to see a couple walking by holding hands. To this day, she can still remembers the touch of Ryan's hand upon hers, the way his touches would make her shiver and melt at the same time.

Natalia shook her head. She would never tell Ryan, how important he started to be to her. Ever since her problem with Eric – he's been there, even when at first she was just using him. He somehow found his way to slowly sneak his way into her heart. Unfortunately, she was rather late in realizing her new sets of feelings – she lost Ryan before she ever truly had him to begin with.

"Damn it Ryan!" Natalia spoke to herself as a silent tear rolled freely from one of her eyes. "Why can't you see how much I love you?" She took in a deep breath trying to calm her nerves as she was lost deep in thought, not noticing the approaching figure from behind.

"Do you really mean that?"

The sound of a new voice that was close and from behind her startled her, making her jump away from the bench as quickly as possible. What she saw made her tense up from head to toe.

Natalia opened her mouth and closed it; she repeated this once more before starting to stutter. "R- Ry- Ryan?"

Ryan Wolfe just stared at her with a blank expression; his face held no reaction to her as he spoke once more.

"Do you really mean that?" He asked again.

Natalia stared at him confused and in shock at the same time. She couldn't believe he was standing in front of her and talking to her – willingly. Was she dreaming? She must be dreaming. Natalia lifted one of her arms up and with her other free hand she pinched the arm she lifted up. She pinched hard which resulted in her yelping slightly in pain and glanced back in front of her to see that Ryan was still in fact there.

Natalia decided she had to pinch herself harder, which resulted in more pain.

Ryan blank expression changed slightly to one of a raised eyebrow as he tilted his head to the side, "Is there a point to pinching yourself?"

Natalia glanced at him with confused stare as she rubbed her abused arm. "You mean you're really are here?"

Ryan blinked at her a bit confused before nodding slowly. "Yes, it would seem that I am."

Natalia just nodded in reply. "Oh." Then realization dawned on her, Ryan – Ryan Wolfe – the man who supposedly hated her was standing in front of her in a calm nature. What the hell? "Um…hi."

Ryan just snorted softly before asking the question he was asking all along. "Do you really mean that?"

Natalia responded with a blank look. "Um, I'm not quite sure I'm following –"

"Do you love me?"

"Oh." Her eyes widen slightly. "That."

Silence.

"So for the possibly fourth time now, do you really mean that?"

Natalia was truly nervous now; she didn't know how to respond. She never expected for anyone let alone Ryan to hear her words. She thought she was alone, she was wrong. "Ah. Um..." Silence reigned once more. "What would…you know…ah."

Ryan just stared her with a serious look. "It's a simple yes or no answer."

Natalia did the first thing to come to mind, she decided to turn away from Ryan and run far away as she could but as she was turning around a hand stretched out and grabbed one of her arms. She froze and glanced down at the strong hand that held her arm in a strong but firm grip. "Yes or no?"

Natalia eyes turn serious now. She wasn't going to allow him to make fun of her for the nature of her feelings; there were something's she can handle but if that's what he trying to do – that she wouldn't stand for."

"What's it to you?"

"Depends on your answer."

She blinked as she stared at him. She wasn't expecting that type of response. "Can you kindly let go, I have things to get back to, ya know like – work?" She tried to pull her arm away, but the grip was firm. It was clear to her that she wasn't going anywhere.

"Yes or no?"

She sighed to herself in resignation; she closed her eyes for the moment as she tried to calm her wary nerves, before reopening her eyes to stare at his. "Yes."

What she was expecting was a laugh, a mock – something hurtful. What she got, well it easy to say, she wasn't expecting. Ryan had stared at her for a span of two seconds after she gave him her answer before crushing his mouth onto hers.

To say Natalia was surprised would be an understatement. She froze still. Ryan was kissing her – hard. He was kissing her. She couldn't believe what was happening. He was kissing her? Slowly as the concept of the kissing sunk into her brain, she found herself returning the heated kiss which after a few moments took a turn from a hard heated crushing kiss to a calmer, gentle serene one. Throughout the moment of the kiss, Ryan had managed to release her from his grip to only have his hand end up tangled up in her hair.

They both were gasping slightly for the needed air as the broke apart. Ryan gently laid his forehead against hers as he closed his eyes; she on the other hand kept hers open – dazed at what just had happened. Silence emerged for a few seconds, only the sounds of breathing could be heard.

"It hurt."

Natalia blinked lifting her face to stare at him, as Ryan continued. "What you did, I – I…" He paused to gather his thoughts. "You used me." A small tear escaped his eyes, she felt like crap as she watched him open up his heart to her.

Natalia lifted a hand up to his face, using her thumb to brush away the fallen tear. "I'm sorry." She spoke softly to him as she allowed her finger to caress his cheek slightly. "I'm truly sorry for my wrongs Ryan."

She attempted to pull her hand back, away - feeling ashamed for the pain she caused him. "I'm so sorry for hurting you." But Ryan managed to grab her hand before she completely pulled it away. He lifted it back towards his face – his lips. He tenderly placed a kiss upon her palm before nodding slowly as he stared at her. "I know 'Lia. Now, I know."

Part One - Fin.