I am a frequent on Youtube and I watched a video that inspired this fic and I don't think anybody has thought of this idea and if you have, sorry I didn't know that hehe. I don't own the Sailor Song or Naruto or the Akatsuki.
"MY LEGS HURT DANNAAAAAA MPH!" Sasori clamped a hand over Deidara's mouth and continued to walk with the other Akatsuki members down the barren road. The reason why they were walking down this road was because Pain believed they needed a vacation and thus they were walking.
The weather was extremely hot and all the members were exhausted and irritable. Kisame looked ready to collapse any second, Itachi looked like he was one second away from killing everyone around him, Zetsu was being led by Tobi who was trying to be a good boy because the plant man had is leaves closed around him so the heat wouldn't get to him, Kakuzu wasn't counting his money, for once Hidan was silent, Konan was being carried by Pain bridal style, Pain wasn't claiming he was a god, and the artists weren't debating on art. Just to get to the point they were not enjoying their vacation very much.
Deidara, who hated the heat with a passion, continued to complain after yanking the puppet master's hand of his mouth "Pain where are we even going you haven't told anyone yet, un?" The Akatsuki leader muttered "Patience is a virtue and don't worry were almost there."
Hidan decided to join in "How much fucking longer Lord Pain in the ass?" Kakuzu used his tentacles to clamp over Hidan's mouth "SHUT UP NOW OR I WILL RIP YOUR TONGUE OUT AND I WON'T PUT IT BACK!" The jashinist couldn't imagine something more terrible and he nodded quickly and Kakuzu slowly retracted his tentacles back but he kept a few out as a warning.
Itachi looked up at Kisame and the shark man kneeled down and the weasel jumped onto his back and closed his eyes. Zetsu opened his leaves and asked "Are we there yet?" Pain said "No." Then soon everybody was asking frustrating Pain and making him rise in volume with each no and tighten his grip on Konan who shifted around uncomfortably. Hidan looked ready to ask "Are we there yet?" Pain looked ready to explode when a seagull pooped on Hidan's scythe. Pain smiled "Yes were here." Everyone sighed with relief except for Hidan who was yelling at the seagull "Damn you feathered ass winged fucker Jashin will punish you!" He did a quick prayer and held his rosary in his hands while closing his eyes then a small thunder cloud appeared above the bird, fried him to where it was featherless and cooked and strangely seasoned then it fell into Hidan's hands.
Hidan did a prayer of thanks to Jashin and quickly ate the chicken and caught up to the other members who left him behind. When they arrived at their destination they were all shocked and Pain was smiling smugly. Everybody quietly whispered except for Pain "Oh My God (Jashin)!" In front of them was a giant boat that had a painted 'S.S Akatsuki' on it. The boat was huge and was painted black and it was shining in the suns hot rays and stood boldly out among the powerful waves of the ocean and it had a flag at the top that had the Akatsuki red cloud on it and Pain standing on the world.
All the members were in deep shock except for Kakuzu who was shaking and his eye was twitching "How much money did this cost, Pain?" The leader glanced at the former fall ninja "This ship's former crew kindly donated this ship to us and even are driving the ship after I gently persuaded them to" He chuckled evilly causing Konan to get nervous and elegantly jump out of the leaders arms and got a better look at the ship.
The others quickly followed her onto the ship and the frightened crew took their luggage. Kisame looked over his shoulder at Itachi who was still on his back "Itachi-chan!" the weasel looked up at him "What is it?" Kisame smiled broadly and whispered as if he were telling a huge secret "I like the ocean." Itachi rolled his eyes but smiled at the shark man "Me too."
Each pair of partners each got a room. It was a fancy Titanic style ship. Kisame and Itachi got a room with a lot of windows, a water bed and fish tank which made Kisame feel at home. Kakuzu and Hidan got a room with black walls and with one window because Hidan hated the light in the morning, a bed with money symbols on it which Kakuzu loved and a special closet for special matters...Hidan's sacrifices. Zetsu and Tobi got a green room full of plants and a bed with a familiar swirly orange pattern on it. Sasori and Deidara got a room with grey walls and made of metal in case Deidara made an explosion, an assortment of many kinds of poisons in a closet which Sasori had promised not to use while on the vacation and a really soft bed with a lot of pillows because Deidara loved making pillow forts with Sasori. Last but not least Pain and Konan got the best room with walls that had wave like trimmings at the bottom, a lot of paper for origami , a he mirror for Pain to look at himself and a king size bed that had gold trimmings on the sides and a red comforter and more pillows than Deidara and Sasori.
Once they got settled in all the members met up at the deck. Pain pulled a hat out of nowhere with pieces of paper in it. Zetsu raised his hand and looked suspiciously at the hat "What is that for?" Pain answered back "Well I have no distinct plans but each of our names are in here and whoever gets their name pulled has to think of something we all can do." Pain dramatically plunged his hand in and made a show of slowly picking a paper and lifting it up "Deidara." Before the blond could say anything Sasori barged in "No blowing stuff up." The bomber looked disappointed but lightened up almost immediately.
He looked mischievously at Sasori "Fine we are going to play seven minutes in heaven." The members gasped but smiled at one another. Pain got a bottle and they all sat criss-cross in a circle Pain spoke up "Okay Deidara goes first and we play until everyone has gotten in the closet." He indicated to a closet that strangely on the deck.
Deidara put one of his hands on the bottle "Here I go, un!" the bottle pointed at Sasori and Deidara squealed "Come on DANNA!" In a blink of an eye they were on the closet. Seven minutes passed and Kisame to drag them out of the closet.
Next, since he got those two out, Kisame spun and landed on Itachi who smiled nervously at the shark man. When they were done they reluctantly walked out and Kisame whispered into Itachi's ear and he giggled.
Kakuzu spun and it landed on Hidan who claimed it was Lord Jashin's will and they went in. The remaining Akatsuki members looked at each other nervously when they started to hear loud crashes. The two zombies, as Kisame once mentioned, looked more alive than ever and they glanced suggestively at each other before sitting down.
Tobi happily jumped up and down as the bottle he just spun landed on Zetsu whose black side smiled seductively and white side smiled happily. They went inside and came out with ease and Tobi asked "Was Tobi a good boy Zetsu-sama?" Zetsu patted Tobi's hair "Yes, yes you were." Tobi smiled under his swirly mask and glomped the plant man who merely sat down.
Pain and Konan just glanced at each other, stood up and walked into the closet. The other Akatsuki members waited patiently but they were in there for WAY longer than 7 minutes. Hidan stood up and pounded on the locked closet door "Get your fucking heathen asses out of there, this is 7 minutes in heaven not fucking 7 HOURS!" They opened the door and looked perfectly normal as if nothing happened and Pain once again pulled a name out of the hat "Kakuzu."
Kakuzu grinned and despite his mask it was quite visible. He said "Were going to play." He paused dramatically "Leap Frog!"
Everybody looked confused but they went along with it. Once they were done after many attempted jumps, fails and sore backs, Hidan looked at Kakuzu questioningly "Why did you choose leap frog out of all the Jashin damned games?" Kakuzu looked back at him straight into his eyes and answered simply "Because frogs are green just like money." Hidan fell down anime style.
The next person was Tobi and he yelled in his high pitched voice "TOBI CHOOSES DUCK DUCK GOOSE BECAUSE HE IS A GOOD BOY!"
They all sat down criss-cross and Tobi went first. He touched Hidan's head "Duck" then he went to Kakuzu "Duck" and he continued for about 10 straight minutes and when he neared the annoyed Deidara who looked ready to become his own version of art "GOOSE!" The two were running around for a long time with Deidara yelling his head off and Tobi laughing hysterically.
This game lasted for about one hour then everybody got bored and went to the hat to see who would go next.
Pain pulled out Itachi's name and the weasel remained silent while everyone looked at him expectantly. Kisame looked at him for a split second "He wants to play the silent game." Konan sighed "Only you would choose that game."
They all counted down for the game to start "3…2…1…GO!" Then the game began. Tobi and Hidan lost almost immediately causing both to sit in a corner with an emo cloud over their heads. Zetsu and Kakuzu lost on purpose to comfort their partners. Deidara's face turned red from not talking then he broke of screaming like a banshee and ran to his room. Sasori looked annoyed "Geez I better quit now to stop that brat from blowing something up." They all heard a loud explosion and the puppet master winced then walked over to his shared room.
All that was left were Pain, Konan, Kisame, and Itachi. Hidan was bored and wanted to end the game so he screamed out loud "OH LORD JASHIN TELL ME YOUR WILL FOR YOU ARE THE RULER OF ALL!" He glanced at Pain knowing his reaction already "I AM LORD PAIN RULER OF ALL AND YOU SHOULD BE ASKING ME MY WILL I AM A GOD!"
Konan grasped Pain's shoulders and shook him back and forth with bone snapping speed "You baka you lost the game and now I lost the game geez you need more self-control."
The two partners walked away, Konan stomping in the front and Pain following in her wake.
In the end Kisame won because he made Itachi laugh by tickling him and Pain pulled out Zetsu's name.
They ended up lying in the sun in a strange game of photosynthesis. Next went Hidan who believed catching fish and sacrificing them to Jashin was a game.
Konan chose limbo and surprisingly Tobi won because he is so used to doing many feats to dodge attacks from enemies but mostly Deidara. Pain chose a game of pretend where he was an Egyptian Pharaoh and everyone else had to worship him and they ended up having to 'execute' Hidan for disrespecting the son of a god.
Sasori was surprisingly nice and just gave them a pretty good puppet show about a guy going on a journey to save his long lost lover and he died protecting her from his evil brother who wanted to kill her.
Deidara and Konan were clinging to each other crying their eyes out, Itachi was desperately trying to hold his tears at bay and Kisame who also was holding tears back rubbed his back gently, Kakuzu was awkwardly holding a sobbing Hidan, Zetsu's white side was crying and his back side was sad looking, Tobi was wailing loudly, and Pain clapped his hands.
Sasori bowed and sat back down. Last but not least was Kisame.
He smiled at Itachi who nodded at him eagerly "The final game is chicken fight!" some of the members didn't know what that was so Kisame explained that it was game where you were in a pool and two people sat on someone else's shoulders and they had to try to push each other off.
The first round was Konan on Pain's shoulders versus Deidara on Sasori's shoulder. They just pulled at each other's hair and Deidara fell first.
Pain smiled proudly and wrapped his arms around Konan's shoulders giggled. Sasori comforted the disappointed Deidara.
Next was Tobi on Zetsu versus Hidan on Kakuzu. Hidan started screaming so much profanity it would put a sailor to shame and it scared Tobi so much he jumped off Zetsu and tried to swim out but nearly drowned.
Then Hidan thought he was all that and went another round against Konan and he lost when she slapped so hard he turned and fell face first face first into the water.
The finally round was Itachi on Kisame versus the seemingly invincible Konan and Pain. They circled each other slowly western shoot out style while Itachi and Konan were trying to kill each other with their glares. This round went on for a long time but Itachi managed to unbalance Konan and knock her off.
The applause was loud and Pain went into the emo corner who was comforted by Konan. After a couple minutes Pain pulled himself together and congratulated Kisame and Itachi. Kisame grinned widely "Yeah we have been practicing for a while." Itachi allowed himself a small smile.
The sun was setting on the horizon making the water sparkle and the Akatsuki members watched in awe. Pain broke the pregnant silence "Everyone rest up and meet me back up here around 9:30 tonight."
All of them dispersed to their rooms. Hidan went to sleep and Kakuzu counted his money and set an alarm to go off at 9:00 and drifted off to sleep.
Zetsu closed his leaves and was doing who knows what and Tobi was coloring in a coloring book.
Sasori was painting one of his puppets and Deidara was concentrating on making a sculpture.
Itachi was dozing off on his bed staring out the window ignoring Kisame who changed back and forth from jumping on the water bed and staring at the fish.
Konan and Pain were in their room having a deep conversation "Pain, what are you planning to do tonight?" Pain showed her a paper that had his plan for their vacation and at the bottom was a long paragraph with stars around it.
Konan read them over and nearly squeezed Pain to death in a hug "This is going to be great!"
At around 9:30, with the starts out and the full moon reflecting onto the dark water, they all met up on deck. Pain gestured for them to follow him and they complied.
They just followed him to the other side of the bridge. There was a huge stereo and a dj, a bar, a huge food stand that Zetsu was eyeing, and a huge dance floor. Zetsu was the first to snap out of awe "Pain, is what I think your planning is what really you are planning?" Pain nodded "If you were thinking that we were going to have a party then yes, we are."
Hidan rolled his eyes "I love a fucking good party as much as the next bastard but are we celebrating something because if we fucking are you should fucking tell us this shit beforehand and when I say shit I mean it in a good way leader dude."
Konan looked at Pain knowingly "Pain you should just tell them." Pain walked over to Konan and wrapped his arms around her then spoke "Well first, I captured all of the jinchuriki and I want to relax before we extract all the tailed beasts and Konan and I are getting married." He said all of this as if it happens every day.
Kisame walked up to the bar and made the bottle he just grabbed from the frightened crew member, explode "If that isn't a reason to celebrate then I don't know what is." Then the shark man proceeded to chug down the remaining liquid in the bottle.
Soon the music started playing loudly and everyone, especially the ukes and Konan, were demolishing the bar and Zetsu ate all the food at the food stand by himself.
A dizzy Deidara grabbed a microphone and started to sing in his slurred voice every time we touch by cascada to Sasori and Itachi joined him and sang to Kisame.
I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me.
I still feel your touch in my dreams.
Forgive me my weakness but I don't know why, without you it's hard to survive.
Then Hidan and Konan joined them in the chorus and by the end of the song everyone was laughing hysterically like hyenas.
Then a slow song came on that I will leave to your imagination and then all they all grabbed their partner and started slow dancing.
The song Dreaming of You by Selena came on and they continued to dance although some of the people mostly the ukes and Konan started crying. Hidan got tired of crying and had enough of it for one day so he told the dj something then he changed the song to Let the Bodies Hit the Floor and he started using his scythe he somehow pulled out of nowhere as a guitar.
Everyone went from crying to laughing and they danced most of the night away.
Then the song of the night came on… The Sailor Song! They all started singing happily joining hands.
If we all come together we know what to do we all come together just to sing we love!
And if we all come together we know what to do
We all come together just for you.
They started singing the song at the line that said chasing all the girls Sasori was chasing a laughing Deidara and the line that said making robberies Kakuzu's eyes became money signs.
Causing panic everywhere we go party hardy on Titanic
Sailing,sailing jumping off the railing.
Itachi had to haul Kisame up because he tried jumping of the ship and Deidara was causing panic by blowing stuff up and Zetsu was trying to do the tango with a plant while Tobi was running around holding up a banner that said "TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!" Hidan was also sacrificing the crew members.
Drinking drinking til the ship is sinking!
Everybody grabbed another round of drinks from the bar and Pain and Konan were trying to do that thing people just get married do when they pour the drinks into each other's mouths but the missed completely.
Hidan had thrown his cloak off a long time ago and was only wearing his pants and rosary and was leaning on Kakuzu who had actually taken his mask off and they were both drinking and laughing hysterically at a drunken Kisame trying to apologize to an equally drunken but angry Itachi for trying to jump off the boat.
Gambling, stealing, lots of sex appealing COME LETS SING THE SAILOR SONG!
They all shouted "Come sing the sailor song!" at the exact same time and Hidan and Kakuzu who were already laughing collapsed on the floor from laughing so hard "HAHAHA FUCK KAKUZU I CAN'T BREATH HAHAHAHAH JASHIN HELP ME!" Kakuzu was laughing too hard to respond.
Deidara, Itachi, Tobi, Hidan, Konan sang this next part to their partners.
Sailor man you really turn me on.
Now the guys are gone, come let us get it on!
Girls like me are pretty hard to find
And if you go I'll kick your hiney!
Itachi kicked Kisame in the butt then he forgave him. Tobi was glomping Zetsu again and Hidan glomped Kakuzu. Konan was chasing Pain trying to kick his butt while Deidara was trying to blow up Sasori's.
They whole song played through and brought along chaos with it. When it ended, a loud 'Awwwww!' passed from the disappointed Akatsuki members. Hidan yelled out "Come on Pain in the ass play it again at least one more fucking time!"
Pain was about to play it again when the boat began to shake after a loud booming sound resounded through the ship. Everybody looked at Deidara who put his hands "Hey it wasn't me this time, un!"
Hidan smiled and innocently whispered "Ooops!" Kakuzu glared at his partner "What did you do, baka." Hidan pretended to look hurt "Aww your such a bastard Kuzu-chan I thought we were having a moment earlier, I accidently hit the ship controls with my scythe when one of the crew was running away from Jashin's will."
Kakuzu face palmed himself and the ship started tilting everybody looked at each other with wide eyes. Sasori started shaking a bewildered Deidara "Come on don't you have that clay can't you just make birds or something?" Deidara grabbed Sasori's hands off him and shook his head "Nope, I used all my clay during the song, un."
Pain looked worried "Okay anybody got any ideas…Kisame what are you doing?" Kisame had a phone out and was apparently talking to his mom "Okay love you mom, yeah okay, I will BYE JIM, BIG JIM, LITTLE JIM, SLIM JIM!"
Kisame merely jumped of the boat, holding Itachi bridal style who was holding their luggage and their stereo. Everyone shrugged and grabbed their stuff and jumped of, Hidan took the remainder of the drinks and paid a tip to the waiter which was sacrificing him to Jashin then he jumped of too.
Each pair of partners landed on something gray hard, and with something spiky protruding from its top. Hidan yelled to Kisame "Hey what the fuck are we fucking sitting on!" Kisame glared at the cursing psychopath "Your sitting on my uncle."
Hidan looked down to see that him and Kakuzu were sitting on a shark and screamed like a little girl and jumped onto Kakuzu's lap, clinging to the miser as if his life depended it.
Tobi looked at the large shark he was sitting on and patted his head "Kisame-sempai who are Tobi and Zetsu-sama sitting on?" Kisame answered back, happy knowing that at least a few of the members weren't terrified of his relatives "That is my brother."
Itachi was glaring at the shark Pain and Konan were sitting on Konan was confused and asked Kisame "Why is Itachi glaring at this shark?" The shark man laughed nervously, scratched the back of his head and used the other arm to wrap around his partner to secure him in his lap "That's my mom when I brought Itachi-chan to meet my family, they didn't get along so well."
Konan rolled her eyes "Of course." She looked down at Kisame's mom "Don't worry Itachi is actually a good and loyal person if you get to know him." The shark just rolled her eyes and led the other sharks who followed her in the direction of the now rising sun.
Zetsu was startled by the movement and almost fell in the water if Tobi had not saved him "Kisame, where is your family taking us?"
Itachi answered for the shark man who looked tired of asking questions "They are taking us back to shore which is actually only ten minutes from the base so we just got to wait until we get there."
Sasori already looked bored "So what are we going to do now?" Hidan passed around the last on the drinks and smiled good naturedly "Thank Lord Jashin I got these since it's going to be a long fucking time."
Itachi leaned back against Kisame, who wrapped his arms around the weasel, and turned the stereo on and played the Sailor Song.
Everybody cheered and sang along.
If we all come together we will know what to do,
WE ALL COME TOGETHER JUST FOR YOU!
THE END
Okay that was way longer than I thought it would be but it was really fun! I was listening to Kamen by Rin and not the Sailor Song while writing this so I think that is sorta funny hehe. Oh yeah when Kisame is talking to his mom I don't own the part where his says "BYE JIM, BIG JIM, LITTLE JIM, SLIM JIM!" That scene is from Scary Movie 1. Laters peoples!