Pairing: Sai and Haruno Sakura (SaiSaku)
Summary: When Haruno Sakura can no longer take the sorrow and burden of her past memories and experiences as to being a kunoichi, she pleads with a wish that someone heal her heart and give her the strength to carry on so she can protect the ones she loves. Sai, clueless about love and the power to heal others, but knowing the burdens of being a true ninja, takes her hand and vows to himself that as a comrade and friend, he will be the one to bring her out of her pain and see her smile once again. A young woman whose emotions are tearing her apart and a young man who is emotionally blinded, the two are dealt with events that bring them inevitably closer, and they come to realize that together, they are slowly, but surely, falling in love.
Attention: Although I will try my best to keep all characters as close to their "real characters" as I can, the characters in this story will be OOC. The story is set in the future where all Konoha 11 and Sai are at least 18 years old, but without any events in the latest chapters having happened (Fourth Great Shinobi War, the big search for Sasuke, etc) and Sasuke is still out and about doing his "avenging" business. Sakura and Sai have matured as well, so I could create a more intimate and serious relationship between the two.
WARNING: Rated M (as described in the FF guidelines) just in case. I will warn in advance of anything that may want to be skipped. Also, please do not bash/flame/hate me, the story, the pairing, or those who like this story. Haters will not be accepted or appreciated.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters and plot. They rightfully belong to Masashi Kishimoto and all those who contributed to this epic-of-an-anime's creation. If I had owned this, Naruto would probably be made into a romance/shoujo called "Sakura". Or something like that. "To Hold Your Hand" fully belongs to me.
To Hold Your Hand
Prologue: When I Saw Your Sorrow
I was never one to give you any sort of attention or care.
You were merely a comrade; a friend.
You were strong and determined.
Like all shinobi should be.
And I simply was not made that way.
But it was when I looked into your eyes
and saw the fear, the joy; the emotions of a woman,
the sincerity and the sorrow, the beauty and compassion
the lifelong bonds whom you held on to so fragilely and delicately,
and whose eyes looked into the very depths of my being
with a passion I may never come to comprehend,
that I knew.
I wanted to hold your loving hands forever.
The dark and looming sky of Konoha was not welcoming, but inevitable. Dense grey clouds that splattered the scenery above threatened to spill with liquid as a slight breeze slowly but presentably blew along the streets of the village. As the day went by as quickly as it had come, mid-evening had arrived, and as depressing the sight may have seemed to many, there was a rare and certain serenity to the emptiness and silence of outdoor activity. The usual hustle and bustle of street crowds, shoppers, and citizens was replaced by only those who were rushing to close their shops early or hurry to a safe, comforting indoor hideout away from the weather; the streets of Konoha were unsurprisingly empty. The many, many trees found covering and surrounding the grounds of Konoha—and more than likely the Land of Fire itself—were swaying with the direction of the wind, dancing with slight motion as the now warm-colored leaves either swayed or fell off its branches. The smell of moist air and damp earth wavered in the wind as an almost constant rustling of leaves could be heard from almost every corner of the city. There was no doubt that the season of autumn had fallen upon the village of Konohagakure.
Despite the heavy atmospheric setting of grey surrounding the city, a flash of pink was seen along an empty, albeit discreet street. A young, pink-haired woman was found walking unconsciously along the deserted and rather cold streets of Konoha with no intention of figuring out why she was or for what reason. She simply needed time and peace; to figure out what her heart was telling her and to find the solitude to do just that. She would have been content staying home and allowing her complex mind to sort through this situation on its own, but what she needed was somewhere new; somewhere private and away from the home in which enough tears and broken memories had been shed. However, once she stepped outside and into the beginning of the chill autumn weather with a long white scarf and a large cream body coat, she found herself feeling somewhat uncomfortable and still unused to the aloof and dark scenery the new season had brought with it. No matter how persistent her mind was in telling her to go back inside the inviting and safe abode, she found her legs nonetheless pulling her body away from her home. Her feet, clad in her all-too-familiar kunoichi boots, continued to drag itself in some unknown direction, and after some time, she gave up wondering where she was heading and why.
After the several years of being a kunoichi, the young woman suddenly found her heart heavy with negative weight and unrest. In the entirety of her adolescent years, she had found herself situated in the middle of happiness and sorrow; joy and pain:
She had learned to heal blood as well as to spill it.
When she'd been able to kill an enemy, an ally was lost as well.
Some days she'd wake up with a smile and a peculiar determination, and at the end of the day she'd cry herself to sleep.
She had gained an everlasting bond with those she loved and swore to protect with her life, but in the end she wasn't strong enough to be there for the two people she loved most.
She'd allow herself to experience love and hope, and in turn the one whom she felt she'd loved most had no emotion or hesitation to try and kill her.
And when she told herself she would smile for the sake of those she cherished, she found herself drowning in an internal abyss of sorrow.
When the young kunoichi really thought about it, being a shinobi was a great burden to hold. The secrets, deaths, and emotional tragedies she had experienced in the past had left her somewhat numb and devoid of any sort of happiness. She knew what was coming when she had decided to become a powerful ninja years ago, but what she felt now was raw and bare; like a fresh-cut wound. On the countless battlefields she had been on, she watched as the ones she loved spill blood, dying beneath her hands no matter how hard she willed herself to heal them. She was terrified at the fact that, perhaps, she was not strong enough and had allowed her loved ones to die or come near death. Sometimes, all it took was to look down at her hands and she instantly memorized the blood that had once stained them: the blood of those she could not save.
The kunoichi had watched as war and strife erupted in mere moments, and as fast as battle had begun, several would already be stained with death. She watched as hatred and anger completely engulfed her comrades and all hell would break loose. She watched as poverty struck entire villages, while single families would bathe in selfish riches. She had seen how people were used as mere test subjects and lives were tossed away as though they were garbage. And worst of all, she had watched herself become unable to protect the ones she cherished in life because she had been weak, and she had been afraid. As the years went by, the young pink-haired woman had felt herself become more distant; more elusive from the outside world. She had seen, felt, and heard the many tragedies in life, and now, she simply felt broken; her heart always felt slow and heavy with sorrow.
Upon reminiscing the past several years, the kunoichi did not know where her heart or loyalties lied, and she was pondering where her future was going. Upon turning eighteen the past spring, the young woman found herself almost unable to realize how fast change had come, not only upon her loved ones, but herself as well. Finding that she had grown the last two centimeters of her life, she had come to the conclusion that, while her infamous pink hair be kept short, she did not care much for the fact her bangs had grown to slightly cover her forehead after such a long period of time. She felt that if her hair did not affect her work or her eyesight, then she wouldn't mind suddenly having a slight weight on the front of her forehead once again.
When the young pink-haired woman realized her feet had stopped moving, and that her body had shifted into an upright standing position, she realized that she had unconsciously walked herself into Konoha's local park, which was situated not far from the Third Training Ground; where, prominently, her shinobi life had begun. Konoha's park had been constructed with dozens if not at least a hundred trees planted around the cement pavements built into the ground; the main ones being Oak, Maple, and Sakura trees. Realizing her feet began to move of its own accord once again, the kunoichi allowed her mind to wander off into less painful subjects than her previous thoughts had given her. As a loud crack was heard in the distance, the young woman understood that thunder and rain were soon to arrive any minute, and as her body began to slow and halt, she found herself in the heart of the park, where the largest and, as she remembered, most beautiful Sakura tree was planted. It was an ancient and in some ways historical tree, but the young woman had found it to be a place of comfort and answers. The towering tree was said to give good fortune and luck to those who deserved and needed them, but the young woman did not believe in wishes or miracles.
She had learned that life was much harder than to just believe in fantasies or wishing for something that could never happen.
Due to the recent colder weather and winds, the tree had lost nearly all the bright and silent beauty it once held in the spring. Now, only a few of its remaining Sakura petals were visible, and no doubt will all of it be lost to the incoming autumn season.
As the kunoichi unconsciously stared down at the large trunk of the tree, her mind wandering into places unknown for what seemed for a few very long and private moments, she soon felt a small wet droplet slide down her cheek and land on the paved ground beneath her. Stunned out of her reverie, the young pink-haired woman had come upon the realization that rain finally began to fall, and in a mere matter of seconds, she was completely surrounded and inevitably soaked in rain water. Whether that single droplet had actually been an unconscious and uncalled for tear, or simply a drop of rain, the kunoichi did not know. What she did know was that, as the rain began to fall harder, her own tears were gathering and falling down her cheeks with strength and speed, disguising itself with the rain that had come in contact with her pale cheeks. However, she did not sob nor did her body shudder like she remembered and knew it normally would. The hot tears streaming down her face was not devoid of passion, but they were simply tears of her exhaustion. The pink-haired kunoichi was tired of being weak, of letting her emotions get the best of her and allowing her personal problems getting in the way of protecting the ones she loved. She was tired of seeing the world she had come to love so much, tear itself apart. And as she steadily reached a hand out to touch the ancient tree, she closed her eyes, and with the little emotional strength she had, whispered for a desperate wish she knew she wouldn't be granted, but wanted to believe in.
"Please," she whispered in a small, shaky breath, "please heal my broken heart. Please give me the strength to protect the ones I cherish. Please allow me to be free of my fears and sorrows."
Slowly, the kunoichi felt her knees buckle and give way to her weight, falling on the cold and wet pavement beneath her body as both of her hands now rested on the trunk of the Sakura tree. She was so tired of this pain, but she felt that if perhaps she could be able to cry one more time with an intimate and private nature, then maybe; just maybe, this could be the last time she would ever have to cry again; the last time she would have to be weak.
"Please… If something, anything… Anyone out there can free me of my heavy heart and give me the strength to go on… Then please, let me meet this person as soon as possible. I can't bear this pain any longer. I can't bear this sorrow and fear that is still inside my being… My heart."
As the young woman allowed herself to cry passionately and fragilely for possibly the first and last time in her life, she was oblivious to the young, dark-haired shinobi that was watching her from afar.
"Please…" she whispered one last time, "let this person love me and give me the strength to go on, for all I will and ever do in return is love this person and protect them with my life."
A paper pale, dark-haired shinobi was merely passing through Konoha's park, already heading for home after a day of sketching and painting when the rain had begun to fall and started to ruin the various paints and charcoals held in his hands. Packing them away in his travel bag and hurrying himself through the large park as a shortcut home and out of the heavy rain, the young man spotted ahead of him a bright figure against a large dark brown and soaking Sakura tree. As he slowed himself to a halt, he discovered a body shrunken and looking defeated against the trunk of the old monument. It was then realization struck and he decoded the person to have soft pink hair—there was only one person in the entirety of Konoha who he knew of that had said pink hair. As he continued to look in the direction of the pink-haired kunoichi, it suddenly occurred to him that the young woman was crying; but this was nothing like he ever saw her before. He knew the kunoichi had had her moments of sadness and shed tears in spite of their teammates and comrades, but he also knew her as the confident, fiery, determined young woman that more than often beat him senseless when he had called her degrading, although joking, names. Now, however, the young woman he saw not more than three meters away from him was utterly and completely vulnerable. Her eyes were gently shut, her long black eyelashes wet from tears and dripping with rainwater. Her face, he could barely see, was contorted into a soft look of pain and sorrow; her light pink lips, contrasting against the paleness of her smooth skin, were slightly open, as though to allow herself to breath in the cold wet air.
The young shinobi had never seen anyone so heartbroken or devastated since his development of understanding emotions and social contact some few years ago. And for some reason, the shinobi felt useless; he felt as though there was nothing he could do to rid her of her own pain and sadness. The young man knew that from his high intelligence and training within ROOTS, he could possibly complete any physical task given to him with success. However, having limited emotional knowledge, he felt not dumbfounded nor pity, but a surge of what he knew was sadness. What the kunoichi was doing, he could obviously tell, was unexpected and incredulously private. Not wanting to disturb her peace, and knowing the young woman had not sensed his close presence, the young man watched the pained and torn kunoichi drown in her own sorrows for a long, silent moment with a constricted feeling in his chest. There was absolutely nothing he could do, and as a teammate, comrade, and friend, he knew at this very moment he was failing to be one.
When the young dark-haired man felt his paints and charcoals being affected by the downpour in the bag he was carrying (which he noted was soaked), he decided it was time to leave. But as he silently made his way past the crying kunoichi, he couldn't help but feel an urge to pull her out of her painful reverie and see her smile with happiness. As the thought came to mind, the shinobi quickly shook it away, muttering how the rain was affecting his head. He had decided he was going to need to be delicate when associating with the pink-haired kunoichi in the future. Looking behind him, he warily watched as the hunched figure of his teammate did not move from her position, even as she had disappeared from his view. He would not speak of this, he decided, but after watching her cry privately and very intimately, and not knowing whether she did this often or not, he knew he never wanted to see the young pink-haired woman in such pain and sorrow ever again.
And as the day wore on and the shinobi was ready for bed, the image of a broken pink-haired kunoichi could not escape his thoughts.
I was never one to acknowledge your love and compassion.
I was a kunoichi, after all.
And you were a shinobi.
And as friends and comrades in the ninja world,
strong and confident we should have been,
I was never built that way.
But it was when you held out your hand,
and showed me your true emotions; your happiness and sorrow,
your memories and your fears,
your desire to learn and your quite beauty,
your sincere smiles and capability to hold me in your hands,
and your eyes that burned with a such a love
that I may never come to comprehend,
that I knew.
I never wanted to let go of your loving hands.
a/n: Hello everybody! Wow… This is my first fic ever posted on FF, and dare I say, despite the obvious errors and confusion in this chapter, I'm proud of myself for even finishing it! *tears*
I know there's not much to pick up from this chapter (it is a prologue after all), but it is to show the timeline and emotions our favorite pink-haired ninja is struggling with. If it was too confusing, what she's going through is somewhat of a "yin and yang" sort of thing. She feels unbalanced due to the sorrow that has been weighing down in her heart ever since she became a ninja and the events that followed the years after. Now, wanting more than ever to move past that pain and become a strong and truly powerful shinobi, she pleads for something (or rather, someone) to remove the sorrow in her memories and finally free her of her pain. Of course, it's none other than our favorite artistic ninja. ^^
Please read and review, everyone (no hate, flame, or bashing)! I highly appreciate any constructive criticism, advice, and/or suggestions to any errors you may see, and comments are more than welcome.
P.S. For those who may be wondering, the reason I had Sakura grow her bangs out was because I was inspired by arriku of deviantART's artwork, "Sasusaku – Crimson Ribbon". The Sakura she drew is so beautiful, I swear. Now, just imagine an equally beautiful Sai, and you have one romantic story to look forward to (all artwork inspired belonging and fully credited to arriku)!