This was inspired by the Captain Swan Karaoke challenge on Tumblr because I don't have the confidence or equipment to do what was actually suggested. Instead the idea got in my head about Killian listening to the Beatles for the first time and what song he would latch on to. This is that head canon. Takes place sometime before Killian gets the Jolly back.
The characters have always and probably will always belong to Kitsis and Horowitz but I'll still take them out to play. Enjoy!
Emma didn't really notice it at first. Not because she wasn't paying attention but Henry had taken it upon himself to bring Killian up to speed as far as pop culture was concerned. He was constantly adding movies to the Netflix queue, stacking books into haphazard piles around the loft, and creating playlist after playlist on Emma's computer for Killian to listen to. It was too much for her to take in, let alone a 300 year old pirate from another realm, so she just let Henry have his fun and occasionally made suggestions herself.
It didn't phase her when Henry asked to borrow her iPod, insisting it would get more use furthering Killian's education than sitting in the drawer of her nightstand gathering dust. She pretended to hesitate, if only to tease him, before telling him he better not erase any of the 80's power ballads she had on there.
Killian bore it all patiently and, sometimes, even enthusiastically. It wasn't long before she would spy him walking around town with recognizable white cords hanging from his ears. When she would ask him what he was listening to he would shrug and tell her he wasn't sure, just another list that Henry had pieced together for him.
One day, while they were sitting at Granny's waiting for their food, he made a seemingly casual comment about bug men. For a moment she thought he was talking about one of Henry's comics until he clarified.
"The lad was quite upset he hadn't started with those beetle men."
She was a little shocked that Henry hadn't started with them either. Then again, she hadn't thought about it herself.
"The Beatles," she corrected him automatically. "I bet Henry was kicking himself about that. What did he start you with anyways?"
"He asked what type of music I would hear back in the Enchanted Forest. To which I replied, mostly whatever minstrel one tavern or another housed and, on rare occasion, a waltz to circle the dance floor with a lovely lass in my arms," he winked in her direction, smiling when she rolled her eyes at him. "The first few days were filled with 'classical stuff that my mom likes' according to Henry. I'm assuming he meant our fair Mayor."
"You would assume right. I'm more of a rock and roll kinda girl," Emma commented as she nudged his foot with hers under the table. He raised his eyebrow in return and the conversation moved along.
A few more days passed before the Fab Four were brought up again. Emma was attempting to make dinner for the two of them but she had chosen a seemingly impossible recipe. Her hair was piled on top of her head in a sloppy bun and she was staring daggers at her computer screen. Killian was sitting at the counter reading one of the many books Henry had set aside for him, having been forbidden from helping her no matter how much she wanted him to.
They could only eat at Granny's so often before her pores would start oozing out the grease her beloved onion rings were fried to perfection in. She was also determined to try and do this one thing for him. She had never had the opportunity to cook a meal for someone. There was never a kitchen around when she was with Neal and Walsh had done all the cooking in their relationship. She wanted to do this for Killian, a first for both of them to experience together.
Huffing in annoyance she batted a loose tendril of hair out of her eyes and turned back to the stove with her hands on her hips. She had followed the directions exactly, yet the mess in the pan looked nothing like the picture that accompanied the recipe. Before she could determine where she had gone wrong she felt an arm snake around her front and grab her left wrist.
Killian spun her around and into his arms and started swaying gently on the spot. She was about to ask him what the hell he was doing when he tucked his chin onto her shoulder and started humming in her ear.
The song seemed familiar but she was distracted by his warm breath on her neck and the timbre of his voice. Slowly the tension drained from her shoulders as she let him lead her in slow circles in the kitchen. Finally she sighed and dropped her forehead onto this chest.
"I didn't know you could sing," she said quietly.
"I'm a man of many talents, Swan," he said pulling back slightly to smirk down at her. "Although, I don't believe that qualifies as actual singing."
"You can carry a tune, which is more than I can say for myself. What song was that?" She asked humming it to herself, trying to figure out what it was.
His smirk softened into a smile as he brushed the errant lock of hair back behind her ear.
"It's one of those beetle songs that caught my ear," he said peering over her shoulder at the stove. "It appears as though our meal may be finished."
Emma spun around to see that while the contents of the pan didn't look remotely like she wanted it to it smelled amazing and appeared to be cooked through. She grinned and ordered him to set the table while she cut up the garlic bread she had been warming in the oven, all thoughts of naming that tune driven from her mind.
Another two weeks went by without comment on Killian's musical education. In the meanwhile it had become a habit for him to hum under his breath when he was reading or doing random tasks throughout his day. Emma was worried that he would stop out of embarrassment so she didn't say anything, happy to listen to his contentment as he settled further into a life in Storybrooke.
One day, while she was watching Neal and Henry was at the kitchen table doing his homework Emma realized that Killian had been oddly quiet for the better part of the week. She looked over from her seat beside Henry at where he was sitting on the couch and noticed that despite the book open in his lap he didn't appear to be reading. As if he could sense her gaze on him he looked over at her and gave her a tight smile.
"Is everything okay over there?" She asked casually.
"Aye, Swan," he answered, standing up as his hand scratched behind his ear. "Everything is as it should be. Alas, I believe I shall excuse myself and return to my quarters for the evening."
Emma looked at the time glowing on the microwave and saw that it was barely past seven. Killian usually stayed much later, especially when her parents were out of the loft. When she looked back at him her confusion must have shown on her face because he swiftly crossed the room to kneel at her side.
"Not to worry, love, I'm just a bit tired is all," he murmured before kissing her on her forehead.
"Really?" She asked, curling her fingers around the lapels of his jacket.
"Aye, I fear I may have been burning the candle at both ends," he said ruefully.
"Okay," she said cautiously, releasing him from her grasp. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then."
"Of course," he agreed, standing back up.
"Hook, do you want the iPod back?" Henry piped up from behind the computer Emma hadn't noticed he'd set up.
Killian hesitated before answering.
"That's alright, lad, I'll get it from your mother tomorrow. I'm sure you need more time preparing another list for me to enjoy."
"Yeah and you've nearly drained the battery again. I thought I gave you a charger," Henry said accusingly.
"As you did. Alas, I'm still growing accustomed to the rituals regarding devices in this realm. Please forgive my transgressions," Killian said bowing slightly.
Henry snorted in amusement before he rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the screen. Emma smiled and stood with Killian to walk the short distance to the door. She had the feeling there was something else going on with him but didn't want to push it. He would tell her in his own time.
Killian pressed a gentle kiss to her lips before slipping out the door. As she closed it behind him she pressed her head against the wood frame, trying to keep her worry from pulling her down.
"Wow!" Henry's yell echoed through the loft making Emma jump.
"Geeze, kid, try to be a little louder next time I don't think they heard you at Granny's."
"Sorry, it's just I was looking at the top 25 to see what I should keep on the playlist and what I can get rid of and he's listened to this one song a lot. Like, a lot, a lot," Henry said in awe.
"What song? And what do you mean by a lot, a lot?" She asked curious for a peek into the psyche of a centuries old pirate.
"It's by the Beatles, um, this one," Henry clicked the mouse a few times and music started playing from the tinny speakers on the laptop.
Emma immediately recognized it as the song Killian had hummed in her ear the first time she cooked for him. She also realized that it was the same thing he had been humming constantly since that night. Crossing the loft she stood behind Henry to look at the title.
"'In My Life'? That's the one that people keep using at weddings, right?" Emma said to herself.
"I don't know, I haven't been to any weddings," Henry quipped.
"Very funny, but you still didn't tell me what 'a lot' meant."
"Oh, just that, according to iTunes he's listened to it a little over 100 times since I made him the Beatles playlist. He's only listened to the number two song on the list 12 times," Henry said impressed.
The song ended and as the next song started playing Emma tried to figure how it was connected to Killian's lapse into quiet and solitude. It bugged her enough that she contemplated leaving Henry in charge of Neal so she could seek Killian out and demand an explanation.
She settled for sending him a text, asking him again if he was okay. His one word reply didn't sit well with her and she decided to find him as soon as her parents returned. Noticing that Henry had abandoned the computer for a chance to have the tv to himself while he could, Emma slid into his spot and skipped back to In My Life.
It was a nice song, not as memorable as some of the Beatles' other hits but definitely better than a few songs off their earlier albums. Closing her eyes she tried to imagine what was going through Killian's mind as he listened to the song. Before she could get a good handle on it the song ended and she quickly started it over again.
Listening closely she paid attention to the lyrics and suddenly realized why Killian was drawn to the song. It was simply a song about someone remembering their past and finding someone in the present that means more than all of it.
Emma blinked quickly as the meaning of it rolled over her. Killian had given up everything that held reminders of his past in order to bring her back to Storybrooke. He had settled into a life in a town that had, until very recently, seen him as a villain because he had chosen to be a better man, for her.
The song neared the end and she couldn't help but hit the replay button. What she still couldn't understand was why he had apparently taken a vow of silence.
"Are you going to listen to it as much as Hook?" Henry whined from the couch. "If you are can you at least put on headphones?"
"Sorry, kid," she said meekly as she pressed pause.
"It's okay. Between Hook humming it all the time and you jumping on the bandwagon I'm a little burned out. At least he's stopped for now but he'll be back at it soon, probably."
"Why would you say that?" Emma said focusing intently on what Henry would say.
"Well, this is around the time his brother died, right? I'm pretty sure he's not in the singing mood."
Emma's jaw dropped in shock. She knew that Liam had died in the spring. Killian had told her about it haltingly and with the help of a lot of rum. What she couldn't wrap her mind around was that Henry knew about it too.
"He told you about Liam?" She asked disbelieving.
"Not really," Henry said, pausing his game to look at her strangely. "He was teaching me about how to feel the changes in the weather instead of relying on my phone and that nice weather can change on a sailor fast in the fall and in the spring. Hook got all weird and I asked what was wrong and he just said that Liam had died a few days after the spring equinox. Hook looked sad so I didn't ask what happened."
Emma sat back in the chair feeling as though a truck had run her over. She didn't think Killian had told her exactly when Liam had died but she should have known that it was the reason he had withdrawn into himself. Her son had recognized what was going on while she was blissfully unaware.
"Grandma and Grandpa should be back soon," Henry said, his focus seemingly back on his game. "You know, if you needed to go get ice cream or something."
She spent all of two seconds contemplating it before hastily running up to her room to grab her boots. Clattering back down the stairs she rattled off instructions to Henry about what to do in an emergency and that Neal should be okay but if he should wake up crying it was probably because he was hungry and not because of a dirty diaper. Henry rolled his eyes as she shoved her arms into her leather jacket and assured her that he could handle thirty minutes alone with a baby.
Giving him a quick hug she darted out of the loft and headed straight for the docks. Killian didn't have the Jolly Roger anymore but she knew he still went to the water for comfort and to clear his head.
When she finally found him Killian was sitting on a painted yellow curb overlooking the harbor. There was a half empty bottle of rum at his side and her heart ached that he thought he had to deal with the grief alone. She quietly walked up and sat down next to him, allowing him to let her in or not.
"I knew my lack of adequate response would cause you to seek me out, love," Killian said with a sigh.
"I didn't realize, I should have known what was bothering you," Emma said, disappointment in herself coloring her voice. "I'm sorry, Killian."
"Aye, well, you'd think after 300 years it would hurt less," he muttered, grabbing the rum and taking a healthy swallow. She pulled the bottle gently from his hand and set it down at by her feet.
"He was your brother, I don't think any amount of time could make it any easier."
Killian looked down at her with a broken gaze and she couldn't help but raise her hand to cup his cheek. She hadn't noticed the darkening circles under his eyes and her thumb gently traced one as he leaned into her touch. Breathing in deeply he relaxed and wrapped his arm around her waist, careful not to snag is hook on her jacket, pulling her into his side.
Fumbling in her pocket she pulled out the half charged iPod, unravelling the headphones, and offered an earbud to Killian. He looked at her questioningly but gamely tucked it into his ear. As she did the same she pressed play and listened quietly as In My Life filtered into her ear. Killian shifted slightly but Emma only pressed herself more closely into his side.
When the song was over he turned to speak but she only shook her head and lifted the iPod to indicate he should keep listening. It was her turn to shift as the sounds of strings and Paul McCartney's voice poured out of the headphones. She had shared parts of her past with Killian before but something about having him listen to a song that deeply affected her when she was young was a different experience altogether.
"I figured you'd like to know what one of my favorite Beatles' songs is," she said after the song finished, avoiding his gaze.
"This Eleanor Rigby remind you of someone, love?" He prodded gently.
"She used to, not so much anymore," she shrugged, wrapping the headphones back up before looking up at him with a small smile. "I think I might have found a new favorite, though."
"Really? Do tell," he said intrigued with the corners of his mouth twitching up into a smile.
"What's the fun in that?" She asked with a challenge in her voice.
"Will you at least give me a hint?"
"Okay… 'I can't forget the time or place' and that's all I'll tell you," she teased, grinning.
"I do enjoy a challenge, Swan," he said holding his hand out for the iPod.
"Nope," she laughed, tucking it back into her pocket. "Henry didn't finish uploading the new playlist and the battery is only half charged. You'll get it tomorrow."
He groaned in annoyance but didn't remove his arm from her waist. They sat and listened to the tide, watching the stars emerge in the night sky as they slowly passed the rum bottle back and forth.
Finally Killian sighed and stood, offering his hand to help her up as well. Emma straightened up on unsteady legs but Killian draped his arm around her shoulders, steadying her.
"I appreciate you coming to find me, Emma. I wasn't sure if you would have wanted to accompany me," he said quietly as they walked back towards town.
"Of course I would, Killian," she said sternly "You're not alone anymore."
"Aye, love, I know," he agreed and started humming under his breath.
Emma smiled and hummed right along with him.