Lithium
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the song Lithium. Lithium belongs to Evanescence and Harry Potter to J.K. Rowling.
Summery: From PrincessofTheives' Evanescence song-fic challenge. James once sought after Lily relentlessly until he did something in an act of desperation. Now, five years later, he decides to tell her the truth, before time runs out. Based on Evanescence song, Lithium.
Notes: I believe James would never do this in canon, but for the purpose of this song-fic, it fit. Also, this is my first attempt at a one-shot so any constructive criticism is more than welcome.
Lithium
Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow
Oh, but God, I want to let it go
The wind blew quietly through the trees, hushed and mournful as a widow's cry. Dead leaves twirled in their vengeful storm, as James Godric Potter stood over, ever watchful. Deep within his thoughts, he was trapped as he mindlessly twirled the glass vial within his hands. Those hands held so many memories; his wand, snitches, exchanged rings, his son and…that vial.
The vial, that unforgivable vial of love. For five years he'd lived with its effects. Five years of lies and make believe, tricking himself into thinking it was real. For years he sought after her relentlessly until he, James Godric Potter, had finally reached a point of low, hopeless, desperation. The moment James had walked into Knockturn Alley, he knew he had finally reached an all time low. The price had been high for both the Amortentia and the secrecy of his actions, but James no longer cared. His potion was strong, only a few drops were needed to last months and the banshee like woman had given him enough to last for years. It was easy enough getting the potion to Lily. They had to meet before arriving at Hogwarts to discuss their actions as Head Boy and Girl. James just slipped some into her Butterbeer and then…it was done.
But now, after so many memories created together, his guilt was catching up with him. Watching her with their son showed what he had done. Maybe they were never meant to be together. Maybe Lily was to be someone else's wife and mother. And he, James Potter, had taken that away. He loved her still; no matter what, he loved her. He meant everything he had ever said to her to prove that, even when she was under his spell. But it was time; time to let her…go.
Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone
Couldn't hide the emptiness you let it show
Never wanted it to be so cold
Just didn't drink enough to say you love me
James took a deep shaky breath as the clock struck the late hour on that Halloween night. The potion would wear off soon as he listened to Harry's bright laughter as Lily dressed him for bed. Slowly backing away from the window, he wondered how she would react to their son. Would…would she hate him even more?
He tightened his grip on the vial, so tight he could feel the glass start to crack. They couldn't go on like this, the false love. Lily more than deserved the truth; she deserved so much more.
Quickly, James tossed the vial aside, to prevent temptation again, and turned away from the window to find his wife. He never saw the figures approaching from the shadows…
I can't hold on to me Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside
Wonder what's wrong with me
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow
Lily bent over, her hand held to her head as a sharp pain shot through her body, a wave of nausea hitting her. Her mind seemed to go blank as she clutched the stair rail with her free hand. As quickly as the pain hit her, it subsided though she was in a confused daze.
Where was she? Was that a baby she heard laughing?
"Lily?"
Her eyes widened in surprise as she spun around, her dazzling auburn hair twirling. James Potter, though a few years older then she remembered, stood at the top of the staircase looking down at her worriedly.
"Lily, are you alright?" James repeated, sorrow in his voice as he ran a hand through his hair, much like he did in those days in school. A glint of gold caught her sharp attention though. A glint of gold on his left hand…
Lily took a step back, a look of horror on her face as the memories of the past five years came back to her. Every touch, kiss, whisper and thought hit her with a force of brutality.
"How could you?" She whispered, unbelieving. "How could you, Potter?" Lily shouted, running down the stairs.
Oh, don't want to let it lay me down this time
Drown my will to fly
Here in the darkness I know myself
Can't break free until I let it go
Let me go
"Lily, wait!" James called, following her quickly. "Listen to me!"
"No!" Lily snapped, turning on him. "Don't come near me, Potter! How could you have done this to me?"
The two Gryffindors argued as James tried to tell her everything. His heart broke with every tear of hate and heartbreak that fell from her emotional eyes. He felt his arms ache to wrap themselves around her and comfort the tears away, but his mind knew that it wasn't possible now.
"Lily, please," James pleaded. "Just-"
He stopped mid-sentence, watching the masked forms sprint past the windows. A forlorn smile formed on his lips as the bitter sting of tears struck his hazel eyes. He placed a finger under Lily's chin and bent down to kiss her surprised lips.
"I love you, Lily," he whispered as the sound of cruel laughter filled the air.
James turned and could just barely see the back door fly open, barely on its hinges.
"Lily! Get out of here!" James shouted taking out his wand. "Take Harry and run!"
Darling, I forgive you after all I can't hold on to me
Anything is better than to be alone
And in the end I guess I had to fall
Always find my place among the ashes
Wonder what's wrong with me
As James ran to the back of the house, Lily sprinted up the stairs. Each step seemed like it took a lifetime as the duel progressed below her. She stumbled briefly, catching herself on the railing. Looking over her shoulder quickly, she saw the flash of green light and immediately ran towards her son's nursery, knowing that James was forever gone.
She ran into the little room, her little son staring up at her; the commotion downstairs had kept him awake no doubt. Though she had been under the love potion for so long, little Harry was her son through and through; deep in her heart she knew she could never let him go. With gentle hands she picked him up and cradled him to her chest, heartache overwhelming her as she looked down at the mirrored face of his father. James had sacrificed himself to give them a chance…a chance to…
"Stand aside, you silly girl!" His cruel high voice commanded as he swept into the nursery.
Lily held onto Harry tighter, turning slightly, her wand clutched in her hand. "No please, not Harry! Please!"
His red eyes flashed. "Stand aside!"
"Have mercy, please!" Lily begged. "Not Harry, mercy…please have mercy!"
"Foolish girl."
Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without
Lithium, I want to stay in love mmhmm
Oh, I'm gonna let it go
Lily held tight onto her son as pain coursed through her body. Her jaw was clenched tightly as tears threatened to fall. Small fingers wrapped around her hair one final time and she looked down into the green eyes of her little Harry. Her body was growing cold, her senses faint as kissed his smooth forehead. As her eyelids slowly shut, blocking out the green light around her, her mind showed her two boys. Lily truly loved them both.
As her body fell, cradling her son safely even in death, one final thought shot through her mind.
'I love you Potter…'
This was my first song-fic after swearing for years I'd never write one. Well, I caved…again. I hope you enjoyed it, and be honest with me in your opinions. Tell me what you thought. Thank you!
January 15, 2007