A/N: Ok just to make this oneshot/songfic understandable where it's in bold that's the lyrics, where it's in italics that's the past and when its normal that's present time. So enjoy :D
I tried to kill my pain
I stepped to the edge of the roof top. The wind billowing around me. No fear for what I was about to do, just acceptance. I needed to end the pain. The roof top door opened, he wouldn't care.
"Lena what are you doing?"
"What does it look like Mike? I'm ending this."
"You're crazy you aren't going to," But I didn't hear him finish as I stepped off. Falling in what felt like slow motion. I felt free at last. But it didn't last as suddenly there was the pavement.
But only brought more
So much more
It wasn't supposed to be like this, it was supposed to end the pain. But now my body was crushed, the pain blinding. Blood pooling around me.
I lay dying
And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
"I can't Phil. I want to but I promised Mike."
"Lena please, you know we can be happy together. Mike's just a playa. He'll only break your heart. Just give me a chance. Give us a chance…" I kissed him softly and walked away.
I walked into my hotel room. Mike would be so happy to see me back early. I'd missed him and I was ready to show him how much.
"Fuck yeah, Eve that's it babe!" I choked back my tears seeing Mike screw Eve.
"How could you hurt me like this?" I screamed.
"Shit! Lena it's not what you think!" I slammed the door running away. Phil could help me. But as I got to his door he stepped out with Beth. I stopped in my tracks and watched them laugh not a care in the world.
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost?
I scream in so much pain. Why couldn't I have listened? I should never have gotten with Mike. But it was too late now, it was too late for my body to be saved. As I lay there crumpled on the floor, peoples scream reach my ears.
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
Surely there was something that could be done? Why wasn't I dead yet? Or was this my punishment for hurting Phil? To spend my moments left going over every mistake and proving just how big an idiot I really I am?
Do you remember me?
Lost for so long
He walked into the arena I never thought I'd see him again, but here he was. He just walked straight pass me. Not even a second glance. I had crushed on Phil all through high school, we were best friends. But then I started drinking and we drifted apart when he would constantly tell me off for drinking.
Will you be on the other side?
Or will you forget me?
I hoped he would remember all the good times. And not the bad. Maybe I'd meet him again on the other side or in another life. I caused him so much pain and I got it back tenfold. I would never do that to him again.
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost?
"Lena! Oh my god, baby please don't leave me! Do something!" Phil shouted as I screamed out in pain as Phil or someone moved my crippled body. It felt like I was on fire, my nerve endings frying, never ending pain.
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
"How could she be so fucking stupid? She's throws herself off the roof like some nut job." Mike said callously.
"You fucking pig! I'll kill you!" Phil roared. I wanted it to end now, so much pain, so much heartache all because of me.
I want to die!
"Lena, I need you! You gotta live, baby please stay with me!" Phil's words echoed in my head as the light starts to fade. "Lena I love you, please!" He sobs.
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
I didn't want to go. Phil loved me. It would just cause more pain if I left now. But I was so hurt and so very tired. My eyes had already closed. What could I do?
My wounds cry for the grave
My broken body wanted it all to end.
My soul cries for deliverance
All the heat ache I suffered and sadness demanded it all to end. But my heart wanted to live.
Will I be denied
The one thing I was willing to do, I no longer wanted.
Christ
Tourniquet
My suicide