I'm in love with a fairytale

Even though it hurts,

And I don't care if I lose my mind

I'm already cursed.

Hide had been trying to make a move on Kaneki for over the past years and it was when they both reached the wondrous age of 18 when he figured he should stop trying.

No matter how subtle or obvious he was, Kaneki just didn't get it, or if he did he just hadn't said anything as he would have probably thought that no-one could like him like that anyway.

When Hide first met Kaneki, he thought that Kaneki was bit like the fairytales his mum used to tell him. Kaneki was silent and mysterious and he had midnight black hair that reminded Hide of secrets and stars, Hide wanted to be a part of his world, and Hide was the only one to slay down the nettles that grew over Kaneki's locked heart.

It all began when Hide was young, at a mere 8 years old, and he was asked by a few of the boys in his class who he liked, when he couldn't answer, they called him 'weird' and moved on to talk to someone else. When Hide asked his mother what it was to like someone, she told him that it was when you wanted to talk to a certain someone and you wanted to know what they were afraid of so you could protect them from it - like a prince protecting the princess from the dragon. Hide then told his mum that he liked Kaneki and his mum simply smiled and petted his head, saying, "Be careful what you say, it may come around and bite you later," Hide didn't understand what she meant at that time, so he simply smiled and nodded.

Kaneki was always a very shy boy and although he had a lot to say, he didn't attach himself to many people, only too his books, in fact, Hide could say for certain that Kaneki only allowed him to touch him or have long conversations with him, this made Hide happy for a reason he didn't know. He was asked the same question by the same boys when he was 11, by this stage, Hide felt that he shouldn't say that he did like someone, only that it wasn't a girl like all the other boys had said. So all he said was that he did like someone but he wouldn't tell them who.

After a few annoyed looks, they proceeded to ask Kaneki, to which he responded with a blush and a stutter that he liked Yuki who had long black hair. Hide didn't like the fact that Kaneki hadn't told him this, but he was more annoyed with the fact that Kaneki liked someone that wasn't him. But he smiled and teased Kaneki instead.

When Hide was 15 he knew that feelings towards your male best friend weren't considered 'normal', so he didn't speak about them and talked about girls, because girls were definitely cute, just not as cute as Kaneki when he laughed at one of Hide's jokes. Kaneki was still quiet and Hide liked it when he talked about something he was passionate about as Kaneki's voice was filled with emotion and he felt like a beast or a monster falling for a beauty, his love was forbidden. It truly was a tragic fairytale.

Hide decided to test the waters when he was alone with Kaneki and not hanging out with other people at school, so he began using some subtle 'pick-up lines' with a racing heart.

He said some obvious things such as, "did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" To which Kaneki responded with a, "huh? I'm not the devil, Hide," as he carried on reading his book.

But he also said some subtle things such as, "hey, let's meet up after school, we can go to a caféand just hang out," and when Kaneki agreed he smiled and said, "it's a date!" Which barely got a reaction out of Kaneki.

When he was 18, Hide was damn near giving up entirely and just moving on to girls, however, he had tried that before and it hadn't worked in the slightest. He decided that today would be the last chance and that he had to figure out how Kaneki really felt towards him, even if he was sure that Kaneki saw him nothing more than a best friend, he had to try, after all, the frog turned into a prince when the princess kissed him.

Hide saw Kaneki on his way to college and ran behind him just so he could squeeze in a hug. Kaneki was soft and rather like a plush doll, only far cuter. And although Kaneki was soft, he was also sturdy, Hide saw Kaneki as a new stack of fairytales as there was so much to Kaneki he had yet to uncover and he wanted to delve into all of those magical stories.

Hide smiled as he saw Kaneki smile too, although he looked slightly shocked, "good morning!" He said, putting an arm around Kaneki's shoulder, "have I ever told you how beautiful you look in the sun's new light?" It was true, Kaneki's sin was pale and it contrasted perfectly with the pale morning sunlight, Hide thought that Kaneki looked like Snow White with his dark hair and his skin as white as snow and lips as tender as the poisonous apple...

"... Were you reading manga before you went to bed last night?"

"Well of course not, I was busy texting you!" Hide saw a flash of hope, Kaneki had finally acknowledged that Hide was trying a romance line, maybe today was his lucky day!

"Well, I'm glad you're happy, but isn't it a bit early for that much yelling?" Kaneki was cute when he was oblivious, but also very annoying.

They walked into the gates of college and began walking over to a bench, "well, I just can't contain my excitement when I see you!" Hide stopped Kaneki when he saw a few of his friends hanging around a bench, "let's go around the other way," he took Kaneki's wrist and dragged him around the other side of campus.

"Have you had an energy drink this morning?"

"Nope, I'm just happy to see your face!" Hide whooped as he saw a free bench and ran over to take it.

When they were both sitting, Kaneki opened his mouth and took a deep breath, "I... I saw this cute girl at a caféthe other day and I want to show her too you."

Oh. Hide's heart shattered and he felt his face fall before he picked it up again, "oh! That's great, Ken! I'm really happy for you! So you're finally becoming a man, eh?" His voice was fake and his face was plastic. He couldn't breathe. He was drowning. He was dying. Kaneki really was an evil witch who had come to poison Hide, Hide would willingly eat the apple. He didn't want to wake up if it meant coming back to this. He was in love with Kaneki, that pain told him that much, he was in love with a never-ending fairytale and Hide would be lying if he said that it didn't hurt.

"Y-yeah," Kaneki had a light blush dusted on his face.

"So, tell me more about this lucky woman!"

"W-well, she's tall and slender, and she has long hair, she reads the same genres as I do and she looks really interesting!"

Hide sat and watched as Kaneki described his perfect person, everything that Hide wasn't. He became plastic, cracked plastic. He was a beast trapped in the body of an uglier beast, there was no handsome prince trapped inside of himself. He was not good enough for Kaneki.

"I can't wait to see her, you have to talk to her today!" Please don't. Don't leave me alone.

"I-I will," Kaneki looked determined.

The rest of the day rushed by in a blur and Hide became frozen in shock, horror and fear. The day that he was meant to tell Kaneki his true feelings was the day that his heart was ripped out and viciously eaten and suddenly those words that his mother had said to him ages ago made sense. His words had bitten the heart out of him and now he had lost Kaneki.

Hide needed to get him back, he hadn't truly lost him yet and there was always time. Hide had been doing what his mother had told him what you should do when you like someone, you should find out their fear and protect them from it. Kaneki's fear was being alone and Hide had protected him from that fear by always being with Kaneki, like the prince shielding the princess from the dragon, but now that fear had become attached to Hide and it's claws had sunk into him and Hide could not be pushed aside by a woman who hadn't even talked to Kaneki yet, Hide had given more than half of his life to Kaneki, what had this women given Kaneki? A few chances for him to stare at her cleavage?

Hide couldn't be beaten, no, he wouldn't be beaten.

So when they went to the café, Anteiku, after talking about ghoul attacks in the area, Hide teased Kaneki about this 'cute girl'. Hide spotted a girl who worked at the café and called over and made an obvious move on her, she became red with embarrassment and ran away. She understood that I was making a move on her, Hide thought, looking back at Kaneki, so why can't you?

And then the door opened and a tall, slender woman with long flowing hair stepped in, wearing an outfit that complimented her cleavage. Hide thought that she was good-looking, but nothing to go crazy over, obviously this was not what Kaneki thought.

Kaneki was staring at her in awe and was bright red in the face, Hide felt his heart drown and he felt his lungs fill with salty tears. He was dying. He needed the true love's kiss, obviously, Kaneki would be too busy chasing after the evil queen then to free Hide from the nightmare-filled sleep.

Hide teased Kaneki, and after he realised that he would start choking if he didn't leave soon, he left although he had a gnawing feeling in his stomach that he shouldn't be leaving. After yelling, "see you, delusional boy!" He biked away, pedalling fast. Don't leave him, don't leave him, don't leave him. You should have told him you love him, you love him, you love him.

When Kaneki was submitted to the hospital, Hide spent all of his time trying to find out what happened, but he was told that he should "wait until your friend is well enough to talk again." Hide was frustrated and left in peril as he could do nothing but watch from the side-lines as his friend was in pain. How was Hide supposed to protect the princess if he couldn't even slay the dragon that had done this to this him?

Hide texted, emailed and called Kaneki's phone, but to no avail, apparently Kaneki had been attacked but the attacker was unknown. Hide wanted to protect Kaneki but he had nothing to go on. All he knew that was important was that Kaneki was walking in another direction then where his house was and that was where he was attacked. Hide knew that the 'cute girl' must have had something to do with it.

Day by day, Hide became more and more distant to the world around him and the trips to the hospital became more and more frequent as he desperately tried to see a glimpse of his friend. He felt like he was the prince trying to slay the dragon that had cursed Sleeping Beauty into a sleep that could only be broken by a kiss. Hide desperately believed that he could have helped Kaneki recover but he was refused to be let in.

After Kaneki returned from hospital, Hide constantly tried to get in contact with him, he was driven mad with worry and concern and he knew that Kaneki had locked him out. Night after night he lay awake staring at his phone's dimly lit screen. Kaneki must have received all of those messages and Kaneki's favourite food that he had left outside his house. But there was no response. Hide spent every minute of every day wondering when Kaneki would contact him. But after a while he came to terms that he was locked out of Kaneki's heart and Kaneki had thrown away the key, like the evil stepmother in Cinderella. He knew that only Kaneki could let him in, so he couldn't give up hope.

When Kaneki returned to college - with an eyepatch (which Hide teased him about) - Hide knew there was something different. Kaneki didn't talk about the cute girl, he didn't talk about the hospital and he didn't talk about why he seemed so pale and why he had lost so much weight. Hide knew there was something wrong and his intuition was telling him that he already knew what was wrong.

His intuition was right, Kaneki had become a ghoul and he fought against a senior to protect Hide from being eaten. Hide wasn't scared, he trusted Kaneki more than he trusted himself. He also loved Kaneki, he never thought any differently of Kaneki, and Hide knew that Kaneki would never know that.

When Hide awoke from his 'sleep' Kaneki had become distant again and it seemed as if he had found a place where he belonged, in the ghoul's world and the human world. Hide was hurt underneath the sunny exterior that all of the people that Kaneki was now associated seemed to be taking over where Hide once stood, next to Kaneki, like a prince protecting his princess. But then again, Hide also found it hard to suppress his happiness in the fact that Kaneki had said to the manager that Hide was the human world to him.

Hide knew then in those 'happy' times he should have told Kaneki how he felt, but he didn't and then he lost Kaneki for good. He searched and searched but all that was left was a picture of him on a 'missing' poster, of course he wasn't missing, but Hide knew if he told anyone that Kaneki was the famous 'Eyepatch' he would be killed by that cute girl who worked at Anteiku, and besides, he couldn't do that to Kaneki either. He was certain that Kaneki had a reason for whatever he was doing, he was probably trying to protect his new family in Anteiku and his human world, Hide.

Hide felt responsible for Kaneki's 'disappearance' as Kaneki was fighting as the Eyepatch to keep everyone he loved alive, even though Kaneki may have loved other people, Hide was glad that he still knew Kaneki all the way through. Fighting to protect people that he loved, that was so like Kaneki, only Hide wished that he could be doing something instead of playing the innocent civilian, after all, if he had told Kaneki his true feelings, maybe Kaneki wouldn't be fighting for his life just to show people that he loves them and knowing that they could lose their love for him. Hide wanted Kaneki to know that he was loved and that their story beat any tragic fairytale.

Hide died in Kaneki's arms and he personally didn't know what could have been a sadder, happier, cliché death, but he had made Kaneki feel human again, he had made Kaneki feel accepted again and that was worth everything to him. Kaneki now knew that he was important to someone, that he was still the same old Kaneki to someone that Kaneki trusted. Hide found that it was Kaneki who thought that he was a beast and not the other way round, Kaneki thought that all he could do was fight to protect the beauties when he thought that he was the beast. Kaneki knew that everyone could hate him for being an ugly beast, but Hide knew who the beast really was. If Hide had just told Kaneki sooner... None of this would have happened.

Hide would have liked to think that Kaneki finally knew that Hide was in love with him and that he had been until the very end, and that even in death he could continue to love Kaneki, much like a good old fairytale, don't you think?

Hide would have also liked to think that Kaneki had fought for Hide to show how much he loved him like Hide loved Kaneki, but then again, Hide never liked to think too much of himself, he would never have thought that Kaneki returned those same feelings until it was too late. Much, much too late.

Kaneki only hoped that Hide could know his love by that single bloody tear that left Kaneki's eye and fell onto Hide's paling skin. Hide's last moments consisted of a smile. Kaneki stayed silent, for these were his last moments too. After all, it was only fitting that he should die with the one he loved.

~If you were to write my life as a story, it would no doubt be a romantic tragedy~

The song doesn't belong to me, it's by Alexander Rybak - Fairytale.

Hope you enjoyed!