A/N: Ahem. I wrote this about a year ago and just happened across it again a few days ago. It made me giggle, and I hope it makes you giggle, too.
"Light Save the World"
A LightxMatsuda Crack!fic
~o~
"Light-kun! Light-kun! Light-kuuun! Guess what! Light, guess what!"
The aforementioned boy groaned under his breath.
"What is it, Matsuda?"
"I wrote a story! It's all about you, since you're so amazing, and you and how you stop Kira! Since we all know you'll be the one to do it! And…"
Light ignored the rambling man before him. He had to admit, his interest was piqued… But only because, really, how many hours is it even possible to spend making up data for false leads on the Kira case? Besides that, he had nowhere near enough interest to actually pay attention to Matsuda.
"So, do you wanna read it? Say yes! Please say yes! Tell me you'll read it! Please, Light, please, please, please-" The shaggy-haired man's words were cut off as a hand was thrust into his face.
"Whatever. Just give it to me – I'll read it later." Anything to get the idiot to stop talking and out of Light's personal bubble.
"YAY. Light-kun's gonna read my story! Light-kun's gonna read my story! Light-kun! Reading! Story! …MY story! La la la…," and the mantra continued.
'Oh, good Lord above,' Light threatened before remembering that, oh yeah, that was him. Lord Kira, god of the new world. Learn it, live it, LOVE it. 'Yes! Everyone will love me! They will want to be with me… they will want to be me! And then I will kill them all! Kukukuku!'
Light chuckled quietly to himself before finding himself with a virtual lapful of Matsuda who had moved closer to stare with childlike wonder at the handsome smirk that adorned Light's face.
"Can I help you?" Light asked coolly.
A light blush settled on Matsuda's features before he stumbled off of the tawny-haired boy's lap.
"Uh… I-I was just wo-wondering... HAVE YOU READ MY STORY YET? Have you? Have you? HAAAVE YOU?"
"No, Matsuda," Light ground out through gritted teeth. "But I was actually just about to-" A lie. "-so, if you'll excuse me…"
"Oh, sure!" Matsuda acquiesced, but…
Why was he still standing there?
Light glared. Matsuda backed away.
Light reasoned with himself. On the one hand, he could read Matsuda's story, which would undoubtedly prove to be an epic massacre of the Japanese language. Whilst the other hand would result in Matsuda glomping him and getting germs all over his new suit.
He nodded to himself. Story it was, then.
Light only had to glance at the page for a few seconds before he began to hit his head against the wall.
Just from the title he could tell how horrendous the story would be. Come on – "Light Save the World"? Really? Couldn't Matsuda have been a little more original?
Yet, as he forced himself to read on – for the sake of non-germitude - Light found himself marveling at Matsuda's latent story-telling abilities. Because, Light had to admit it – Matsuda could write.
And, hey - no one could blame Light for thinking so. Even the great Light Yagami is susceptible to flattery. And Light was pretty sure someone writing an entire story about him counted as flattery. Though people often God-worshipped Kira, no one had ever written a story about him, Light Yagami.
So, not knowing that in another dimension, there was in fact a legion of people devoted to doing just that, the tawny-haired boy read on.
…until he neared the end, wherein his earliest impression of Matsuda's writing skills came back twofold.
Light reread a particular passage before shuddering.
Recap: Light had just killed Kira. (Light absently wondered how it would be possible for him to commit suicide as Kira and still be alive to live out the glory as himself.) Then, Light walked into the sunset, carrying the story's heroine in his arms. Which, while cheesy, cliché, and utterly cringe-inducing, wouldn't be all that bad… Except for the tiny, miniscule fact that the heroine was Matsuda. In a pink fairy princess dress.
EW. Light shuddered. That was simply… not a beautiful visual.
And to make matters just all the more pleasant, by the end of the story, Light and Matsuda were publicly making out to celebrate the eviction of Kira and the instatement of their love.
'Where the hell did this all come from and why does Matsuda so desperately desire me to be reading his wet dreams…? About us…?' Light had to ask himself.
Yet, while the thought of being romantically involved with Matsuda had Light just about throwing up on his shoes, it also intrigued him. He hadn't really been with anyone since L. And Light, in those few moments in the mornings when he hadn't completely woken up yet, found that he missed the simple, pleasurable warmth that came from waking up next to someone.
Granted, he had people like Misa and Takada who were always willing to throw themselves at him, but actually giving thought to it, not just blowing the person off, was new to him.
Somewhere, in the deep recesses of his mind, Light twistedly connected Matsuda and L. Maybe it was the way that Matsuda acted as if he was hyped up on the sugar that L had always eaten; maybe it was the way they were both so single-mindedly set on ending the reign of Kira… But Light's mind connected Matsuda with L, and it wasn't rejecting the thought of Matsuda. And though reasons for all this would never become clear to Light, he accepted it. For it was his mind that made these conclusions and Light was never one to doubt himself.
It was only a few hours later when Light made the decision to see how much physical contact with Matsuda he could take. (How he lasted hours without Matsuda attacking him, again, no one knows.)
"Matsuda!" He called out.
"Yes, Light?!" Immediately, the - physically - older man showed up at Light's side.
"It's late, but we still have a lot of work to do. I was going to go pick up some coffee for everyone. Would you like to come with me?"
Matsuda was too busy internally 'squee'ing to remember that there was a coffee maker not three feet from where both he and Light were standing.
The walk to the local coffee shop was uneventful. Their entire conversation consisted of Matsuda's observations of "Oh, Light, the moon is so beautiful tonight, don't you think?" and "Oooh! That's the cutest dugong ever!"
It was only when they arrived back at the task force building empty-handed – the coffee shop had closed early - that anything of true interest occurred.
Matsuda was fiddling with the door handle, fawning over such and such.
The shaggy-haired man sighed, "Light-kun, I had such a wonderful time, spending these last few seventeen minutes and thirty-two point nineteen seconds with you!"
And Light prided himself on the fact that he was only marginally scared. It wasn't like they had even gone on a real date or anything.
The tawny-haired boy nearly jumped out of his skin as he saw Matsuda leaning towards him, eyes closed, lips puckered.
Forcing himself not to flinch – 'All part of the plan,' he chided – Light let Matsuda kiss him.
And was in for the shock of his life as he realized that he didn't really mind it all that much.
…maybe he should give Matsuda more credit. Maybe Matsuda wasn't really all that bad…
Subconsciously, Light deepened the kiss… only to have Matsuda pull back hurriedly, a look of elated shock crossing his features.
"Your… your tongue was in my mouth!" Matsuda all but screeched.
Maybe… maybe not.
Credit for the "Your tongue was in my mouth!" line goes to Moonshine 369. I might possibly vaguely remember her saying that that was something Matsuda would say... Huh. ;D
Love to the round table,
Eskimo