A/N: Song: Girl Talk by Ultraviolet Sound and I own nothing. Not even the computer that I typed this on.
The assignment was simple: Boys vs. Girls in a sing off that displays the behavior of the opposite sex and the feelings they give you in the eyes of the performers.
Each side took the opportunity as an open invitation to mock the other.
Mr. Schuester stood before the girls in the auditorium, "Alright. Seems the boys are ready to go. Hey, where's Tina and Lauren?"
"Tina is sick and Lauren had wrestling practice," answered Quinn.
"Oh well that's a shame. Well, when they're finished, you guys can go change into your costumes while they change out. Okay?" the girls smile at him, somewhat curious and excited to see what the boys have planned, "Without further ado, I give you: The Boys!"
The curtain rises and the sight horrifies the small audience. All of the boys are dressed in leather pants so skinny that they look like their skin, bare feet, hair standing on end and splashed with glitter, nails painted black, painted make up meant for stage theatre in formal Elizabethan era, chains for jewelry, and black short sleeve shirts with pink painted rib cages. "It's like Lady GaGa on crack to the max," mumbles Santana. The music starts and the boys begin to sing.
Finn: We got dirty little secrets
That you are not supposed to hear
About misbehaving and intoxicating love affairs
Puck: Like yesterday my girl called to say
That she met a boy named Rick
Sam: He said her eyes looked beautiful
With the color of her lipstick
Artie: Usually she turned away
But he was kind of slick
Kurt: So she gave him her number
And wondered maybe he's got a big *DING*
All: Girl talk
Finn: Make-up, fashion, all the boys we got
All: Girl talk
Finn: Once we get started
We just can't stop
And all the girls say
All: Du du du du du du du
Du du du du du du du
Du du du du du du
Girl talk
Du du du du du du du
Du du du du du du du
Du du du du du du
Girl talk
Blaine: At the salon
Getting my hair done
With a fashion magazine
Mike: Catching up on gossip
All: And our addiction to shopping
Finn: I said I'm so broke
I'm so broke
Don't ask about my debt
Kurt: My stylist said
It'll be ok
You're not in jail yet
Blaine: He is working overtime
Just to pay the rent
Artie: Spending all his money
On high-heels for his boyfriend
All: Girl talk
Finn: Make-up, fashion, all the boys we got
All: Girl talk
Finn: Once we get started
We just can't stop
And all the girls say
All: Du du du du du du du
Du du du du du du du
Du du du du du du
Girl talk
Du du du du du du du
Du du du du du du du
Du du du du du du
Girl talk
All: Girl talk
Puck:Girl tell me what you did last night
Sam: Did you do it, did you do him right?
Kurt: 'Cause you're a freak, super-freaky hot
Finn: Can't get enough of your girl talk
All: Girl talk
Finn: And all the girls say yeah
Girls say yeah
Girls say yeah
Girls say yeah yeah
All: Girl talk
Girl talk
Girl talk
Du du du du du du du
Du du du du du du du
Du du du du du du
Girl talk
Du du du du du du du
Du du du du du du du
Du du du du du du
Girl talk
Du du du du du du du
Du du du du du du du
Du du du du du du
Girl talk
The girls continue to stare blankly with their mouths agape.
Mr. Schuester looks disappointed and stands with his hands on his hips, "Guys, you misunderstood my assignment." The guys look dumbfounded. "But Mr. Schue we did exactly what you said," says Artie.
"No you didn't. You took the prompt and used it as an excuse to make fun of the girls when you were supposed to sing about what you're feeling."
"We did though. We embarrassed them like they have us on multiple occasions for their personal benefit. We sang a song to make them feel what we feel which is what music is all about," Sam chimes in from the back.
"And I planned the outfits because, once again, I wasn't allowed to join the girls and the guys don't let me pick the songs. I matched the styles of the band," said Kurt.
Finn mumbles to himself, "And maybe to mock them a little bit."
Rachel hears him and is offended, "Mr. Schuester, you cannot let them justify their immature witticism towards us like this."
"I'm sorry girls, but they're right. They followed the assignment, even if it was offensive to you. They did make a point to how you make them feel though. Maybe you girls should think about that. Okay, well girls, it's your turn. Go change and we'll go on with the show." The teacher tries to give them a comforting smile as they all storm to the girls' dressing rooms.
The boys don't know what they've got themselves into. Girls can play dirty too.