Title: One or the Other
Series Information: 2 in Morgans's section of Deal Breaker, following Bombshells.
Pairing: Morgan/Elle (friendship, with semi-nakedness)
Author's Notes: This was really hard to write and I think it's a moment that defines the "relationship" that will be Elle/Morgan. I have a lot planned for their friendship/sexual tensionness. It's dark and angsty where if you have read Elle's second piece (which happens after this), elle/reid have a much more light and caring thing.
Rating: Very T. - I don't think this is worthy of an M rated, but there is a LOT of talk about sex, nothing too graphic, but be warned.
Summary: It's either Sex or Love. It can't be both.
He learned early that there was a difference between sex and love. Sex was dirty, it was aggressive and wrong. Love something better than that, love was the caring tenderness, the warmth that came from family and safety. You couldn't get that with sex. Carl Buford had proved that.
He didn't have sex with a woman until he was in college and it was a horrible experience. The girl was someone who had been in a couple of his classes, they had started talking about school and eventually had started dating. She was beautiful, he remembers. Long brown hair and pouty lips. She had been the one who wanted to 'further their relationship', she called it, but he had been hesitant. He didn't understand why she would want him to hurt her like that. He kept putting it off and until she grew frustrated and he knew that if he didn't give her what she wanted, she'd leave. He didn't want that, so he gave in. He was jerky, tense the whole thing but she had coaxed him to slow down and they got into a rhythm, until her fingers moved up his neck and she breathed that she loved him against his ear. He froze before moving off the bed into the bathroom. He didn't come out until she had left.
She was perverting love with sex. Just like Carl had, whispering that he loved him as he forcefully took him however he wanted. She couldn't do that. She couldn't just say something like that because he wanted him. It wasn't right. He had liked her and she had turned out to be just the same. He made a reminder to stay away form relationships with anyone from that point on.
And it worked. He never got close to anyone, no one ever told him they loved him while he was in bed with them again. No one ever perverted that line again. He'd get what he wanted, they'd get the same and then they'd be gone, easy as that. They didn't have to see each other again. There was no mixture between the softness that came with how he understood love with the physical need of sex. It worked for him.
Until Penelope Garcia came along. She was attracted to him, he knew. He could tell by the eye were eyes would roam over him and the smile that would come over her face. She'd say dirty little things to him and they'd joke. It was playful and it was fun. Until he really started to care about her, to love her. Then everything changed, each little dirty playful comment stuck to him, made him feel like he was wrong for saying the things back to her, for letting her say those things to him, even if he knew that they would never cross that line, that they would never be physical. Not that he didn't think she was beautiful, because she was. She was original and proud of it and that was sexy. And the fact he even thought that about something he cared so deeply about made him sick. It was he who was now perverting the line he had made. A line that needed to be there. A line that had to be there to keep him safe, to keep his world in check.
And then if that wasn't enough, then Elle came. A fiery hot Latina that got him to turn his head a couple times as she swayed past him. She was a team mate just like Penelope, JJ. She was supposed to be family and the one thing Derek knew was that you love your family. No matter what, because those are the people that you have to hold onto. He didn't love Elle so much as he did the others, yet. She was still new, she hadn't risked her life with them as much to create the tight knit bond he had with everyone else., but from the moment she joined the team, she was family and that love would come. It had to with this job. And from the moment he saw her, he had fantasized about her. Again, blurring the line between love and sex. But this time, unlike with Penelope, Elle was confident in her sexuality, knowing she could get any man in the room. He could tell by the way she flirted with him, that she knew she could have him. There was chance that he would actually engage in such acts with her, if she ever initiated. He would never initiate something like that with a team mate, of course, he would never blatantly dismiss his own rules, but if she were to come on to him, he couldn't deny the opportunity, could he? It wasn't like Elle would tell him she loved him in bed. He was conflicted. He had to make a choice. To care for Elle as a family member, to love her and be there for her always, regardless or to acknowledge that she was an attractive beautiful woman that he wanted to take home in his bed and never get closer than that. He could still be friendly. She was still going to be a team mate, he could be professional, rather than passionate - keep her safe because she was a team mate, rather than having to keep her safe because she was family. But sleeping with a coworker was anything than professional and you had to be invested in your team mates. He sighed. There was no way that he could act on his physical needs for the woman. She was a team mate. She was family and that was it. That's how it had to be. Plus, it wasn't like he couldn't find a dozen beautiful Latin women in this town to test his fantasies with.
Deal Breaker || One of the Other
It isn't until the team reunites with Bale that he has to come face to face with his decision. He's at a bar, drinking while going over the case. Bale had killed his friends and Morgan had stayed at the BAU, like a bitch instead of going with the team to face the situation. Sure, he and Garcia had figured out that Bale was a part of him and helped solve the case, but still, he felt like a woman for letting his fears take a hold.
"What you drinkin'" A flowing voice says behind him and he turns to see Elle, moving to sit next to him.
"Rum and coke."
She makes a face. "It's a tequila-type of night don't you think?"
He flashes a grin. "You think you can handle it?"
She rolls her eyes, smirk on her lips. "Oh, papi, I was raised by Jose Cuervo."
He chuckles and orders 4 shots.
Deal Breaker || One of the Other
He pushes her against the door as his hands pull up her shirt, roughly. She doesn't seem to mind, her hands already at his belt. She gets it undone quickly as his mouth moves over her neck. Her hand slips inside his pants and he groans as her fingers make contact with sensitive skin. They're moving too quick and he pulls back, breathless. He knows they can't do this, but the alcohol is clouding his mind. The alcohol. They've both had too much to drink. Not only the fact is she a team mate, but she can't give her full consent, alcohol clouding both of their judgment.
"I can't." He says.
She cocks an eyebrow. "You can't?" She reaches up to rub him through his pants. "Papi, it's working just fine."
He pushes against her hand instinctively before he grabs her hand. "I mean, we can't do this, we're team mates."
She stares at him. "What, you can't fuck someone you're gonna see again. ¿Tienes miedo de que no eres tan bueno en la cama como tu puedes pensar?"
He frowns, unsure of what she said. "It's not that. We're…."
How could he explain this while she was standing there, wanting him, with her shirt off for god's sake. He grabs her shirt and hands it to her before he moves to the couch.
"We're supposed to be close."
"I think we'd be a lot closer after this, don't ya think?" She asks, slipping in her shirt back on. Her tone holds a bit of frustration, he can tell. He turns to look at her, she's watching him, hands on her hips. She seems like she's going to make him explain. It makes sense, she's probably not used to being turned down, definitely once she's actually in his home. He can't explain though. How can he?
"You don't think you can be close to me if you fuck me, do you?" She asks, her voice softer, like she understands, but he knows she can't. He barely understands it and it's his rule.
She breathes out as she sits next to him. "I was right, wasn't I?" She mutters to herself.
He just stares at her, unsure of what she's talking about. "I'm sorry." he says and means it. He never should have lead her on. He never should have let the chance come up after making his decision, after that much alcohol. He had almost taken advantage of her, as he had been taken advantage. "I'm sorry." He repeats and he sees Elle frown.
"It's okay, Derek. I get it."
He looks at her and for a second, he thinks that she really might. She gives him somewhat of a smile.
"It would have been incredible though." she jokes before standing up.
He tries to smile as he leads her out. "I'm sure."
She grins and winks before she leaves. He rests his head against the door, thinking about how wrong this day has been before moving to the bedroom. Clooney lifts his head to acknowledge his master's presence before he lays it back on his paw, asleep again. Morgan rubs the dog's head before moving into the bathroom to try and shower away all the filth he feels.