Dedicated to YouAreMine21, who requested it.
Nick had never counted himself as beautiful. The thought itself just made him laugh. He didn't keep a mirror in his room because quite frankly, he didn't like to look at himself. He didn't want to be constantly reminded of his appearance. He'd had one in his room a few years ago, but he took it down and put it behind his closet, where he never had to see it again.
His friends and family complimented his appearance all the time. He guessed they had found out how he looked at himself and were just trying to be nice. Everyone's beautiful in their own way and all that bullshit. Sure, you could say it was true, just not in Nick's case.
He hadn't always looked at himself like this, though. He had never thought much about himself, other than he was alright, or even slightly good looking. No one at his old school had said much about his appearance. That is, until he came out of the closet.
Name-callings became frequent. Fag, queer, homo, fairy. But they only didn't pick at his sexuality. Ugly, weirdo, dwarf, loser. They came from people he had barely spoken to, they came from his classmates, even at one point, a teacher called him a queer.
He hated it. He hated them. He hated himself.
He thought about trying to change it. He thought about trying to do something about it, to make the pain go away. Suicide, plastic surgery, starving himself, changing himself. He never went through with it, though, because he seemed to be the only one who thought there was something wrong with him, which irritated him. Why were they lying to make him feel better?
When he left middle school and started attending Dalton Academy, everything was different. No bullies, no name calling, no nasty looks, no hate. It took some time for him to get used to it, but it was absolutely wonderful. He used to hate school. Now he liked it.
The boys attending Dalton were the best part about the school. Everyone was nice and accepting. No one cared he was gay.
But then he joined the Warblers. The Warblers were a choir group, the glee club of Dalton. Nick had an alright voice, one of the few things about himself he liked, and the Warblers seemed to like it as well. The Warblers soon became the reason he had a smile on his face. His family, his brothers, his passion, his life.
They were all excellent friends. They were all excellent people. But Jeff stood out. He was the one Nick got along with the best. He was the one who made Nick laugh the most. He was the one who made Nick get butterflies in his stomach.
The second Nick found out he liked Jeff, Nick began avoiding him. He wanted the crush to go away, he wanted to maintain their friendship. He knew Jeff was bi, but he was sure he didn't like him back. Jeff was beautiful and in Nick's opinion, he deserved to be with someone equally beautiful.
So when Jeff pulled him aside one day after Warbler rehearsal, looking very nervous, but adorable, he told Nick he liked him. He told him he wanted to be more than friends. Nick stuttered out he liked him as well, not believing Jeff's words. How could this beautiful boy like him? Jeff asked if he could kiss Nick, who just smiled and nodded. He didn't want Jeff to change his mind. He didn't want Jeff to realize what he had done. He just wanted to enjoy the moment.
"You really have the most gorgeous smile in the entire world." Jeff murmured when they broke apart. Nick didn't believe that, he didn't think so. But the way Jeff said it made Nick actually consider it. Maybe he did have a nice smile. It was something he always remembered when he had bad days. It was something that made him smile. It was something he remembered when he missed Jeff.
Jeff made Nick feel good about himself. He complimented him all the time. Beautiful, amazing, gorgeous, pretty. Each time he said those things, Nick smiled. But only for a moment. After Jeff left, he began second guessing them. Did he only say that to get another kiss? Did he only say that to make Nick feel good about himself?
It was almost two months into their relationship when they were sitting in Jeff's room, exchanging soft kisses. They had been playing Call of Duty, but they found each other much more interesting. The game consoles lay forgotten on the floor and the game had been paused for over ten minutes.
"This whole thing hasn't quite sunken in just yet." Nick said softly, kissing the corner of Jeff's mouth.
"Hmm?" Jeff replied.
"Us." Nick said. "I can't believe out of all those guys at Dalton, out of all the girls in Crawford, or even all those people in this freaking town, you chose me." It was true. Nick still didn't believe it, he still didn't understand it. Why? Why him? Jeff was stunning. He could have any guy or girl he wanted. Yet he chose Nick.
"The heart wants what it wants, love." Jeff said, his voice barely above a whisper. He reached out his hand to cup one of Nick's cheeks. "I can't believe you're actually putting up with me."
"What do you mean?" Nick asked, slightly confused.
"You're beautiful and I'm annoying." Jeff said with a small laugh.
Nick chuckled, "I'm not." He said and leaned forward, hoping to get another kiss. But Jeff leaned backwards and straightened himself up. He gave Nick a slightly nervous look.
"You've been saying that an awful lot." Jeff said. His voice had no sign of joking or laughter in it.
"It's true." Nick replied, his voice just as serious.
Jeff laughed, but the laughter held no humor in it. "You're joking. C'mon." He said and rose from his couch. Nick only gave him a weird look, which caused Jeff to pull him up. He held his hands and led him towards a mirror that was right next to his closet. Jeff placed Nick right in the middle of the mirror and stood right behind him.
"Jeff, what are you doing?" Nick asked, slightly annoyed.
"Don't talk. Just look." Jeff said. He placed his hands in Nick's hair and began softly stroking it.
"You see this gorgeous hair?" He moved his hands towards his cheeks, softly stroking his skin while they trailed slowly down. "These eyes? That nose? Your cheeks, your chin, your lips. And that smile, oh god, that smile. I've never seen such a beautiful smile before." His hands trailed down his face and down his arms. "That neck, those shoulders, these hands." He grabbed Nick's hands and held them. "Your legs, your chest, just… just everything about you. Perfect, beautiful."
Nick's eyes started to get watery. He shook his head and tried to blink them away, not wanting Jeff to see him like that.
"Just look at yourself. Do that and you will see how beautiful you really are." Jeff whispered in his ear and took a few steps away from the mirror, so it was just Nick and his reflection.
He did what Jeff said. He looked at himself. He begun to realize Jeff wasn't lying. His friends and family weren't lying. When Nick looked at himself in the mirror, he didn't see what he used to see. Ugly, loser, freak, homo. He just saw himself. A regular, rather good looking guy. But there was something wrong with the reflection.
He turned to Jeff and motioned him to come back. Jeff went straight back to the spot he was in earlier, wrapping his arms around Nick's waist.
"Now this I can live with. This I want to see." Nick said. Jeff laughed and gave his temple a soft kiss.
When Nick finally got home, he dusted off his old mirror and hung it up again.