//Note:I'm just posting this fic on the net on my friend,Mei An's behalf.It's just about how Yanagi [as much as i hate her*sniff*..] finds out that how Mikagami feels about her really matters to her...I'm not really sure if this is supposed to be a Mikagami-Yanagi pairing or not though...PLEASE r&r !!!!!//
"Koganei, you really need a haircut." Kagero-san stared at him, as though she couldn't believe that hair could be allowed to grow so long. Koganei screwed up his nose in plain defiance, what he did when he was exasperated. He looked like the very picture of cute impatience, complete with the still uncut hair that fell everywhere around his face, hiding his chubby cheeks and veiling those black eyes. Right now, though, his eyes were flashing with anger, and he turned to face Kagero-san with a look so obstinate that there was no doubt that she was afraid she'd lose their argument.
"It's my hair, so I decide!" That was, by far, Koganei's favourite argument. At first, he had never gotten tired of complaining that Kagero-san 'mothered' him too much, until Recca-kun told him that secretly, she wanted to be his mother.... or mean just as much to him as a real one. But he still argued about his hair like there was no tomorrow, and simply couldn't see why it had to be cut. "But Mikagami's hair is waist-length, and I don't see you chasing after him with that frying pan of yours screaming that he needs a trim!"
Kagero-san shook her head, hands on hips, and they matched each other in obstinancy. "Mikagami lives alone, isn't part of this household, doesn't sleep here and is over eighteen, so he looks after himself and I don't take care of him!" She shook her head again, about as sick of everything as Koganei, then her look became concerned as she looked again at the younger boy.
"But.... I wouldn't mind if Mikagami onii-chan came to stay with us...." Koganei looked downwards, eyes disturbed and troubled. I knew that Kogane had too much pride to say that he missed Mikagami-sempai, but we'd grown so close, sometimes even having to depend on one another's frindship in order to live, that his longing for the last member of our team was present on his face day in and day out. "In fact, I don't think any of us would...." he shot me a look , knowing that of all of us, I probably missed Mikagami-sempai most, "but it's okay... I mean, I know that he can't live here and all...." he trailed off and stared out into space, looking lost and torn. If his face had not been molded by years of long fighting, crafted specially so that it couldn't ease itself into simple, pathetic emotions, he would have been a sight to break your heart.
Kagero-san's eyes widened in surprise at the strange turn today's argument had taken, then she patted Koganei's shoulder in sympathy. "I know... but we just don't have enough money to support him along with everybody else...." Before she could say another word, Kogane had turned sharply on his heel and stomped out, calling, "Okay, you old hag, I'll have a haircut!" And the pain in his voice was not about him finally having to concede to Kagero-san's wishes and have a trim, but about her managing to get him to admit something that he had kept inside for a long time - his strangely childish longing for Mikagami-sempai.
Kagero-san turned to me as though she had just realised I was there, and the look in her eyes was one of sympathy and concern. She seemed to radiate warmth, despite her homely wool sweater and shapeless skirt, and looked like a mother then, gentle and understanding. "Oh, Yanagi-san, you're here!" she smiled, genuinely happy, then took my hand and led me into the house.
******
We were ready to go out for Koganei's haircut in about twenty minutes, and it turned out that everybody was coming along too. Fuko and Domon had shopping, Recca and I had a date (I was teased mercilessly about that) and Kagero-san had to act the role of a mother and take Kogane to the barber to make sure that he didn't run away at the last minute. Pop was staying at home, to recieve visitors, phone calls and people who wanted Recca's head.
"But, Yanagi-san, it's a special offer!" Kagero-san guestured at the sign outside the shop again. Her eyes were confused, as though she couldn't understand. She didn't know why I was acting that way. Heck, I didn't even know myself. I just sensed, with frightening certainty, that if I allowed the hair-dresser to cut my hair, something terrible would happen. Something within me would break, fall away, out of my reach, and a part of my soul would be empty. The thought was horrifying.
The tremors that had begun in my heart ever since Kagero-san had first suggested a haircut increased, growing worse and worse, the fear consuming every ounce of logic and sense that I retained. Something terrible would happen... something would be gone.... just like my hair would be gone if it was cut, lying on the floor devoid of all life and gaiety... They then spread to my body, until I was shaking visibly, unable to speak.
Something would be gone.... would fall away... something that I couldn't take back, couldn't heal... There were no other thoughts now, just that dreadful fear. I clutched at my shirt, teeth chattering. My heart pounded, each beat a reminder of what I would lose if I surrended.
"Yanagi-san! What happened? Are you alright?" that voice seemed to be coming from far away, out of the darkness... Out of the darkness, where it was bright and cheerful... Then, "It's just a haircut! What's wrong?" "Are you all right, Hime?"
It was when I heard Recca's voice, so full of puzzled concern, that I realised that no one understood what was happening. That no one who was there understood. I'd thought Recca would always understand, always be there, but now he was as puzzled as everybody else, now not even he understood. My dear, treasured Recca.... he didn't understand, and I just wanted somebody, anybody, to understand and help me...
I couldn't help it, I ran. Down all those brightly lit hallways so full of fake light that couldn't banish the darkness, turn in from one alley to the next, then out onto the road, leaving behind a trail of salty water, another sign of despair, wishing that somebody...
"To tear it would be such a waste."
Somebody who'd always been there....
Fuko's smile was back in place, her usual cocky grin, like a predator's curling of fangs when it closes in for the kill. Her eyes focused on the stadium with a mixture of confidence and outright happiness as she patted my shoulder. "He's not alone in that battle. He's fighting for us, for you, for Recca, and for himself. He's not one person, but one part of the Hokage team!"
Always been there for me...
Through the tears, I saw that I'd entered a nonscript alleyway, dimly lit by flourescent lamps and sparsely decorated with neon graffiti and a few pieces of rubbish here and there. It could hardly be called public, but it was, to my fearful, deadened-by-terrror eyes, it was as good as any place to cry. I ran down the concrete pavement, only to crash straight into somebody rounding the corner.
"Are you alright?"
"Are you alright?"
I didn't know which was simply an echo treasured within my memories, and which was the real, true concern-filled voice that roused me from my state of absolute terror. I looked up then, straight into those oh-so-well-known ice-blue depths. Recognizing me, those eyes flickered with concern, and Mikagami-sempai raised a hand....
"Mikagami-sempai!"
I threw myself at him, shivering, then pressing nearer to the warmth of his body, clawing at his shirt in a frenzy. "Mikagami-sempai, Mikagami-sempai!" He was so warm, so comforting, so very close. Wearing his customary shirt and jacket ensemble, the same clothes he had worn on the day of his fateful fight, but they weren't stained with blood now the way they had been.
"She died, then. My sister died...." He'd really looked like what he was named after, then. A 'Water Mirror', reflecting emotions felt long before all over again. And strong, in their own strange way. His eyes sharpened, and hardened. Eyes like polar-ice that would never, ever melt.
He was human, after all. And so... the ice within him wouldn't melt. It was part of him.
And then he'd smiled, gently, and placed a hand on my shoulder to steady me.
Just like what he was doing now.
His hand felt the same, strong and reasssuring. "Yanagi-san, what happened?" There was no bewilderment in his voice, only quiet concern. I looked up then, into his eyes, and realized with a start that they looked as though they were filled with frozen tears. Would my eyes ever look like his? Would I ever.....
"If I get a haircut...."
Would I ever be the sister those frozen tears were meant for?
Too late, I felt the press of something sharp against my back. "You..."
"If I get a haircut..... I'll..."
My golden tresses parted from me, held by another hand. "There! You look just like my sister now!"
I had wanted to comfort him then, when he talked about his sister dying, melt the ice and take away the pain that shone in his eyes. But he brushed it oh-so-carelessly away, as if it meant nothing, as if he hadn't even felt pain. He was a 'Water Mirror', after all. The ice was his and would be his forever. And it was the pain that kept him fighting, kept him going. But that had never stopped my wanting to heal him, but my healing powers did not extend to wounds of the heart.
So I had wanted to keep him close and be close to him, just like his sister. So that I could care for him the way she had. So that he could be to me what he had been to her.
"I'll lose Mikagami-sempai!"
If I cut my hair, I wouldn't look like his sister. If I didn't look like his sister.... he wouldn't care for me anymore. He wouldn't..... love me anymore. And I couldn't bear to be without Mikagami-sempai. His silent protectiveness, the concern he could voice without words. The unconcerned gentleness he leant to everything, and the blaze of determination that sometimes ignited itself in his ice-cold eyes. In some ways, he was more to me than Recca.
I saw his eyes widen as realization dawned, and the ice began to melt. The fire of care for me that he kept burning within him.... that was the only thing that could have made a solid turn to liquid within his polar-blue orbs. The water gathered inperceptibly at the corners of his eyes...
And then he hugged me. Tight.
It was as though he'd chased the darkness away like he had so many times, replacing it with warmth and comfort. I snuggled closer, eyes closed, feeling relaxed after what seemed like a lifetime of fear. I listened to his soft, insistent heartbeat, letting it calm me down as he stroked my hair gently. "Yanagi-san..."
"Mm?"
"My battle for vengence is my own. During the time where we were together, I've realised that you're not my sister. You never will be, because you both are special. My sister is dead," once again a single dewdrop fell from his eyes in sorrow, "but I can't replace her with you." He looked down then, and I gazed into his eyes in understanding, letting those feelings warm someplace deep down inside me, holding them close and tight.
//hi there....it's me again... like it?hate it?please lemme know//