Dear Author,
I have a few complaints towards your stories. One, I am not a whore. I'm too much of a pureblood to risk getting myself (or someone else) pregnant. Two, I am not in love with Harry Potter. We haven't gotten that far (yet). Three, I have never been, nor will ever be, in love with, dating, or married to Pansy Parkinson. I have too much self-respect and pity for poor Weasley to do such a thing (it's fun seeing him suffer). Four, I come back to Hogwarts with ONE bruise, and everyone assumes my father abuses me! He wouldn't dare—he knows I could best him in a duel any day. For your information, I was…erm...snogging with Harry and we fell off the couch…yeah, that's it. Five, Harry's relatives don't beat him either. They fear my response if they did. I have already threatened them with my father, my mother, myself, and Uncle Sirius. Six, I have it on very good authority that I never bottom—it's unbefitting a Malfoy. Seven, my Father is not, was not, and never will be in love with Severus Snape—Tom would kill Snape if that ever happened. Sev is more of a brother to my Father. Eight, you have no right to tell the world that I am a Veela and Harry is whatever combination you can think of. I am just a descendant of the vampire William the Bloody also known as Spike, one of the Scourge of Europe, and Buffy Summers. The paleness comes with the heritage. My Harry is descended from the vampire Angel, also known as Angelus, one of the Scourge of Europe, and Drusilla, his Childe. His darkness and insanity are from his father's side of the family. Darla, the last of the quartet, has no place in our families. We have met our relatives, when we gained our inheritances. At least, we met our male relatives. Great-Grandmother Buffy died a long time ago, and Lady Drusilla is undergoing treatment at St. Mungo's in an attempt to cure her insanity. We all hope she heals from Angelus's treatment of her. She's how Harry sees visions, not the connection to Voldemort that our great-grandfathers severed right after it was formed. Nine, we have gone that far, but we do not proclaim that to the world. We also do not announce to the world that Harry is pregnant, but that is another story. Ten, I will never admit to writing this letter, and will deny any such accusations as they come.
Draco Malfoy