Ready or not
Rating: K
Summary: Oneshot Post-Ep 6x14 Hotch finds out about Ian Doyle. H/P
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Category: Hotch / Prentiss, Hurt, Angst
A/N: This is what popped into my head after watching 6x14. Not beta read. For this story I assumed that the Ian Doyle operation took place in 2004 and that everyone on the team thinks that Emily worked for the FBI at that time. (b/c that's what she said to Hotch in 2x9, if I remember correctly, that she had been working for the FBI for ten years).
She needed more information. That's why Emily had come to the office after dropping her cat Sergio off at her neighbor Sheryls. She needed to find out more about what Ian Doyle had been up to since he had been arrested, how he had escaped and who might help him now that he was out of prison. Sean had only given her an overview of what had happened. And she needed to find out, what happened to the rest of the old team. She knew what Sean had been doing, but hadn't kept track of any of the other team members. If she wanted to take on Doyle, she needed to find them. The flower on her doorstep was the best sign, that she needed to be alerted. Doyle had found her, even so she had no idea how that was possible. She had been deep undercover. She had considered it impossible, that he could find out about her real identity, even if he would find out about her being an agent. Right now there was only one possibility she could think of and it scared her. The only people, who had known her real name, had been the other agents involved in the operation. They had all been professionals. For them to give up her name could only mean, that Doyle had found them and used all means to get what he wanted. It also meant that at least one member of the team would be dead.
Emily had been relived to find the office deserted. Nobody was there to wonder, why she had come to the BAU at this time of the night, right after they returned from a case. She had been at her computer for the last twenty minutes, when she heard a voice behind her.
"Prentiss, what are you doing here?"
Emily jumped right off her seat. She had been on edge ever since she had found the flower and thinking that nobody else was around, it had totally surprised her to suddenly have Hotch appear behind her.
"Hotch! I could ask you the same thing." She was playing for time to come up with a good answer, but Hotch had noticed her reaction.
"I had a meeting."
"Oh, okay. I was just doing some research." Hotchs eyes went to her go bag, which Emily had dropped next to her desk. Emily started to get nervous.
"Emily, is every thing all right? It seemed that you had something on your mind in the last days."
"Everything is fine" she lied. Her heart was racing. Was she really going to do this? Lie to Hotch?
"Who is Ian Doyle?"
Damn it, Emily thought. He had seen the article she had been reading on her screen. She felt his heavy gaze linger on her, and she knew this was the moment of truth. She had to decide to either let him in or shut him out. Choosing her word carefully, she answered:
"A highly dangerous criminal."
"What's your connection to him?" It was clear to Hotch, that Emily wouldn't be here at this late hour, if this wasn't somehow personal.
"I helped to arrest him." His body language made it clear, he wanted to hear more.
"He recently escaped from prison." Hotch sensed, that Emily was still holding back information and it worried him. She normally just said, what was on her mind.
"What did he get arrested for?"
"Murder, dealing with weapons, a lot of other things."
"And you arrested him?"
"Not exactly." Emily become quite and looked down to the floor.
Hoch felt his muscles tense.
"Prentiss?" His tone was demanding.
Emily closed her eyes. She knew she had to tell him. If she wanted to go after Doyle, she needed time of and Hotch would have to know at least the basic story. But she knew, their relationship would never be the same again. She had kept something from him. Told him a lie about her past, when she had told him she had been with the FBI for ten years. And one thing she knew for sure: Hotch hated liars.
"I was working undercover. I was posing has his girl friend."
"I didn't know you had been doing undercover work."
"I know. I never told you about it and it's not in my personal file." Hotch was normally very guarded about his emotions, but this time Emily could see the exact moment the whole meaning of her words hit him. After that his voice and eyes became ice cold.
"It wasn't for the FBI" he concluded.
"I wasn't aloud to tell anyone." It really hadn't been easy for her. The more and more the BAU team had become a family for her, the harder it had been for her to keep things from them.
"Sorry, I asked." he said sarcastically.
"Don't do this Hotch!" Emily understood, that he was hurt and dealt with it by being sarcastic, but she couldn't let him have it. If she wanted to safe their relationship, she needed to fight him and remind him that it hadn't been her choice and that he could not just forget, how close they had become since she first joined the team. He couldn't just throw that away.
"Please. You know me. If there had been anyway..."
"Do I know you? Right now, I'm not sure of that." He turned away from her.
"Yes, you do. You do know me. Probably better than anyone else does."
He didn't say anything to that and Emily let her words hang for a moment. Than she continued:
"I need to take some days of." It was a statement, not a question.
"You want to go after Doyle."
"Yes, before he goes after me." Her serious tone made Hotch look at her again.
"Are you in danger?"
"I might be." He pressed his lips together.
"Do as you need." With that he turned to his office and closed the door behind him. Trough the blinds Emily could see him sitting down behind his desk. She signed and went back to her computer.
Half an hour later Emily was done with her research. She turned off her computer and looked up to his office. He was still there. She had always feared, that one day her secrecy would drive a wedge between her and Hotch. Now it seemed, that it was exactly what had happened. When she went to his office, Hotch was sitting behind his desk, a stern face in place.
"I've got all the information I need" Emily started.
"What's your plan?" he asked coolly.
"I can't do this alone, so I'm going to contact some other the people, who where involved in the operation."
"Well, good luck with that. Obviously you don't need us to help you." He grabbed some papers and started to read them.
"It's not that I don't want your help. It's just to dangerous."
"And we can't handle dangerous." Emily was getting angry. She walked up to his desk and leaned close to him.
"Damn it! Doyle is one twisted bastard. If he found out that I have been playing him, he will do everything to destroy me and he wouldn't let anything or anyone stand between him and me. If I want to have a chance on catching him, I must have a clear mind, but I can't focus, if I'm terrified by the thought of him going after you! Or Reid or Morgan." Having that off her chest, she made a step backwards, waiting for a reaction from him. She relaxed a bit when he gave her a small nod and stood up.
"How long will you be gone?"
"I don't know."
"Will you keep us updated`?"
"I'm don't think, that will be an option."
For a moment he just looked at her and Emily felt sad, for leaving like that.
Than Hotch wrote something on a piece of paper and stepped around his desk.
"This is secure phone number. It's not traceable. Even if you can't tell anything about what you' re doing or where you going, let me at least know that you're okay." He handed her the paper. Emily was surprised by his gesture.
"Thanks, I will try."
When she looked into his eyes, Hotch held her gaze. In the silence between them was more communicated than words could ever say. But the moment came to an end eventually and Emily bract herself. It was time to leave. There was just one more thing she needed to say.
"From all the people, I couldn't tell about my past, you are the one I wanted to tell the most." She turned around to leave his office. The last thing she heard him say was.
"Take care of yourself."
She didn't turn around. She had to go. She had something to do and it bore no delay.
That's it. Thanks for reading.