Author's notes:

HI GUYSS. Okay, I know, this is like wtf why are you on ff whutttt. Nah, seriously though. I can't believe I'm back here and this is crazy. I fall in love with new stuff and sometimes I don't come back for a long time. But here I am now... I hope my writing's improved lol. Anyways, I should warn you that there is sexual content. I don't describe most of the... graphic bits, but I focus a lot on her thoughts and feelings during the whole thing, so it does... well, sound a little dirty. I'm sorry.

Warning: Explicit sexual content.

Chapter one.

Brooklyn Chang

Every step I take brings me closer to destruction.

And I can't say I had no choice. I did. I had a choice to either starve and die at 16 years old, or I had the choice to this destructive path. It would bring me down, but at least it'd buy me more time.

The snow I walk on gets darker as I go, and when I look back, I've left behind a trail of black footprints. It's as if I am already condemned.

But I am, and I will accept that.

Once I get inside, I drop my coat. I've trained half a year for this and finally here I am. I'm not proud of it, but here I am. And fuck this, you know? I've always been on my own but this is a whole new level of alone.

I feel cold.

It's strange to feel cold because I'm on stage and I'm wrapped around this pole, I can feel so many pairs of eyes on me but I feel so cold. Goosebumps are erect all over my body and as someone's hands reach over to slap me I just feel him burning me.

I force a smile because I'm cold.

'What are you looking at?'

This Chinese man is in front of me and I can almost see my brother in him. Jason, Jason, Jason, my brain reminds me as I spin around once.

The boy sitting next to him merely looks over, pulling his eyes from me.

'My boss died today.'

I tune them out after that because I am cold, and they are warm. And I will never be like them.

I make myself listen after I'm sure they've finished talking. I know when because the boy has got his eyes on me again, and I don't know what fascinates him so much. I am just a whore.

The Chinese man slips a few bills into my underwe- oh, sorry, I meant outfit, before leaving. It's just him left at this table now, and he pulls me down a little. 'When does your shift finish?'

'10 minutes later,' I try and whisper as seductively as I could, and I think I managed to pull it off.

He lets me go after that, but I can see he looks pleased, and there's determination in his eyes. I ask myself if I really can make myself go this far, but I mean… is there any other way I can study journalism? Or survive, really?

My shift finishes astonishingly fast, and I think it's because I am dreading what happened afterwards so much.

I don't even have to go look for him. He's just there when I've finished.

It's then that I get to see him properly. He's standing in front of me and I can't help but think: Fuck, he's hot. He's tall and intimidating, unshaven with light brown hair, and he looks rough enough to fuck me up really bad if I offend him.

'Do you know a motel around here?' he asks.

I put on my coat. 'I used to. But it got bought by someone named Norma Bates. I do have a home though.'

He chuckles, and I don't know why. 'Your family isn't home?'

'No,' I answer shortly. I didn't wish to elaborate.

He raises an eyebrow and looks at me again. 'Aw, come on.'

I consider for a second, and ultimately, his face wins me over. 'They're in Hong Kong. I've always been alone.'

For some reason he looks like he pities me for a moment. 'Ah, well, tough luck.'

I pull my coat around my body tighter. It was cold, so cold.

'You cold?' he asks just in time. I nod in response, and he takes off his coat before giving it to me. It doesn't fit through, because mine is too thick, so he just throws it around my shoulders.

The rest of the walk is silent until we arrive at my porch and I say, 'Private costs extra, you do know that, don't you?'

He laughs and merely nods.

I slip my hand into my pocket and pull out the key, before unlocking the door and stepping in. He invades my personal space at once, looking around the house in curiosity. It isn't until I threw off the coats and kissed him that he focused back on our deal again.

'You don't waste time, don't you?' he asks in between kisses.

I don't answer him, and pull him to my room instead, slamming the door close in case my housemate decides to come back tonight. I try to unbutton his shirt, but my fingers are clumsy and awkward, so he laughs it off and does it himself. I pull it off and watch it shimmy to the floor in the corner of my eye. And for a second, I think it kind of looks like my innocence.

'What's your name?' he whispers against my neck before kissing and biting my flesh.

A pang of pleasure shoots down my stomach, and I cry out a little in response. 'B-Brooklyn.'

'Mhmm, do they call you Brooke?' he asks again, mumbling against my collarbone this time.

I shakily nod. 'And you?'

'Dylan, and I'd like to hear you scream that tonight, all right?'

I don't answer him, because I can't. I'm too scared to.

I unbuckle his belt, hoping that the faster his pants are off, the faster it is done. He reacts by turning us so I'm trapped between him and the wall. I hear his pants drop to the floor and we're left there half-naked, him grinding into my waist as he groans in pleasure.

Me? I pretend to feel pleasure when I'm internally begging this to be over soon.

Before I know it, he picks me up and throws me onto the bed, and I can't help but squeal in surprise. He crawls up a moment later, and begins kissing down my chest. I roll us over so I'm on top, and he looks pleased at the arrangement, giving me a smirk. Then, reaching over, he unbuckles my bra, and exposes my bare breasts to him. I hate him.

I return the favour by pulling down his underwear, and I don't even dare to look at it.

He doesn't notice, because I'm already stroking him and his eyes are closed in ecstasy. I start grinding our hips together, and he realises that my underwear is still on. Grabbing it, he pulls it down and throws it away. 'Fuck, just fuck me already, I can't take it anymore,' he says, and his tone is strained.

I take a deep breath, and I hope he doesn't notice my inexperience as I lower myself onto him. It's only halfway in but I feel like I'm being torn apart in two. Does it have to do with the fact that I don't really want this?

Before I could comprehend anything, he grabs my waist and shoves me down, and I let out a gasp in pain. I don't think I've been in so much pain in my life. But I don't scream, because I never scream. It's just not Brooklyn.

He seems pleased at my pain. Is it because he feels bigger this way? Or does he think I'm pleasured?

I don't know if he notices I'm a virgin, and I've just given him my first, but he doesn't seem to care as I slowly move up and down on him. Bastard. I hate your fucking guts.

I look up at the ceiling, forcing my eyes open so the tears don't fall down.

This is my bed. I'm whoring myself out on my own bed.

I want to cry, but I won't. I am cold.

Pain, pain, pain. Pain. Painpainpain pain. Please help me.

Suddenly, he flips us over and grabs my wrists. Pinning them over my head, he starts taking control. It's crazy. How much pain can one take before they faint?

'Uhhhh yes. Fuck. Fuck, Brooke.'

Harder, stronger, faster.

I try to grip the bed sheets to relieve the pain but I can't. He's holding my wrists. It's just the beginning. This is just the beginning.

I can't have him thinking I don't like it, so I start doing what I do best. I act.

'Ohh yes, please. Yes, harder!'

It disgusts me to hear the words come out of my mouth.

Stay strong. It's not because I need to- I don't, but it's because I should. You chose this path, Brooke. You chose it! Suck it up, you coward!

'Ng, uhh…' he groans as he shoves in extra hard. Leaning down, he kisses me again, and I can't handle that all at once. I can't breathe and he knows it but he just doesn't care. 'Brooke you promised to scream.'

His voice is devious and mischievous and I wonder briefly how he could manage to humiliate me so much in such a short time. 'Yes… please… Dylan…' I moan, trying to make it sound like I liked what he was doing to me.

Yes, amongst all the pain there was pleasure but it was just...

'That's not nearly loud enough,' he says, and slaps me on my arse, making me cry out in pain.

Why the fuck-?

'Dylan, oh please-'

Slap.

'DYLAN! Yes, Dylan please-'

I know what I was begging for but he has different interpretations.

I don't know how long that went. I was completely out of it, I just couldn't think anymore. I just did what I had to do and I was just too cold.

He began to utter swearwords under his breath, and I begged that he was finally done with me. How did he manage to go on for so long?

I fake my orgasm with his, just because he pays me.

Afterwards, he collapses next to me, and I try to keep my act up.

After a few long minutes, he starts talking again. 'Did you like that?'

'Yeah.'

It was a one word sentence because I was afraid that if I said more, everything would just pour out. I had no explanations anyway. I don't see how I could.

There's a pause again.

'Why'd you become a hooker?'

His voice sends chills up my spine, but there's something I like about it. I shrug, trying to look nonchalant. I can feel his eyes on me. 'Why does one become a hooker? I need the money.' And I elaborate no more.

'You don't talk much.'

'I don't,' I agree with him. 'Well, thank you.'

He chuckles, and I want to slap him. 'All my pleasure,' he replies, winking at me.

I feel sick, but nevertheless, I smile back at him. Only yours.

Then, I turn on my side and pretend to fall asleep. I get my breaths to fall in sync with my heartbeat, so it seems like I've fallen asleep. I think I counted to a few thousand heartbeats before he gets up from the bed, puts his clothes on, leaves the money on the bedside table and leaves the room.

When I think he's left, I let go of my breath and I start to cry. I see the blood on the sheets and I start to cry. I see the money and I start to think what a desperate person I've become. I cry so hard that I think my lungs are going to fall apart.

And then rolling on my back, I try to fall asleep.

End notes:

So there is Dylan. This is how I imagined him to be. If you like Dylan as much as I do, please share the fangirl-ish stuff lol.