Takes place pre-shippuden. Everybody is still alive...well, everyone except the third hokage anyway.
It was a rather normal day in Konoha, and Kakashi was late as usual. He was procrastinating his time away walking down the streets, and looking through the stalls. So his students would be pissed, but he didn't care…he needed to think of an excuse when he finally got over there, now that he thought about it. Let's see…he was exterminating a mafia syndicate? No, no, no, not realistic enough…he was helping an old lady find her cat? No he'd used that one before…
"Hey you!" Kakashi turned around, and raised his eyebrow at the man sitting before him. He was wearing a mask, selling random junk he'd most likely found in other people's trash on the street. He seemed to be in his twenties, and he looked rather…to put it nicely, like a lowlife. Strange, he didn't know there were people like that in Konoha. This was the type of person you'd expect to find hanging around the Hidden Village of Rain.
"…Yes?"
"Wanna buy a laptop?"
"…Excuse me?"
"Yeah, a laptop. That's what this is called." He showed him a strange, slim, black, metal rectangle object to him.
"…What is that?"
"This is state of the line new technology. It even has internet."
"And that is…?"
"I would explain it to you, but you wouldn't understand."
"Right. I'll be leaving now."
"No wait! There's porn on the internet!" Kakashi stopped in his tracks. Slowly, he turned back to the man.
"…Did you say porn?"
"Yes! I'll show you how to access it!" He then opened the lid of the strange black rectangle to show a smooth sleek interior with a nice big screen. Kakashi had to admit, it looked nice.
"Show me the porn."
"Just a minute. First I need to show you how to turn this on, and how to open up the internet." Kakashi looked mildly interested as the man pressed a strange button near the front of the screen. Suddenly as if sparked to life, the screen of the contraption turned blue. A strange symbol appeared with the word Windows underneath, and a loading bar. Minutes later, he saw what the man called a 'login menu.'
"…Nice. What next?"
"All right, first, you need to log in. The password on this beauty is OhSnapILeftTheOvenOn! Type it in, and then you will be logged on."
"Logged?"
"Not that kind of Log. As in, you will be able to access the information inside."
"Ah, I see."
"All right, now see that demented kyuubi around the blue ball? That's called Firefox. Double click it. And now we are on the internet, and thankfully for you, the homepage is set to Google. Now you search whatever you want on the little search bar over there."
"Fairly simple. How much?"
"1,000 ryou. Or 100 dollars works to, if you know what that type of currency is."
"Hmmm…"
"I'll throw in a charger, a manual, and a bag."
"Done."
"Good doing business with you." Kakashi then taking the goods he had just bought, finally walked to the meeting place where his students were waiting impatiently. Checking the time, he realized he had procrastinated for 10 hours. Damn, he'd just set himself a new record. They were going to be pissed. Little did he notice that when he left, the man on the corner was there no more. No sign of him was left, as if he never existed.
His team had been angry as hell. No matter, he was home and the incident was over. Now let's see…that laptop. Might as well give it a go, to make sure that man wasn't lying. Hentai, here I come, he thought to himself. Going online, he stayed there past the break of dawn.
9:30 in the morning, and Kakashi still hadn't come. Sakura sighed to herself. Why was she on this team again? On one side, Sasuke was practicing his emo pose, and on the other side Naruto was complaining about Kakashi being late again. She twitched. One more word about Kakashi and his tardiness, and she was going to kick that sad excuse for a basketball really hard in the –
"!"
"Who was that?" Naruto looked over at Sakura perturbed.
"That sounded like sensei."
Kakashi woke up, to find himself in Konoha's hospital. He groaned, massaging his temples. Looking around himself blearily, he saw his students, Tsunade and Shizune, Ibiki, and some ANBU who were in possession of… his laptop.
"Kakashi, we found you lying unconscious in your apartment, with this…metal thing. I want you to explain what the hell happened, because those screams you made? We got calls from all the way down in Suna, asking if we were under attack! And what is that…thing?"
"That 'thing' is my laptop," Kakashi said warily. "I was on it when I saw…"
"Well?"
"…I saw…"
"Yes?"
"…It was…"
"Yes?"
"…It…"
"OUT WITH IT!"
"…I can't say it. You open it up, and I'll show you." Tsunade looked over at him quizzically, but did what asked.
"Now open Firefox."
"What?"
"Double click the demented kyuubi around the blue ball."
"Oh, I see."
"Click the tab history. The most recent sites I was on will be near the top. From the livejournal one, up."
"Uh huh, KakaIru livejournal group, KakaIru doujin sample pages, warning not worksafe…oh."
"My eyes have never burned so badly before."
"Kakashi sensei, you're gay?" At Naruto's outburst, everyone in the room let out suppressed laughter. Sakura twitching to herself, hit him upside the head.
"IDIOT! THAT'S JUST SOME CRAP SOMEONE DREW!"
"…I…am not…gay…"
"…Kakashi?"
"Yes?"
"What's up with all these other sites?"
"What?"
"Let's see here…adult hentai anime pictures, adult hentai flash games, Asian threesome – "
" – That one was a mistake – ! "
" Dress up hentai, dress up Blue Mary, free sex hentai videos, free webgames adult, hot hentai babes sim, hentai google image search – "
"Um…"
"Hentai clips, hentai flash games, hentai RPG, hentai puzzle, hentai Sims, hentai Sims date – " By now, everyone was looking at Kakashi mortified.
"You see, I thought – "
"Uh huh. You thought. Right. Let's continue, hentai toy box, hey, how you doin' – What the hell is that? "
"It's on newgrounds, and – "
" – Extreme nudity, extreme violence, extreme sex, extreme explosive audio, extreme explosive text, extreme adult themes, little Annie Fuck?" A few snickers broke out at that one.
"Please Tsunade-sama – "
" – Take of Annie's skirt, shirt, panties bra, strip her, and squeeze her cute little boobies – "
"Tsunade-sama, think of the children!" Stopping in her rant, Tsunade turned around and finally realized that three minors were in the room. Three very shocked, disturbed minors.
"If that's not proof he's straight, I don't know what is."
"Shut up, Naruto."
"Woops. Oh well, they were going to learn sometime. Anyway, I have some questions to ask about this laptop though…Ibiki, do you mind?"
"My pleasure."
"Meanwhile, I'm going to have a look at this…laptop." Kakashi rued the day he ever bought that damned thing.
The Leader had called all the Akatsuki together for a meeting.
"You are all here. Good. I have just received information from Konoha – "
"Leader-sama, Kakuzu and Hidan aren't here yet, hmm."
"Oh, no wonder it was quiet. I should probably – "
"FUCK YOU!"
"NO, FUCK YOU!"
"NO, FUCK YOU!"
"NO, FUCK YOU!"
"Never mind, they're here."
"Leader-sama! Tobi thinks those two need to get their mouths washed with soap!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU MOTHERFUCKING – "
"Hidan! Think of the children!"
"Which children? Deidara popped out spawn?"
"I'M A GUY, HMM!"
"Hidan, shut up, or I'll kill you."
"Like you could ever do that you – "
"Don't you dare say it."
"What, afraid of being called an old – "
"ALL OF YOU SHUT UP, OR I'M DOCKING YOUR PAYCHECK!"
"Sorry, leader-sama."
"Konan, erase all that from the meeting register."
"Yes sir."
"Alright, down to bussiness. I have gotten information that Konoha has taken hold of a new device that may have information inside it that will help us significantly. I am sending Itachi, Kisame, Kakuzu, and Hidan on this mission."
"Fuck, a new mission already?"
"Kakuzu is in charge."
"THAT BASTARD?"
"I am sending Itachi and Kisame to serve as the ones who will infiltrate and abduct the item. Kakuzu and Hidan will serve as distraction."
"Oh, come on…"
"Oh, and Hidan? Listen to Kakuzu."
"The plan seems as if it would work."
"I'm bait."
"Kakuzu, no bounties."
"Damn."
"Am I the only one objecting to this?"
"Yes."
"Fuck you, bitch!"
A week passed and Kakashi was out of the hospital and the interrogation unit, which had left him traumatized with mental images that would stay in his mind for the rest of his life. He shuddered inwardly to himself as he walked through the hallways of the Hokage Tower. He'd been called back to the damned place because Tsunade had something to tell him about this laptop. Strange, how they had never found the man who had sold him the laptop. It was as if he had dissapeared into thin air…right now at this very moment, there was an investigation taking place on this man's identity, and where he came from. By now, he had made it to the door of the hokage office. Knocking twice, he waited for a second.
"Come in!" the yell from inside sounded muffled. When he walked in, he realized why – stacks, upon stacks of paperwork were piled up to the ceiling rafters. Shadow Bunshins of Tsunade were frantically stamping papers as Shizune flitted around organizing them all.
"…Bad timing?"
"No, no, no, you're just in time!" The real Tsunade came forth from the bunshin madness, hair askew.
"Bad day?"
"Like hell."
"And thus, I have decided to not accept the offer for the position of hokage."
"No one asked you."
"The truth hurts. So, I assume I was called here to pass along pleasentries, or was it something of importance?" Tsunade rolled her eyes skyward.
"On that laptop, we found a website called narutocentral."
"Naruto? What does he have to do with any of this?"
" This laptop was first sold in some foreign oversees country called Aim-Air-E-Ca."
"Strange name for a country."
"I know. Furthermore, this seems to have been a stolen product, because there are already files on the server, among other things."
"That man did seem a bit shady."
"Yes. What Im getting at is, this narutocentral website was under the bookmarks menu, and was avidly went on by its previous owner. It's a fansite for a popular series by the name of Naruto. And it takes place here. With all of us in it. And Naruto of all people is the main character."
"…Is this some kind of joke?"
"No. apparently, the original series was first made on a continent called Jay-Pan, by a man who goes by the name Masashi Kishimoto."
"Well, at least the man's name is normal."
"This isn't even the half of it. Naruto is an extremely popular series, with a wide fanbase. It's not surprising you ran on that…what they call KakaIru."
"Don't say that word. I am straight. I will always be straight. I have no problem with gay people, I am just saying I am straight. I. Like. Boobs."
"…Kakashi, there is such a thing as too much information. Through these websites, not only are we able to know when the Akatsuki and other enemies attack, we know when certain of our men could have died, and can now prevent that. We haven't read so far that we have gotten to Shippuden, but we can find all the Akatsuki's profiles on Wikipedia and analize them. We will be doing that later today. Not only that, but the fanbase serves as a good source for future blackmail."
"So is there a reason I am being told this?"
"We need to keep these facts from ever reaching Naruto."
"Why?"
"How big do you think his ego would blow up if he ever got wind of this?" After a minute of mulling over this, Kakashi shuddered.
"Don't even begin."
"Exactly. You will keep him from ever finding out. If he ever asks, it has a source of information a little bit like the bingo book."
"Hai, Tsunade-sama."
"Good. Now, I would like to add that – "
BOOOOOOM!
"That didn't sound good." At that moment, a chuunin burst into the room out of breath.
"Tsunade-sama! We're under attack!"
"I know. I can see from outside the window here."
"Oh." At that moment, the poor boy fainted.
"Who's attacking?"
"Kakashi, I thought you were supposed to be a genius. Can't you see from the window it's two Akatsuki members?"
"Itachi and Kisame?"
"No…I don't think Itachi carries an over-sized scythe, or flaunts around half naked."
"Maybe it's a new fad."
"Possibly. You never know with kids these days."
To be completely fair, I got the idea for the Tsunade reading Kakashi's browsing history thing from this:
http:/www dot youtube dot com/watch?v=Rb5HUEhL9D8&feature=channel