Preface
"Good morning." She said as she leaned over and kissed my lips. I started to smile when I felt a burning sensation on my chest. I threw off the blanket and ripped open my shirt. I was covered in red hot rashes. My heart was racing, my lungs were collapsing. I gulped air in and out, in and out, but I couldn't breathe. I was dying. I tried to stand up but I collapsed. My bones crack in horrible agonizing pain. I felt as if I were melting. My head spun, the girl was standing over my broken body, laughing. I knew her. Lisa Cuddy. That's her name, but wait, wait! My mind was racing, my heart was collapsing, and I closed my eyes, waiting, and waiting. The end was here.
Nightmares
I sat up gasping. A dream; no, a nightmare. I could still picture Cuddy standing over me, laughing. I hated that nightmare. That one and the one about the beautiful red head girl crying in pain, and holding her leg as people stood around her doing nothing to help. I could never help her though, and that's what tortured me. I should be able to help her. Just like any of those people. But it was a dream, nightmare, and a figment of my imagination. I looked at my clock. 5 am isn't ever a bad time to get up. I reached for my orange tube of vicodin. I didn't want to be an 'addict', but having pain in my leg all the time gets annoying. So there was no choice. I grabbed my cane after swallowing three white pills and got dressed.
Foreman sat at his desk when I got into the hospital. I opened his door and announced
"Today I feel hungry."
"That's great, House, but I still have a case for you. I don't want you to take any medication, alcohol or anything before you look at this file. You need to focus today."
"Well, unfortunately I have taken my vicodin, already, and I don't feel like looking at any cases today. Bye." I walked out of his office. I had quadruple clinic for the next two weeks, and I was going to get it done so I could go home and watch General Hospital and eat Chinese food and try to undo my ankle monitor. That damn thing would never come off, but I had to try. I went to my own office and clicked on my wall raiser thing. I said hello to Wilson who was busy reading his own files.
"What do you want, House? I'm very busy."
"How would you like a chance to take my place?"
"No, House, you need to focus on your case. Foreman did give it to you, right?"
"Wrong, I refused it."
"Fine I'll take it, and you'll take my clinic hours."
"No. I already have enough, but I'll give you the case for free." I smiled, and looked at him with my puppy dog eyes. That always seemed to work for him.
"Fine, but you owe me."
"I'll pay you when the work is done. No hourly rates!"
"I thought the person doing the work decides the fee."
"No, Wilson, the person with the cane does. That happens to be me." I closed his wall before he could say any more.
The next two days, I'd have to say were pretty boring. All I did was tease Wilson, do clinic, and try to annoy Foreman. No one responded well, Wilson being too busy to ever talk. My team was on their own, checking on patients, doing whatever my team does when I'm not bossing them around. The coma guy left, so there was nowhere to eat lunch and watch GH. Life got boring. I almost stopped caring about not caring, there was nothing to do. No cases, no fun; just vicodin, cane, and me, facing the world. That was until the third day.
Day of the Dove
"Dr. House, you're needed in Dr. Foreman's office. Dr. House?"
"What, you bitch!" I yelled into the phone receptor. The lady on the other line took a moment to regain her composure. I thought by now she'd know not to call me. I was in the middle of finishing my game on my computer, and she made me loose.
"Dr. Foreman needs to see you. Now."
"Fine." I limped down the hall. Foreman and Wilson were talking frantically, almost yelling at each other. Foreman finally noticed me and waved me in.
"House, that case that I gave you that you gave to Wilson? The girl is going to get her leg amputated! She needs you! You asshole! She has an infraction in her right leg! I wanted you to take this case because of the condition! Don't you care about anyone, now not even your patients?" I was frozen. Infraction. Three days. Needs. Pain. My mind exploded. I grabbed the file, and raced as fast as I could get my ass down there. I entered the room she was in. There were three doctors standing and trying to perform surgery on this girl.
"Hey! Get out of here!"
"No! You asses! Move!" I washed my hands, threw on a surgical robe, and watched as the girl's heart monitor slow a tiny bit. I put on a face mask, and gloves. I took the scalpel away from one doctor. He was about to amputate her leg. I won't let that happen. I don't care if I go to jail for life, I won't let it happen. I won't let this happen again. I promise you, whoever the hell you are! I grasped the scalpel and cut along the muscle line where the infraction had cut off her circulation. The muscle was dead, all along one side, so I had to dig deep. It was very painful, like the time I performed my own surgery. I felt horrible. The doctors behind me were yelling and running about. I will save you! I sealed up the leg, which folded awkwardly without the muscle, and I ordered an anesthesiologist to wake her up. I ordered pain meds to be pumped into her. Her heart was back to normal, she was breathing fine. I turned to the doctors. They were all tapping their toes, and crossing their arms and giving me attitude.
"I saved her! I didn't amputate on of the most important parts of her body, I saved her! I did a better job than any of you fucking dicks could do together! She won't have to have a cane, she'll just limp a little, and she'll be fine! Report me to Foreman if you like, but I saved her." I saw her waking. I saved you. But I would never be able to forgive myself for causing her the pain that would occur. I'm so sorry. I looked at her, she moaned. I didn't want her to be in pain. My fault. My own leg surged with pain, reminding me of what I had just caused. I-I'm I. She started to whimper, her mouth gawking at her new pain. I held my breath as they administered pain meds again. She started to yell out through the oxygen mask, eyes wide awake, and the whites turned red. She was crying. I had caused her to cry. I had caused many people to cry before. Why did I care now? Why did I put her through this! I heard her continue to scream as I threw off my robe, mask and gloves, and left the room.
I heard the doorbell ring, but I didn't answer it. Wilson came in, looking around. I was lying on the floor, my eyes wet from crying. I never cry. Ever. But I was now. Wilson turned on the lights.
"She's ok. She has pain in her le-"
"I'm an ass. I killed her. I caused her pain." I was wailing. House, you never wail. The voice in my head taunted me. The voice. The one thing that had ever kept me sane, that had helped me all these years. He now decided to tease me.
"House, you cause a lot of people pain. You saved this girl's life; she'll live a life of happiness, with a leg still attached. But the thing I'm trying to figure out is why you still care for her. You never do that."
"The answer's obvious. She had leg infraction. They were going to amputate. I saved her leg, but I caused her pain. I will never forgive myself for not caring. I will never forgive myself for not listening. For causing a girl like this pain. If I had just acted faster, listened. But now-"
"Now there's nothing you can do about it, House. You set things on a course, now you have to follow through. And the way you've reacted I'm thinking that either you actually have a heart, or you like red heads." I wanted to calm down, but I exploded.
"Wilson, I hate myself! I'm an addict! I don't care for people! I can't change! I-I'm stuck."
"You have friends, though. People care about you."
"But I've never cared for them."
"House, don't try and solve this puzzle-"
"Wilson, this isn't a puzzle! I don't want to solve this case; I want to make the patient better!"
He left, taking my Vicodin with him. I didn't argue. If that nameless girl had to hurt tonight, I would too. I was going to learn her name tomorrow, tell her I cared, I was sorry, and then leave her, making sure she'd forget the stupid selfish doctor that caused her so much pain.
Emotional Problems
My team greeted me silently. They knew I was in a bad mood. I was hung-over. I drank myself to sleep. I realized that the nightmare was a reality. I realized I had to do this, or I would never be able to forgive myself.
I opened the door of the girl's room. I made sure not to look at the file.
"Hello." She said. I noticed two things, the strawberry blonde hair, and the deep hazel eyes. They were endless chasms, deep and interesting, filled with the light of curiosity, the light of hope.
"Hi."
"Who are-?"
"I'm Dr. Gregory House," Why did I tell her my first name? I never did that before. Or am I being self-conscious? "I'm the doctor that didn't amputate your leg. I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry?"
"You are going to be in pain for the rest of your life."
"I would be in pain if they'd amputated it."
"True." She was smart. Too smart. Like she's… me. She found the way around it. The missing piece, the option that mattered; or was I making it sound that way?
"I will have a leg, and that's what matters."
"You'll have a limp."
"I think that limps are sexy." That caught me off guard.
"Umm, you do?" The voice taunted. Awkward House, always making a fool of himself.
"Well, yea." She smiled. She then grimaced.
"What hurts?" You care? I tried telling the voice to shut up.
"Leg." She moaned. I reached for the pain med IV, but then I realized I should give her vicodin. I fumbled for my spare tube. Don't do it. You'll regret it.
I told the voice, I have to, I caused this pain, and I will take it away. I opened it and gave her three tablets.
"Thanks. What is that?"
"You don't need to know, you'll get addicted."
"How do you kno- Oh, yeah, you're a doctor." She smiled. I laughed. I hadn't ever laughed around patients. I looked out the window in to the hall. But there was someone leaning against the clear glass wall. Chase and Taub were watching, and smiling. They'd never seen me so happy. I glared at them, which told them to get their asses away from the glass unless they didn't want their jobs. I turned back to the girl. Her name! Ask her what her name is you idiot!
"Sorry about that, they're a part of my team of doctors. By the way, what's your name?"
"You didn't read it in the file?"
"No, I um, wanted to ask you." Stop saying things so awkward! You ass! Stop it! I wanted to murder the voice.
Are you with me or against me?
Both.
"I'm Lily."
"I'm Greg."
"You told me that," She laughed. It was a beautiful laugh. I realized the new record that had just occurred. This was the longest I've ever been in a patient's room, with the patient actually talking to me.
"Oh, didn't I tell you I was going to be a doctor? I can't anymore, because of my-"
"No. Wait before you regret what you say. Let me show you something." I lifted up my pant leg. Nice job, wearing jeans today.
"What?" She asked as I pulled it up more. I need new pants. I started to struggle, and I held up a finger as I continued to pull up my pant leg. I stood up, and turned to the side. My ugly thigh was fully exposed. The scars and weak skin folding over each other messily. Like the plates of the earth.
"At least I have an excuse not to wear a speedo." The joke was meant to make her laugh, but she looked like she was about to cry.
"Why didn't you tell me that?"
"I thought you would figure it out from the cane and the limp."
"I-I. I'm so sorry." This thirty some year old felt compassion for me. The compassion no one else on earth would ever. I wanted to kiss her. I then slapped myself because of that stupid idea.
Idea or reality?
She asked why I slapped myself, and I told her "Because I am not very healthy. I have to leave. I-I'll see you again."
"Yes."
I was greeted in my office by the combined forces of my team, and Wilson. Where's Foreman? If this is important he should be here-
"Hi House, sit down."
"No mutiny, please, my mind couldn't handle it."
"House we need to talk to you." Wilson was serious. Everyone was serious. Ummm. I couldn't comprehend it. I didn't understand if this was a practical joke, or if they were serious.
"House, we never thought we would have to talk to you about this."
"About what? What's up, Wilson, I have a lunch date with the new coma man."
"House. You've met that patient with the leg infraction case, haven't you?"
"If this is about what I think it's about then I'm thinking about what I'm not about to think about which is all on your minds. Bye."
"House."
"Adams."
"House!"
"Wilson!"
"House, you're my friend, and-"
"I thought we were best friends."
"House you-"
"Maybe we were closer to cousins."
"House please-"
"No we were definitely brothers. Or we were a gay couple. But I'm not gay. Hmm. Are you gay, Wilson?"
"House! You can't see that Lily Thompson girl anymore." Is this a trap?
"What do you mean I ''can't?'' You can't make me not walk down there and say hi. She is my patient."
Park spoke up. "Technically she's Wilson's."
"Shut up, Park."
"House, we're sending her home."
"No!"
"Cut! Great job, guys!" Wilson smiled. Behind him was Foreman with a camera. Wait…
"Oh, no, you didn't do what I didn't want you to not do."
"We did."
"Shit. Give me that camera."
"Fine." Foreman gave me the camera. I turned it on. No file about me. Foreman held up a flash drive.
"I will murder you and your hookers."
"Sad. Maybe this will teach you a lesson about caring." He jammed the flash drive into my computer. He typed in something as I tried to get out of the chair I was in. There were various clicking and typing sounds as I scrambled.
"Wilson!" Déjà Vu! It's the prison again! There was the man with the knife, and Mendelson playing cards. It was all too real. But it was happening.
"It's for your own good, Greg."
"Done!" Foreman picked up the intercom phone. He pressed the hospital-wide button.
"No!" I yelled.
"Attention all hospital personnel. Whenever you get a chance, please check your email. Thank you."
"You are all assholes!" I felt betrayed. Whatever I had done,
"We know." Chase said. I wretched out of Wilson's grasp. What a horrible joke to play! I felt horrible emotions coming on. I glared at them all, and I ran to the end of the hospital, bursting out of the door into the pouring rain. I cried as I become soaked.
Pneumonia! Pneumonia! Get out of the rain!
Why should it matter? If I die now it'll save me the trouble of dying later.
If you die, I die! The voice began to panic.
Great, see you in Hell.
Like Rain on your Wedding Day
When Wilson found me, I was huddled, shivering. He had my cane with him. I was cold, so cold. My head felt heavy. Wilson picked me up, and pulled me into the hospital. It was after hours, everyone was gone. I told him I'd drive myself home. He said goodbye, after giving me back my vicodin. I felt so angry at him, yet I was too tired to care. Too tired to fight it. I hurried down to Lily's room. I wanted to see her again, see if she was in pain. The pain I caused her. She was asleep, but awoke when I entered.
"What are you still doing here? I've heard ruckus all day about you and videos and Dr. Wilson."
I sat down in a chair. Go on.
"I have something to ask you." I waited. You can't do this. The voice in my head was leading me away.
"Anything. Shoot." I sighed. I fought against the voice. I took three vicodin, and went on.
"Have you ever felt like people don't care about you?"
"Yes."
"Do you have an M.D.?"
"Well…" She hesitated.
"Do you?"
"Yes."
"You're hired." A smile exploded on her face.
"Thank you! Oh thank you, thank you! I could kiss you I- oops."
"No, it's ok." She smiled. I looked into my heart, if that's possible, and found hope, joy, and emotions; things I'd never felt before, and yet why wasn't I being an ass; to any other patient. I'd scorn them and well, tell them I never cared for their case. I'd be a jerk, but to her…
Was it just that she had leg infraction, or that there was something more. I certainly cared for her, but to say that I loved her? Would that be a lie? I myself didn't know. I looked at my feet. Tell her the truth. You need to tell her who you are. The voice urged me on. I took the bait, hook line and sinker.
"I wanted to tell you this before, but I was too…" I didn't want to say afraid even if I knew it was the truth.
"What?" She asked. You have to. Tell her now. If you don't she'll never trust you. I sighed.
"I'm an ass. I treat people like dirt. No matter what. I treat patients, doctors, police, friends, family, girls, boys, children, everyone. I never care." The look on her face went from completely to confusion. If you ever remember anything, remember that. Remember that you are a wolf in sheep's clothing. You'll always be one. The voice sounded not so mean. I went on, watching her reaction.
"I'm only nice to you because, well I don't know why. Whether it was your leg, your eyes, your hair, you wanting to be a doctor, whatever it was, I have cared for you. Don't forget that before I tell you any more. Because after Foreman discharges you, I'll never see you again."
"We could always-"
"I have an ankle monitor. I was I prison for a year. See, I crashed a car into my ex's dining room. I was on parole till I saved a guy by giving him aspirin, and went on more time. I've been in a psychiatric hospital, I never care for anyone, I'm an addict, I-"She put a finger to her lip.
"I don't care what you did. I don't care how bad or ugly or painful it was but you have saved lives. You saved mine, and you'll save so many others. I know because that's why I wanted to become a doctor. Because they save lives. Every day. They will sacrifice their lives, jobs, everything just to save someone. Ever since my infraction, I've learned that no matter what, I have to care. I know you don't think you care, but you do. Otherwise there would be no Dr. House to come and save me. No leg attached to my hip. You may think you didn't care, but you did. You saved that man's life and suffered, but without you caring, he would have died. Without you caring, my leg wouldn't be here! Without you-"
"Without me, you would have a damn muscle!"
"What-what do you mean?"
"I gave up your case. I was lazy! I didn't care! I-I failed. I disobeyed my Dean, I disobeyed everyone."
"But I still have a leg. I'll still be able to-"
"You will not be able to walk! Your muscle is gone! You're not going to play sports, not going to be able to bike, not even walk without limping! You're lucky you don't have to carry a cane, but there shouldn't even have been a risk! If I had taken your case, then you would be fine! But I rejected you! And now I've ruined you!"
"But I'll be near you." I looked up.
"I'm hired, right?"
"Oh." We smiled. We knew what would happen on the morning when Foreman inspected the reports, about three months from now.
"I'm being discharged tomorrow. Ow." I gave her vicodin. This would be her norm, as it was mine. But we would live through it.
"I'll see you later." I turned, about to go, when she said,
"House," I turned back. "I love you." I realized that my heart was not dead and cold anymore, it was alive, filled with this love. This love that we shared. The love I never felt for Cuddy. I leaned down and kissed her.
I exploded out into the drizzling rain, as happy as a drunk. I yelled and gasped and was so happy. The November air chilled me, but I was too happy to care. My car was greeted by the happiest man alive. It had probably only received such warmth from the gas station. I could be dying right now, and I would know what being happy truly was.
The Cold Heart of Dr. James Wilson
That night I had another nightmare. I was sitting at my desk when Cuddy burst in. I ignored her. I had had this dream before. I ignored her. But then, she started crying in pain. I looked up, and she was clutching her leg. It was a familiar scene.
"You loved me! I thought you cared for me! I was there for you! I was special to you!" She was screaming and wailing at me. I felt so helpless. I awoke.
My head hurt. What did it mean? It reminded me of when I crashed into her dining room. But then it reminded me of Lily. Why did it matter? I would worry about it later. I dressed and took my vicodin.
Wilson stood outside my office door, tapping his foot.
"House I know you're cold and heartless, but I need to talk to you." I rolled my eyes and mouthed, "It's open." I watched as he opened the door and came over to my desk.
"She's gone."
"I know."
"I guess you don't care after all."
"When did you ever get that notion?"
"Remember your ankle monitor. Don't go trying anything that would get you sent back to jail."
"What if I want to go back to jail?"
"House,"
"Wilson, I remember it enough not to have you remind me."
"House she has a monitor on as well. It's so we can keep track of her when she gets pain meds. And she'd better have not had anything other than what was in her IV, my friend."
"Glad to hear that we're friends."
"This is serious. For both of you. That's why I've stopped signing prescriptions for vicodin."
"No! You can't do that! I live and breathe for my-"
"Tylenol."
"Oh, no. You wouldn't do that to me. You wouldn't lower me to that."
"No, Foreman is."
"Oh, that son of a bitch."
"Sorry, his rule, not mine. And unless you want to go back to jail-"
"No. I can't."
"Good. Well, I have patients to attend to."
"Bye." He left me, and I bowed my head. I pulled up my pant leg to see my monitor. I reached for my scissors. I made a space between my skin and the plastic. I used the scissors to saw a bit. It was supposed to be water and tamper proof, but I would make sure that it could at least be undeniably cut off of my ankle. It wasn't prone to that. I could always call in a locksmith. But I would wait until I sawed off a bit. If I could get it off myself, then I wouldn't have to pay anyone. I had a little bit off, but this thing was hard. It would take a while. I reached for my phone, and sighed.
The Chance to Leave Home for the Holidays
With Thanksgiving two days away, it was hard to find a locksmith who would come. When I got a man named Jay on the phone, he was drunk. When I got a guy named Fred Lockey, I knew he was gay. I got Joe Vans on the phone, a guy I knew from coming in for heart surgery, and he agreed to return the favor. 12 p.m., and my horrible shackle was off. He agreed to put it where I was supposed to be. I wouldn't be needed for two hours, so I paid Joe, told him to wait for me, slipped out of my office, picked up Lily's file, and snuck. If I was caught, I would be sent back to prison, and now would be a convenient time. But I wouldn't get caught. I ran as fast as I could to my car. I lugged my cane into the seat, and got in. I strapped in and pressed on the gas.
Speeding along the highway, I turned down Cider Street, and found the apartment building she lived in. She lived in unit 35. I parked and hurried into the building. I went up six floors to the 30s. Thirty three, thirty four, thirty five! I knocked on the door. She answered the door.
"Hi." I sounded so nervous.
"Hi." She smiled. I lifted my pant leg. She gasped.
"Can I come in?" She laughed and limped a few feet back. I frowned. She shouldn't have to limp.
"It's okay, House. I'm fine." She smiled. I loved her smile. I sat on the couch, and she sat next to me.
"I can't have vicodin anymore."
"Why?"
"Wilson won't pay for it."
"No! How are you going to stop the hurt? I have to take Tylenol, and it still hurts."
"I know. I'm not going to live much longer."
"Well, if you need drugs, let me be your drug. No fees, except one."
"Anything."
"You shouldn't have said that," She grinned. "You marry me." That was fast. The voice told me. I told the voice, I love her, she loves me. Perfect match, don't you think?
It's a little fast, who has she been with?
"Well, wouldn't your boyfriend be offended?"
"I-I've never been on a date before." She sounded taken aback. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.
"Oh." I hadn't realized that a young person sometimes stayed a virgin. I certainly hadn't, not too say I wasn't ashamed. But, I'd never thought a girl like this would.
"See, I'm a Christian. I'm not against dating, or anything; there are definitely guys who'd date me. I'm just waiting for the right one."
"Wise choice." Not a Jew. I had something against Jews, or was it just Wilson?
"So, what do you say?"
"Well, I can solve problems, I can cure diseases, I can save dying hearts, and restart them, but this is the hardest and best decision I will ever make. Yes." My heart was filled with the after fact of what I had just agreed to. I felt happy, sad, joyous, and excited all at the same time. We sat in silence, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. We burst out laughing and kissing and hugging. You've changed. I asked the voice why he wasn't happy. He said because I was happy. And I was.
Why Do You Do Such Things?
I walked into the hospital, waiting for the police to nab me. Or for Foreman and Wilson. Or all of them at the same time. But I walked to my office without getting called over. I found Joe faithfully waiting. I paid him extra, and he hooked on my monitor. We shook hands and he left, without even raising suspicion.
I was careful for the next few days. I learned Lily's number and I would call her whenever I got home. Whenever I could for that matter. Neither of us liked to talk, and when we talked about our interests, it always led to dreaming of the wedding, of each other, and of just sneaking around and having fun. We set the date for Christmas Eve. She handled the wedding plans as best she could, and I handled my vicodin deficiency with the best effort I could. The first day was bad; the second, worse; I don't want to mention the third. I felt more and more regret about all the hookers I had seen in my life. I didn't want to talk about them to Lily. She had enough to deal with. I sent her gifts to show her how I cared. But a bottle of wine and jewelry don't matter as much as seeing her would. The day I sent her the engagement ring, along with a note that stated five words:
Hi,
To you.
Love,
Me
I hoped that she would take the hint that it was the engagement ring, but I knew she would. Our relationship became wonderful. There were no making out moments, no sex flings. We waited religiously.
We would reveal ourselves soon, but now, two weeks after Thanksgiving, we were getting anxious. I closed on my house, and started packing. They gave me three weeks. It was the most active cleaning I'd ever done since I tried to perform my own surgery in my bathroom. I bought a house near the outside of Princeton. It was perfect. I almost started to worry about my finances until I solved a lupus case. Sometimes the voice said,
You always solve everything. It's not fair.
I wouldn't listen to the voice. I saved lives, but I suffered. I couldn't see my fiancée; I had so much pain with little help from that damn Tylenol. Sometimes I wished I could do something to rebel against Foreman and Wilson, but what? I had them so wrapped around my going back to jail plan that all I would ever get was triple clinic.
They didn't find out until Lily gave me the permission. She said,
"What the hell! It's a week away!" It was true. We had it set. In a little church where she goes. The dress picked and the tux to be fitted. Sometimes I would look out into the snow, wondering how my life would be without Lily now. Vicodin, loneliness, depressed sadness, addictions, nightmares. My nightmares never featured Cuddy. My worst fears now were about the wedding, about her leg, about our future. Sometimes I would muse over that dream of Cuddy and her leg. It meant something. It told me not to disown Lily as I had Cuddy. I knew I had never truly loved Cuddy, as I love Lily.
Lily made me invite my good friend, Wilson, and my team and Foreman.
This brings me here: when I told them. To each I said "I'm getting married." The same way each time. Have a good moment at what they said, I did.
"What!"-Wilson
"Shut up!"-Adams
"Ok."-Park
"Ummm, great…"Taub
"Fuck you! You beat me! You ass!"-Chase, I don't even know why.
"No. Absolutely not! I will not have you going off and marrying this girl and then-"I left, that was Foreman. They will all be very memorable. Whether they think it's a practical joke or not, I invited the whole hospital, which was incredibly annoying because they were all handwritten names on the envelopes, and the mailboxes were endless. This will get back at my team and those other two for putting up that video. I laugh about it every time someone bursts into my office congratulating or cursing me. I call Lily every night as Christmas Eve comes closer. I get about 50 RSVPs a day, and counting. Each time I tally a yes I feel overjoyed, every time I tally a no, I curse the stupid day I was ever remotely nice to them. I got yes responses mostly. My whole team could come, along with Wilson and Foreman. Their sacrifice for my wedding? Or their waiting to see what exactly this joke was?
Day before the Dawn
The tux fitted, the dress set, the cake ordered. The place decorated, the rehearsal done, the people set. Everything was paid for. Everything was set. Soon we would both limp down the aisle. It made me laugh at the thought, but then I would hear the voice you caused her pain. You will always cause her pain. I tried to ignore the pain of my lack of vicodin as well as the pain of listening to the voice. When the hospital closed up, everyone said goodbye. Most were going away for Christmas; others were coming to the wedding. Foreman pulled me aside and he unlocked my monitor and we were even. I remembered when it was put on. He wasn't as happy. I wasn't as happy. We were enemies, not friends.
I drove home. I realized that I could go anywhere, do anything. I could go and enjoy a nightclub, and no one would know. And I could go get my vicodin. I drove like crazy to the nearest pharmacy, put my name under Wilson's, and received Gregory House's orange tube of vicodin. I got in my car, and after a month, I took three vicodin. I felt so, so happy, I wanted to do something. I wanted to run out in the snow and make snow angles. I wanted to drink hot cocoa, sing carols. This was absurd, and the voice yelled at me to calm down. For once I listened to him. I got in the car, and drove to Cider Street. The knock on the door was the last I'd ever do on this door. She opened the door. I put on my frowny face. She looked at me with that confused look of hers. I thought of the saddest thing I could ever do: Leave her, kill her accidentally, someone rapes her in an alley, she die of childbirth.
"What? What!"
"I got fired."
"What!"
I smiled.
"Kidding!" I smiled at her as the look on her face changed to pure joy.
"The groom isn't supposed to see the bride before the wedding, let alone give her a heart attack!" She smiled and I whipped out the tube of little white pills. She took three and we were happy. I sat with her until she fell asleep. I kissed her head. I remembered the day I saved her, the day we met face to face. I remember when we kissed, when I saw her those two hours. I remembered all those times I lied and fled and lied and hurt people. I seemed to remember lying a lot. I would never lie to her. My Lily would know the truth. My Lily. Soon we would be together, down in a resort and spa on the Lily islands. That and the house were all surprises. Gifts of promise. The leg I could never give her.
Times of Peace and Times of Love
Leaving her that night was the hardest. I drove home, and made sure that the rings were in a safe place. Our reception party would be exceptional, my own personal doing. You think everything's jim dandy? Wait till the honeymoon. The voice was being spiteful. I wished him away. I, Gregory House, was getting married. I didn't need a voice bothering me as I said "I do."
I woke up. I hurried to get my tux on. I had never worn such fancy stuff. I looked quite handsome.
But the rings were gone. I checked everywhere. They were nowhere to be found. Damn. What a great day to lose your wedding ring. I found them under the table and I hurried out the door. I was late. To my own wedding! I sped down the highway and onto the aisle. I walked down and stood in front of my co-workers. Then my bride, my Lily came down the aisle. The veil that covered her face concealed everything. When her father stopped and let her go, I stood waiting. She stood facing me. I lifted up the veil, and there was an unpleasant surprise! Cuddy's face stared at me, I yelled in pain as she screamed at me for leaving her.
"Go away!" What a nightmare this is!
"No! You left me! You-"I woke up panting and yelling. Panting. That's all I could do. I looked at the clock. Five a.m., whew. I took some vicodin and got up, dressed in the tux, and found the rings right where I left them. They were silver. Both of them, hers very scrolly and shiny. Three diamonds were encrusted in the center. Mine was a band of silver, inscribed with the words "To live and breathe is all because of her." I got in my car, and drove to the church. I was early. I was happy.
I gave the rings to the ring bearer. My best man, Wilson, greeted me with open arms. Something I would miss. All the bride's maids and groomsmen were from her side of the family, except for Park, Adams, Chase, and Taub. The funniest thing was seeing Foreman.
"Usually I would give you clinic hours for marrying a patient, but I won't until after your honeymoon."
"Thank you Foreman, you're so helpful. I would normally call you an ass, but I'm too happy too." I hugged him and hurried off to take some vicodin and comb my messy hair.
The next surprise was not so pleasant. I was walking back from the bathroom, combed hair and all, when I met Lisa Cuddy. She stood in the hallway, dressed in a pretty cocktail dress.
"Hi Cuddy, heard the news?" I continued walking closer. She smiled walked up, and punched me. Right in the eye. I fell down.
"Take that, you bastard."
"It's not right to hurt a cripple! Especially on his wedding day when he's marrying another cripple!"
"You shut up." She picked me up.
"Watch the tux!"
"Why are you such a dick? You leave me, no, you crash into my house, you go to jail, and now you marry a cripple red head! What? Was I too physically active for you? Did I have my hair too dark for you?"
"Look, Cuddy, I-"
"I don't want to hear it. I knew you would do something like this. I knew you would make somebody's life hell."
"Cuddy,"
"You just didn't care, I guess. You just were not a good enough person to have me."
"Cuddy,"
"You go off and marry her not even three months after seeing her! I guess asking me to marry you would be too much? Is that it? Oh, and on top of that you-"
"Lisa! Shut up! I'm sorry I was a bastard to you, and I don't care for you anymore. Don't be slow! Move on! I moved on."
"I see that."
"Cuddy, I've changed."
"Oh, so you could change for her, and not for me? Well that's fine House, have a good wedding." She stormed off. I shook my head. She would never understand.
"Do you, Lily Thompson, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him in sickness and in health, remaining faithful to him as long as you both shall live?"
"I do." She smiled.
Your turn, don't blow it.
"And do you, Gregory House, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her in sickness and in health, remaining faithful to her as long as you both shall live?"
"I do." Good job, you old scallywag. "Then be the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." With pleasure. I leaned in and she followed. We kissed a sweet little innocent kiss. It reminded me of Sweeney Todd. When we came back, everyone was clapping, her cheeks were flushed, and she was smiling so brightly. She was so beautiful. I never thought smiling would feel so good. The crowd broke into closures of conversation, and many people shook our hands, hugged us, and told us "Congratulations!" Limping out of that church was like a comedy act. Everyone was smiling as we got into a car to go to the place of the reception party. With a total of 300 people, we needed a big space. I had set a reservation for the ballroom, and there it was. Soon we were eating cake, dancing, smiling, drinking champagne, laughing, hugging, and dancing some more. I never thought the day would end. When it was time for us to leave, we headed out into the snow into my car. Wilson would take care of hers. I made Foreman take off her monitor, and we were soon driving down the road, tin cans clinking and clunking behind us. Plane tickets in my pocket, our suitcases packed, we were set to live the thing that we had waited to do three months ago. I had told her we were going to go to my place, but when she saw the signs for the airport, she screamed and demanded where we were going.
"Please, please tell me!"
"No."
"Please, baby, please!"
"No, you have to be patient. You can't open your gifts till we get to the airport."
"Fine." She was so jumpy with anticipation; I thought I was going to burst out laughing and crash. We finally got to the airport, and she jumped out of the car, and kept begging. I pulled out our suitcases, and my cane. I made sure the car was locked, and I had the keys, tickets, passports and house papers. We limped into the lobby of the airport, with only an hour to spare. I got in line, and we waited till we got up to the counter. Then she saw where we were going.
"Lily Islands? Aww, House." She looked so happy she could cry, so I teased her.
"'Aww House?' I was expecting a little more than that." We kissed again, and I went back to paying the cashier. Once we were done with security, and baggage, I gave her clothes to change into. I changed myself, and once I was out of my horrible fancy schmaltz, Lily and I were sitting, waiting to board fight 639.
"Do you want to know what other gifts I got you?"
"Yes, please!" She said. Smiling, I pulled out the papers on the house. She read them, and slowly looked up.
"Oh, House! You got me a house!" We laughed and hugged.
"I also sold your apartment, my house, and I have got a wonderful surprise for you when we get to the resort. We smiled, and waited. About ten minutes before the boarding, I got a call from Taub. A patient was in with a kidney problem. I looked at Lily, who was still sitting and waiting, rubbing her leg.
"Just put him on steroids, I'll be back Monday."
"Ok, but don't yell at me if I interrupt anything."
"I will, and I'll kick your ass when I get back."
"Bye." Whew.
First Breath
"Flight 639, first class boarding now."
"That's us!" She got up and we limped over to check ourselves in. Once in our seats, I reached into my pocket and realized I had no vicodin. None at all. I'd left it in my suitcase. It was still about ten till four, and with the sun setting in the west, we would arrive in the Caribbean not two hours later. We could certainly survive until then. The plane lifted off and we were given some wine. I loved first class. I forgot all my troubles. Cuddy, cases, jail. Everything. About an hour later, I started to feel the effects of my non-vicodincy. I saw Lily rub her leg as well.
"What hurts?"
"The leg again. It's wearing off." I played with my new ring. I rubbed her thigh with my hand. She was so small. I wanted to apologize again for causing her pain. But instead I asked one of the slightly hot attendants to bring some Tylenol, whatever good it would do. I didn't find hot girls so hot anymore. I found them as dull sluts, not interesting at all. Not the way my Lily was. We were both in very sharp and horrible pain by the time we limped off the plane. I got our baggage, and ripped open the tube of pills. Giving her three, and myself three, we sighed as the pain started to flee. We then hurried out to get a cab, which took us to the Paradise Resort and Spa. After checking in, with the time still up at 6:30, we decided to eat dinner, and watch the sunset. We sat across from each other, and ate, talking, and laughing with our mouths full. We were love-drunk, if that's an illness. If it is I hope there's no cure, because after dinner, we ran to our room as fast as people with limps can and we collapsed together in a heap, kissing, and wrapping our arms around each other. She soon got up, and went to get her shower, and I got out of my travel clothes. I looked down at my friend the scar, and it was as ugly as ever. I hid until she came out in a towel, and when she dropped it I pounced, knocking her onto the bed, saying "Merry Christmas." She burst into laughter.
The Pinnacle
"Good morning." She said as she leaned over and kissed my lips. I started to smile and started to think about the dream. The one about the rashes on my chest, and about the visions of Cuddy laughing. But no. This was not that. This was totally different. This was my heaven on earth. At breakfast, we ate quickly, and then hurried off to the beach. I'd turned off my phone to make sure I wasn't disturbed. For a while we sunbathed, but since I never got tan, and neither did she, we mostly just snoozed, waking just to take vicodin. Hours were spent like this, as well as reading, talking, drinking, kissing, and all out loving. I remembered the time I was detoxed by Cuddy. When I'd hallucinated sex with her. How when I had sex with Lily, it wasn't like the hallucination at all. It was ten times better. Sunday night we packed our bags, sad to leave. I personally wasn't happy, not to say I didn't enjoy my position as head of a department. I at least had a house to go home to. But I was worried about the bills. If the hospital continued to pay both of us top billing, we would make it by tax day. But if not, we would be sunk. That night, we sat on the beach, and looked up at the stars, hand in hand. I looked up at those stars, and closed my eyes. So, I guess that this is happily ever after? Yes. Sure it is. The voice was being sarcastic. What do you mean? Oh, you'll see. The advantage of being a voice is that I get to see your deepest fears. But my fears may not happen. True. But it's a possibility. All I can say is make sure you take some vicodin before returning to work on Monday. I scrunched up my eyes, still closed. The voice knew something, or was he just a hallucination too? I think so. I kept scrunching them and Lily, who notices everything about my emotions, asked what was wrong. "Just the leg." I took a few vicodin. We continued looking up, till we were pulled together in an embrace. The last night here was spent like every other, together. "House! We slept in!" I shot up, and whipped to look at the clock. It was only four, but we had to be there at four thirty a.m. We got dressed quickly and ran to the taxi station, and made it to the airport in record time. Passports, keys, papers, phone, tickets, suitcases, clothes. We're good. We boarded and said goodbye to the Lily Islands, forever. We took some vicodin before the fight, and I kept some in my pocket. With a relieved sigh, we sat down in our seats, glad that the rushing was over. Two hours and six vicodin later, we rolled our suitcases through the snow to our car. Limp by limp, we shivered through the falling snow, and I put my arm around Lily to shield her from the cold. We got in the car, and drove to the new house. The light of the sun beamed through thick clouds into our living room. Lily and I took a look around. Spare stuff of mine was sitting here and there. We sighed onto a wrapped up couch. Exhausted, I looked at my phone. It was time to get to work. I then noticed a message, probably from Taub. I would check it later, but now we changed into work clothes, not bothering to wear lab coats, and we drove to the hospital, finding our way around. I felt sort of drowsy, and so did she, but when we walked into Foreman's office, we found a nice surprise. A Cuddy surprise.
Growing Pains
"Hello, I do believe you are House and House's ugly wife. Guess what? You're on my team now. And I'm going to make your lives hell."
"Ok. Great joke Cuddy. Where's Foreman? In a closet?"
"He went to jail."
"Why?"
"You and her. And a tube of everyone's favorite drug. First off, you'll need these back." She handed us a pair of ankle monitors.
"And these." A pair of identical cell phones. To keep track of us when we're "needed." Great.
"These too." She gave us a pair of white lab coats.
"And last of all, this." She gave us both a tube of Tylenol. My favorite.
"Your apartment has been gutted of all vicodin as well. Your things will be at your house when you get home. Your desk, House, has been cleaned out." She handed me my tennis ball. I wanted to throw it in her little damn face.
"Well, as the new department head of diagnostic care, I'm assigning you both separate rooms for clinic, as well as twenty hours a week minimum. If you don't want to stay here, I will make sure that you can't get hired anywhere else. I am also back at head of hospital, so you are not the only ones who have been busy during your honeymoon. Good luck, now get to work." Cuddy smiled and pushed us out the door. Our arms full, we limped together down to my old office. Now, it was empty. All of my things, my precious thinking tools, were gone. My special pen, my desk, my computer, my pictures, my files, all gone. I found one remote sitting on the floor. I dropped the stuff, and picked it up. I opened Wilson's wall, as I had done so many months ago. Wilson and I stared at each other for a long time.
"Speechless, I see. Never thought that would happen."
"It's all… gone."
"I know. I know, House."
"I thought you liked having Cuddy as boss."
"No, she's a real bitch." Lily was crying. We hugged, the three of us, until we were called to report to duty in the clinic. Tears wiped away, we marched down in our lab coats to the clinic. The last hour of vicodin. We took three each, and I kept the tube, a reminder of the days when we could be free. I went through the patients, sadly. They were all happily solved cases, by a sad doctor. Lily was done before me.
"Why is she doing this? Why does she hate us?"
"I was mean to her. She was my ex-girlfriend. The one I went to jail for crashing a car into her house for. Now Foreman's in jail." I played with my tennis ball. I bowed my head. My ankle monitor was pressing hard on my skin.
"This isn't fair!" I slammed my cane onto the examination table. Lily backed away, scarred.
"Oh, honey, don't be afraid." I got up and hugged her. "It'll turn out right."
"No it won't!" She sobbed into my chest. "She'll just torment us and torment us!" She broke down crying in gasping sobs. She started gagging, and I noticed how she was holding her stomach. I held her up, and asked her to sit on the examination table. I grabbed a cup, and told her to go pee into it. She came back and I dipped a slip of chemicalized paper into it. After about five minutes it turned blue. She was pregnant.
Moments
Do moments of joy feel good? Even if something really bad had just happened? I think they do. I would stand in the clinic room, later, and remember the joy of learning that we were having a baby. We dropped our lab coats off at our lockers and went to lunch, Wilson right behind us. I made sure that Lily ate food that would be good for the baby, even though it wasn't even old enough to have a brain. I wanted to make sure she never got sick. I would make sure of that, if nothing else. Wilson was suspicious. It was funny the first few days. It's like he was trying to find out our big secret, without telling us that he was. But as days turned into weeks, he started to get a few clues. My biggest worry was what Cuddy would say, what she would do. I was suffering without my vicodin, but whenever I saw Lily hurting, I remembered that she and I were in this as a team. The day Wilson finally found out was the two month mark. I laughed with him as he guessed right, and he promised not to tell anyone. I would tell Cuddy on my own time. I never thought I could be emotional, especially about Foreman. We received a letter that he had only a few more months in jail, but do to the food served for Christmas dinner two months past; he had come down with salmonella. Apparently he was just lucky enough to eat the corn that was infected. I cried along with the others, and I asked them if there was anything we could do. I knew of nothing. We couldn't treat him; we could bail him out of jail. The only other thing we could do was visit him and pray.
To Be or Not to Be
The whole department of diagnostic care piled into Wilson's car and Chase's car and drove to the prison that was so familiar to me. The ominous building that I had remembered from so many months ago haunted me. The nine months I spent there had made my life completely different, and I wondered if things had been different, would I have met Lily? It was hard to tell. Walking into déjà vu was not my favorite past time. We went down to the office and inquired about seeing Foreman. It took some begging, but we all got in. Foreman was lying on his back, and he looked like a ghost. He had sweat on his forehead, and he was shaking slightly. I was the first to speak, though I was a little taken aback by his appearance. This was not the same man who came to work with a suit on every day. This was nothing like I had ever experienced. Foreman didn't deserve this, I knew I did.
"Foreman? There's a case of salmonella that I'm working on. The patient seems to have been fired because of an addicted criminal who stole his position away. Well, now the patient can put his mind to rest. The addicted criminal got his just deserts. His new boss is mean, nasty, and not at all as attractive as his wife."
"You ass." He groaned and sat up.
"I know, and I've changed."
"You'll never change."
"Oh, but I have. You see there's this new thing called Tylenol. It keeps me occupied."
"Humph." He grabbed the towel and wiped his forehead. "I feel so sick. I've been having chills, and dehydration periods and fevers." I looked at the medication he was taking. Just average antibiotics. But there was something else wrong with him. It was definitely signs of salmonella, but there seemed to be something wrong with Foreman's hands. They were swollen, like big boxing gloves, they looked sickly and dull. I couldn't imagine anyone looking healthy in a prison, but this was bad. I took a piece of plastic from the table on the side, and told Foreman to open his mouth.
"What are you doing?" Wilson sounded slightly alarmed.
"It may be worse that Salmonella." I scrapped out some cheek cells from the inside of his mouth. Sickle cell, it has to be. It's a direct from salmonella. I slipped the plastic piece into a bio-bag.
"Foreman, how many fingers am I holding up?" I held up three.
"Four?" He squinted. I was about ten feet away; even Park could have passed that one.
"He has sickle cell anemia." Wilson crossed his arms. He knew I was right.
"House, we can't treat him." I knew he was right, but still…
"So we let him die? By the time they find out he has it, it'll be too late. There hasn't been enough oxygen in his red blood cells, and so his vision is blurred and his hands swell up. It's not just know this!"
"What can we do about it! If we treat him we go to jail!"
"If we don't he dies anyway!" There was silence. Lily walked over and stood with me.
"I agree with House. If we don't act fast, Foreman will die. We have to save him, no matter the consequences." Park came over, and so did Chase and Taub. I put my arm around Lily, as Adams came as well. Wilson bowed his head.
"If we get in trouble, I'm sending you the bill." I laughed as he came over to join us. Foreman vomited, and we cleaned it up. I looked for hydroxurea; it would take more of his pain away, but this disease would never really be cured. I found a vile, and poured out a few tablets. Here goes nothing. I gave them to him, and he swallowed. We had to leave, though, because any more treatment and we would get caught. I told Foreman to keep a few of the tablets and take a few when he felt extreme pain. We said we would mail him often and check up on how he was. I would run a test on his cells, just in case, but we did all that we could.
Multitude
We got home and fell asleep, worrying about Foreman. Making sure that any of the things that I touched Foreman with were properly disposed of, I kissed Lily good night, and fell asleep. 72 hours later, my sort of happiness had dropped to panic. Lily threw up, and she had a fever. Oh, God no! She had chills; she had nausea case after nausea case. I finally had to drive her to the hospital. Please, please no! She never touched Foreman! She never got near him! But then I realized I had touched her with the same hands in the prison exam room as I had touched Foreman. You are going to kill her! The voice was so angry at me. I pulled up to my parking space, and picked her up in my arms. I limped inside, and yelled for help. I looked down at her as I started running. Her eyes were dilating. I tried to keep her conscious, telling her it would all be fine. The whole team grabbed a bed, and I put her down on it. She was breathing, but her eyes were going. I started to cry. She was gagging, and crying, and shivering. I wanted to run, but I couldn't leave her. There was too much commotion. People were giving her antibiotics, the top meds; I even saw a vicodin slip into her mouth. I didn't feel my own pain any more. I felt guilt. For being so careless with her. I as a doctor should keep her safe, but I failed. Wilson soon came in after a few hours. She was asleep. I was glad.
"House I need to talk to you." I got up and followed him.
"House, I know you think this is all your fault,"
"Which it is."
"No, House. Not entirely."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"House,"
"Wilson! I'm going to kill her! You think I care so much that I'm so careless that I give her a disease? She's got a freakin' baby! I did the worst thing possible! I had Foreman go to jail! I gave him the stupid chance to get salmonella! I was never there for Cuddy! Now I'm giving my wife a sickness she doesn't need! I can't do this! Everyone around me suffers! And all I do is save my own ass! Do you think I ever cared for you! Do you think I ever-" Wilson punched me in the face. I fell to the ground. My bad leg popped out the wrong way. I gasped in pain.
"You need to stop caring!" I tried getting up, and pain surged through my muscles.
"All you do now is care! It makes you a terrible doctor, a terrible friend, and a terrible guy! You are worse now than you were before!" I got up, pain surging up through every cell of my body. I punched him back. He got up and grabbed me by the shirt. I gritted my teeth.
"I once told you to change! You've changed too much! You need to change back to your old self! Back to when you annoyed me, and were an ass, and you knew how to handle relationships!" He let me go and I punched him in the jaw, which he returned by knocking me down, and kicking me in the side. My leg hurt, but I got up and tackled him, knocking him into a table. He wretched and grabbed me by the throat. His eyes were hard, and I felt my airflow cut off. I coughed, but my lungs couldn't draw air. I tried to pry his fingers off, but he held tightly.
"Why can't you go back to when you were good? Why can't you handle this?" He let me go. The anger and hatred leaving his eyes. "Why can't you do things right?"
"Because I've changed! Because I've learned that life doesn't always have to bring pain! I don't care how people were anymore, I care about them now! Why is that so hard to accept?"
"Because you can't do things right when you care! But you care anyway, and that's what matters. People around you get hurt. That's why Cuddy left you, and that's why no one wants to be your friend. But I will. I'll be your friend, House; you just have to figure out how to be a good friend." He walked down the hall. I felt my throat, which was tender. It wouldn't bruise, though. I sat in the janitor closet on the floor. I'd never felt so horrible, not even after Amber's death. Wilson had forgiven me, but I had never forgiven myself for letting her die. Now I would have another thing on my conscience. I played with my cane. The voice came around and started to get at me. So sad, little House. Wishing he'd never cared? Wishing he'd just go back and save lives? Not destroy them? Not only will he be killing his wife, but his unborn child. How sad… Shut up. Why? You need me. You couldn't do anything without me. The only reason you solve puzzles is because of me. But you ignored me. And now, when she gets better? Will she want you? Will the baby be fine? A germ like this, you know, can kill a fetus. Please! I have too many problems! I slammed my head against the counter. Why didn't life make sense! Why, when everything was perfect, did I have to ruin it all?
So to End, Later
I realized at home, that this was not the end. I could help her. I could save Foreman. I could get everything back. I could get rid of Cuddy, and remember the times when I was at the head of the diagnostic department. I had the craziest idea. I ran to the Police office downtown and I asked them to call the prison, because I had a tube of vicodin in my pocket. They laughed at first, but when I whipped out the last tube with the Tylenol in it, they got serious. I knew I'd tricked them. This is it, you can do this. You can make everything better.
"Get Dr. Foreman out of there, and put me in."
"We can't do that, House-"
"Get him out! It was my fault. I went and got the vicodin after he took off my ankle monitor. I lied to him. I told him I would go home, it wasn't his fault. I was getting married, and he was just giving me leave. I should be the one in there." Two seconds later the put the cuffs on. I was driven to the prison, and Foreman was given to the police to go free. I told him to go to the hospital. He didn't look too good, but I couldn't do anything. An hour later, I was back in my cell with a guy named Rage. I didn't want to bother him to know why. I just fell asleep. The next day, I was given one tablet of vicodin. But it didn't ease my pain. My friends were mostly gone. I mean, Mendelson was still around, as well as Stomper, but I kept away from everyone. I waited for a call from anyone, telling me that they'd solved a case, either case. As days turned into weeks, I was told that a hearing would come around. I figured that my plan hadn't worked; that I'd failed again. I asked to have a phone call. I called the hospital, and they told me that Lily was fine. Foreman, however, would die in a few weeks. They couldn't save him, his tissues were just dying. I tried yelling at them to help him, but my call time ran out. This was the worst idea I'd ever had. I tried asking to get a parole, and they said that nothing would happen till my hearing, but it would be too late! I sat on my bed, thinking of how much I'd screwed up again. Foreman would die, he'd probably be miserable till he died. If there was anyone in heaven willing to help right now, it would be greatly appreciated. My hearing came and went; I was scheduled to leave a week from then. That was good, especially because I just might be able to save Foreman. The week was torture. My single tablet of vicodin a day wasn't enough, and my prison issued cane was not my favorite source of walking. Rage kept on making noise in his sleep. I kept on having nightmares about the baby. When Saturday finally came, I was released, and I ran from the police car into the hospital, as fast as I could. I found Foreman's room, and I pushed open the door. Foreman wasn't there. Where is he? He couldn't have… I checked his file, and I realized that he'd gone. I felt tears welling up and coming down my cheeks. Wilson finally came in and hugged me. I cried into his shoulder. I couldn't believe I'd let him die.
"It'll be ok, House. It'll be fine. He had to go. House, sometimes people's times come before they want it, but that's just how life is."
"But it's my fault…"
"No, not entirely." He said slowly. I asked Wilson where Lily was. He told me that she was in room 32b. I hurried down there. She was on a bed; she was looking good, healthy. I realized that she was only four months away. She was happy to see me, and sad that Foreman went. I felt so helpless, and sad. But seeing her made me happy. I had to ask myself an important question that day. If you care about her, would you be willing to let her go?
Changes in "House"tory
I ran to the ob/gyn unit. The call came, as I had planned for it to. I put on a mask, and a blue robe, and I stood beside her and held her hand. She was under a lot of pain reliever. At one point she said she couldn't feel a thing. She almost smiled as she pushed with her tummy muscles. As I looked down at her, the voice was bugging me, teasing. What if this was Cuddy? Would you have come faster? Would you have been here earlier? I told the voice his thoughts were irrelevant. Cuddy and I never cared for each other. And I knew it especially when she didn't say anything to me when I announced the baby. Soon, after many hours of labor, we had a beautiful baby girl. We wanted to name her something much more sensible than Sophie, or Sophia, which are Taub's girls. I smiled as Taub looked at me to see what stupid name I would suggest. But this was serious, and I kept my joking down. All I could do was smile, as Lily held our baby.
"Emma. She is Emma." Lily said, smiling. Baby Emma cried barely enough to make a sound. She sat, wrapped up in a blanket, blinking at us with her bright eyes. A newborn with perfect features. When it was my turn to hold her, I smiled and held her carefully. She was more fragile than a glass statue, and I looked down at her, thinking how blessed I was. I rubbed noses with her, and she let out a few small cooing sounds. She coughed a bit, and shed a tear or two, but she seemed calm, and happy. She reached up the tiniest of arms and brushed my nose. I remembered the time when I had to perform an operation and the fingers of the baby grasped my finger briefly. I felt so much joy, and when I gave the baby back to Lily, Emma cooed. My team smiled as we stood together, passing around the baby. Emma met all her "uncles" and "aunts," but I jokingly told Wilson that I wasn't so sure that he would be a good influence. He glared at me, and smiled. Nothing would end this. Nothing would change this. Nothing.
Hooking: 101
Cuddy did something stupid. She hired Kari. Kari is a blonde. Kari is tan. Kari is now a "part" of the "team." I doubted she could even dare to get near a lab coat. I knew why she was hired. This hooker was sent in by Cuddy to distract me. To set me up. I couldn't believe Cuddy was so stupid. I was very loyal to Lily. I would never cheat on her, ever. The voice said otherwise. Every minute I was near Kari, he would whisper something in my head about her legs. I kept shaking my head to get him out. Kari kept looking at me. I told her to keep her condoms out of my locker, and left to go home. I felt happy with her reaction. As I was walking to my car, Wilson kept up with me.
"Be careful, House."
"I'm being careful." I faked tripping. We smiled.
"I'm serious House. Cuddy's trying to set you up. When Lily gets back to work, Cuddy will make sure you spend every waking moment with Kari. She'll make it clear that you care about her, even though you don't. Cuddy's paid Kari to do the dirty work. You've turned from being the evil overlord to the harassed slave. I don't like it. And if one doesn't work, she'll hire another. Or she'll do something worse." He went off to his car. I yelled over my shoulder,
"Don't worry! She'll have Taub to think about!"
"Great plan!" He yelled back sarcastically, and drove out of the parking lot. As I was about to get into the car, I heard the sound of tiny feet walking up to me. It was Kari.
"Dr. House,-"
"It's House."
"House, sorry, I just wanted to apologize for-"
"You don't have to apologize, your ass and Cuddy's money has done it for you. Just letting you know I'm married and I have a kid, so stay away from me. I'm not even slightly attracted to you, so you can tell Cuddy to hire another slut of try and destroy my life, but don't come trying to get in my life. You don't like me, I can tell. You'd rather have Ashton Kutcher, or somebody without a damn limp, so don't give me those eyes. I will run over you if I have to so please get out of the way. And by the way, you may have lupus." I laughed all the way home, at least until the phone rang. Cuddy was screaming on the other line. I told her to try something different and I hung up. The next day, Kari was gone, and Alley was in her place. I scorned her, and Taylor, and Nadia, and Jackie, and all the other hookers sent my way. Soon the days became games of cat and mouse. I was always glad to come home, though, were I could kiss my nursing wife, hold my baby, and eat a delicious meal of pizza or the like. We barely fought, just over silly things that we knew were jokes. Who was wearing whose socks, and who got the last piece of pie from the fridge. It was all good fun, and I enjoyed every moment of it. Even the barely one month old Emma seemed to enjoy our company as she smiled her tiny toothless face out at us. Lily would go back to work with me soon. We would hire her mother to take care of the baby, because Kate is the only older woman I can stand.
Care to Frame?
The day Lily went back to work was the day that Cuddy made her move. I found a file waiting in my mailbox. A case, I don't get cases. Nice try Cuddy. I was about to throw it away, but curiosity killed the cat. I opened the file, and there was a bright pink thong. I slammed the file shut, just in time for Lily to come by.
"Hey, baby, what's that?"
"Just a file for Cuddy."
"Let me see! I want a good story this time, not some old guy who had an allergy again. Come on, open up!" She smiled, and I held it above her head as she tried to jump for it. We jumped and limped down to Cuddy's office, where Lily gave up.
"Fine, you win." She poked me in the stomach.
"Oh, ok, poke war on, after this."
"I'll wait for you."
"Um, ok…" I walked into Cuddy's.
"What the hell is this?" I opened the file. Cuddy smiled. Is this a trap, too?
"House! How nice, I always wanted one! Lily!" Oh, no. She got up and hurried out with it. Lily stood across the hall. I mouthed "No!" over and over again to Lily. She would be too sensitive, right after the birth of a baby mothers always were. I limped out of the office.
"Lily, don't believe a word of it!" But Cuddy was already there.
"Lily, look at what your husband got me! Isn't it nice?" She held it up, that dreaded piece of pink cloth. How could Cuddy do this? This was too low. Lily looked at me weird.
"Lily, it's not what you think-"
"I know what it is, House. It's a thong."
"But Lily I-"
"I don't really want an explanation. I think it's a practical joke. But it's not fun to make fun of me, is it?"
"Lily, no! I-I mean you-I mean she-I mean I-"I kept stuttering, trying to come up with a logical explanation. This wasn't on her, it was on us.
"I think that you're a good guy House. I'm your wife, and I was loyal."
"But Cuddy and I never-"
"But were you going to? You think I haven't been wondering while you were gone? Every night you came home, and you acted weird. Suspicious. Now at least I know why. Cuddy, you can't fire me. I quit."
"Lily no-she-"
"Goodbye, House." She had tears in her eyes as she left. She'd probably take my car. And my baby. She dropped her ring on the floor. I felt my innards crumple. I'd failed again. As she turned around the corner, I dropped to the ground. I'd never, ever see her again. Ha ha, happy ending, right? The voice had his triumph. But all I had was my sorrow and my pain. I looked up at Cuddy.
"You think that you can ruin me to the point of no return?"
"No, but I can try." She walked off, thong in hand. I banged on Wilson's door.
"She's done it."
"What?"
"She made Lily leave."
"How?"
"She set me up as a clown."
"You are a clown. That's why she married you."
"But Lily believed it! She really thought Cuddy got a thong from me!" I started sobbing. I collapsed, hugging my cane.
"Oh Wilson! Will this ever end?"
"Perhaps. But it doesn't matter, House. She'll get over it, I'm sure." The drive home was so lonely. I opened my house door, and I heard the baby laughing. Then I saw her. She looked up at me. I bowed my head. A puzzle even you can't fix.
"House, I knew it was a joke."
"Oh…" I looked up. She smiled. The baby giggled. She limped over to me, and we kissed. I felt relieved, and my heart was jumping and thumping, and the voice actually didn't make any snide remarks. She was still there for me. I cried into her shoulder, thinking of how this had ended. How I finally got somewhere, how I actually got what I wanted.
"Tomorrow, I'll set Cuddy up."
"How?"
"You'll see." I smiled.
Run, run as fast as you can
Cuddy was right on target. She was standing talking to Chase. I paid him, with good money, too. The HMO inspectors came right on time, at nine a.m. They were breathing down Cuddy's neck, watching her every move. She gave a file to Chase, who opened it. Two condoms in small plastic wrapping faced the HMOs. The look of shock on their face made both Lily and I laugh. They wrote frantically on their clipboards, while Cuddy was too frozen to do anything but stand there flabbergasted. The HMOs asked to talk to her, and they yelled and yelled and yelled at her. They gave her a slip of pink paper, and she stood there crying as mascara tracks started to form. We waved goodbye to her as she walked out the door five minutes later, my desk cleaned out. I was called to the Head of Hospital's office. The HMOs were standing with my file open on the desk. There was another file, but I couldn't read the name. I made a confused face, so one of the weird HMOs spoke up.
"You are Dr. Gregory House?"
"Yes, I am. Nice to meet you." I fake smiled. Moments later Wilson walked in.
"Hi, I'm James Wilson."
"Yes, we have fired the Head of Hospital, Dr. Lisa Cuddy for behavior that just cannot be present in this hospital. We are assigning you, Dr. Wilson with the task of being Head of Hospital at Princeton-Plainsboro. Do you think you can handle it? We think you are qualified."
"I would be very happy with that responsibility."
"Thank you. Dr. House? We would like to place you as Head of Diagnostic Care. Can you handle this? We think you are qualified medically, but your social record is…"
"I can handle the job."
"Thank you." We shook hands with them and they left. I turned to high-five Wilson, but he stared at me.
"You get one tube of Vicodin a week. No more no less."
"Yes! But don't leave me hanging." He high-fived me and I ran off to tell Lily the good news.
Alternate Ending Choice:
House Happy
House Sad
House Dead
Fourteen Years Later
(House Happy Choice)
A girl flounced in the door. Her father, who was sitting on the couch reading a piece of paper, acknowledged her. The girl ran her fingers through her light red hair. Her name was Emma.
"Hey, Dad, I got a letter in the mail."
"Oh?"
"I got accepted to the program." The program, this girl had been dreaming of the program for years. She would be a doctor like her parents before her.
"That's great! So are you going to fail?"
"Never, you old man." She smiled a smile of teasing meanness. She grabbed a coke out of the fridge and went upstairs to study. The father kept on reading the paper. He smiled. The voice hadn't spoken to him for a good many years. His name was Gregory House, m.d. And he was happy.
Jagged
(House Sad Choice)
I got home, and I ate some pizza. The rain was pouring down hard. I called out for Lily, but there was no response. There was a note on the fridge. I looked at it. It was in her handwriting.
House,
I know you care, and that you've changed for me in the past few months. But I know you're not happy. I've gone to stay at my parent's until I think that you are happy again. You have a lot on your conscience, and I'm no help. Please don't try looking for me, or calling me, because I've decided to go. Please respect my decision.
Sincerely, Lily Thompson
I almost had a heart attack. I knew I had been rude the past few months, and that she had argued with me more. I knew this would happen. So did the voice, he taunted me. I knew it. I knew it! You lose! She'll never come back! Ha! I am awesome! I was right all along. I sat on the couch. I got up. I drank a beer. I sat down. I took a few vicodin. I fell asleep. The next morning, I didn't go to work; nor the next, or the rest of the week or the rest of the month. I spent that time drinking, drugging, and getting thinner. I started falling behind in payments. I was evicted, and all I did was sit and let time pass by. Who knew I'd end up homeless and drugged? Not me. But that's how I was, and the future would most likely be more and more of the same. No one seemed to want to find me. Soon it was me, my old cane, and the voice. Even he was bored. My addictions to puzzles and drugs fell away. I didn't know who I was. I just sat by a trash can, hoping for the end; which eventually came with the rain.
Dead; Dead, Dead, Deadski
(House Dead Choice)
If you've ever experienced pain, it was none like this one. The one that did it all; and here I am. I guess you could say I had everything, a wife, a kid, a house, a job. I am House M.D., am I not? But my opinion of all of that changed when I went to her church. I found him. The counter to my voice, that I had gotten rid of a long time ago. This new voice told me wonderful things. Things about love, and kindness, and compassion, and I believed it too. Still do, in fact. You may believe in anything, Betelgeuse, Allah, Buddha, the Pope, Harry Potter, whatever. But I can safely say as a man of God that I have come to be, that God is the one true God, and that Jesus is the savior. No I am not a drinker of the Kool-Aid, but I am drunk on the love. You can interpret my new life in your own way, but as my opinion goes, I'm all for pledging and forgiving and loving. As I got older, I realized that death would come soon. I had a grown daughter and a wife about twenty years younger than I, so I would have to tell them soon that I would leave this world. They, nor Wilson, nor anyone else I knew would like it. But it was the truth. I guess I forgot to tell them until I was on my death bed. Wilson held my hand, and everyone was crying. But I was relieved. I looked back through my old eyes into my life. It had been fun, a hell of a fun. But where I was going now was not hell. I did regret not caring, but my conscience had been relieved. I was happy now, in my place. It was funny. I died in my sleep. I kept expecting to wake up. But I knew there was something different about this dream place I was in. There it all was; gates, and halls, and oceans and gold-lined streets. But this was a holy place. A place of worship and a place I would respect, forever and ever and ever until the end of the age. You'd think I'd be upset, with no more puzzles to solve, but what can I say? I've always been a caring guy.
P.S. - I learned you don't have a missing muscle in heaven.
P.P.S. - I forgave Cuddy, who joined me up here, a long time after.
P.P.P.S. – I am happy, just so you know, so you don't have to worry.
P.P.P.P.S. – The End
P.P.P.P.P.S. – It's so heavenly here.