AN - Um, sort of weird sequel (but-not-really) to an old story of mine called "To Bake a Cake". That story was a birthday gift fic to my sister, who is known on here as Gary the Goomba. This is another birthday gift fic for her. Gary, this one's foh yah ("for you").

If you haven't read "To Bake a Cake" and still are interested in reading this but don't want to read that, this fic is only really a sort-of sequel because it's set in the same universe and contains minor references to the other story, including quotes. Yeah, I know most people probably won't remember the story well enough even if they read it before to recognize the quotes, but I couldn't seem to resist throwing them in. My self control can be weak, lol.

Basic recap of "To Bake a Cake" (spoilers ahead): Peach wants to bake a cake. She kidnaps a bunch of other Smashers to help her bake it. Crazy misadventures ensue. After the ordeal, some of the kidnapped Smashers form a club called the "Anti Cake Baking Club" to keep Peach from kidnapping people to bake ever again, but it sort of just turns into a weird get-together club.

General warning for OOCness. Without further delay, badda boom, the story's below. Hope you enjoy :)

He reached a hand out, desperate. The urge to assist was too strong. He couldn't resist.

"Let me… Let me help."

She didn't turn to face him, curled in on herself. She was in distress. She needed help. He couldn't reach her. It was just a bit further...

"Peach… It's okay…"

Violent pain exploded in his face. Voices surrounded him, echoing.

"The back of the store, Roy, the back…"

"At least I didn't get replaced in Brawl…"

"It doesn't matter where we start, Roy… Just read the list and be quiet..."

"Shut up, Roy…"

"Who boils tuna fish...?"

It was too much, too much! Images flashed before him - a bird, a mound of strange baked things, a bloody knife, a princess in pink. She started coming at him, wielding her mighty pan.

"No," he said, raising a hand to guard his face. "Nooooo!"

"Nooooo!" Roy was upright, fighting the horrible restraints holding his arms to his sides. It wouldn't keep him down, it wouldn't! He would survive, he would survive!

Then he abruptly came to his senses, fully awake. It had been a nightmare. And now he had thrown his blanket and pillows from the bed in his half asleep stupor. Thankfully he didn't have to share the room with anyone else, like back in Melee. He could just hear Marth's sarcastic response...

Late morning sunlight streamed through the windows, making the room feel more cheery than he did at the moment. The room felt like an oven, and Roy remembered the announcement that the air conditioning system had broken down (some rogue Pikmin had dismantled it and brought it to Olimar).

As he sat there, waking up more fully, details of his nightmare were slowly coming back to him.

"Dang Peach," he muttered, climbing out of bed. These dreams had been plaguing his sleep for months now, ever since an unfortunate incident involving a quest to bake a cake. But he was moving on, he was recovering. The meetings were helping.

Speaking of the meetings… Or would it be thinking? Roy shrugged, getting ready for his day. Soon he was walking down the halls of the mansion towards the sitting room, a characteristic spring to his step.

He heard someone running down the halls, and when he turned to see who it was, he just rolled his eyes. But then they ran up to his side and started walking beside him, panting heavily.

Roy sighed. "What do you want, Link?"

"I'm following up on a couple of leads," the Hylian explained between deep breaths. His face was red. "Believe me, if I didn't need to be talking with you, I wouldn't be."

"I'm sure you'll do fine on your own." Roy sped up, but Link matched his pace. "Fine. Shoot."

"Gladly," Link joked, pulling the end of one of his arrows from his pouch. For comedic effect, Roy assumed. Or maybe it was a real threat. He wouldn't doubt it. "Anyway, I heard tell that you were seen two days ago, holding a small, white object. Can you confirm or deny?"

"Confirm. It was a Smoke Ball. Ness asked me to get him one."

"You sure about that?"

Roy remembered Link's current goal - find and destroy all Cucco eggs. "It wasn't an egg, Link. Calm down."

Link looked unconvinced. "If you say so… But I'll be keeping an eye on you. Cucco breeding is illegal round these parts."

"Sure it is," Roy said. Link walked off, and Roy made his way to the sitting room. Already, the rest of the group had convened.

"You're late," Olimar whispered as he sat next to him.

"I accidentally slept in," he replied.

The windows were thrown open to the outside world, letting hot air flow in. Roy tugged at his shirt collar a bit, lamenting the absence of air conditioning in the mansion. Sure, he'd lived most his life without, but now he was used to having it.

"Everyone present?" Fox asked. He sounded just as boiled as Roy felt. "Good, good… Then so begins another meeting of the Anti-Cake Baking Club, so formed after the crazed antics of one Princess Peach. Anyone have something to bring to the attention of the other members?"

The group all mumbled in response. Roy fanned his hand at his face, desperate for a breeze.

"I think R.O.B. overheated," Marth commented, waving a hand in front of the robot's eye-like screens. There was no response.

"Someone want to go get Doctor Mario?" Fox asked. No one replied. "...Fine. I'll do it…" He slowly stood from his seat, then sat back down. "It's not worth it. R.O.B. is a loyal member, he'll understand."

"Anyone got any ideas on how to cool off?" Olimar piped up, sounding almost pathetic. Mr. Game and Watch, who was sitting by him, tried fanning him off.

"This is all your fault," Red huffed from off in his corner, glaring at Olimar. "If you had half the control over your Pikmin that I do over my Pokemon, we wouldn't be in this situation!"

"I can't help it! The Pikmin still think I need to repair my ship; they gave me the air conditioner parts to help!"

"Have you ever seen my Charizard going around burning stuff up just because I told him one time to use Flamethrower?"

Roy started tuning the argument out, lost in his own misery. So… hot… He tried distracting himself, imaging what exactly might happen if Charizard did go around lighting things on fire. Which led to him thinking about Ivysaur planting a vast garden… Or Squirtle flooding the Smash Mansion… Heh, Squirtle. He's a funny little guy, all that water… Water… Wait.

It was like a lightbulb went off over his head.

"It's perfect!" Roy said to himself, almost under his breath. Even if he hadn't, no one would have heard him. The argument had expanded to include all the other members of the A.C.B.C., although Roy wasn't quite sure why Fox and Pit were fighting over the validity of a creature like Ridley ever becoming a Smasher ("Too large!" Pit cried, and Fox furrowed his brow, replying "I feel like his size isn't the main concern here; he's a murdering space dragon, ringing any bells?").

"Hey, guys," Roy said loudly. No one noticed him. "Guys. Guys! Hellooooo!"

Marth finally looked over at him, giving a long suffering sigh. "Yes, Roy?"

"I've had the most brilliant idea, but no one's paying attention," Roy huffed, crossing his arms.

"Everybody!" Marth yelled to the group, who stopped arguing and looked at him. Marth nodded his head at Roy, who was irked. Stupid Marth and his stupid presence.

But Roy wouldn't let it get him down. He stood up from his seat and posed dramatically, hands on hips. "I've had an idea!"

"Now I know why he sounds so excited - he's finally had an idea!" Red murmured to Olimar, who snickered slightly. Roy scowled at them.

"We all want to beat the heat, right?" Roy continued. "Of course we do - it's a scorcher. And I have just dreamed up the perfect way to do it."

"Well, don't leave us in suspense," Fox prompted.

But of course that gave Roy the idea to do just that, and he kept the silence, smirking in a self satisfied manner.

"Roy…" Marth trailed off, sounding irked.

Roy huffed. "Fine, fine. Let's have a pool party!"

The group broke into excited oohs and aahs.

"That's a great idea!" Pit chirped.

"Of course it is," Roy said, "I had it."

"There's only one problem with it," Marth said. Roy turned to him, annoyed. Of course Marth would try to shoot down his idea - what a party pooper. "We have no pool."

Oh. Well, I suppose that makes sense, Roy thought. "Uhm, well… We could go down to Smash Lake."

"It's miles away, and the vehicles aren't working either," Red said, eyeing Olimar angrily. Olimar shrugged sheepishly. "I'm not walking there in this heat."

"You couldn't even if you wanted to," Lucario finally spoke, "the bridge is out."

Roy wracked his brain. Surely one good idea could be followed by another?

"Hey, what if we build a pool?" Pit suggested. "We've got the space."

Everyone started agreeing, and Roy blanched. "Yeah, that's what I was gonna say."

"You can't just build a pool," Marth reminded. "It takes time, and a lot of effort. A lack luster job might just produce a large, leaky bowl than something you can actually swim in."

"You know how many talented people we have, though?" Roy said, bending next to Marth where he sat. He flung his arm around the prince's shoulders, ignoring the way he tried to shrug him off. "Together, I'm sure we can do it!"

Marth still looked skeptical, so Roy stood and addressed the group at large. "Well? Who's in?"

Pit instantly raised his hand. Slowly, other hands rose until everyone but Marth had agreed. Roy eyed him.

"Fine, I'll help, but I don't suspect this will go well," Marth added, like a disclaimer for when he suspected everything would fall apart. Well, Roy would just have to prove him wrong.

"To start, we need someone to spearhead the project," Roy said, before tapping his chin thoughtfully. "Now, who here would make a good leader?"

"Fox is the head of the A.C.B.C," Olimar said.

Roy waved a dismissive hand. "Unofficial head."

"Marth ran an entire kingdom," Red said.

"What, what's that you said?" Roy asked, sticking a finger in his ear and dramatically pretending to clean it. "Did you say 'Roy would make a perfect, fabulous leader and no one could compare because he's too fantastic'? I didn't know you felt that way, Red. I'm positively flattered. For my fans, I'll take the position!

"Now for the second order of business," Roy said before trailing off slightly. "...Does anyone know how to build a pool?"

Having found out that no, no one present knew off the top of their head how to build a pool, Roy had split the group into four teams - Fox and Olimar, who would go to the library and research pool construction; Pit and Red, who would go get Master Hand to give them permission to actually build the pool; Mr. Game and Watch and Lucario were going to take R.O.B. to the infirmary; and then himself and Marth, who would go recruit more people to help - they'd had plenty of experience in past recruiting people, so he doubted it would be difficult.

Except goodness gracious, it was.

Snake was busy patrolling the mansion looking for trouble makers, Zelda claimed she didn't mind the heat and went back to reading her book, and when they asked Sonic his expression turned terrified and he just ran off, leaving them behind in his chili-dog scented dust.

And now they were standing in the midst of what looked like a war zone but was, in actuality, the bedroom of a huge slob.

"Why should I," Bowser said, lounging on his throne (a purple recliner covered in food and drink stains), "a Koopa of high ranking - a Koopa of standards, help you two pretty boys build a pool?"

Roy tried ignoring the way "pretty boys" was said as if it were an insult, shooting Bowser his most fetching grin. "Because you want to cool off too, don't you? You must feel this sweltering heat."

"No. My castle sits in the middle of a sea of lava. The heat doesn't bug me."

"Don't you at least want to get out of this squalor?" Marth asked, nudging an empty soda can with his boot and grimacing.

"Even if I knew what squalor meant, no," Bowser said. "Listen. I'm not building your pool. I have a reputation to think of here. Can you imagine if someone saw me? Helping make such a… Fun thing? Plus, it sounds annoying."

"Aren't your kids coming in a few months for the new tournament?" Roy asked. "I'm sure they'd love a pool."

"Sure, but you're making it anyway."

Roy groaned. "Is there no way I can convince you to come? We really need you out there, with strength like yours."

Bowser tilted his head, appearing thoughtful. "Well… Maybe. On one condition."

"Anything you need," Roy said, thinking of all the potentially heavy lifting they were going to have to do.

"Get me a date with Peach."

Roy's jaw actually dropped. In the background Marth, who had been occupying his time by tidying up, outright laughed.

"You? Get a date with Peach?" the royal got out between fits of giggles. "We're more likely to have teatime with Tabuu!"

For once, Roy thought, I have to agree with Marth. He cleared his throat awkwardly, trying to keep his voice from cracking. "But we're going to try, for you," he assured Bowser, before shooting Marth a warning look. "I'm sure it's possible, when she realizes it's for a good cause."

Bowser grunted, giving Roy a semi appreciative nod. Roy guided a still snickering Marth from the room.

"You almost blew it!" Roy reprimanded.

"Blew what? Don't tell me you actually expect Peach to agree."

"You never know, I can be very persuasive."

"Not that persuasive."

"So negative."

"I try."

They walked down the halls towards Peach's room in the hopes of finding her.

"Maybe if we bribe her?" Roy pondered aloud.

"I'm not sure there's a bribe large enough."

"I could offer to go on a date with her."

"I think you've got the concept of bribery backwards," Marth said with a teasing grin, to which Roy shoved him a bit.

"Just watch, I'll do it. One single date with me, and she'll agree," Roy assured as they came to Peach's bedroom door. Tacked to the expensive wood was a sign that read 'Out: please see Toad to make future appointments.'

"Figures," Roy huffed, crossing his arms.

Marth started walking away and Roy ran to catch up with him. "Where're you going?"

"Finding Peach is easy enough," Marth replied, "just follow the sounds of terror and destruction. Alternatively, the sounds of happy animals flocking to her side."

"Sheesh, she's weird."

They found her in the breakfast room, standing by the sink and dumping some strange colorful… gunk into it. She had the window above the sink open, and two little birds had perched there, tweeting happily along to the tune she hummed. A small rodent had perched there as well, and seemed to be… clapping its paws?

Roy could do nothing but stare. Marth had been right on both counts; the animals flocked to her and whatever she was doing to make them do that was terrifying him. Also, the gunk seemed to reek of what he could only describe as death.

Marth started speaking for him. "Peach?"

Peach turned her head, flowing, golden locks cascading over her shoulders. The sunlight haloed her head. It would make for a portrait perfect moment - if she wasn't scowling and rolling her eyes. "What do you two want?"

"We were wondering if you would be interested in… helping us out a little bit."

"With what?"

Roy snapped himself out of his scared-silly stupor. "First, let me lead with the fact that if you do this for us, I have the perfect reward for you."

Peach's eyes lit up. "A reward? I'm listening."

"We need you to go on a date with Bowser."

The atmosphere in the room instantly changed. The sunlight that had lit her head vanished; the animals all turned tail and fled. Peach's eyes narrowed.

"It's for a good cause!" Roy instantly said, throwing up both hands in surrender. "If you agree to that, Bowser will help us build a pool. And then you can go swimming! Host girly pool parties where you all swim around and gossip about boys behind our backs! I'll even be there to serve you all little crackers so you never have to leave the water!"

"Crackers, Roy?" Marth asked incredulously.

"I don't hear you contributing anything meaningful to the conversation!"

"Still, crackers!"

Roy watched as Peach reached over on the counter to where the knife block sat. "Wait, wait! There's more!"

"You want me to date Bowser," Peach hissed.

"Just one date! I'll be your personal butler for a week! A month! As long as we both shall live! I'll do whatever you want! We'll bake, you'll give me a horrifying makeover that I'll totally pretend to like even though you'll use lipstick, I'll date you afterwards to make you forget about him!"

He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. Marth's jaw had dropped, his eyes wide in horror. Peach's hand had been curled around a knife handle - now, her fingers loosened.

"Really?" she said. "You'll date me?"

Roy chuckled nervously. "You- you misheard, I said I'll go on a date with you, no more than one-" Her grasp tightened on the knife handle again. "No, no, I'll date you!"

"Like, boyfriend and girlfriend?" Peach asked, sounding less and less murderous and more and more intrigued.

"Yes," Roy choked out, "but- but don't you have Mario? Surely he'll be disappointed-"

"Oh please, we were never a thing," Peach waved a dismissive hand, her lips curling into a smile. "So if I go on one date with Bowser, you'll be my boyfriend?"

It was like swallowing one of Yoshi's eggs - no, like swallowing Yoshi. "Yes."

He felt a hand on his shoulder - Marth, supporting him in this dire time.

I can see my tombstone now, Roy thought. 'Lord Roy, the idiot who thought a freaking pool was important enough to agree to date a psychopath. May he rest in pieces.'

Peach was full on smiling now, and she skipped over to him. It took every single ounce of his self control to not run away. She pulled him into a hug, and he shivered involuntarily.

"This is fantastic!" Peach chirped. "Finally, I've got my own arm candy!"

Roy chuckled nervously, pushing her off him lightly. "Yeah, let's not get ahead of ourselves here. First you hold up your end of the bargain. Go on that date with Bowser."

And who knows, maybe you'll fall deeply in love with the giant twit and I'll be free!

"Right, date with Bowser," Peach said, pouting slightly. "Ehn, whatever. When do you need it done?"

"Sometime when we don't have Bowser doing all our heavy lifting," Marth said.

"Can do. Hey, do you need my help with the pool?" Peach asked, batting her eyelashes at Roy slightly. Roy bit back the bile - she may be pretty physically, but he was sure on the inside she was full of all the tiny animals she'd consumed to make woodland creatures flock to her.

"We may," Marth said. "You could always come along-"

"But it's so dang hot outside," Roy butt in. "We wouldn't want you to suffer heat stroke or, uhm… some other unfortunate heat-related ailment."

Peach giggled slightly, "Aw, you care!"

"I do." About my sanity.

"Alright, I'll stay inside. But you just let me know if you need anything! This kind of project is right up my alley," she said, giving Roy a quick peck on the cheek before skipping out of the room.

Not able to take it anymore, Roy ran to the sink, ignoring the gunk still there that Peach had forgotten all about, and started splashing water on his face, paying special attention to the kissed cheek.

"I'm dead," he lamented, leaning against the counter and staring out the window dramatically. The mid-morning sunlight, the fluffy white clouds scattered few and far between - goodness gracious, would this be the last time he'd see them? Was this it for Lord Roy of Pherae?

Marth didn't respond in the negative - a first, it felt. "Perhaps," he said instead. "But you're definitely not dying now. Come on, let's go build your pool."

With one last deep, sorrowful sigh, Roy pulled away from the window, letting Marth lead him away to what felt like the gallows.

No, I've got time, I've got time, Roy reassured himself, I'm gonna live the rest of my now criminally short life to the fullest. And to start - it's time to build my pool!

"We can't build this pool."

Roy took a breath, smiled, and asked, "Excuse me, I don't think I heard correctly."

The entire group plus Roy and Marth's only successful recruit, Bowser, had reconvened in the sitting room to discuss the results of their missions. Currently, Fox was reporting.

"We don't have the time," Fox explained. "There's simply too much to it. You feel like digging a ditch in this heat?"

"I can if I think of the results," Roy argued, "sweet, sweet pool time."

"There's always above ground pools, but those require a lot of work and time, too," Olimar said.

"Above ground isn't what we want. Then we'd need to build a deck, too. Listen, guys. You brought your research with you, right?" Roy asked.

Olimar nodded and held out a stack of books. Roy took them and started looking at the titles: "How to Build a Pool in Many Long, Difficult Steps" (which apparently featured pictures), "Thinking of Building a Pool in your Backyard? Think Again", "Pools Just Ain't Worth It", and of course "Playing Pool: The Angles and Strategies Pros use for Guaranteed Victory".

"What, were you guys looking in the pessimist section?" Roy quipped. "This last one isn't even about pools!"

"It had pool in the title," Olimar said sheepishly.

"Listen, we don't need any of these, except maybe this one," Roy said, tossing all the books aside but the one with the pictures. "It actually has steps. That we're gonna follow."

"Don't you get it, Roy? We can't!" Fox huffed, crossing his arms. "We don't have what we need, and even if we did, there's no way we could do it in a day."

Roy narrowed his eyes. "Well, if you really feel that way, why don't you just leave? We don't need you here anyway - the rest of us will be fine."

"Truth is, I kind of agree with Fox," Olimar admitted.

"Whatever, we didn't need you either. Anyone else?" Roy asked, sure in his mind no one else would abandon him. Mister Game and Watch raised his hand and waddled over to stand with Fox. Roy huffed. "You all irritate me."

"Fine, go ahead, leave me," Roy declared, flopping onto a chair. "Shows what kind of friends you are."

Game and Watch nodded and left the room. Roy rolled his eyes.

Fox sighed dramatically, massaging the space between his eyebrows. "If you're really planning on going through with this, I suppose I could stay to make sure it didn't go to pieces…"

"That's my job," Marth said in a voice bordering a whine.

"You will?" Roy cried. "Perfect! Olimar?"

The tiny astronaut seemed to consider, then nodded hesitantly. Roy's smile grew.

"This is great! Now Pit, Red, you got permission from Master Hand to build, right?"

Pit and Red shared a quick glance, Red elbowing Pit. "Yes," the angel said, "we definitely, for sure did. Get that permission. Beyond a shadow of a doubt. Positively."

"Excellent," Roy declared, jumping up from his seat. With a flamboyant wave of his hand, he marched for the door. "Everyone, with me! It's pool time!"

AN - Good golly my humor got stale (get it Gary *wink wink, nudge nudge* little inside joke for you there)

Chapter two coming soon? I dunno when, guess we'll see. Thanks to anyone who reads/follows/favorites/reviews. Constructive criticism is always welcomed, and I'll see ya guys next time :)