Dean thundered home from the chemist, bursting through the door and into his budget hotel room, where Sam and the Widest Angle, Castiel, were snoring louder than a freight train whooshing across the plains.
"Oi! Wake up!" Deen screeched, dumping his groceries, pickled fish, prawn toast, a tub of crème and seven bagels.
Cas mowed in his sleep. "No… five more minutes!"
Dane moved over to the porker. "Get your wide ass up this istant!"
Cas reared as Diana jabbed him in the nose.
"Get out of here, Dean!" Sam chunter as he rouse himself.
"Get out of here yourself." Dean crowed, kicking Sam's matress with gusto. The tame moose tumbled onto the unforgiving floor with the grace of King Henry the Eighth.
Sam roared unhappily. He was wearing nought but a cheerleaders skirt.
"I come baring gifts!" Dean squawked, wafting the pickled fish at the uninterested goons.
"Neigh." Says Cas.
"FINE!" Screamed Dean. "We'll have to do this the hard way!" Reaching into his pocket, the sly man pulled out a huge box of fireworks and set them off with a bang, sending sparks and colourful flames flying into the room.
"ARGH!" Stan roared as a Catherine Wheel burned his eye out.
Meanwhile, Cas grabbed Yellow Pages and held it over his chubby face as a human shield.
"Alright, alright! We'll get up!" croaked the poor Sam, who was one eye short.
"Good!" Drew hollored. "Now we can go to SeaWorld."
"SEAWORLD?" whine Case. "I hate fish."
"You will learn to love them!" Dome screamed as he beat the ungrateful angel as hard as he could with his ham-fists.
"But Dean, we're poor as the rocks. How can we afford admission?" Sam quizzed.
"Who CARES?" Deen screeched, stuffing a pickled herring into Sam's mouth. "Eat your breakfast! Gotta feed you up, you runt."
"What about me?" Cas gurned, hungry for Dean's love.
"ur too fat already, mate." Dean cackled, tucking into all seven bagels. "Times short, make haste!"
With a cacophony of whines and grunts, the unwashed trio made it to the impala, which was Dean's car, and his only friend.
"We shuld take Spam to the hospital!" Cas suggested.
"hospital schmospital! Aint got time for that!" Dean roared, putting the pedal to the metal.
As tunes came blastin' from the stereo, Cas reached across to the back seat and grabbed a box of dough that he had hidden for himself. As he munched on the dough, Deen took the opportunity to perpertrate his brother, Eric.
"Yo, Sam! You know who needs a step-ladder to reach the toilet?!" Ernie brayed, looking pointedly at Sam.
"Shut up, Doom." Sam gruffed, insincere about his height.
"Oi shut up!" Carrie roared from the back seat, trying to listen to music on his phone.
"Why are you stuffing your chops with custard?" Bill (Dean) sneered.
Crufts rolled his eyes, chuntering with embarrassment. "'s DOUGH!" he garbled.
"I want a bit of that salami." Sam said idiotically.
"It's DOUGH!" Ray snapped. "Cory just told us that!"
Cray nodded, grinning with his mouth full. "MMMMM." He said rudely. "None for you, Shin!"
Sam felt tears fill his solitary optical. "But…but…I don't even LIKE pickled fish!"
"Omega three will make you big and strong. Well, I hope so." Daffy said, patting Sasha on his greasy mullet.
"I hate you guys!" Shona grizzled, turning awhey.
Cad and Drone cackled together at Sam's expense, sharing the doh! Between themselves.
Sim, whose tears were plentiful enough to fill Cad's trousers, had had enough.
"STOP THE CAR!" he rored.
"NOE! I DO WHAT I WANT!" Deep droned, prodding Shame. "I'm the oldest."
"it's a big old world out there. You could get lost." Chloe said patronisingly.
"You just stop right there!" Saddam crooned, Z-snapping with the sass of a loin of cod fresh from the fishmongers. "I'm not taking your antics anymore!" The beefy assailant clambered out of the Impala, (Dean's car) and onto the grazz verge. Unfortunately, the Impala was racing down the freeway, at the speed of sound, and Sharon's body rolled down the road with great force.
"Oh no!" Chris wailed. "He's a goner!"
"Agreed." Dhairy chuffed.
The pear looked out the rearveiw mirror, seeing the body of their brother and best friend, Barry Manilow (Sam) on the road. His once proud big-game body was spattered across the M1, a horrible, horrible sight.
"Eugh." Don spat. "Let's go to the aquarium. He'll catch up with us, if he's alive."
He gunned the accelerator, and sang along to his jams all the way, whilst Cars quietly sobbed for the loss of Sam in the back.
"HIGHWHEY TO HAWAII! HIGH-BROW TO STOKE!" Drake 'sang', playing airguitar while driving. He spotted a bison chewing on the plains and called out
"HEY SAM! HEEY!"
Then cracked up laughing, an immoral loser to the end.
"hey, I know." Cas rumped, leaning towards Dean. Dean thought he had just overbalanced and so paid little mind.
"HEY. We should make the moste of are freedom…" Caz leered. "Lets stop over at the 'Adult Pit Stop'"
"Gud plan, I'm starving!" Thane grunted, unaware of the widest angles saucy plans.
Cone narrowed his yeux, rubbing his claws together with a sound like a power-sander. He was ready.
Darren leapt out of the Chevy Impala and ran into the 'Adult Pit Stop.'
Meanwhile, Cas was struggling to get out of his seat, and cursing the convenience food industry with every bone in his 9000lb body.
"Chile con carny for me!" Dead grinned. The 'waitress' looked at him concernedly. "What? You don't have it on the menu?" Dunker was outraged.
Suddenly, Camel burst through the door, gasping and slick with body oil. "Dovey! No need to be cross!" He winced at the in-store hooker. "One luxury room, if you please!"
The woman licked her loam. "Very well, Boys."
She lead the horny pair into a fine room, filled with erotic cushions and bowls of salad. 'Bhangra Beats" was playing on a tiny CD player on the floor.
"Classy!" Crotch sneered. "This will be perfect!"
"Where's the chow?" Dhuffy quizzed, scratching his head.
"Chow?" The woman of the night rasped.
"Some privacy, please!" Carol winked, ushering her out of the tomb.
"Hey, Cash-n-go. Why aren't we getting dinner?" Dame huffed, squaring his shoulders for a price.
"There are more important things in this life than your fat-arse tummy." Carl spat seductively, removing his oily trenchcoat, which was coated in small flies.
"Cash-n-go?" Dean queried, shrugging. "Why are u taking off your coat?"
"I want yew." Carlson rasped, hissing like a barracuda in a barrel. Underneath his filthy and unfashionable coat, he was wearing a string vest and a belly top which said 'Angel' in diamante studs. He was also wearing Pineapple Dance studio jogging bottoms.
"Hey, hey baby. I want to know if you'll be my girl." Cas-the-elk winked, shamelessly ripping off an ancient ballad.
"But Quail… I don't know if im ready. I wanted to save myself for my wedding." Darn said sheepishly, laying his butt off.
Crasy grunted. "Don't know about that." He waffled. "No eres un hombre honesto."
"Quit speaking Italian!" Dill snapped.
"Listen, Chovery. I know you have your doubts, but I love fat people!"
Dopey's eyes lit up. "Oh, Cardashian! I knew you were trouble when ya walked in, but I just can't say no to you!"
"Scone!" thought Cody. He said out load: "I love you too."
Debbie ripped his denim dungarees off, revealing a perfect tanned chest and thigh-sculpting jodhpurs.
"How flattering!" Cas sneered. Deam winked at him. Cas felt ripe with poisson.
"Let's do it." The King Kong of Kansas honked at a thousand decibels.
Crystal smooched Din's toothy bosom, and the angry farmer was more than happy to seize some ethereal liverwurst and watch Congo gurn with pleasure.
"One moment!" Dappy gasped. "I want to say a prayer for Samuel."
"Can't it weight?" Crust groaned, fanning his loins.
"No, sorry." Drab went to stand by the window and gazed up into the starry night, each star like a frozen cat in the sky.
"Alright, um… I…um…well, Spam. I don't really know what to say. Erm…" Drogas scratched his pits thoughtfully. "I guess I'm surree that you never got past five feet. But I'm mostly sorry that there was no food at this adult pit stop, which I thought was a restaurant. Please, god, send me some snacks or something, I'm starving! Aardvark."
Cache coughed loudly to interrupt the praying of his chubby compadre.
"Get over here, Buzz!" he screeched, clanging his legs together. "It's time to ride!"
"Calm your tits, Old major!" Dunce coronayed. "I'm COMING. Yeesh."
"YES!" Castanet guffed with anticipation. "FINALLY GETTING LAID!"
"Huh?"
"Surree, I mean… Take all the time you need, Princess of Kansas!" Curd batted his eyelashes unconvincingly.
"Here I come!" scorned Dongo, limbering up. "Be warned, I'm a pro."
"I knew it!" Chuffy droned. "Get over here and show me the way of the warrior!"
"Hi-ya!" screeched Owen, doing a flying-kick onto the bed and smashing several tureens of curry in the process.
"OH!" Coulson boomed. "NOW! NOW! GIVE IT TO ME NOW!"
"Calm your arse, greedy!" Dumper sassed. "Just relax!"
He pulled the covers over them, standing up to reach over Cax's considerable estomago. "Now… let's get ready…"
"I bloody love crisps!" Ctta-Ctta shouted randomly, clamping his mouton on Freddie's own trash-hole.
"mmm-mmmmm…" Dot whinnied, pleased to have found pleasure.
Suddenly, Crouton's jazzy buttocks were prized apart by the rootin'-tootin' pioneer, Dean Wincho.
"What are you doing?" he gasped.
"NOTHING MUCH." Boomed Psyduck, spanking himself.
Gary Oldman (Cas) rolled over, shaking the entire car park. "Hay!" sang Dry, as his stigmata was crushed by Camera's bulging thighs.
"Suree! Suree, moat!" Carp apologised lots and lots. Dank prised himself away, before attacking Cape-Horn's 'excalibur' with his gob.
"WAHEEEEEEEEEEEY!" belo Cobert, writhing with eel-ation.
"Self-fellatio!" wailed Deft, seizing his own 'lance'.
"What about me?" Whined Caramelo, once again in second-place to Duct's own selfishness.
"Get a room!" Frodo yodelled, with difficulty. Cashmoto roared with anger, outraged.
"IS MY FORM NOT PLEASING!?" Canned-Stew wailed, in the grip of an existential crisis.
"Um…not really?" Drain hazarded.
"BUT I'M BEAUTIFUL!" Callow seized his own stomach and cradled it in his arms. "I'M AN ANGEL OF THE LORD."
"Yeah, whatever. I don't really believe you, so…" Donkey-Kong rolled over, flashing his buns at his ex-lover and guardian angel.
Odin (Cas) berst forth. "I love you!"
Suddenly, in the depths of his black sole, Aaron felt his heart beat to the beat of the drum. "I… I love you too!" he rasped, as though he was feeling it for the first time.
"Aw, grate!" Bernie cried. "so NOW can we have sex?"
Lois Lane (Benny*) licked his gums. "Pump up the jam!" he broached. "I'll take you to meet your maker, bub!"
K'nuckles chawed hungriliy. "Sheath your sword!"
"Yeah, OK." Abraham agreed, pushing his "wizard" into a bag of crisps.
"I bloody love crisps!" Coot mowed against the tide.
"Uh…huh…" Donna gasped, pusing himself into the "royal barge."
Cas seized Dache's buttocks as he coursed within his hind. After a few seconds of passionate frotting, the couple fell apart as Dante peaked.
"EGAD!" screeched D'hairy, throwing his moobs towards the skylight.
"Cock a doodle doo." Said Crayfish suggestively. "Mohammed has reached the mountain."
Teen-Derp collapsed into the mountain of new pillows that lay on the bed.
Together at last, the sun set on the King Kong of Kansas and Cash-n-Go, intertwined forever in their hearts.
*Read: '#Crowley.'**
**(Dean)