Siuan Sanche stood deep in the shadows of the White Tower's courtyard, with an unfamiliar feeling: uncertainty. Well, perhaps it wasn't so unfamiliar to her these days, but that didn't mean she had to like it. The Aes Sedai, their Warders and the White Tower servants were celebrating the raising of their new Amyrlin Seat and the defeat of the Seanchan the night before. Siuan raised a glass of wine to her lips, and quickly spat it back into the glass. It was difficult to find anything that had not been soured by the Dark One's touch on the world, regardless of how much gold you had to spend.
A Domani Aes Sedai and her Warder twirled past her, dancing enthusiastically to the pounding music that played. Her gaze wandered past them, to the opposite side of the courtyard, where a gleeman gestured expansively as he told some fantastic tale to a group of young novices. Siuan smiled slightly to herself: it was pleasant to see some joy being brought into this world that was quite busy turning itself on its head. She only wished she could again feel as much a part of the Tower as those novices did. She had never stopped thinking of the Tower as her home, even during those weeks when she had believed she would never again feel the sweetness of saidar. Yet here she was, once again a whole Aes Sedai, complete with the Three Oaths and a Warder, and she had never felt such a stranger in a place where she had spent most of her life.
Siuan emptied the wine into the earth beneath a wilting elm tree, deciding that, gone sour or not, she needed nothing else to farther cloud her mind. She had known most of these women for the larger portion of her life, yet she felt as if she knew none of them. Worse, one of her only two friends among them was untouchable to her now; the Amyrlin had other concerns on her mind than a weakened sister who had disobeyed her orders. Her eyes wandered over to a group of young men that surrounded a woman dressed in a shockingly cut emerald green gown.
Perhaps it was Siuan's imagination, but it seemed that Leane was a touch miffed that Siuan had beaten her to the punch in finding herself a Warder. Siuan sniffed. It wasn't as if Siuan had been looking for a Warder—the bloody man had demanded she bond him! She felt a blush creep into her cheeks. She had told neither Leane nor Egwene of Gareth's other demand. Egwene had seemed amused enough after Siuan had related the events leading up to her bonding her new Warder—the Amyrlin had demanded a full explanation of her and Gareth's actions that very morning—and while Siuan had been able to avoid telling Egwene that Gareth had even made a second demand, she did not miss the knowing look in the younger woman's eyes. It was in that moment that she had decided she had instructed the girl far too well for Siuan's own peace of mind. Yes, at least she still had some of her dignity left intact with Leane. Not much, but some. She preferred to keep it that way.
She began to skirt the edge of the courtyard, avoiding groups of chatting sisters who were slowly and cautiously stretching past the invisible boundaries between Ajahs and between rebels and loyalist. Siuan tugged her blue shawl sharply around her as a handsome young servant started to approach her—she once again wondered how long it would be before her face would once again take on that ageless quality. Having to fend off men young enough to be her own sons was annoying. She briefly entertained the idea of allowing one of them to dance with her, if only to see the expression on her new Warder's face.
The thought quickly left her mind as she felt him coming nearer. Egwene had insisted that she debrief the general privately, never mind that it was against unwritten protocol for even the Amyrlin to meet with another sister's Warder without the sister in question present. Egwene had simply put on her best Amyrlin face—which Siuan had taught her!—when she had opened her mouth to protest. It was grating, really, to have your own lessons turned against you.
She slipped away from the festivities. Though she walked the route that would inevitably lead to the Amyrlin's study, she was guided only by the presence that had made its home in the back of her mind. She kept a steady pace, ignoring the quickening of her own pulse as well as the urge to quicken her pace. Though the halls of the White Tower seemed alien to her—indeed, many of them had rearranged themselves to the point where Siuan might very well find herself lost—she was still Aes Sedai.
They met in the entrance hall. He bowed his head respectfully to her, as any good Warder would to his Aes Sedai. She didn't bother to suppress a snort. The man may have traded his Aes Sedai maidservant for a bondmate and promised wife, but she was a gull's dinner if he considered her anything more than his equal! Still, it was good he realized that the forms must be followed, however unusual their relationship might be among Aes Sedai and their Warders.
"Did she decide to hang you by your toes after all?" Siuan asked briskly, unwilling to acknowledge the joy she felt at having him close by again.
Gareth smiled down at her, placing his hand on her shoulder and gripping it gently. "You know she didn't. You would have felt it," he told her said a full grin tugging at his lips. Her cheeks burned—he no doubt felt her happiness, as she felt his. Warder bonds were not without their inconveniences.
"She does not seem too upset with me, though I did get the rough side of her tongue for hypocrisy."
Siuan blinked. "Hypocrisy?" Gareth Byrne being accused of hypocrisy? As soon accuse a silverpike of being docile.
"Yes, I believe she said that she wasn't the only one that took lessons from you," he said grinning. "I believe she may be right. I did get the idea from you, after all."
She narrowed her eyes at him. "What is that supposed to mean, Gareth? I never—"
He tightened his grip on her shoulder and put a finger to her lips. Involuntarily, she took a step closer to him, the rational part of her mind protesting each movement. Light! Anyone could walk into the entrance hall, though most were in the courtyard celebrating. Wasn't it enough that she barely had any standing among the sisters as it was? If it was thought she couldn't control her own Warder in the very halls of the White Tower…! She half expected to hear the laughter of novices.
He chuckled. Bloody man. "I did the same thing as you, Siuan. I just took it a step farther. I took a new oath that no sister would dare suggest I shouldn't put ahead of all others." He traced the finger along her cheek bone, staring down into her eyes, a thoughtful expression on his face. "I don't regret it. I did what I had to do to protect you, and if she were to order me flogged, I would still do the same all over again."
She cleared her throat, her eyes darting nervously around the entrance hall, though it seemed impossible to stare anywhere but his face. "What does the Amyrlin intend to do with your army now?"
Though his face showed nothing but calm affection, the bundle of emotions that was his fairly oozed disappointment and frustration. Well, he would have to continue being disappointed—there was not yet a place for them to talk privately here. She had not yet had the opportunity to choose quarters for herself, and would not get one until the other Blue sisters had had their pick. No standing. None. With a pang she realized she would likely get decent rooms, as many of her Ajah sisters had lost their lives in the Tower coup, or had been named Black Ajah.
"She intends to keep the army ready for the Tarmon Gai'dan," he said quietly. He studied her closely, a hint of amusement trickling through the bond. "After that, she seems to have the impression I will want to return to Kore Springs and settle down again, though I reminded her that my duty is now to Siuan Sedai." He bowed his head to her again, though the effect was somewhat tarnished by the fact his fingers still caressed the skin just beneath her cheekbone.
"Siuan, I should return to my men tonight to prepare them to enter Tar Valon," he said quietly, taking her hands is his.
She had been waiting for him to say this. Hoping for it actually. "I'll come with you," she said immediately.
He shook his head. "There is no need, and if you wish, I will ride out only long enough to order my captains to make the preparations. I am your Warder. Even the Amyrlin understands that my oath to you comes before the army."
She looked down at their fingers, his rough, callused ones, entwined with her somewhat wash red, but otherwise smooth ones. The redness of her hands was a tribute to her months in his service, yet their places in the eyes of all had abruptly flip-flopped with a single demand on his part. Gareth already seemed quite well adjusted to his new role as her servant, but Siuan felt as if her world had been once again turned on its head. Less than a week ago, this man had complemented her on her ability to do his laundry, and could have ordered her punished if he had wished to do so. Now his life was pledged to her and to her protection. He might regard her as an equal rather than a superior, but that made the situation even more even more wondrous to Siuan. In all her years in the White Tower, she had lived the belief that obedience meant lowering oneself, and that servitude meant allowing oneself to be trampled. She sensed that if she were to attempt to use her might as an Aes Sedai, weak as she might be, to control him, she would lose his respect and in his eyes become worse than the oathbreaker he first believed her to be.
She was beginning to realize how wrong they had been—men were not inferior. They had cheated themselves out of the greatest rewards that she now was experiencing by having Gareth as her Warder by treating their bondmates as something lower than themselves. She abruptly realized that Moiraine, and possibly a few other Aes Sedai had already realized this. No, Moiraine had not viewed Lan has a lover, potential or otherwise, but neither she nor Lan had viewed one as superior to the other.
She stepped closer to him, planting her palms flat on his chest. If the other sisters saw this as a sign of weakness, a sign that she couldn't control her Warder, so be it. Siuan didn't need to control him—he was as loyal to her as anyone could ever be. She met his eyes. "No. I want to come, and you still have a duty to your men. I thought the day I stepped into the Tower again, once again considered a sister in the eyes of everyone, would be the best day of my life. But…"
He frowned down at her. "But?" he cautiously put one hand on her shoulder, and one on her waist, pulling her a few inches closer to him. His eyes flickered quickly around the entrance hall, checking to see that they were still alone.
"I have no equals here, except for Leane." She snorted. "The bloody woman would rather flirt with the trainees than speak with me. I think she's jealous," she added at Gareth's skeptical expression. "Egwene is angry with me, and even those who are near me in power view me as…an abnormality. That, along with the memories… I will return here, but for tonight, I would rather come with you."
He nodded his head. "Very well." He studied her closely. "What is it?"
She hesitated, but he waited. "I was thinking…about what Egwene said to you. About Kore Springs. Well, with a strong enough angreal, I can Travel. Perhaps you should check on your estate." She was talking quickly, and that annoyed her, but she continued. "We could only stay for a day or so, but you can at least stop in long enough to make sure no one has burned any barns down or chased off any cattle…" She strongly suspected her cheeks were now the color of a red eel, but if she could survive a Tower coup, running from an oath and being a wash woman to an insufferable general for nearly a year, she could survive a moment's embarrassment with the man who could sense her every emotion.
Gareth stared at her for a long moment, then suddenly lifted her into the air and kissed her. She squirmed in surprise for a moment, then let herself melt into him, not caring if the Amyrlin herself and her new Red Keeper walked in and saw them. Feeling giddy both from the mental picture that had entered her head, and the emotions flowing through their bond, she let out an uncharacteristic giggle.
He pulled back from her, still holding her off the ground. He looked confused. "What?"
"Oh, I was just thinking if the Amyrlin and the Keeper were to walk in and see us…" she smirked. "Silviana might have won Egwene's respect, but she would still howl at such a thing. The Reds are bloody fools, though I am no less one."
He laughed. It was a deep, booming laugh that echoed off the walls of the nearly empty chamber. She would not have been surprised at all if half the Tower had come to see what the noise was about. She buried her face in his shoulder as they shared this moment of mirth, laughing together.
Her new life in the Tower would take some adjusting, just as her and Gareth's new relationship would. But the former was only a temporary discomfort, while the latter would be a lasting joy to build on. As soon as the Last Battle was over, she and Gareth could start their life together.
Rand bloody al'Thor had better hurry up and defeat the Dark One!