1. Snog the first chap you see for five uninterrupted minutes. If time is interrupted, snog and time will be moved onto the next chap you see…
It was time well spent on the Hogwarts Express, with your back crammed against the plush seat.
Her whole body flush against the boy who was trying to suck out her soul by way of her mouth, Megan Osland came to a wonderful conclusion.
Toothpaste is a wonderful thing. Truly. After the five minutes of torture she was currently enduring were up, she was going to create a pamphlet about dental hygiene. And the importance of it.
Said pamphlet would then be distributed to all of the blokes at school, during breakfast, by way of owls, so they would hopefully get paper cuts. Because boys are rubbish.
These blessed pamphlets would also come with a dancing toothbrush. It would dance merrily around, until it was used. If the bloke in question were to neglect his duty, said toothbrush would attack him. But it would appear to his dorm mates that his toothbrush was brushing his teeth.
Yes, Megan decided. Definitely will have to do that. After cutting off all of Lily's hair.
Lily Evans was the reason that Megan was in this terrible position in the first place. Well, by way of tradition.
You see, every year at Hogwarts, the Girls Seventh has a list. Their civic duty. Together, the girls making up that group have to fulfill the entire list prior to graduation. Required actions. The list changed as students came and went, but it was still mainly the same.
If they achieved this hallowed feat, they got a scholarship. No, honestly. They did.
Years ago, there was a very wealthy young woman, by the name of Gertrude Billings, who graduated from Hogwarts. Old Gertie was, unlike many of her peers, a free spirit. She believed in doing anything for a good time. She made up what sounded like a reasonable list of things for the girls to achieve. If they did all 25, they all got a very large donation to their scholarship funds.
Lily, after hearing of this list and researching its validity, decided that this year, the Sevenths would do it. And succeed.
After gagging on the young chap's breath once again, as he tried to take a swab of the back of her throat, Megan had made up her mind. In 2 minutes she would cut off (with a very dull butter knife) all of Lily's hair.
Bang! The door to the compartment flew open into the seat behind it.
Dear Merlin, she thought. You've got to be kidding me!
Standing in the doorway was the formidable James Potter, Head Boy and lead avenger for the Virginity Protection Squad. His muscular arms reached in and lifted the boy, who turned out to be a pimply Hufflepuff Fifth year named something or other Johnson. Impressive how she knew her schoolmates, eh?
James, using for more strength than he needed to, flung the boy out of the compartment. His hazel eyes glittering, he advanced on Megan. If she wouldn't have known better, having known him since they were three, she would have been nervous, or slightly intimidated.
No neither of those. She was nauseous. Snogging James for five minutes would not be great, nor would the aftermath. Grabbing him by the robes and smiling brightly, she pulled him to her and latched on for all she was worth. She set a sticking charm on the two of them as she thought about how pissed Lily was going to be.
You see, Lily had recently divulged to Megan a deep hidden secret. Yeah, right. It was more like Lily finally 'fessed up to having kind feelings for the man currently hooked to Megan by the lips. The true extent of Lily's feelings was undetermined, but Megan reckoned that they ran on the strong side. You can't be pursued for six years by James, then make friends with him the previous year and not be head over heels. Megan loved him in a platonic way, but she understood Lily's fascination.
Which would undoubtedly escalate if Lily knew how simply terrific he was as a snogger. World-class. Most definitely. His lips…..mmm.
The five minutes finally finished and the two pulled apart.
"I am so sorry. Jamie, seriously… I didn't mean to…I couldn't help it." Megan shrugged and threw up her hands helplessly.
James swept his dazed eyes over the small compartment. A wild look came upon him and he reached out and tossed Megan over his shoulder, like a sack of potatoes. He whirled around to the door, and threw an explanation over his shoulder.
"We have to get out of here. This room is possessed. It's like a den of sin. It makes you do…things." He sprinted down the passageway, presumably to the compartment that held the Marauders.
It gave Megan plenty of time to think about the craziness that was the Gryffindor Girls Seventh.
First off, there was Lily. Lily Evans was head girl, beautiful, and seemingly perfect. Owner of a 'stalker', who was en route to becoming her boyfriend, not too many girls could claim that.
Then there was Joanie Rogers, the resident fire cracker. Most people thought Lily had a temper, but when they met Joanie she quickly changed their mind. She was a 'hot-tempered pixie'. Shorter than the rest of the girls, hovering around 5 feet tall, Joanie had a short blonde pixie cut. Hence the name.
Next was Maura Stevens. Maura and Megan did not get along wonderfully. Maura was tall and gorgeous. Long dark brown hair, long legs; the definition of a sexpot. Maura was rather shy, and mad that Megan had never gone out with Sirius Black.
Which Megan thought was completely mental. Megan Osland was short, only a couple of inches taller than Joanie the Pixie, and smart. She was coming into her own the last summer though. No longer a shy, bookish brunette who was always just a 'friend', Megan was an outrageous flirt and very sarcastic. She was kind of like Old Gertie. Megan did whatever it took to ensure that she had a good time, all the time. Doing the tasks set forth by the old bat sounded like a hell of a time.
Lily was going to kill her for kissing James.
Said boy opened a door and deposited Megan right inside of it. "I'll be back…I just have to explain to Lily somehow what just happened. Crazy room." He backed down the hall after shutting the door.
Megan let her head thud against the lightweight door; her long brown hair creating a curtain around her face. She heard a familiar 'hey' and sighed wearily.
"If I'm asleep or for unseen reasons, unconscious, will you lot tell Captain Shit for Brains that I have everything under control?" She lay down on the floor; eyes closed, and rubbed her face tiredly before speaking again. "And I don't need the Lead Avenger of the Virginity Protection Squad to rescue me so barbarically next time. Sodding two-wit."
A couple of chuckles replied, before Remus Lupin spoke up. "But, for him to be effective, don't you have to be a virgin in the first place?" His gravelly voice was soft, but what he implied was heard loud and clear.
A deeper tone cut in. "Well, I guess we're all safe."
Megan smirked. "Except for Peter. Maybe when the VPS comes around again, we can sacrifice him." She cackled cheerfully, listening to the boys laugh.
Peter glared at Megan and smiled devilishly at her. "Want to make me not a virgin?"
She shot off the floor and onto the seat next to the deep voice. Which had come from none other than Sirius Black. Megan shook her head frantically, almost giving herself whiplash in the process.
Remus laughed at Peter's offer, and sent a warm smile in Megan's direction. The two had been next door neighbors forever. Remus and Megan grew up together, which no one, save Lily and James, k new.
Sirius studied the petite girl curled up on the seat next to him. She was fit. Small, brown haired, big brown eyes, long eyelashes, and the sexiest pair of pillow lips he'd ever seen. Briefly, Sirius wondered why he'd never kissed her. She'd taste wonderful. He decided that he'd never met, and therefore, this exquisite creature must be new.
"So, love, what's your name? I'm Sirius Black, the man of your dreams." He smiled slowly and winked, grabbing her hand. He dropped a swift kiss on it, before noticing her cocked eyebrow, and Remus' stifled laughter.
Megan extradited her hand gracefully, and smiled cheekily. "I'm Megan Osland. Definitely not interested. We've been housemates since first year." She stopped, watching his face fall. "Matter of fact, we were Potions partners for the last three years, when you and Potter couldn't work together."
Remus dropped the book he'd been hiding his laughter behind, and slapped his leg. "Good Merlin, Padfoot. You really didn't recognize Oz?"
Sirius looked from Remus to Megan, then back to Remus. "Oz? Lily's friend? Oz? No frigging way, man." He blushed slightly and tossed his glossy black hair out of his eyes.
Megan watched him, praying that the next time she tossed her hair out of her face; she would look elegant and nonchalant like Sirius. Not like a horse trying to bite its ear. She laughed at his discomfort, and turned back to Remus.
"Hey Wildboy. 'Member that time we ran around the neighborhood completely starkers for three days?"