A/N: On this outing, Nina is Nynaeve1723 and bourbon. "Hitting the Couch" came out of mutual frustration with much of what went on in Season 5, particularly post "Elephant in the Room" and Woody's evolution since his shooting. This story is our attempt to make sense of some of the more bizarre character and plot developments.
DISCLAIMER: Not ours. Willing to stage a coup though. (And if we did own them, you can bet Season 5 would have been much, much different.)
HITTING THE COUCH
It's funny – you can spend a lifetime knowing someone and find out you didn't really. Or you knew but you never really saw how it all fit together. You wonder, if you'd known, would it have changed anything? You can't help but think of it. You wonder why someone else – someone with nothing invested - could fit all the pieces into the puzzle and then you realize that sometimes that's exactly what it takes. It was never up to you to put him together. It was up to you to love him and let him love you.
Still…
Reading his personnel files – all these years later – brings back so much from that time. You wonder if he ever saw these transcripts, but then you remember: he was there.
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SUBJECT: Woodrow
Wilson Hoyt
EMPLOYER: Boston Police Department
PERSON
REFERRING: Howard Stiles, PsyD
EXAMINED BY: Jake Carter,
PsyD
REASON FOR REFERRAL: reckless behavior, irrationality,
aggression
DR. CARTER: Tell me about Dr. Cavanaugh.
HOYT: She's - She's good. Great. Terrific M.E. We're... friends.
DR. CARTER: Just friends?
HOYT: Yeah. Why?
DR. CARTER: Well, you know, it seems like there might be more there. You did risk your career for her.
HOYT: Oh, yeah. Um - yeah.
DR. CARTER: I understand that has a lot to do with why you're here.
HOYT: How's that?
DR. CARTER: Wasn't it during the whole... situation with Dr. Cavanaugh that your involvement with Detective Simmons came out?
HOYT: Yeah. Yes. That's - It's true.
DR. CARTER: So it just seems to me like you went through an awful lot for someone who's just a friend.
HOYT: She's - She's more than a friend. She's... complicated. We're complicated.
DR. CARTER: So there's a "we" with you and Dr. Cavanaugh.
HOYT: Um, well, no. Not really. There was. Sort of. It didn't work out.
DR. CARTER: Did that have something to do with … let's see... J.D. Pollack?
HOYT: No! I mean, well, yeah, she was seeing him for a while before she and I – before all that.
DR. CARTER: While you were seeing Detective Simmons?
HOYT: Uh. No.
DR. CARTER: Okay.
HOYT: Does this matter?
DR. CARTER: Doesn't it?
HOYT: God, I hate shrinks. Never answer a simple question.
DR. CARTER: Go ahead. Ask me a simple question, Detective Hoyt. I just don't get the impression, from reading your history, that anything relating to Dr. Cavanaugh is a simple matter for you.
HOYT: Fine. But how's any of this gonna clear me for – for active duty? I'm here because of – the thing with Lu – Detective Simmons, right? And my "anger" problem.
DR. CARTER: That's true, but I get the feeling a lot of your behavior has to do with your… complications with Dr. Cavanaugh.
HOYT: You got this from reading my personal history?
DR. CARTER: And from the fact you won't answer my questions about her.
HOYT: Don't you want to know about my childhood? When I was toilet trained? All that?
DR. CARTER: Uh… yeah. Well, maybe not that toilet training thing. We'll get there. First I want to know about Dr. Cavanaugh.
HOYT: Why is she so important?
DR. CARTER: That's what I want to figure out. Look, Detective Hoyt, you can keep avoiding my questions if you want to. Or you can answer them and we can move on. If we do this your way, it's going to be a long time until you get back to active duty. If we do it my way… well, we'll see.
HOYT: Fine, so I 'fess up about how I've had the hots for Jordan Cavanaugh for years, thought she was "the one," all that stuff and I can back to something other than riding a desk?
DR. CARTER: It would be a start.
(NOTE: At this point the subject got up and paced the office for several minutes).
DR. CARTER: Look, Detective, I'm not going to clear you because I have sympathy for what you've been through. I'm not going to clear you because you talk to some troubled kid and I think that somehow means you're magically all better. I'm not going to clear you because I like you.
HOYT: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
DR. CARTER: Looking over your file, you never should have been cleared last fall. Given what later transpired between you and Detective Simmons, I'm not surprised that you were, but I want you to know – right now – that whatever act you put up for her benefit – and possibly your own – isn't going to work in this office.
HOYT: You know, Dr. Carter, I'm really not that complicated. You're making a lot out of something that – that – that….
DR. CARTER: You know, Detective, in my experience, when something isn't complicated, it's pretty easy to put into words.
(NOTE: Subject once again got up from his chair and paced the room. He studied my diploma, the family photo I keep on the wall – during which study he seemed to grow even more tense – and, at one point, walked to the door. My expectation was that he would actually leave my office, but the patient surprised me by returning to his chair. He slumped into the seat and I noticed lines I would attribute to exhaustion around his mouth and eyes. When he next spoke, his voice had lost its earlier confrontational tone).
HOYT: All right. You want to know about me and Jordan. Where should I begin?
DR. CARTER: At the risk of making you hate "shrinks" even more, how about the beginning?
(DOCTOR'S SUMMARY: Detective Hoyt gave me a summary of his professional history with Dr. Jordan Cavanaugh. Given the nature and frequency of their interactions, the patient also revealed some personal details, though his body language indicated great hesitancy in so doing. My assessment was also that he was holding back far more than he expressed).
DR. CARTER: Well… that's… colorful, to say the least.
HOYT: Great. Can we move on?
DR. CARTER: Tell me something about Dr. Cavanaugh.
HOYT: I just told you everything!
DR. CARTER: No, Detective, you told me how you met her, how you worked together and some of the more significant moments of this complicated involvement you have with her. Now tell me something I couldn't find out from reading either of your personal histories – or reading between the lines of those histories.
HOYT: What? You want to know if we slept together?
DR. CARTER: Did you?
(NOTE: The patient remained silent for a rather long period of time).
HOYT: Yeah. Once. It didn't – We didn't – click. I guess.
DR. CARTER: You-
HOYT: I mean she was still seeing Pollack and – I don't know – it bugged me.
DR. CARTER: That she was… seeing both of you?
HOYT: That she didn't break up with him right away. After everything the two of us had been through, I thought…. I thought I meant more to her.
DR. CARTER: More than he did?
HOYT: Hell, yeah! The guy was – I mean, I never could figure out what Jordan ever saw in him! And I'd – I'd always been there for her and then, suddenly… she's with him!
DR. CARTER: Suddenly?
HOYT: Okay, maybe not suddenly.
DR. CARTER: I thought you told me there was a time period – after the shooting – when you and Dr. Cavanaugh had no contact.
HOYT: I guess.
DR. CARTER: And that there was some friction between you after the Riggs incident. You felt she'd betrayed you?
HOYT: Yeah. Yeah. But… she should have known.
DR. CARTER: Known what?
HOYT: That I didn't mean any of it, that I just needed time.
DR. CARTER: So you were angry with Dr. Cavanaugh when she took your words at face value?
HOYT: (mumbled)
DR. CARTER: I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that.
HOYT: It wasn't like that exactly.
DR. CARTER: What was it like – exactly?
HOYT: I was angry with her for what she said at the hospital!
DR. CARTER: What did she say at the hospital?
HOYT: She told me she needed me, she loved me.
DR. CARTER: And this made you angry because she wouldn't say it before?
HOYT: (nodded) I just needed time to – to get everything back together and she – there was Pollack. And he was such a jerk!
DR. CARTER: But she had feelings for him.
HOYT: Yeah.
DR. CARTER: So then when she didn't break up with him right away, you were hurt that he was obviously important to her – maybe as important as you?
(NOTE: The patient sat without moving for several minutes. He stared at the ceiling, his jaw so tightly clenched I observed the muscles in his jaw fluttering.)
HOYT: Yeah.
DR. CARTER: Detective, you care greatly about Dr. Cavanaugh and, given your history together, your feelings are completely understandable. But have you ever asked yourself why you couldn't be glad for her that she had someone in her life who cared about her? That perhaps she was searching for a way to minimize the pain she might cause this J.D. Pollack? Did his being in her life diminish your place in it?
HOYT: It wasn't the same.
DR. CARTER: No, but the friendship had renewed itself, right? And you were able to work effectively together. From where I sit, it seems that those elements were always an essential part of your relationship with Dr. Cavanaugh. They had been enough before her involvement with Pollack.
HOYT: I wouldn't say they were enough really. I wanted more.
DR. CARTER: And so did she, it would seem.
HOYT: The hospital? She said that out of pity.
DR. CARTER: Detective, I know Dr. Cavanaugh only through what you've told me and the few times I've seen her interviewed by the press, and I don't believe that. Did you really believe it?
HOYT: (long pause) No.
DR. CARTER: So answer my question – did Pollack's being in Dr. Cavanaugh's life diminish your place in it?
HOYT: Yeah. It did. She used to – She'd see – She didn't see me the same way any more.
DR. CARTER: What way is that?
HOYT: When we first met, she used to call me "Farm Boy." I – I know that doesn't sound – It sounds… almost mean, but it wasn't. Not from Jordan – Dr. Cavanaugh. It was more like she saw something in me that – that – not amused her – that she – admired.
DR. CARTER: What else?
HOYT: What do you mean?
DR. CARTER: There's more. More than something she admired.
(NOTE: At this point the patient leaned forward and placed his head in his hands. When he answered my question, it was from this position).
HOYT: Something she wanted. But was – was too afraid to let herself have.
DR. CARTER: And now she doesn't call you this?
HOYT: (shook head, no verbal response. Head remained bowed, body bent forward).
DR. CARTER: And you blame Pollack?
(NOTE: Patient looked up at this time. Lines noted before seemed even deeper than previously).
HOYT: No. No. I want to. But no. And before you ask, I don't blame Jordan either.
DR. CARTER: Good.
HOYT: Good?
DR. CARTER: Yeah. Good.
HOYT: So I'm cured?
DR. CARTER: Maybe next time, Detective Hoyt. Maybe next time.
(NOTES: At this point the patient's session ended and he left. I listened to the transcription of our session and found much of my initial assessment to be accurate, at least on the surface. That Woodrow Hoyt suffers from post traumatic stress seems clear to me. That there is far more to his current behavior than "simple" PTSD is also, I believe, indicated. I believe an examination of his past will reveal a lot about the patient and help us to work though what now troubles him).
Signed: Dr. Jake Carter, PsyD