A Softer World - Bruce's Secret

[Timestamp: 16:08:44 22.06.13]

Um. Right. This is Bruce Banner, obviously. Ha.

This is part of my therapy, one of the useless parts, but it's supposed to come to terms with my childhood. Apparently that will make it easier for me to deal with the Other Guy.

It's stupid.

I know you're going to listen to this, Tony.

[Timestamp: 16:44:24 22.06.13]

As a child, I killed animals. Not for any rush, but because they seemed so sad and I didn't know what else to do.

Are you surprised? Or disgusted?

I used to see them, strays mostly, digging through garbage or creeping round the edge of the street. Hardly ever birds, though, either they were killed outright or they died of shock when something happened to them. There was nothing to be done for them.

I would feed them for a while first. Strays don't trust anyone, and I could... I could appreciate that. I wanted them to feel safe for a while, not hungry and maybe knowing some affection for the first time. I couldn't do much, but they would always come to me in the end to get the food and sometimes they'd let me pet them too. I could pet them all I liked afterwards, of course, but that wasn't – that wasn't right. I was giving them something I – I wanted to give them comfort. I wanted to make them less sad before they died, not romanticise the fact I was killing them.

I didn't want them to hurt anymore. I didn't want them to be alone when they died.

[Timestamp: 17:01:09 22.06.13]

Sorry, took a break.

I broke the necks of most of the cats, but I had to use something poisonous for the dogs – antifreeze, bleach, whatever chemicals I could sneak from the house, or from school. Sometimes the poison wouldn't work well enough and they'd be left choking or vomiting or just... lying there, whining. I hated that. I hated it. I couldn't even do -

I had to use a rock. Once I had to use a knife. That was... that was bad.

It was a big old Alsation, one of the few pets I killed. Its owner was a brutal man who hit his kids as often as he hit his dog, and it was almost dead already. Every day I would see it, because it was always outside chained to a stake in the front garden.

I had to saw through the muscle of the neck to reach the jugular, and I had to throw away my clothes after I was done.

It took longer than I thought – I almost got caught. One of his children was blamed for it, the eldest I think, and I'm not sure what happened to him. The other kids were alright in the end though. People began to investigate the parents, and they were put into the system.

I used to cry if it had taken a long time to get them to trust me. The rest of the time I didn't bother. I just did what I did and moved on.

I suppose I was trying to save them from being so sad.

After all, nobody was saving me.

[Timestamp: 17:51:27 22.06.13]

By the way Tony, when you listen to this I would like it if you didn't talk to me about it.

[Timestamp: 12:56:12 29.06.13]

I don't know if you'll get this last bit, but I guess JARVIS will tell you. Thanks. For making sure I didn't have to go back to that particular therapist. The new one's much better. Sorry I fell asleep before, I'll try harder next time you want to talk about something important to you.