Drop In
By AbiH
Warning: 13+ contains some sexual scenes.
An unexpected drop-in back to Sunnydale boils up hidden emotions, anger and frustrations for Buffy. As Buffy grieves for her mother, Angel's presence leaves her distraught. But can she finally find comfort in his arms, or will their passion wreck havoc in Sunnydale.
Chapter 1
L.A.
A disturbing dream had woken Angel and dragged him to sit near the phone, swiftly he jerked the receiver and began to dial, after dialling the first four digitals he slammed down the receiver and swore under his breath. Damn it. It had always been a complication for him to find the strength to make a connection to Sunnydale, he stared in the distance reminiscing his memories of Sunnydale and when he left, he had left behind the most precious thing Buffy Summers. His heart ached at the thought of her name; he had remembered every scent, every moment and had held it close unable to let it go, because losing the memories would mean that he automatically lost her. He would let her drift in his thoughts so that she would always be there in his heart and soul.
Once again clutching the receiver in his hand and torn between his heart and head he wondered if it was sensible to call her, the last time he had seen her was at her mother's funeral, they both stood together and looked down at the coffin in the ground. She had appeared very fragile and emotionally torn. However he figured that she was strong and her grief would come to an end, the grieving stage would eventually pass. Maybe I was wrong he thought. Joyce had died of a brain tumour, her death was unpredictable causing Buffy to feel helpless that she couldn't save her own mother. Joyce dead the idea struck him hard and he recoiled in horror, for months he hadn't thought about her, but now he let himself feel the slightest pain, she was after all Buffy's mother. Her family. To lose someone you dearly love was unbearable, even for the slayer. True, a slayer is physically strong, but emotionally she was like every other individual. Images flashed in his mind, the first time he had met her, when Buffy had first moved to Sunnydale, Joyce had started to like him until he had changed into Angelus and delightfully mocked her that he had slept with her 16 year old daughter. From that moment on she had hated him for taking advantage of her daughter, even when he returned from hell she didn't quite trust him, and that was that. Shortly afterwards he had left.
According to the dreams he had been having he figured that she wasn't coping well, not the way he had expected she would. Sometimes dreams were a prophesy even for the slayer, or they were simply a fabrication of the unconscious mind. For Angel, they had seemed real, it was like watching someone suffering, hurt through a glass window but unable to approach them or help for that matter. Rubbing his eyes Angel began to dial Willow's number; she was his only hope…
Sunnydale
Willow slowly closed her bedroom door, careful not to wake her girlfriend Tara, who slept soundlessly on the bed wrapped in a turquoise blanket. She tiptoed over to the window and looked at the night sky, it was beautiful and peaceful, the moon shone brightly and Willow smiled thinking of her previous high school boyfriend Oz. Who would have turned into a werewolf on a full moon? Drawing the curtains, willow sat on the bed, bringing her knees to her chin. Ever since Joyce died Willow and Tara moved in and offered to help, which of course included looking after Dawn and providing support to the summer's sisters. Willow had liked Joyce, unlike her own mother, she found Joyce different and interesting. She had known her daughter was the slayer and Dawn was the key, created by the monks and given a human figure then sent to the slayer in the form of her sister. They had known that the slayer would protect her sister and keep her safe they had implanted memories in everyone so that Dawn felt loved and belonged. It had made no difference, everyone involved in Dawn's life, carried several memories of her, they treated her no different and loved her regardless of the reason she was sent to them. Being the only child, Willow often thought of Dawn as her little sister someone who she had known all her life, and Buffy, her best friend who had saved the world and their lives several times over and over again.
Willow's mind drifted to Buffy, and her heart ached, she had been worried about her friend, her lack of interaction accept for when there's some new evil in town where the Scooby's regroup to discuss their plan. Otherwise Willow figured that Buffy was withdrawing herself from her life and society. Willow wasn't the one to judge, if their roles were inverted she would have been in the same position. Willow knew or nearly knew everything that Buffy had went though in the past and is going through, it was no secret Buffy could just brush underneath the carpet. It was all clear and obvious. Life had never been easy for her, no matter what she wanted to accomplish she had always failed. As Willow summed up the life of the slayer was an endless nightmare, she would never have it easy… it pretty much sucked.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of the telephone near her bedside table. With a quick glance at Tara, Willow quickly picked up the receiver unsure who the caller might be.
"Hello"
"Willow, it's Angel, sorry to wake you up" Angel's voice came from the other end of the line.
"Angel, what's up, I'm surprised you called and no I wasn't sleeping" she hadn't spoken to Angel in ages in fact a pretty long time. Now she wondered why he had called so late at night.
For a second Angel hesitated, unsure what to say. Willow heard him signing on the other end.
"Angel, is everything ok." she knew that she was slightly concerned. She positioned the receiver to the other ear waiting for his explanation.
"Willow, how are things" Angel spoke. Willow looked around the room uneasily, what she was supposed to tell him the truth, instead she said "Not so bad, you know the monsters keep popping up like they always had and will, but otherwise we're dealing with the best we can".
"That's good to know, actually the reason why I called was because I want to talk to you, something that we can't do over the phone, it's really important." Willow heard the urgency in his voice and wanted to question him further instead she said. "Ok, um do you want me to come over tomorrow?" she asked. Tara stirred slightly and opened her eyes.
"No, I'll come over there, meet me tomorrow night in Hammersmith Park and then we'll talk".
"Ok, sure I'll see you tomorrow". They said there goodbyes and hung up.
For a while Willow was dazed until a voice brought her back to the real world.
"Who was that" Tara asked sleepily. Willow smiled at Tara
"That was Angel, he wanted to talk to me" Willow told her.
With the mention of Angel's name Tara sat up in bed resting her head against headboard.
"What about"
"He never said but he wants to meet me tomorrow night, said it was important, I'm thinking it must be about Buffy." Willow looked puzzled and Tara reached for her hand.
"Willow sweetie, you could be right, or you could be so wrong, maybe he wants help on a case or something, besides it's not like he called you before asking info about Buffy, so don't worry ok, you'll find out tomorrow." Tara smiled sweetly and kissed her hand.
"Except, he's never asked me for help before, he has friend's in L.A. Anyway if you ask me I don't think it's a good idea for him to suddenly appear, if Buffy found out she would be…
"Hurt and torn" Tara finished for her. Willow had told Tara about Buffy and Angel's relationship not the intimate parts but Tara knew that they could never be together. The curse between them held them apart; bound by destiny they had risked everything however their undying love had severe consequences. Tara knew about Angelus and what he had done to them all. She shook her head sadly and tried to reassure her girlfriend.
"Willow, you could talk to Angel and tell him to stay away from Buffy, this way you two could have your talk and Buffy wouldn't know. What you don't know can't hurt you." She paused and abruptly asked "where's Buffy".
Willow gazed at the window "I went to check on Dawn earlier, she's sleeping but Buffy went out on patrol".
"She's been doing that a lot lately, I mean patrolling whilst everyone's sleeping, it's not normal for her, she needs to sleep too" Tara hadn't known Buffy like Willow had but she liked her a lot, she had known a lot about Buffy and in a way felt sorry for her. Still she couldn't help worry like the rest. Willow got under the covers and closed her eyes, she felt sleep overwhelming her and she welcomed it.
"I know, but Buffy's Buffy after all, she's unstoppable".
After Willow had hung up, Angel stared at the phone wanting so much to call Buffy to tell her how much he missed her, how much he loved her. As tempting as it was to call her, he knew it wouldn't be a good idea. After all he had left her, and hurt her. She had friends who would protect her, and look after her. She didn't need him, she had Dawn to look after and raise, as well as be her sister she was her guardian, she was given another role to step into her mother's shoes.
"Angel"! a voice startled him and he looked up and saw Fred in the door way, her figure poised against the doorframe.
"What are you doing, you okay" she asked.
"Go back to bed, Fred " he placed the phone on the table and walked towards her.
"If something is wrong I'd like to help" she asked timidly. When he didn't answer she searched his face and asked "Is it Buffy?"
The mention of her name caused his eyes to well up.
"No" He whispered and walked out of the room leaving Fred confused in her track staring after him.
Chapter 2:
The morning sun beamed through Buffy's room, her room lit up with the sun's ray and Buffy sat up in bed running a hand through her hair. She looked around her room, it was the same as before, she didn't have time to shift her bed or alter the position of her wardrobes, unlike normal girls who would spend their spare time cleaning their room or painting their walls like 5 year old. For Buffy she didn't have to bother with that, deep in her heart she could feel death approaching, as days passed it drew very near. Her mother had died and she was next, she had outlived her mother, next time she wouldn't be so lucky.
You just can't escape your destiny, or death she thought gloomily. Tears welled up in her eyes and she wiped them away, she wasn't going to cry, she had mourned and accepted the fact that her mother wasn't coming back. Still she'd like to imagine coming home and her mother waiting. It was never going to happen, she could daydream or fantasise all she wanted, and in reality it was a non-possibility. In the end she betrayed herself for allowing such illusions to pass across her mind.
After a shower and getting dressed she strolled through the living room. Willow and Tara sat on the couch cuddled up like newborn kittens, a mug in hand and watching morning cartoons.
Buffy smiled "Didn't I even tell you how cute you two look together" Both girls looked up and smiled at her.
"Kind of once or twice but hey Tara and I we're like glue and paper, we just stick, no pressure, no fuss" Willow grinned at her best friend. Buffy smiled back and headed to the kitchen.
"Maybe I need to change my sexuality" she muttered.
"You're not serious are you". Tara asked horrified. Buffy turned around embarrassed that she wasn't out of earshot and that they had heard her.
"Relax guys, I just joking; I'm content with just being me." With that she walked away into the kitchen and turned on the kettle, the kitchen was empty and she regretted the fact that her mother wasn't here. She missed her so much it wasn't the same and never could be. She put her head in her hand and breathed deeply, oblivious that Willow was standing across her.
"Hey, you ok" Willow asked gently.
Buffy lifted her head and smiled at Willow, it was nice to have both of them here, even though she wasn't sure how long they were going to stay but their presence meant that the house wasn't completely empty or deserted.
"I'm fine, nothing a cup of coffee won't cure" she bent down and opened the bottom drawer and pulled out a cup.
"Buffy, you would tell me wouldn't you, if something was wrong, because we've been really worried." Buffy saw the concern etched on her friends face and tried to reassure her.
"Seriously, Will you would be the first person I would call upon".
"Buffy, every since your mom died you haven't talked about it, you've kept it all in, every time I mention her you seem to avoid the subject, as if you don't want to admit it to yourself"
Buffy turned her back to Willow, at the same time wishing she hadn't. She had never been clear about her feelings.
"What's there to talk about? She's gone, meaning she won't come back. As for me, well, I need to move on too and I can't do that with everyone sneaking around me, telling me that there's something amiss."
A moment later she said "where's Dawn".
Changing the subject as always Willow thought, she wasn't going to push her.
"She left for school, Buffy I will always be here if you need me, always, I know certain people broke the promise of 'I will always stick' around, but I won't be going anywhere, just remember that." With that she walked out of the kitchen. Besieged with emotion, Buffy let the tears flow freely; one person had promised to stay with her forever.
Angel
A promise made is a promise broken.
Darkness had fallen once again, as always the daily cycle continued in Sunnydale, the residents so unaware of the lurking dangers. That any minute of everyday they could descend into the mouth of hell and the only person who stops two world colliding was the slayer, ensuring that the sun came up every morning and people got to live another day. Angel often questioned the outcome, the chaos that would prevail if there was no slayer to fight the darkness, as soon as this thought crept his mind he would shut it out. As long as he was living, he will make sure the slayer lives to fight the good battle. Even if it meant fighting by her side. Ultimately once a slayer dies another is called automatically, Angel didn't want to think about Buffy dying, not yet but if her time was up a new slayer would take her place. What did that mean for him? Would he return to Sunnydale and help her, introduce himself like he had done the first time he saw Buffy. Would he follow the same process he had done with Buffy, he had fallen in love with her in L.A. All he knew was presently Buffy was alive; he wouldn't let anything happen to her.
Here I am once again, back to the old town, it just can't have enough of me Angel thought as he stood at the entrance of Hammersmith Park waiting for Willow to show. He wasn't sure how long he was planning on staying, or what he ought to do next. I should have come with a plan, a plan is better than no plan he leaned against the iron gate. He informed no one that he intended to travel to Sunnydale, not even Cordellia. As always Cordy hit the roof, suggesting that he should leave his past behind along with Buffy, same old Cordy.
A slim figure approached him and he tilted his head in that direction, as Willow neared he realized how much Willow had changed, her red hair was cut short, she wore a black chemise with denim trousers.
"Hi Angel" she greeted him; he looked the same, handsome as always no wondered Buffy loves him. Once upon a time she would have felt uncomfortable around him; given that he tried to kill her when he changed, but know she understood that he was working on the side of good, everyday he assists people, making amends for his wrongdoings. For that she was grateful, he was no threat to them especially with a soul, without a soul, she didn't want to think of the penalty.
Angel smiled at her and gestured her to sit with him at a near- by bench.
"Where's Buffy" he asked
"I went to check on her before I left and she was sleeping, she doesn't get much sleep, patrolling late hours of the night more that usual, it leaves her exhausted." Willow fiddled with her ring.
"Is it a continuous routine?" Angel pressed.
Ignoring his question Willow wanted to get to the point.
"I know why you're here, it's because of her isn't it" she looked him in the eyes and saw the sadness.
"You're right, I was getting worried, Willow I could feel it when something's wrong, when she's not coping, it's like our emotions are tied together. For the last several days I've been plagued with these dreams. I didn't know who to turn to, until I thought of you." It seemed like a confession, but he had confessed to the right person, Willow was a witch and she possessed a lot of knowledge.
"How is she"? Willow blushed slightly and frowned.
" I wish I knew, you really shouldn't have come, if Buffy found out she would be upset, when she starts to forget about you and her wounds have started to heal you make another appearance to the lovely Kansas. I known you care about her, but showing up like this adds spice to her injuries, she needs to move on. Every time you leave she mopes once more, it becomes all fresh to her, you leaving and all." Willow paused and then continued, he listened intently.
"Angel, she's stuck in a limbo, not knowing what to do, right know I am not sure she knows who she is anymore."
"Is it that bad" he asks glumly. "I've been trying to figure out what to do, whether I should come back or not, I'm here now unsure if I should talk to her.
Willow sighed deeply, wanting so much to spill everything out to him.
"I know what you mean, when her mum died she completely shut out, she tried to be strong, to control her emotions, to act brave. It worked sometimes, in front of her friends she would put on a brave face, hold it all together, however we could tell she was beginning to crack. Once I saw her crying in her room, so softly that I wouldn't have heard her if I didn't go inside." Willow paused remembering that moment. A tear slid down her cheek and she wiped it away.
Angel took her hand in his "I'm sorry Will, I know it's hard" he gently assured her. "What happened next?"
"Well, I went over to her bed and held her whilst she cried herself to sleep, she wouldn't talk to me".
Angel had held her a dozen times, when they were together, he missed that, he missed holding her, touching her. Remorse washed over him I couldn't be there when she needed me, when she needed a shoulder to cry on, she had to deal with it by herself. Alone, isolated and I wasn't there.
"This is my entire fault" he whispered
Willow looked at him astonished "No Angel, no it's not your fault, don't blame yourself. Death doesn't send an invite; it's unpredictable it comes and collects the soul, no one is to blame."
"I should have been here when Buffy needed me" he told her regretfully.
" Truthfully, she wouldn't open up to anyone, I tried to offer a ear to listen, like yesterday I asked her if she needed to talk, about anything, she was very blunt, said there was nothing to talk about. Her days are pretty much random, her nights are extreme."
"What about Dawn how is she doing" Angel had known about Dawn, the key he had read about it. It shocked him how she was created, it didn't matter he had certain memories of Dawn, she was Buffy's sister and he loved her. She wasn't real. Had been created from mystical power and planted into their lives complete with false memories. And Angel didn't love her any less for all of that.
Willow brushed back a strand of red hair and looked up at the dark sky, the park was silent except a vampire and a witch.
"Dawn's coping, she attends school, mostly she hangs around Tara and I, and Xander of course. I think with Tara and I moving in, it's been a lot of comfort, we can keep an eye on both of them".
Angel nodded "Still it must be hard for them, does Buffy spend time with Dawn".
Willow took a deep breath "When Joyce died, Dawn asked Spike to help her steal a spell book from the Magic shop. With the spell book in her hands, Dawn cast a spell to bring her mother back to life" Willow stopped as Angel's eyes widened in shock.
"Yeah, my reaction exactly, anyway Buffy returned home to find Dawn in the middle of the living room, with all the ingredients and stuff along with the book which Giles thought was stolen by a demon. You can guess how she must have responded to the fact that Dawn desperately wanted to bring back their dead mother. After further debate, Buffy seriously thought the spell had worked, unfortunately it didn't." Willow looked at him confused. "Or it did but Joyce didn't want to come back. Anyway, Dawn accused Buffy of not grieving and isolating herself, once they patched things up, Buffy decided to take Dawn shopping, still does. Sometimes I wonder if Dawn recognises her sister's actual self. "
Angel absorbed in the information, frustrated that Spike had helped Dawn steal, he had always despised the blond vampire, and Dawn can be determined and steadfast at times. They were both silent for a while lost in thought, travelling the journey of their memories.
"Angel" Willow said
He looked at her "yeah"
"The thought of calling you did pass my mind, I thought you could be her cure, but then I discovered a spell, a spell which erased unpleasant and painful memories. I was so worried due to the bad tension surrounding Buffy; I wanted to cast it, to take away her pain, her anger, her loss. On the other hand, Tara stopped me made me realized the drawbacks and side effects of the spell. It was quite powerful. We didn't even tell Giles, because no doubt he would have disapproved. "
Angel frowned at her" I don't believe using magic is the right way but what were the side effects, if you were to cast it". Even if the spell wasn't cast he still wanted to know the side effects.
Willow looked serious as she struggled to find the right words. Then stopped herself before she went further. She waved it off by nodding her head and signing.
They sat side by side lost in thought, both thinking about the same person, the same person who kept the day and the night going, the same person who they loved so much and lost.
"Willow" he sounded far away, dazed but Willow heard him nevertheless.
"I don't know what I can do for her, I'm here but unsure of the next step." There was a desperate need in his voice, the urgency the need to hold her. And love her.
Willow stood up and stretched her legs. She eyed him seriously. Her heart ached knowing that Buffy and Angel were doomed to apart. How unfair can life be. A wave of frustration washed over her. How would she feel if she and Tara were in the same position or if she lost her soul mate? She erased the thought from her mind and concentrated on what was at hand.
"Angel, I know it's hard, but Buffy's got a lot of people who love her. I know you love her. But please Angel, don't show yourself to her if you are going to hurt her again. If you are going to making your parting all the difficult. She wouldn't bear that." It was more of a plea but Willow had to get the message across. Angel understood Willow's apprehension.
For a split second, Willow's mind drifted off. Although she was standing with him in body. But not in mind. She was taken back to the past of situations were she saw her best friend in distress. Sweet Buffy, poor Buffy. One after another she saw those flashbacks. Ever so clearly that Willow felt as though she was reliving the moment. She felt a hand on her shoulder, someone asking her if she was ok. Angel's voice brought her back to the real world.
Willow looked up at him, and saw the concern. Now that's the real Angel we learned to love.
She shook her head. And looked into the distant.
"I was just thinking, I don't think you know this when you left, well Buffy was devastated. You were the air in her life, the air she breathed to stay alive. She told me how she couldn't breathe because you were gone. Gone forever, that's what she said. I watched her cry; she did a good job of hiding it. But anyone can see that there was sadness in her eyes."
"She moved on, found someone else, went on dates, staked vampires" Angel added. When he left for LA he imagined her with someone else, for a while he though she would move on. Had moved on.
"No, she could never love anyone as much as she loved you, you were everything to her. She didn't date. Just staked vampires. You know Angel, she could have found someone else, and loads of guys would have fallen for her. She never allowed herself the pleasure. Probably 'cause she didn't want to get hurt. After several months she started to date, a few times that's all. But I can tell you they never lasted." Willow paused before continuing.
"Someone alive and mortal". She realized what she said quickly looked at Angel, and stammered.
"No offence, I…"
"It's ok Will" He smiled at her. "Only speaking your mind."
A realization hit her and she grinned sheepishly.
"Oh! She couldn't, I mean she can't be with a mortal because, well she's the slayer."
"Yep" Angel agreed. She can't be with a vampire or a mortal. He nearly laughed out loud. What was a slayer supposed to do? Originally slayers never married, nor had friends due to the fact that they had short lives. There only connection was with their watcher.
"What about Spike"?
Uh, Oh, Willow was silent, unsure what to say. She looked at her watch.
"I should probably go, the others will be worried." She turned around to go Angel stopped her.
"Willow, does she love him". He stared at her.
"No, Spike uses her, yeah sure he looks out for her but he asks something else in return. Besides it's not my place to say".
As she walked away she was certain that she saw a hint of jealousy and anger in his eyes.
Chapter 3
Buffy tossed and turned in her sleep, the thin blanket wrapped around her slim figure. She was dreaming again. Dreaming of lonely nights. Dreaming of death and eternity. In her dream her mother was alive, wearing a pale nightgown she called out to her. Her voice being carried by the wind until it reached Buffy's ear. And then her mother disappeared into the night, leaving Buffy alone. She stared in the distance, unsure of her location. The wind brushed and lightening struck. The heavy clouds burst. The rain trembled down soaking Buffy. She shivered. Someone placed a gentle hand of her shoulder.
"Don't be afraid, you're not alone". Angel's voice surrounded her, filled her with desire. She turned swiftly only to see him turn into a puff of smoke.
Buffy awoke with a start and rubbed her eyes. She was still in bed and it was couple of hours before sunrise. Before she knew it, tears slipped down her cheeks. She wiped them away struggling for control. What had the dream meant? The darkness evaded her, her alert mind refused to sleep. She lay in the darkness thinking of all the people she had lost.
He kneeled down smoothly on to his knees his feet touching the solid ground. He gazed at the gravestone before him. Joyce summers. After all these centuries he had never been to a funeral. He had hunted, killed but never grieved. Until he was given a soul, a conscious. His gazed swept over the grave. Who would have thought that Joyce would have left this world before Buffy? He found it hard to believe but then again, illnesses where deadly. He took in his surroundings and smelt her essence; it occurred to him that she had been here before. But tonight he hoped she was safe and well. He tilted his head upwards, smelling the approach of dawn. For know he would retrieve back to his mansion and rest. Angel doubted that sleep would claim him.
After sunset that day, Buffy patrolled the cemetery looking for the undead. Mired in her thoughts was unhealthy stuff, Buffy knew that once setting on a job, a slayer must not let her thoughts affect her physically. For tonight she allowed herself to deny feeling those strong emotions. The tension in her muscles was painful, she desperately needed to focus and kill. She walked through Restfield cemetery, like a warrior walking amongst the dead. These days she didn't feel like a warrior but rather than someone who was afraid and needed shelter. The sound of footsteps behind her caused her to tense. Carefully she raised her stake. A figure approached her and she froze, she squinted blinking the image into focus. The figure approached nearer until she could make out the face. Automatically her arm dropped to her side when Angel came into view. She stood there believing that he was an illusion. He couldn't possibly be real. Could he? She rubbed at her temples, feeling a throbbing pain. He was looking at her; she almost melted into his gaze. Those beautiful eyes. She blinked and counted to ten hoping that he would fade away. That he was just a product of her imagination. Just because he was in her dreams didn't mean that he was here right now.
"You're not real." There was softness in her voice, a childlike feeling which Angel admired. He stepped closer. His intensive gaze fell to her slender body. She looked slimmer than before. She wore a silky black blouse, exposing her cleavage. The blouse revealed the soft curve of her breast. His attention fell to the cross she wore. The one he had given her, when they first met. His heart warmed. She still wore the cross after all this time.
A small smile curved his lips.
"I'm real in body and mind. Do you still dream of me Buffy, am I still the fantasy's of your dreams."
The softness in her voice was overridden by anger. Her face hardened.
"Those dreams and fantasies died a long time ago, so get over yourself".
He searched her face, she was beautiful yet there was unsteadiness in her expression. He took several steps towards her; until he was so near that he could feel her unsteady heartbeat. The emotionless expression in her eyes. With one hand he touched the cross.
"Then why do you still wear this". His fingers slid around the shape slowly. His fingers brushed her breast. She pulled away from him.
"What do you want?" Her face was grim. The affect he had on her was powerful. In another life time. She would have greeted him warmly maybe even allow his hands to touch her. She felt no warmth, no compassion.
"Always cutting to the chase, you make a good slayer"
"That doesn't answer my question, what are you doing here".
The last few moments faded away and Angel realised the reason why he came.
"How are you"? His face was serious. A glint of sorrow hid behind his eyes. Buffy almost laughed.
"That's it. So what did Cordy see this time in her magnificent but ever so annoying visions? Buffy-in- trouble, Buffy fighting a hell beast or maybe Buffy dying. Take your pick." There was a hint of sarcasm in her voice, but she didn't care.
He shook his head.
"There's no Cordelia involved this time. I…
"You what, had enough of your city or maybe the apartment. Is Cordelia too much for you? Gotta say, she can be queen B. But even you aren't weak enough to handle her." She felt her anger beginning to well up like a tornado. She feared that she would explode.
Angel was silent. What was he supposed to tell her? That he dreamed that she was in trouble. That he couldn't stop thinking about her. That her safety was his priority.
"I was worried about you, which is what caused me to come here". It was a weak thing to say, she wouldn't buy it.
"Worry about someone else Angel, let me worry about myself. I'm doing fine until you come strolling in". Her tone was bitter and raw.
"How dare you! How dare you come back to Sunnydale pretending that this is your town? That you have some kind of connection here. You worry about your city and I'll worry about my town. That's what the slayers for. This isn't your town; you broke the ties along time ago. So stop coming here as if this is your territory." She paused briefly to catch her breath. Her blood boiled. Angel felt it. She was sure he did.
"Without you, I couldn't care less about Sunnydale. You are the connection. Somehow I feel as if I am tied to you and vice versa." He said.
"Forget about me. I am not your present or your future. I am your past, merely a stranger." She turned away from him so that he couldn't see her tears. No matter how much he tried to seduce her, the consequences of falling to his charms and giving in would be greater than ever before.
"You don't love me". She choked back tears and glanced up at the night sky. The stars looked down on her like distant friends.
"That's not true." he replied.
"You can't even say it. You can't even tell me you love me because the next thing you will know is that your soul will be gone and you will try to destroy the world. And I will be sending you back to hell all over again." Her voice echoed over the cemetery loud enough for the undead to hear. Tears streamed down her cheeks and she looked away. With one swift movement he was by her side, wiping away her tears.
"You know I do" his voice was gentle, filled with emotion. He drew his arms around her. And she let him feeling his touch as he rubbed her arm. It seemed like decades since he held her. Emotionally drained and unable to fight any longer, she placed her head on his chest feeling the scent of him. The urge to kiss him lingered at the back of her mind. He was only a stranger, a shadow that would fade before the morning sun. Too kiss him would be insatiable. Withdrawing from his embrace she contradicted him.
"No you don't, you think you do but you don't. Don't fool yourself. Everything we ever had was a lie, a false belief. I was naïve to believe in such a thing".
He looked into her eyes.
"How long are you going to deny your feelings? Until they push you over the edge? I feel your hurt, your anger and frustration. I wish I can make it better for you. To heal the wounds that I inflicted upon you. You won't let anyone close. What we had was real. Without the curse things could have been different."
She tilted her head, wanting to kiss his mouth. She shook her head in disgust.
"Don't do this to me; don't pretend you know what's in my heart. Or what I feel. What! You think you can just drop in like this and question me over my feelings. You have no idea how hard it was to adjust after you left. Just when I try to move on, you stop by again". This time fear and dread overwhelmed her and she sank to the ground sobbing her heart out. Angel pulled her into his arm, resting his chin on the top of her head. She burrowed her face in his shirt and wept. Through sobs she said "You don't know how you make me feel". An intense need rushed through him and he gathered her in his arms and rocked her, like her mother would have done when she were a child.
"Sssh, I know it hurts. I'm sorry. I thought you were in danger. I needed to see you myself to make sure your ok." He stroked her hair back and rubbed her back gently making her shiver. She savoured his touch, took it in and hated herself for it.
She pushed away from him and stood up "I hate you Angel. I hate what you're doing to me. You don't see me making regular visits to LA. So why, why should you be the lucky one to get free tickets". No matter how much it pained her truth was she was tired of their relationship. Not that there was any relationship left to consider but him constantly turning up left a hole in her heart. She believed he felt the same way, so why couldn't he just leave her alone?
"I would never have come, if I didn't think you needed me. I think about you everyday wondering what you would be doing."
"Think about someone else, actually do us both a favour and find someone else. Someone who can give you what you need. "She took several steps forward unable to stand the tension, the hatred in her voice. Most of all his presence.
"I've got nothing to offer, I'm just the slayer. By day an ordinary girl. By nightfall the killer of the dead." She gestured around her and lowered her voice.
"Sooner or later I'll be switching places with the dead. Who would have thought, the slayer's mother gone before her daughter." She smiled, a sad smile filled with disbelieve and grief. Angel moved towards her, gently placing both hands on her shoulder, facing her towards him.
"Buffy you're a lot stronger than you think, without you I don't think I would be able to go on living knowing that the lightness in my life has faded. If anything ever happened to you, I'd lose my soul. Buffy you're my purpose, my life and my soul mate"
She felt his sorrow, briefly wishing that she could take back the harshness she imposed on him. So far her short life had been full of misery, pain. Along with the desperate struggle to survive. One girl in all he world. The weight of the world rested on her, burdening her down until she gave up. However, Buffy wasn't a quitter; she was unlikely to go down without a battle. Her purpose was to keep others safe. Her goal: to rid the earth of evil forces. After all this time, she had gotton used to accepting her destiny. Her fate. Her life. Without her mother she was convinced she would fall. The thought of losing someone else concerned her. Made her more fervent to shield those closest to her. Even if it meant giving up her life so that they could live.
She tilted her head and examined him closely. After this long there wasn't any sign of ageing. He could live for eternity, for another couple of centuries. Whilst the people around him aged and died. She wondered if he would experience the loss, the heartache. Or if he would be able to carry on living, alone with pure immortality.
As if reading her thoughts he said "It isn't all that different for me. I have mortal friends too. To know that everything you ever held was precious, but to suddenly lose it is unbearable." There was remorse in his voice. He had lost people he loved. As Angelus he had spent along time shedding blood, taking away loved ones. Without sorrow, but with pure pleasure. Now here he was, with a soul and a vow to atone for those wrongdoings.
"When Mom died I wanted to go with her, I felt so helpless knowing that everyone would turn to me for leadership, to protect them. To provide for Dawn and bring her up. It seemed too much and I just couldn't do it." Her gaze wondered into the darkness ahead. Angel noticed the faintness in her eyes, how her lips were pressed together as if to prevent from crying. After a moment she said.
"Who is precious to you, Angel"? It came out without her realizing it. She felt shameful and turned her head away. He reached out and trailed his finger over her bottom lip. She shuddered by his touch.
"You are. You're everything I could have ever hoped for. No matter where you are. You'll always be in my heart." He smiled at her and her insides melted. "Don't ever doubt that, Buffy".
She shook her head, not completely absorbing in the confession. Or maybe she didn't want to believe that he still cared for her.
"No, how can you care about me after everything. Don't you see you're making it all the harder. I rather you tell me that you don't care so that I can tell my heart that it's time for me to move on." She pleaded with him, spilling out everything she held inside her. He had no idea how she felt when he made his sudden appearance.
"I won't lie to you. All those times we spent together, patrolling, slaying. All those times I watched you fight over and over again. Doesn't that mean anything to you?" He grasped her arm and turned her to face him. With one sudden movement she pulled away from, leaving a gap between them. The tension and desire had started to well up in both of them. The air was surrounded by their presence, their secrets, their desires and most of all their pain that bound them together. The pain and heartache that dug deeper into their souls threatening to tear them apart.
"Don't do this to me; don't tell me what we had. Something that was short lived. You gave it all away, remember or have you forgotten. It was you who drew up a bridge between us. So high that I feared if I were ever to cross it I would drown". Her voice decreased to a whisper. Her throat hurt with the yelling. She would do anything to keep him away. She knew it was vital for her to stay in control and to stay strong. But how long was she going to keep up the pretences before he saw through her.
"Sometimes I didn't care if I drowned; there would always be someone else to take on the job. Everyone knows the drill and it's not difficult to replace me". Her voice trailed off. "I could just rest, go in for an early retirement better still I could sleep forever and forever and no one would bother me."
It started to draw on to him what she meant. His heart ached for her. It took everything in his will-power to prevent from drawing her into his arms; it was unlikely she wanted him to touch her. The realization that she felt this bad tore at him. To give her everything was a non-possibility, but to lose her forever was likely. The chances were certainly high. There isn't a day that doesn't go by that she isn't in his mind. He had tried to block out the memories, to push them all away. Ultimately, it was those memories that haunted him, that built up a storm that whirled him back to Sunnydale. The town he had once deserted believing it could care for itself.
Buffy frowned at him" Why, Angel. Why come back here when you now the drastic and inevitable conclusion to our story. You care for your city and I'll do the same to my town." The cold night made her shiver; she wrapped her arms around herself and looked directly at him.
"This is the last time I'm going to say this, stay away from me. Because you're presence haunts me. Please try to understand that you're not part of my life anymore, I've moved on to the living." She turned to walk away. "Leave and don't come back." With one final glance she strolled away.
"Buffy!" Angel's voice filled the night. It echoed over the trees and bounced off gravestones.
She halted in her tracks and looked back at him. Still standing few feet away. Her heart pounced in her chest and her eyes never left his face.
"There's something about you I don't get." With two gentle strides he came closer. He was so close that all she wanted to do was stay wrapped in his arms forever. He looked into her eyes, a frown plastered on his lovely features.
"You're denying your feelings; you don't want to feel that's acceptable. My fear is that you'll collapse, you don't talk to anyone. You keep everything locked up in here" He gently stroked her forehead with his fingers. "I worry about you, I worry that you'll fall and when you do no one will be there to catch you. I worry that you keep everything locked up in your little heart and sooner or later it will crack." His expression reflected his concern for her.
When she didn't reply he said. "Buffy did you grief properly when you're mother died? Did you talk to anyone about it? You didn't. All the hurt and pain and anger started to manifest inside you. And you let it. Nights you spend slaying and crying for you loss. All alone in you're bed, terrified of living. Not getting much sleep because you're head is so full of memories; you're heart so full of misery that cuts you deep." He paused realising that he had reduced her to tears.
Buffy felt dazed and speechless. Damn him for making her feel like this. How right he was, how he seemed to know everything about her. She froze, unable to breathe. Her heart stopped beating; she stared at him as tears rolled down her cheeks. Angel could no longer hear her beating heart. He drew her near and whispered comforting words. He rubbed her back and pulled her against him hard.
"Let it out, that it just let it out."
Buffy's world shattered, her head coiled and she collapsed to the ground and cried. Angel kneeled with her; he wrapped her into the comfort of his arms as her tears soaked his shirt.
He whispered against her hair" I'm so sorry Buffy; this is what I was afraid of." She barely heard him. Several minutes passed and she lay there in his arms. He held her tightly against him. She needed the comfort to overcome her isolation and loneliness. Of course he didn't consider himself to be an expert when it came to loss and consolation. He withdrew her from him and wiped away her tears and both stood up. He continued to stroke her hair.
"Angel!" she whispered. It was then that Buffy and Angel sensed their need for each other. He drew near and kissed her softly. As their bodies pressed together their kiss grew furiously, passion overtook them. He crushed her to him, with one hand around her waist he allowed his lips to burn into her mouth and he deepened their kiss. He absorbed her scent, the feel of her body, her taste. Their hunger for each other grew enormously, with their lips pressed together Buffy moaned softly, unable to get enough of him. She placed both hands behind his neck and melted into his kiss. Neither of them withdrew Buffy felt her body burning at his touch, her heart pounded faster to draw up oxygen into her lungs. As their mouths tied together neither of them broke free to breathe. It didn't matter to her whether she took another breath, whether or not oxygen circulated in her blood to keep her heart pumping. With one moment everything that was lost rebound before them. Their surroundings vanished; they felt as though they were floating in thin air. Angel started to part, to allow her to breathe but she held him, her mouth locked with his and their kiss grew passionately, their bodies collided, the earth beneath them melted into thick lava.
The intensity of their need caused them to be oblivious to a figure approaching them.
"Well, isn't this a bloody touching reunion, isn't neither of you coming up for a breather". It was a voice they knew so well. Buffy and Angel finally parted and looked in the direction of the figure approaching them. Buffy felt dizzy, she inhaled several breaths and flushed as Spike came into view. A shiver crawled up her spine and a feeling of disloath entered her mind. She glanced sideways at Angel who had sired the blond vampire. She saw clearly the anger that showed obviously on Angel's face. Buffy realised that no amount of time or distant will eliminate the tension and hate built up between the two vampires.
"What do you want Spike, didn't your mother ever tell you it's not polite to sneak up on people." she gave him an irritating look.
"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to have a midnight fling with an old acquaintance, blondy?" he snapped at her gleefully.
"My mother's dead." She said matter of factly.
"That's right she is."
When Buffy ignored him, he focused his attention on Angel.
"So Soul boy, can't keep your hands of the slayer. A pretty little thing she is. We all know how good she is." He lit a cigarette. "So what brings you back?" he asked curiously.
Angel glared at him wanting to drive a stake through his heart and rid the world of Spike.
"It's none of your business, so mind it. Still it doesn't please me that you're still around."
Spike snorted "Can't get rid of me easily, the slayer needs me. Don't you blondy" He turned his attention towards Buffy. Angel felt her tense at his side.
"I'm warning you Spike, stay away" she warned.
Spike wasn't likely to back down.
"There is a rule you to lovesick people should follow, remember the curse Angel. Thankfully it lets you keep your bloody distant from her; otherwise it would damage my eyes to see you crawling your hands all over her every single day". He smiled knowingly.
"Still I can see that it's hard, you come back and think you can claim her. It would make everything flippin simple if you just accepted your fate and moved on". He let out a drag of smoke which made Buffy cough. She stepped closer to him and with one movement she wrestled the cigarette out of his fingers and tossed it on the ground.
She expected him to moan but surprisingly he remained clam, only studying her with his haunting eyes.
"Shut up Spike, this is the last time I will be telling you this". She said between clenched teeth.
"I can smell him all over you, it's sickening" Spike made a face.
"Not as sickening as your sight in front of me, and that cigarette, can't you find a better hobby". He reached out and grabbed her hand, she shrugged him off.
He stared at Angel, his face grim. "Go back to la la land, and leave her alone, I'm here for her."
"Buffy doesn't need you, Spike, she can take care of herself. You're the last thing she needs in her life". Angel clenched his fists at his side and growled at Spike. Who the hell did Spike think he was? Angel wouldn't not allow Spike to stand by her side. Her side was only his.
A mischievous smiled curved Spike's mouth and he looked down at Buffy who was looking in the darkness surrounding them.
"Oh, but she does need me, I'm already bloody involved in her life whether you like it or not. At least I won't walk out on her like you did, you scrooge. Broke her heart that did. Didn't it blondy? Ask her who she comes crawling to when she needs to satisfy her pleasure." Spike was enjoying this, he cherished every moment. It was best to put some hot spice to the dish.
Buffy could no longer stand to be intimidated she whirled around and back slammed him in the face. Spike staggered backwards clenching his face in his hands.
With that she stole a last glance at Angel, their was jealously and anger on his face. She took off into the darkness leaving Angel and Spike staring after her.
"She's going to pay for that" Spike murmured. Angel caught him by the collar and crashed him against the tree. He morphed into his real face.
"You idiot, stay away from Buffy. If you lay a finger on her or hurt her in anyway I swear I will hunt you down and stake you myself. Understood?" His anger boiled and he punched Spike in the face. He loosened his grip and the blond vampire fell to the ground.
"I don't know why Buffy keeps you around, but as far as I'm concerned you're her lap dog. She believes you have your uses. One foot wrong and I will kill you".
Angel turned on his heel and strolled away letting the dark cloak him. Spike watched him silently his mind spinning with ideas. Angel had no idea what he got himself into. As for Spike he would do anything to make Buffy his. Force was always an option for him.
Chapter 4
The sun rose once again above the horizon, a mixture of colours that painted the sky lightly. It was stunning to see the sun rising, the beginning of a new day in a town that sat at the mouth of hell which lay dormant ready to erupt at the slightest of demonic activity. Buffy stood at her bedroom window and watched the sunrise. She had woken up early and now she stood lost in thought of the previous night. Angel's here, in Sunnydale she thought. She shrugged away those thoughts, however every time she dismissed them they had returned to her. She heaved a sigh and sat on the edge of her bed glancing out the window. She had recalled everything that he had said to her the previous night. What was it that he said that caused her to reflect on his words? Why did she suddenly believe that he had been right all along? She had to admit that if he never came back he would still be in her heart. If her heart was like a book, his picture would always be there on the front page. Her love for him burned her mind, stirred emotions beyond comprehension. Each time he dropped into her life, his presence still lingered on for weeks, days or maybe months. She carried with her his touch, his kisses and the feel of his body pressed against hers.
She stared at the window pane, so clear and luminous that she was unable to tear her gaze away. The window pane created a pool of memories each one clear, precise. She stared harder as her memories were reflected into images on the glass. With each memory and image a tear rolled down her cheek. She made no attempt to wipe them away. There was stillness in her room or maybe it was her heart. She watched closely as images of her and Angel were shown in front of here. So many nights spent together, so many days wishing that they could have more. Just to be able to lose each other in ecstasy.
Now here he was back in Sunnydale and Buffy was baffled by his presence, confused by his purpose and emotionally moved by his charisma. If only he knew how much it hurt her just to be confronted by him, to know that he was back but would soon slip away again, a day or two the most and he would be gone. Perhaps he felt the same, so near yet so far. This time she blinked her eyes and the memories faded, she gazed around her room. She let out a small rueful laugh; she had loved the one thing she was meant to hate, to destroy. She had captured the hearts and won the affection of two vampires. Angel who she still loved with all her heart. And there was Spike. He had once tried to kill her dozen of times, and now he started to love her. Buffy decided that in the ultimate love showdown there was going to be only one winner.
Despite the fact that the sun rose high into the morning sky, Angel was unable to sleep. Deep within his dark mansion, emotions flooded him, he removed the blanket and paced back and forth. Since he left everything remained untouched, he liked the fact that he still had a home in this town, in which he can stay as a guest. He thought about Cordelia and Fred and the rest of the group who he considered his family. Although he never told them where he was going he figured they would be worried. Angel made up his mind that tomorrow he would leave before sunrise. Within those hours be hoped that Buffy would come and see him, to at least talk to him. He worried for her, more than he liked to admit. He replayed their conversation in his head; she had been so bitter and cold. Under the circumstances it made sense for her to show that kind of attitude. He noticed how her strong composure collapsed and how fragile she looked. He had taken her into his arms; they had kissed passionately where she didn't even pause to breathe. She needed someone who can make her happy, he certainly wasn't the right person and neither was Spike. Whatever Spike's reason was to claim the slayer as his own, however Angel knew there was a hint of truth in Spike's statement. Did Buffy seek comfort in the arms of her former worst enemy? He grimaced at the thought. There was only one way to find out. He would have to ask Buffy herself.
It was few hours away before twilight and Buffy entered Angel's mansion through the back door as she would have done all those years ago when she needed him to patrol with her, or to help with the research. She paused and her stomach knotted together, she had no idea what she was doing here. Her heart had guided her here believing it was the right thing to do. She took several breaths and entered deeper into the mansion. She knew exactly where to find him and when she did she found him asleep. She halted in the doorway and studied his sleeping form. He didn't stir. She didn't wake him. What was she getting herself into? She signed deeply and crossed her arms over her chest.
Angel's eyes fluttered opened when he felt a familiar presence near by, he turned his head around and saw her leaning on the doorframe, lost in though she stared past him. She didn't even realize that he had woken up instead she kept staring far into the distance.
"Buffy" he called softly.
She blinked several times and shook her head.
"Oh, sorry, I…" she broke of feeling slightly nervous. She glanced around at their surroundings, the place seemed so familiar to her, the same place they… not going there.
Buffy was speechless therefore she thought it would be best if she just left, there was nothing to say to him.
"I'm going to go, you go back to sleep, when you wake up … I want you gone." she turned her back on him so that he wouldn't see her near tears.
Before she knew he was coming towards her, she noticed that he was naked waist up.
"Don't go, Buffy" Angel couldn't help it; it came out as a desperate plea.
Buffy shook her head, if she were to stop things would get out of hand. She started for the door when he grabbed her arm and turned her towards him.
"You're not going anywhere".
"What do you want Angel?"
He gazed into her eyes, there was so much hurt and sorrow there.
"I want you to talk to me." He pledged.
"Talk about what exactly, you think there's anything to talk about, I'm done with talking Angel". She replied.
His hand gripped her arms tighter making her wince.
"I don't mean about us, talk to me about what's going on. Tell me everything because I'm willing to listen. I meant what I said before, I worry deeply."
"I'm fine so stop worrying, now that you've seen me yourself, you can relax." She looked away unable to stand his gaze on her.
"You really think you can come here and tell me what to do. I'm a big girl now. I can make my own decisions. I didn't need you before and I don't need you now."
He brushed a strand of hair away from her face.
"You did need me before, and I was there. Remember Buffy all those years ago. Now that I've gone away you think I've stopped caring, don't you? How can I stop loving or caring about you. I might not be by your side every step of the way but your still in my heart." He lifted her hand and placed it over his chest. She didn't feel the heart beat or his pulse.
"You don't have a heartbeat, you have a heart but it doesn't beat". Her hands felt warm in his touch. She circled her fingers on his chest making little patterns.
"We're not equal, you can hear my heartbeat but I can't hear yours". She was near tears.
He smiled at her, the lovely smile that warmed her heart.
"All the time, Buffy. All the time."
Her fingers intertwined with his and for a moment Buffy just wanted to forget about everything else and melt into his arms. To feel alive again, something she hadn't felt in ages.
"You don't know how you make me feel, every time you're in town, every time I see your face it haunts me." She confessed to him because she needed too, she hoped it would keep him away.
"I want you to live Buffy; the life of a slayer doesn't promise much but make the most of what you do have. You're strength is important and so is your health. I don't want anything to happen to you because I love you more than anything in this world." He bent down and placed a kiss on her forehead, which sent a jolt of lightening through Buffy. She closed her eyes and took a deep breathe.
She eyes him warily. "How can you say that because before we know it, one thing will lead to another and you will be trying to destroy the world again? And I will be sending you to hell all over again."
He tilted her chin towards him and held it lightly.
"You know I do, I would give you anything if it were possible". His words felt like daggers digging into her heart. A single tear rolled down her cheeks and he carelessly wiped it away.
"If it was up to me, I would make sure you never shed any more tears, and that you would never carry this burdened on your shoulders." His voice was gentle it dug at her heart stirring deeper emotions.
She closed her eyes and said dazedly. "Take it away Angel, take it all away. I don't want to feel anymore. Just one night please". Her voice lowered to a whisper but Angel heard her clearly. He drew her too him and for the first time since her mother died she felt comforted. Everything faded in the blink of the moment. It was just him and her. She held on to him tightly never wanting to let him go. As their mouths pressed together, everything melted questions of life and death and so much more was erased from their memories. Angel kissed her passionately, his tough explored her mouth. His body was pressed against hers. As their mouths burned together, Angel started to unbutton her blouse. She jerked away clearly horrified.
"What are you doing?"
"Giving you what you need, you can't deny your feelings. You want me as much as I want you. So why can't we give and take." He replied.
"But what about the curse" she protested.
He winked at her. "I'll try not to become too happy." His hands unfastened the first few buttons of her blouse.
"Buffy I won't hurt you, I promise". She believed him he would never intentionally hurt her, unless he was Angelus. She shivered as his fingers stroked her bare skin.
"I'm not worried about getting hurt. But I worry about what would happen if the demon was released. I don't want to go through that again".
He nodded. "I'll be very, very careful. No happiness ok".
She shook her head in agreement. Overwhelmed by emotions they ferociously ripped apart each others clothes. Angel carefully carried her and placed her gently on the bed. He bent his head and kissed her lips before making his way down her body. His lips trailed down her throat, he nibbled at the skin. His lips tracing over the scar he had given her when she fed him to save him. He made his way down her throat. He kissed the valley between her breasts his touch burning her skin. His hands explored her breasts, teasing the nipples, squeezing, sucking. She moaned as pleasure ripped through her body. She shifted her weight as he pinned her against the bed.
"Your beautiful" he whispered against the flatness of her stomach. His hands explored lower until he found the spot he wanted. He tasted the wetness, the softness. She was ready for him. His hands moved down her back, finding her hips to urge her closer. He was hard and thick full of desperate need. She caught his hair and tugged at him, wanting him to fill her need. He found her throat and nuzzled. He gently parted her hips with his both hands; she shuddered as his erection touched her entrance.
"Relax, I won't hurt you". He whispered.
When she spoke, there was fear in her voice.
"I'm afraid".
"Don't be, we've been here before, this time I promise I don't want anything to change."
As their bodies touched, skin to skin they both gasped. Their need overwhelmed them. He lowered himself into her, with a sudden movement of his hips he was inside her. She gasped as he moved inside her. She clinged on to him letting her body ride with his. He thrust inside her, going deeper and deeper until they both reached their climax. He took her harder and faster until her body rippled with life.
She cried out in pleasure and in fear. With him inside her, his lips locked her mouth. Fear and dread filled her heart. She wouldn't lose him, even if she had to sacrifice herself she wouldn't lose him. Not now. Not like this.
"I love you, Buffy. I love you so much" He held her. As she begged for release. He refused to release her. A single tear ran down his cheek. Her body jerked upright. Her hips ached. But still he wouldn't release her. He thrust inside her harder, faster.
"Angel, stop!" she cried. Tears ran down her cheeks.
"Does Spike give you this much pleasure". He asked bitterly.
Her breath caught in her throat as a shiver ran down her spine. What would he know about Spike? How he makes her feel.
"I don't love him, if that's what you mean" she replied honestly. It was true. She felt so alive when she was with Angel, but with Spike he was only after her body. He made her feel guilty, filthy.
"Why keep him around, why let him take advantage of you". He eased himself out of her gently so that he didn't hurt her. She breathed a sign of relief. His body was still positioned on top of her.
"His helpless and I don't like to destroy something that can't defend itself. He only destroys bad guys, when he changes sides. I'll destroy him". There was bitterness in her voice. Her expression blank.
He continued to stare at her, into those lovely eyes. His gaze traced her body. So soft and so silky, just the same since the last time she was inside him.
She wrapped both arms around his neck and brought him down to her. She kissed him softly. His touched slid across her throat feeling the beating pulse. Her blood called to her, he had drunk it before. The taste and the feeling lingered in his mind.
"Buffy, Spike uses you for your body. Doesn't he? I can sense him. You can't hide it from me because I know. I know how he treats you, the bastard. If it weren't for you I would stake him myself." He said into the softness of her neck. Anger washed over him and he lowered his mouth over her pulse which was beating faster. He resisted the desire to sunk his fangs into her. As the demon growled louder. He shook his head in disgust. Buffy noticed his longing. She glanced into his eyes, saw the love there. She opened her mouth to say something and he placed a finger over her lips, silencing her.
"Don't say it". He warned. He distracted himself by licking her breasts. He caressed it with his hand, her nipples tightened as he placed them in his mouth. He breathed in her scent his tong tracing the space between her breasts he paused as he heard the pounding of her heart. He held her breast tightly in his palms, savouring her taste.
"Why don't you give me up, you know we can't be together? What about Cordelia? Are you with her?
"No, she's only hot for my body. I can see through her. She would never kiss my true face. Like you did?"
Buffy laughed softly remembering Cordelia. When Cordy has first met Angel. She was awestruck. It wasn't until Buffy had excitedly informed her of Angel's identity that she backed off.
"I can see why girls can't resist you, you're sexy and handsome. Those qualities Cordy desires." A frown spread over her features.
"You can have any girl you wanted. Why me? You've still haven't gotton over me." she asked.
He stroked her jaw line.
"I don't want anyone else. You were made for me, I loved you the first time I saw you. You're my soulmate. I've tasted you blood, it runs through me. It calls for me and…" He broke off as his need to go inside her grew once more. Gently he placed himself over her entrance, the place made for him only. He parted her hips and she let him.
"Are you ready"? He asked. When she let him in, absorbing him. Pleasure ripped through him, touching his soul. He sank inside of her, with each thrust, she cried out in alarm. She lowered his head and kissed his mouth. Her lips exploring his mouth, his hands rubbing up and down her body. He moved inside her, harder, faster. The thought of her with Spike, burned into his soul. As his true face emerged he struck her once again. Excruciating pain ripped through her body and she cried out. Tears ran down her cheeks.
"Angel stop, stop. Please?" she shifted underneath him. Unable to escape. She pushed away from him. His featured softened as he rolled to lie beside her. She wept sorrowfully and drew a blanket over the lower part of her body. She took deep breaths.
Angel lay still, when he heard her cry he was automatically alert. He knew what had happened. So close.
She backed away from him, her hands clutching the sheets. Her face was wet with tears; she reached out and traced her fingers over his face.
"Are you ok". When he didn't reply she drew near, unafraid.
"Angel, answer me."
He blinked at her several times, before realizing what had happened. He recoiled in horror. He had hurt her deeply. He wrapped her in his strong arms as she sobbed against his chest.
"I thought I had lost you again". She whispered between each sob. His hand rubbed her back.
"I'm so sorry, I took it too far. And I hurt you." There was remorse in his voice. Her pain touched him and he cursed himself for going to extremes.
She ached all over, but allowed herself to feel the heartache. She placed small kisses on his chest.
"Let me look". She knew what he meant.
"No, I'll heal".
He drew her near, kissing away her tears.
"We can't do this again; we got lucky this time round. I don't want to lose you. Because I love you, I tried not to but I can't help it." She confessed. "Even with you gone, I couldn't stop thinking about you. You're always in my heart. No one else but you. It belongs to you only."
He smiled down at her lovingly.
"I want you to remember this; I will always be here when you need me. Don't ever think you're alone. Because you're not". He brushed back a strand of her hair.
"More than anything I want you to live; I wish you would find someone who could give you anything you ever wanted."
She shook her head regretfully.
"You now that's never going to happen. Maybe I could ask Willow to cast a spell that could conjure up a perfect person who could give me everything." She sighed deeply. The one Angel interrupted as sadness and exasperation.
"I know you want the best for me, but I'm an exceptional case remember. One girl in the entire world. Someday I will die. And maybe I will embrace it, welcome it" she said sorrowfully.
"Don't ever say that" He warned. "I won't let you die".
She contradicted him. "It's beyond your power to not let me die. You will live forever but for me I've got a short time. Look at my mom, I couldn't save her. I can stake vampires, prevent end of the world apocalypses. But when it came to my mom…" her voice trailed off.
"… I couldn't save her".
He felt her pain, her heartache. To lose someone you love. She was right he will live forever, but realistically she will die. He pushed back those memories.
"Your mom was ill, an illness that was deadly. You're only human Buffy. Just human, you couldn't have prevented it." He said reassuringly.
She just looked at him, searching his face.
"Buffy, Joyce would have wanted you to live, to save the world, to stay strong. To bring Dawn up and do what you do best. You're the strongest person I've ever come across. Let the feelings of your loss out. Don't keep it inside. Everyone needs you, Buffy. Your friends, your sister and me. If you collapse, what would become of the people you love? The world needs you. It doesn't need some newly reborn slayer, but you. The champion, the fighter. The one person in all the world to keep it going." He paused and wiped away the last of her tears.
"Keep the world spinning Buffy"? He said solemnly
Silence washed over them as Buffy absorbed in everything he had said. She had never dismissed his warnings, never brushed aside his comments. She felt tired and her eyelids began to close.
"You tired" He asked.
She nodded.
"Do you ever feel lonely Buffy?" His question pressed down on her heavily.
"No". She lied.
He studied her and she averted his gaze.
"You know you do? You're not alone. You've got your family and friends who love you so much. They care for you deeply. So don't ever doubt their love for you. Is that why you turn to Spike, because you feel lonely." He waited for an answer when she didn't reply. He kissed her forehead.
"I'll be watching over you. I'm only a phone call away." he smiled down at her and she smiled back. In a way she felt assured by his words. He positioned two pillows behind his back and drew her up against her. Her back touching his chest.
"Go to sleep". He whispered against her hair.
As she dozed off in his arms, he allowed himself to feel at peace. Just briefly. He would have to let her go again. He can't see her nor can he keep her. But for now he was just satisfied holding her, feeling her body pressed against his. All those time he had craved to hold her, fate had given him one more chance.
The rain poured down as Angel drove towards the edge of town. When he had woken Buffy had already left, there was still few hours left until sunrise. In his tinted car, he was safe, the sun could not reach him therefore it was safe to leave for L.A. He hoped Buffy was well, although it pained him to leave her behind, he had no choice. He had built a new life with new acquaintances and a new job. He was still a vampire with a soul and she was still the slayer. Nothing had changed between them. They still played the same roles in their lives. He braked as the sign leaving Sunnydale came into view. With one last look at his past, he departed for the place he called home.
As the rain increased its speed, so did Angel, he drove faster into the night.
The End.