Zu: Happy Zemyx day, one and all! Bu and I worked very hard to write you this lovely little ficlet.
Bu: -Nodding Dog Routine- Yup, yup, that we did... Whilst trying not to snort sherbet, but writing nonetheless
Zu: Lots of sherbet, in fact, we ate so much I'm surprised we're not in sugar comas by now- -falls over-
Bu: -Shakes head- Well, I knew it was gonna happen eventually. Just a matter of time.
Zu: -wakes up- Plus, a lot of planning, lotsa planning –grin-
Bu: -Grins- Oooh yeah... –Cackles-
Zu: Anyway, interesting as you may find it, our plans shall not be revealed!
Bu: Of course not! But we can tell you about this little ficlet which we pooped out for Zemyx day! (Which we seem to be avoiding :P)
Zu: Ye... Anyway, Bu came up with the idea that we should parody all those 'typical' Zemyx fics out there...
Bu: ...But it sorta didn't quite end up that way...
Zu: Though it is still funny... At least, we think so XD
Bu: Yeah, it's pretty funny... Anyway, moving /away/ from the debates of whether or not it's funny...
Zu: On with the show! Remembering that neither of us...
Bu: ...own, or claim to own Kingdom Hearts/Zexion/Demyx/Cloud/Larxene/Xigbar/Sora/Riku/Kairi/Marluxia/whoever the hell decides to show up in this ficlet (apart from... you'll see :D)!
Zu: That's right, we own squidly dot
Bu: And that's our disclaimer at it's best O.O Shock, horror, that's what I thought, too.
Zu: Anyway, on with the show!
Insert-Zemyx-Here
As the day of Zemyx approached, two fangirls looked back at zeh fandom, and was not happy. They tried and tried to see what was wrong, but alas, they could not.
After much excrucaiting pain and loss of braincells, finally, one had an epiphany.
"Eureka, I have it!"
The other fangirl turned to her, "You have what?"
"It!"
"Yay, good it! You came back!"
At which point, the first fangirl hit the other upside the head.
"No; I have an idea for the day of Zemyx!"
Thus, the first fangirl delved into the deepest recesses of her imagination and shared with the second fangirl what was possibly the greatest, most amazing concept that had ever graced her mind.
The second fangirl nodded, and they quickly got to work. Finally, after many hours of hard labour, they had created a revolutionary, innovative work of art.
Upon revealing the art to the world, the two fangirls looked back at zeh fandom and smiled. "That's much better."
-o.O-
A typical day in the life of Demyx Noua involved getting up, eating, going to school and such forth. Too bad the day was feeling rebellious and wanted to be anything other than a typical day. Thus the reason that, when he woke up, he had a 'slight' suspicion he had been kidnapped.
Why? Well, maybe because he didn't recognize any of his surroundings. And his nose hurt to boot.
"Yo, Dem, up!" Larxene yelled as she hopped into the room to retrieve the stiletto shoe she had thrown at his face. "Mom's made pancakes, and you know what he's like in the morning," she rolled her eyes as she hopped down the stairs.
Demyx grumbled, rolling out of the bed with a grunt. Without thinking, he slithered across the floor and out of his room. With a 'wumph!', he tipped off the top step and tumbled, head first, down the stairs. He landed with his nose buried in a pair of slippers - one blue and one adorned with a bunny.
"Graceful entrance much?"
The blond looked up into the skeptical expression on Cid's face and snickered some. "Mom, are you wearing a... bunny slipper?"
A red tint made itself known on Cid's face. "Well, you see, I couldn't find the other one and..."
"Other bunny slipper or other normal slipper?"
"...No comment. Now hurry up and eat breakfast, will ya? I worked hard to make those pancakes this morning. And clean yourself up a little. The 'just rolled out of bed' look isn't very popular anymore." And to get him going, Cid kicked him a little.
Cloud poked his head out of the kitchen wearing an apron and armed with a wooden spoon. "Who worked hard to make the pancakes this morning?" He grumbled, hiffing the spoon at Cid's head.
While the two of them got into yet another of their many fights, Demyx crawled over and heaved himself up onto the table. He wanted to just slam himself face-first into the pancakes, but somehow he seemed to think the parents wouldn't approve. And something in his self-preservation instincts told him that, if he did, something sharp would end up speared in his abdomen, courtesy of Larxene.
He picked up a pancake, examining the surface of it. It was a tan-brown color, with little lumps in odd places, accompanied by holes-
Until a steak knife streaked past and pinned it to the wall.
Demyx glared at his sister. "For one, that could have hit me in the face. For two, I was going to eat tha-"
Larxene picked up a second pancake and jammed it in his open mouth. She grabbed him by the ear, dragged him down the hallway and out the front door. "New home, new school, mush, mush, mush!"
Mullet boy choked on his pancake, trying unsuccessfully to swallow it. "Lark, I'm not dressed yet!" He yelled, twisting out of her grip and running back into the house.
Larxene grumbled, stomping after her brother. The first time she managed to drag him out, he was pulling on a pair of pants. The second time, he had a top. The third, his bag was in hand. The fourth, he had shoes, and they were not going back inside, goddamit.
Despite the embarrassment of being dragged out in various states of dress, Demyx felt comforted by the familiar ritual.
The school bus drove past, and Larxene glared at it. Normally, a person's glare would not be enough to actually do anything, but the sheer power of Larxene's glare had the bus tripping over itself to get back there (putting aside the fact that school buses can't, and don't, trip).
Demyx had been a little worried about getting on the school bus; new kids were always picked on! But then he remembered Larxene. Muahaha, he was safe.
One guy decided it was a good idea to wolf whistle at her. Let's just say his butterflies might need a new home...
Something buzzed in Demyx's jean pocket. "I'm buzzing!" He yelled, only to be shushed by his sister.
"Shush, I'm trying to figure out a way to castrate that bugger without a teacher noticing."
Demyx sighed, pulling out his phone and dramatically flipping it open. Only problem was that he was new to this 'flipping your phone' business and it kind of flew forward and hit some random in the back of the head. He slid down to hide under the seat as the dude yelled, standing up and hiffing the phone back. He cringed as it hit Larxene in the head. There was no saving that dude now. His family would be lucky to get a body.
Demyx just hoped he could get through the day in one piece.
-O.o-
Demyx ran through the classroom door just as the bell rang. He stuttered his apologies to the teacher and sat in what looked like the only empty seat in the classroom, immediately regretting it. The random next to him was attempting to form some sort of experiment with a bunsen burner, never mind the fact they were in maths.
About halfway through the lesson, the intercom speaker above the board buzzed into life and a half bored, half scared voice said, "Could Larxene Strife please report to the principal's office?"
The red-headed random put away his lighter and turned to talk to Demyx, "Strife, huh? She your sister?"
"Yeah..."
"She new, too?"
"Yeah."
"How'd she get into trouble so fast? School only started half an hour ago."
"I'm actually surprised she lasted this long." Demyx admitted.
"Nice..."
It was the start of a friendship, more ugly than beautiful, maybe, but a friendship all the same.
-O.O-
For the sake of Demyx's sanity, we won't recount the next few lessons. Axel practically stalked him, and though it was a little annoying, he was a bit put out when lunch rolled around and Axel unlatched himself from Demyx in favor of another blond. Grr, a challenger appears.
"Rooooxxxyyy!" He yelled from across the cafeteria, tackle-glomping the poor blond-haired boy. "Roxy, c'm'ere and meet my new other little blond buddy!"
'Roxy' smiled apologetically at Demyx. "He got you, too, huh?"
Demyx nodded. "Yup."
"Name's Roxas. Roxas Mizuki. You?"
"Demyx Strife. Nice to meet you."
Roxas grinned, leading them both over to his almost overflowing table. "Demyx, this is Marluxia, Xigbar, Riku, Kairi, Naminé, Sora, Zexion, Yuffie, and, uh..."
"Larxene, but you should know that," Xigbar put in, wrapping his arm around her shoulder.
Demyx's eyes widened; how the hell'd he survived for so long?! And even weirder; Larxene wasn't actively trying to kill him!
"Where is my sister and what have you done with her?" asked Demyx carefully.
"She's looking right at you," said Larxene, meeting his eyes. "Stop being all suspicious will ya?"
"I'm not being all 'suspicious'! Look at you! You're-"
Cue glare.
"Yes ma'am." Demyx averted his eyes and glanced around the table. Sora, Kairi and Yuffie were doing something... Possibly trying to drown a fish. Riku? ...And Naminé was supervising. Marluxia was talking to Xigbar and Axel was hugging Roxas... Apparently against the blond's will if the 'Axel, get. The. Fuck. Off!'s and 'Axel! Stop groping me!'s were anything to go by.
All in all, everybody seemed to be having, if not a good time, then at least an interesting one. Except for the blue-haired kid, who, by process of elimination had to be Zexion. He was just sitting there, silently, with a bit of a scowl on his face. So, Demyx, being the caring people person he was, decided to talk to him.
"Hey, I'm Demyx, the new kid. Nice to meet you!" he said with a grin that only forced.
"I'm Zexion, resident emo kid. Please piss off," the blunet replied, not even making eye contact.
So, Demyx, being the slightly childish person he was, decided to sulk.
Thankfully, Axel came to the rescue. "Hey Demy-kins, you ok-"
Roxas smacked him. "I'm the only one you're allowed to call by nicknames like that!"
"I thought you hated being called nicknames?"
"I do, but I don't want you to call him nicknames. I'm the boyfriend here."
"Boy... Friend?" Demyx echoed quietly.
"Yup!" said Kairi with a grin "Tough luck if you're a homophobe; Axel never lets go of Rox, Riku and Sora are practically glued at the hip, and Marly here is the gayest fruitcake you'll ever meet."
"Oh, don't worry about how we're going to take the gay-ness." Larxene offered "Our mom has a penis."
There was a short pause, then Xigbar lost it laughing, shortly followed by Axel, who then fell off his chair. This set everyone off.
Zexion however, was still silent.
"Cheer up emo kid!" cackled Larxene, throwing her sandwich at him.
"C'mon Lark babe, be nice," Xigbar said, rubbing her shoulder slightly.
Demyx ducked. Literally. He dove under the table, dragging his lunch tray with him for protection. He closed his eyes and blocked his ears; screams of pain didn't really do it for him.
A minute or two later, Demyx felt a hand on his shoulder and opened his eyes to see Axel, one arm holding onto the table top, hanging down to see if his new friend was all right.
"Is it over?" Demyx whimpered.
"Is what over?"
"Larxene... is she still homicidal?"
"She was homicidal?"
The blond peeked over the table to see his sister giggling as Xigbar kissed her cheek... And there was a pink ribbon in her hair.
"I'm gonna be sick!" Demyx scampered out from under the table and raced off towards the bathrooms.
Everyone burst out into wild laughter, bar Zexion who silently left the table, pulling a small notebook from his bag
"G'dammit. I don't even know this kid," he hissed, throwing a half smile over his shoulder at Demyx's retreating form.
-o.o-
Demyx did, indeed, throw up. Multiple times, in fact. It wasn't until Axel and Roxas came in to help, Roxas dragging a reluctant Axel behind him, did Demyx collect his stomach together enough to go off to the next class. History. Great.
"Oh, don't worry about it," Roxas had encouraged him, "Mr. Yen Sid isn't... quite as psycho as he looks... Sorta." He paused, thinking, then winced. "I take that back. Watch out for the bugger."
Yet again for Demyx's mental health, we will skip across the history lesson. Mr. Yen Sid had decided to give them a pop quiz on the great fire of London. Axel thought it was a good idea to set his test paper on fire. God knows how he'd done it; he'd already had at least three lighters confiscated.
They had a lucky break after that; their next class was Music, which was probably the most easy-going class they had.
Mr. Xaldin took one look at Demyx's pleading looks towards the guitars and let him take the lesson. Which pretty much meant that they did nothing at all, unless you counted talking aimlessly and hovering over the guitars, afraid to touch them incase you broke them. In which case you did, Demyx did one hell of a lot. Axel, however, did not. Except for the talking bit.
"Demyx, you know that if you just touch it, it's not going break," Axel pointed out, lounging over roughly four seats smushed together.
"I'm worried about what'll happen after I touch it!" Demyx moaned, staring longingly at a particularly blue guitar.
After a lot of convincing and giving up on Axel's half, Demyx managed to pick up the guitar and strum about three notes before the bell rang, effectively startling him and making him drop the guitar.
"See what I mean!" Demyx groaned, looking despairingly at the instrument. From the ground, it looked like it was laughing at him, teasing him for not being able to play. Demyx would kick it, if it weren't for the fact that he was afraid it would break. He wasn't quite that rich.
Axel swooped past, picking it up and putting it away in the racks where it lived. "C'mon, Demy, let's go."
Demyx nodded, a little put out by that fact he didn't get to play. That guitar was calling out to him!
He was almost to the gate and out the school before Demyx realized that Axel was no longer following him. Worried, and just a little lonely, he doubled back to find him. A few minutes later, he did find him: holding Zexion's book high above his head and reading it aloud.
"Eyes that glitter like the sea when the sun is high,
His hair reminds me of soft sand, fine as castor sugar.
His mannerisms, so sweet and caring; gentle, yet so strong.
He reminds me of chocolate, saccharine and rich,
Complex, yet at the same time clear and simple-"
"Axel!" screamed Zexion, whose forehead was being held back by Axel's outstretched hand.
A dark haired girl in the audience was laughing and yelling wildly, "Kick 'im in the balls! KICK 'IM IN THE BALLS!" (1)
Demyx took her advice. When one is related to Larxene, one learns to kick early on in life, and to kick well.
"I see now why you are so caring, you have two hearts;
Yours and min- Gaaaaarggghh! Mah balls! Mah balls!" Axel went down in a flailing heap, the book falling open on his face.
"So you like reading my stuff, huh?!" Zexion growled and stamped on it ("Mah face! Mah balls! Mah face!"). Without another pause, he picked up the notebook and streaked off before anyone - let alone Demyx - could stop him.
Demyx walked over, helping Axel up. "So what was all that about?"
Axel grunted, holding up a scrap of paper. From what Demyx could see, it was a little off-cut of Zexion's notebook, and bolded, on the very edge of the page, was, "-ngel, Demyx."
Demyx frowned, taking the piece of paper and staring at it. After a little while, it clicked.
"Bitch! Biiitch!" He screamed, pointing accusingly at Axel.
"...Bitch?"
"Yeah; Bastard makes you sound too dignified," Demyx replied, then ran off to see if he could find Zexion, after he had shoved the bit of paper in his pocket, of course.
Axel stared after him. He stared blankly for a little while, before grinning to himself and going off to find Roxas. He had something great to tell him.
-O.o.O-
Demyx sat in the little secluded section between E and F-corridor, staring out the window and into the rain. He sighed, wishing he could be out there but knowing better than to actually go. The other thing plaguing his mind was Zexion. Although the things he'd written were soppy and girly and... poetic, they'd still been kind of... nice...
Out of his peripheral vision, he'd managed to see Zexion racing past the entrance and scooting outside. In a split-second decision, he'd grabbed his bag and was chasing after him.
"Zexi-yon!" He yelled, forcing the aforementioned blunet to freeze and turn, a stony look on his face.
"What?" Zexion growled.
Demyx stumbled, taken aback. "Uhm, well... You okay...?"
"I'm fine..." he mumbled.
There was no pause. There was no break. Demyx simply burst out laughing.
"What?" snapped Zexion.
Through his fits of laughter, Demyx managed to choke out a strangled "That is so... cliché!"
Zexion harrumphed, turning his back on Demyx and walking off.
Demyx composed himself and raced after him. "Zexi!" he reached out to grab him and caught the elbow of his shirt.
"Um..." he said, looking at Zexion's arm as the blunet blushed "What... The hell."
"Well, you see..." Zexion stuttered, trying to pull his sleeve over his forearm and failing. "I have this... aversion, let's say, to... uh... sharp things, and it was the only thing I could find..."
Scattered across his arm were... crayon marks.
Demyx looked at him. "You really are the resident emo..."
"Heh heh... I guess- RUN!" Zexion screeched, snatching Demyx's arm and sprinting off.
"What the hell?!"
"It's the emo luvers!" Zexion gasped.
Demyx looked back at the two girls chasing them. "They don't look so dangerous..."
The two girls widened their arms for hugs. (2)
"RUN!" Demyx agreed, taking the lead.
-o.O.o-
Sadly, there was no escaping the emo luvers. They had to be fended off with jaffas and skittles, something Zexion seemed to have been forced to do many a time before.
When the girls ran off, so hyper from the skittles that they were skipping, acting like aeroplanes and singing the chorus to 'Hum Hallelujah', Zexion kicked close the door to the cupboard they were hiding in and sighed.
"Sorry about that..." he laughed nervously. "They're a little enthusiastic."
"Dun worry about it." Demyx waved a hand.
Zexion gave a small smile, "You know, I haven't known you long, but I really like you." he blushed "Although you already know that... Damn Axel."
Demyx chuckled, "I guess I kinda like you too."
"Heh, maybe we should..."
"Get together?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah, totally."
Silence.
Demyx bit his lip "You were kidding, righ-"
If the kiss he received was anything to go by, Zexion hadn't been kidding. And if the way Demyx kissed back was anything to go by, neither was he.
"Dammit..." said Zexion breathlessly, "We're gonna need more than skittles next time."
"Huh?" Demyx didn't really mind whether or not he got an answer, he could think of much better things for Zexion's lips to be doing.
"Those emo luvers..." he hesitated "Well, they also happen to be Yaoi Fangirls."
"We're dead."
"Oh yah."
It was quite some time before they left the cupboard, and when they did, there was something waiting for them.
"Why, look who just came out of the closet!" cooed Axel.
Larxene sighed dreamily "Mom's going to be so glad, at least he managed to raise one child right." she hugged Xigbar as if to prove her point.
Riku coughed, "Uh, guys, the Yaoi Fangirls are coming."
Zexion's eyes widened, "Closet. Now."
The door slammed.
"Gee guys," Xigbar complained. "Why'd we all have to hide in here?"
"Aw, c'mon Xig!" Axel whined, "It's dark and 'private', perfect for-"
"Uh, Axel..."
"Yes Roxy?"
"That's not my butt you're groping..."
"Who's is it?"
"Mine," snarled Larxene.
Demyx blinked, "EVERYBODY OUT!"
-O.o.o-
It was weeks before the injuries sustained during the Clash of the Closet healed. Zexion and Demyx had been taken down by the fangirls, shortly followed by Axel, Roxas, Riku and Sora.
"I am wearing a dress, why?" grumbled Zexion.
"You are wearing a dress because Axel can't keep his hands to himself and we had to leave the closet to save our lives, resulting in us falling smack bang into the arms of two scary, powerful, hyper and overly energetic fangirls."
"Revenge!" the blunet cried, "I want revenge dammit!"
"You know..." Demyx's eyes sparkled, "Revenge is something I think we can do..."
-o.o.O-
Axel and Roxas arrived at Demyx's house, laughing loudly.
"Gods, Zexi looked soo funny in that dress!" Axel howled, "I wonder if he's still wearing it?"
"I doubt it," Roxas snickered. "They're here on their own..." he waggled his eyebrows.
"Oi! Don't talk about my friends like that" Axel snapped, "I'm the perverted one around here!"
They stopped outside Demyx's bedroom door.
Froze.
"Holy shit," Axel whispered, "You were right! Get me a glass!"
"Why a glass?" Roxas asked sceptically
"So we can hear better. Plus, my video camera broke... Now, go!"
Roxas scampered down the stairs and back up again, now carrying a glass for each of them.
Axel put the cup on the door and then his ear to the cup, managing to catch;
"Just let me get comfortable, then you can do whatever you want." (3)
The red-head gasped, "The Horror! Roxy, come listen to this!"
Roxas joined Axel with his own glass.
"I'm not going to fit in!"
"You'll fit dammit! Just push!"
"Not going in! I told ya!"
"It's going in if I have anything to say about it!"
Axel panicked,
"Who's who? I can't tell by their voices! I want to know who the uke is!" (The fangirls had been expanding their vocabulary)
"Ten bucks says it's Demyx."
"Twenty on Zexion."
"Deal. But you're an idiot, there's no way Zexion would make those noises!"
"Shh. Trying to hear here!"
"Just shove up a little, I'm a bit uncomfortable with you there." (4)
"We're almost there, just a little further, suck it in!"
"I can feel it, I can feel it! Almost there!"
"Argh! Not my knee would ya! That hurts- Ah!" (5)
"Yes! We got it!"
"I know!"
"I told you I'm good at this!"
"You sure are... What do you think?"
"Hmm, tight."
"Yeah... I thought so too."
"All right! This has gone on long enough!" hissed Axel, "I'm going in!"
He threw open the door.
"Gee guys! If you invite people over, it's impolite to suddenly start bopping like bun-nies... Oh."
Both Zexion and Demyx were fully dressed, staring at him with raised eyebrows.
"You're... Not having hot, sweaty butt secks?"
"Nuu..." Demyx's eyebrow reached his hairline.
"Then what were you doing?"
"Demyx's new pants were a little tight, I was helping him get dressed..."
"Oh."
Both Axel and Roxas blushed at their stupidity.
"We'll be going then... Bye!" squeaked Roxas, grabbed Axel's elbow and dragging him out of the house.
They were half-way down the street before either of them could think straight.
"Wait..." said Axel suspiciously, "Why exactly was Zexion helping Demyx get dressed?"
"I dunno," shrugged Roxas, "He must have wanted to get out of that dress."
Pause.
"Demyx..." Axel stuttered.
"Wasn't the one wearing the dress," finished Roxas.
"BUTT SECKS!!" Axel squealed, sprinting back to the scene with Roxas in tow.
"It's Zexion, Zexion I tell you-" they burst through Demyx's bedroom door to find the room empty.
"Hey, wha's that?" Roxas pointed at a small piece of paper on the bed. Axel leaned forward to read it.
'cya suckerzz'
-O.o-
End Notes:
Zu: Well, kiddies, that was it!
Bu: It's been fun, but I'm afraid we have to go.
Zu: So remember to comment, and spread the Z-Day cheer and- I'm going to stop sounding so cheesy now XD
Bu: Yeah, I think that would be a good idea... -inches away slowly- And here, we leave you with some /wonderful/ footnotes, courtesy of Bu and Zu
Zu: Is very happy that her computer has decided to play nice -puts away hammer-
Bu: Um... right... Well, before bits go flying in random directions, let's skip straight to them lovely footies, ne?
Zu: Hai! (1):… ((What was '1' again?))
Bu: ((Kick 'im in the balls!))
Zu: Ah, yes. (1): The dark-haired girl is actually Bu. I was sitting there writing that scene and she was yelling out KICK 'IM IN THE BALLS! Over and over again, quite entertaining really...
Bu: Hehe, yup, that was fun nn (2): The two emo luvers? That's us. Emo luvers to the end!!
Zu: And further! (3): Okay, the other night me and Bu and Ta were in my room, a-hanging out and I asked Ta if I could sit on her, "Just let me get comfortable, then you can do whatever you want." is a direct quote.
Bu: (4): Yeah, and then while Ta was being lay'd on, she said, "Just shove up a little will ya, it's a bit uncomfortable there." Honestly, those two were a gold mine!
Zu: That we are... (the shove up a little thing was cos I was squishing her XD) (5): Yet another quote from us, I kinda sat on her knee...
Bu: And that's all we should have to say! Well, it's all I really want to say, coz I have homework to do and I'm already an hour and twenty minutes past my self-induced bed-time -- (And I have homework!!)
Zu: Self-induced bed-times are bad things indeed. Ja-a!
Bu: -Smiles and waves- Don't forget to review! Both of us shall grace you with our replies!!