Humble
A sand-colored minivan rode swiftly along the narrow road between golden fields of summer wheat. The sun was slowly finishing its journey through heavens and setting down behind the horizon, dying the blue sky above in red, orange and golden.
The only car on the countryside road suddenly started to slow down, emitting cracking sounds. With a cloud of dust, the minivan froze on the side of the dusty road, not a sound coming from its engine.
"Damn it!" a green-haired woman slid a hand through her face, pressing upon her eyes.
For the second day she had been on the road and her estimations seemed correct on the amount of gas she would use for the journey. Well, they failed miserably. C.C was officially out of gas and the nearest station was mere fifty kilometers away. The woman shut her eyes tight and took a few calming breaths of air. Then removed a strand of dazzling green hair from her porcelain face, stroking it down to the very end that laid messy on the white summer dress. C.C then sighed and unbelted herself. Now she had a freedom to look around and see a small girl, sleeping on the back seat, hugging a big, yellow stuffed lump of smiling cheese they came to call Cheesy-kun. She had her deep raven hair were done into two fluffy plaits that fell across her shoulders and down onto a tiny white dress, very similar to C.C's. The skin of both was remarkably alike, as was the form of their faces and the girl even had that graceful outline on her neck, as had C.C, that made her look proud and a little arrogant when she was awake. They both looked like an opposite copies of each other, and the older one was even reflecting the warm grin of the sleeping one that was smiling to the pleasant dream behind her lids.
C.C was smiling genuinely, her usually cold and stoic golden eyes now filled with softness and love for her only treasured daughter. She hugged the back of her seat and laid her heavy, sleepless head on her elbow with a tired, yet content sigh. She was still gazing at her peacefully sleeping daughter, enlightened with the golden rays of the setting sun. Her tiny porcelain toes moved near the finished pizza boxes and her smile widened as C.C tried to guess what she was dreaming of.
Perhaps the dream was reminiscent of a ballet classes she took when they were staying in Odessa and the little girl had been dreaming of becoming a historic dancer, who would perform Swan Lake to audiences of thousands, and she was seeing it now, the grand stage of Paris C.C told her about.
Or perhaps she was again running around on huge flat rocks at hot springs' area somewhere in China and splashing water with her feet as she sat on the stone and then watching again how steam built up upon her momentarily formed reflection. And then maybe she was again jumping right into her mother's arms, back into almost boiling water and swimming around, imagining she was a little, red-haired mermaid C.C read her about before sleep.
Or, by an off chance, she was seeing herself, running around the garden of a small mountain house, her father running after her in play, but failing to catch up. Because C.C told her all about her father: how he could foresee thirty outcomes in a chess game, but failed to sprint thirty meters without nearly suffocating.
The corners of C.C's eyes fell a little and now her smile became sad and painful.
Teresa's father.
-x-
A year ago...
C.C was sitting on a small foot-bridge above a vast lake that bore the shade of red, golden and deep purple in the light of the nearly vanished sun. Her golden dress was a bit played with by a soft early summer wind that did not leave her green loose hair alone either. C.C closed her eyes to the cool feeling of her toes touching the surface of the lake, ripples distorting the reflection of the forest and the sunset on the opposite shore.
The sounds of hazy birds' chirping and a soft lullaby of evening grasshoppers were disturbed by series of thuds into wood. C.C instantly recognized the step of her daughter and turned around to look at the miniature, but darker, copy of herself, running with a small box in her hands.
"Mommy" she smiled after having stopped running "I have a question" she announced and C.C could not fail to notice the same inquisitive spark in Teresa's purple eyes her late father had had long ago.
"Do tell" C.C sighed, watching the box with black-and-white cubes all over with a slight suspicion. Teresa sat down beside her mother and put the box on her knees. When she opened it, C.C saw with a shock that it was a box, full of black-and-white chess.
"Are you all right, Mommy?" Teresa frowned at her with a worry, so unlike to her both parents. C.C figured it was an instant shock and perhaps her face going pale so suddenly that Teresa noticed and now looked alarmed at her mother's reaction.
"It's nothing. What was it you wanted to ask me?" C.C cleared her throat, stuffing the ball that suddenly stuck inside and took a deep breath, returning to her usual, confident composure.
Lelouch used to play chess all the time...
"Tell me again...which was Daddy's favorite piece" Teresa smiled again, relieved that her mother was alright.
"King" C.C answered instantly, her insides falling into a painful emptiness from a sudden wave of nostalgia and sadness.
"Why?" Teresa asked, picking up one of the bigger black pieces that had a cross on its top.
"Because" C.C hesitated, closing her eyes to the vivid memory of Lelouch, saying the very same words to her years ago, unbuttoning his shirt while doing so "if there is no king, people will be at a loss" she gulped once again, bitting her lip "if the king does not advance, his people will not follow"
"Wow" Teresa held the black piece high in front of the last rays of blazing sun, her eyes overflowing with admiration "Mister Circos at the inn told me that the king can only advance one square at the time, but is the most powerful and important piece on the board" Teresa giggled, waving her legs above the water. C.C watched her daughter inspecting other pieces in the box and retelling all that the master of the inn they were staying at told her about the game. The witch's smile softened and became deeply understanding: how could she have thought otherwise about her little daughter's abilities?
"Should I teach you?" she asked, making Teresa freeze in a sudden astonishment "to play"
The girl closed the box, put it aside and leapt into her mother's embrace. This wordless thank you finally brought C.C's tears that had built up ever since she had seen the inquisitive determination in her daughter's eyes. She was so much like him after all.
-x-
C.C's vivid memory was shaken off by herself as she turned back to the front window and tried to look for any possible solutions to her current situation.
Kururugi Suzaku was the first person to come to her mind. Surely, if she would just pick up the cell phone and dialed his safe number, he would think of something to help her out. But C.C knew before she had considered Suzaku that she will not call for his help.
The best friend of Lelouch had been carrying the weight of the Zero mask with praiseworthy determination, including the outlaw life that came along with it. And since the original Zero had died, in the eyes of those who knew Zero's true identity, C.C had no reason to stay around with Suzaku. Not after she had had shown such deep devotion to Lelouch. And now, if by any chance their contact would be spotted, Suzaku's authority and identity would be endangered.
The green-haired woman sighed. The weight of responsibility she felt for Lelouch's death had not become lighter by a gram. Of course, it was by far smaller than the responsibility she felt for Teresa, now that she had to be both mother and father to her, but still big enough to keep her from destroying Lelouch's best friend's life completely. He would not want to see Suzaku suffering more than he did now.
-x-
7 years ago...
"Don't do it" were the first words of Kururugi Suzaku as he entered the underground room and removed his mask. He had obviously read C.C's message on what she had planned, now that her belly was clearly visible. The witch sighed and buried her teeth into another slice of pizza. At her feet, near the couch, stood a full bag and Cheesy-kun ramming onto it.
"It was not a request for permission" she noted after swallowing the piece.
"And this is not an order" Suzaku pulled off his black cloak and hung it on a folding hanger "it could be called a plea"
C.C watched him put the mask on a holder and sit into a deep armchair and could not help but think about Lelouch. Her hand trembled a bit when she put the slice down to the box and crossed arms over her edged abdomen.
"I do not want it to be born in a place like this" she showed to the underground room Suzaku had been using as a home for security purposes and which C.C had joined when she found out she was pregnant. Suzaku took her in quite happily: perhaps the thought of taking his best friend's flesh and blood under his care had been a sort of repentance for what he did.
"I can arrange a false identity for you here, in Japan, and you can raise the child on a single culture" he looked desperate already. C.C could not fail to notice his heavy eye lids, messy hair and greyish skin: the double life was getting to him hard, even though it was only three months.
"Think of what you just said" C.C stood up and started pacing around the room. She felt warm and sweat was already flushing her forehead "Tokyo is full of Black Knights and any other city or town is no better. Everyone saw me alongside Lelouch during his short reign. And now I am pregnant. What do you think they will do about this child?" she stroke swiftly through her womb, tears slightly glistening in her golden orbs: immortal witch or not, she still could not fight the hormone imbalance.
Suzaku seemed to have accepted her point. He pushed himself up, walked over to her and put his palm on her belly. She did not look up at his eyes, but simply put her own hand on his.
"I don't want this child growing up in a fear of a bullet" she whispered, tears already streaming down her porcelain cheeks "no one deserves this fate. Lelouch knew it. I do too. So do you"
"I know" Suzaku whispered. He looked softly, yet sadly at the place where their hands met and sighed "please don't let him forget about his father"
"I won't" C.C turned around, picked up her bag and Cheesy-kun and walked past frozen Suzaku, her hair brushing through his shoulder.
"C.C" he called out before she stepped out of the door.
"The child will not have the Code...or Geass if he would choose so. I want Lelouch's offspring growing in a world with the advancing time" the witch preceded his question. When Suzaku spoke again, his voice felt lighter than before.
"If anything goes wrong...contact me...please"
"Thank you" C.C whispered, tears spilling out again. She left him standing there, behind the cold metal door of even colder underground room.
-x-
After that, C.C had only contacted Suzaku twice, and just to update on Teresa's growth. Both adults agreed that more frequent contact would jeopardize the well-being of all three, because there already were rumors of a green-haired lady, traveling with a child, highly reminiscent of the deceased Lelouch of Atrocities. C.C had a feeling Suzaku had been doing all he could to prevent the spread of rumors this accurate, but the united world did not seem to have any scruples about the happiness of those, related to Lelouch.
C.C sighed once again, folding her arms on the wheel and resting her head on them, her empty golden look fixed on an imaginary point in front of her. People rarely passed this road, not to mention someone who could tow them to the nearest gas station. Suzaku's help was out of the question: besides being dangerous, the contact with him would be impossible, considering he would be somewhere on Britannia's mainland and she was at the south part of former Czech Republic. And beside him, C.C could not think of anyone else to help her and Teresa. They were alone. C.C now felt more alone than ever, failing to bring her daughter to the next point where they might try to settle down, but fail in the end. So many places, so many people, so many failures.
Ever since she left Japan, C.C had never stayed at one place for more than half a year. She gave birth to Teresa at an old shack, with a help of even older woman, who lived secluded from everyone else and did not seemingly know about the war, Lelouch or anything else beyond her forest. C.C was thankful to that odd loner, but her instinct led her away from the safe shelter three months after Teresa was born, and into the depths of continental Asia. Working one job after another, C.C managed to feed herself and Teresa when she could no longer breast-feed her. The witch even helped to rebuild a church in an old Russian village, for which she had received a train ticket to Odessa.
A smirk formed on C.C's lips when she remembered smiling and thankful faces of the villagers and a touch of her four-year-old daughter on her knee as she gripped her mother's skirt. Since when had C.C become so humble as to help somebody with something and expect nothing much in return? She threw another glance on the back seat, where Teresa was still sleeping, now illuminated by a deeper orange color of the sun, and turned back to stare ahead, watching wheat dance in the mute wind.
When had it been when she learned to be genuinely humble?
-x-
C.C was lying in a large bed, warm blankets covering the lower part of her porcelain body, while the other half was being kept warm by a crackling fire in the fireplace. She listened to the steady sound of breathing behind her and could feel an inch of soft skin interacting with hers. A secretive smile formed on the witch's lips and she whispered to the semidarkness:
"Are you regretting this?"
No answer came from the other side of the bed, only a halt in the breathing. She waited, anxiety building up inside her. But then she felt the other body rolling over and the warm skin attaching to her back, an arm securing her tightly. A voice, deep and confidant, flowed into her ear:
"How can I be?" Lelouch sounded more content than she had ever heard him before and it made C.C's heart stir with happiness "I'm in love with the most beautiful witch ever"
"Your witch would like her warlock to stay with her" C.C put all her wishes to that one sentence, already knowing the answer she will hear. Lelouch lifted himself up on one arm, gently pushing C.C with another, so she would face him. He looked down at the woman under him, his blazing purple eyes fixing onto golden stoic ones. He bent down to kiss her lightly, intending to put a lot of unsaid things into that one kiss. And C.C did understand what he meant, because she kissed him back, putting her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss.
Still, tears were rolling down her face, both from happiness of finally being loved and love in return...and sadness of slowly loosing this connection.
-x-
C.C caught herself on the verge of bursting into tears and held them back just in time. It seemed ironic that she had guts to survive and pull herself and Teresa out of starvation's grip, but failed to think of a way to fix a no-gas problem. C.C thought that she was becoming quite pathetic: it was hard enough to accept oneself as weak whenever she looked at her daughter's eyes that had the exact same shade of purple as her father. But now the dead engine was getting to her as well. Where was the woman, who would scold anyone, daring to doubt the necessity of her presence by Zero's side? Where had her irony and sarcasm gone? She was so gentle to Teresa that she had forgotten to bitch-slap everyone around, who dared to come closer to her. She was so drenched in protecting her precious daughter from the cruelties of the world that she did not realize how truly alone she had become. C.C did not even have a contact with anyone from World of C, not even Lelouch, whom she tried reaching ever since he had passed over. But it seemed that her beloved warlock had gone somewhere on...somewhere, where she was not allowed to go.
C.C looked at Teresa again, her chin still comfortably resting on Cheesy-kun. To witch's eyes, she was worth every bit of hardship C.C went through during these seven years. Even that heart-rendering longing for the past that accompanied every step. C.C imagined Teresa's eyes opening now and felt that maybe she would burst into a hysteria from that purple infinity, so she turned away and put her forehead on the folded arms on the wheel. She clapped her eyes shut and tried desperately not to think about the past, but concentrate on the present.
Why would her car run out of gas at this point? Was she doing something wrong? Was she being a bad mother to her daughter? Suzaku's words about raising Teresa on a single culture echoed through C.C as if she was standing near a church bell. Growing up on a single culture meant you had home. But where would their home be?
Japan, where they will be pursued without mercy and if not, Teresa will never take a single step without being neglected and becoming an outcast.
China, that still carried a great deal of grudge against Lelouch.
Britannia's mainland, which was suicidal.
EU...where C.C had been hunted, burned, stabbed and tortured.
But somewhere south of France would be ideal for Teresa to grow up. C.C had been thinking about it over and over during sleepless nights, and every time she remembered France and her home village, her body would sting all over, reminding her of pain she had felt.
When thinking about the possible destinations did not help, C.C dwelled off into thoughts about Lelouch. She often imagined him just coming from around the corner or getting of a passing bus, and then finding her with his deep gaze and scold her for being nearly impossible to track down. Other times she hoped he would enter a room she and Teresa were staying in, lie down beside her and hug them both, and C.C imagined she would finally sleep without a worry in her heart. But these thoughts would often drive her to tears that would not stop.
And then she prayed. She would lie in the darkness, Teresa cuddled in her embrace, and whisper long pleas to someone who would never answer. Pleas for her daughter's safety and Lelouch's soul to be spared. For he had done nothing wrong. He brought future to the world, in which his daughter, his innocent child, could now live and aim for even more distant future. He had done nothing wrong. He had died for the world. He had to be spared.
Involuntary, she was praying even now, sitting in the minivan, her face down on her folded arms. Praying for the answer of what should she do. Should she settle down and let Teresa try and have a real life, or should they continue wondering aimlessly around the world, hiding from the world Lelouch died while saving.
God, what would Lelouch do?
Another sound crashed the perfect silence of the golden fields that were now becoming colored in dark amber. C.C did not raise her head to look what it was, because she did not want to realize it was all a dream, that she had not heard heavy wheels rustling past her and its breaks squeaking slightly as it stopped in front of her. Few minutes later, C.C heard a soft tap on the window and finally she had to admit, with a great amount of relief, that it was not just a dream. She opened her eyes, sighed and opened the door of the car, leaning forward to evade the roof.
"Did something happen to your car?" a senile, grey-haired farmer looked at C.C with tender eyes, pipe steaming in his teeth. His English was distorted with slavic tongue, but it did not bother the witch much.
"I...ran out of gas. I was wondering if you could tow us to the gas station?" she showed to the farmer's truck. The old man let out a scoff.
"Lady, it is late already. Stay in my house tonight. I have an extra canister in my garage. Me and my wife will not be bothered with a couple of visitors. No one comes to us too often" he bent his head slightly to sleeping Teresa behind the window.
"Thank you" C.C smiled weakly. She thought that she had been thanking people a lot lately and wondered wether it was for the better.
The farmer tied a rope to the minivan's grid and slowly drove off, towing it behind. C.C was sitting behind the wheel, her heart pounding while she was dealing the number on her cell phone. She threw one last look at the girl in the back seat and pushed the green button.
"Suzaku" she said silently, still hesitating. He waited patiently for her further thought "about those false identities..." she spoke as if the conversation about them took place only yesterday. C.C could already imagine him gloating.
"I need French citizenship for Teresa and Cassandra Lamperouge. Yes, I'm sure. It sounds French enough...I'm not too far. I'll be able to meet with you in a week. And Suzaku..." she looked back again for a moment "I want you to visit us. I think...this is our final stop"
"You know, Lelouch would be proud of you" were the last words Suzaku spoke before hanging up.
C.C was startled by a sudden touch to a shoulder by a gentle hand of her daughter.
"Who were you talking to, Mommy?" Teresa yawned, hugging her mother's neck from behind "and why are we being towed?"
"Teresa, we are going home" she whispered "uncle Suzaku will come to visit us too"
"Really?! And he can tell me all about Daddy?" Teresa kissed her mother onto cheek "where will we live?"
"At your mother's old home" she said, smiling to the purple, content eyes she had seen so long ago.
"Love you, Mommy" Teresa whispered "you know, I had a dream about Daddy. He told me to tell you he loves you very much"
"Really" C.C could feel her cheek being stained by a path of a single tear "next time, tell him I love you both...very much"